Sailor Moon Episode 13 - Girl Power! The End of Jadeite

Friday, friday, friday. Most people would go out and drink, or see a movie, or go out with a loved one. Or all of those things, given the end of the year-ness. But me? I'd rather watch things that make me want to beat my face into a bloody pulp.

So once more we are go for some Sailor Moon. I refuse to add 'goodness' to that statement, because so far I just want to punch myself in the face for this. Let's see how this goes.

Sailor Moon Episode 12 - I want a Boyfriend, Too! A Trap on a Luxury Cruise Ship

Last posts were early in December, which is always a busy month. But if I am going to be getting pageviews, I need to do one or more of the following things:

- Post on a consistent schedule
- Come up with some crazy new gag that gets all the kids laughing
- Animal/Human sacrifices (depending on availability, vegetables are sadly not in much demand for the elder gods it seems)
- Aggressive internet campaign about how this is the bestest blog ever and you should read it or else you will die

Obviously, some of these are a tad more challenging than others. Also, some of those are downright cost-ineffective (have you seen how much a human sacrifice goes for these days? Don't even get me started on live goats).

Sailor Moon Episode 11 - Usagi vs. Rei? A Nightmare in Dreamland

Because I quite clearly did not cause enough mental scarring to myself last night, I'm going to be doing one more today. Perhaps a few more tomorrow, depending on how my day goes (and how much I hate myself by the end of it).

So according to today's episode in thirty seconds, something about a doll-like monster who uses an amusement park to steal girls' dreams. I'm fairly sure that if you can compress an entire twenty-minute episode into 30 seconds, you must be doing something very wrong. Why even bother to show us this crap after you've shown us how the entire episode is about to go? Additional: This is starting to make me want to do a Sailor Moon: The Abridged. Assuming someone hasn't beaten me to that punch already. (Oh god damn it all. Seems they're following the English version of the show however, so there may be hope for me yet.)

Kodomo No Jikan Episode 03 - Fast Rise

You ever have one of those friends that you make a deal with, fully expecting that they won't follow through on their part of the bargain thereby leaving you off the hook, then they immediately turn around do do the exact opposite of what you expect them to?

Welcome to the reason I am watching the third episode of KnJ. Perhaps if I had a bottle of alcohol to keep me company, this might actually be tolerable. Sadly, I don't, but I hate myself anyways so why the hell not. Let's get this over with.

Sailor Moon Episode 10 - Cursed Buses! Fire Warrior Mars Appears

In the forecast for today: A double dose of PAIN, followed by a little bit of agony, with a 15% chance of skull fractures. I've decided to just go ahead and do the next episode because why the hell not. Also, I need to be prepared for when I finally get around to doing the movies (of which, thankfully, there are only two, and even more thankfully, are ONLY an hour long apiece). But I'll burn those bridges when I get to them.

So, this episode is listed as being 'uncut'. Now, when I see the words 'uncut' beside an episode, the first thought to my mind is, zomg, there must be some boobies shown. But this has not been the case for the last two episodes listed as such (episodes 04 and 06), so thus far I am disappoint. It is almost as though the universe is attempting to reverse-troll me, in some weird way.

Sailor Moon Episode 09 - Usagi's Misfortune! Watch Out For The Rushing Clocks

So, I've been on vacation for the last few days, and it struck me: I am beginning to enjoy myself entirely too much. Sure, things haven't gone exactly as planned, but it's been missing a bit of, oh, what's the word I'm looking for? Pain? Yes. Entirely not enough pain.

Let's fix that shall we?

An odd thing is that half the time for most anime, I tend to skip the intros unless they are really, really good. But this one? It's really so-so. Yet, I force myself to watch it. Why, you ask? Well, for one it gives me like, a minute to think of something witty to say, but mostly, it's just me bracing myself for a brain hemorrhage.

Sailor Moon Episode 08 - Is the Genius Girl a Yoma? The Brainwashing Cram School

Clearly, I have been lax as of late in my punishments to myself. There are numerous reasons for this, such as life being unusually cruel to me, as well as not wishing to inflict bodily harm upon myself while watching anime. Or I could just blame it on the video games (Minecraft is addicting, and Planetside 2 has been so good to me even in beta). Or the fact that Bond movies are way more entertaining (except for The Living Daylights, blech). But you know, those things don't matter.

The only thing that matters in this blog: PAIN. So here we go.

Sailor Moon Episode 07 - Usagi Learns a Lesson! The Road to Stardom is Tough

Okay, so it's like, really cold out, and it's pretty late at night, and I figure why should I reward myself with something nice like a video game or a tv show I actually want to watch? No, I should watch some more Sailor Moon, because I really seem to enjoy hurting myself. Masochism is the in-thing.

Episode preview says: There's a monster who's totally going to... force people to perform Cinderella? Wait, seriously? And now in addition to the episode overview, we're now getting quick recaps of how she got her powers and all that, which you know just eats up more time. Normally, I hate these kinds of things. Actually, I still do. But at least the silver lining here is that's like, 30 seconds less of this show I actually have to force myself to tolerate, so there's a bonus.

Kodomo no Jikan 02 - A Smile As Reward

So, according to some people, I have clearly not punished myself quite nearly enough this week. You know what that means? It's time for another episode of pedo-rape. Because let's just be honest with ourselves here, the kids are the ones in control here, not the adult. Which is pretty messed up in and of itself, I assure you.

YOU ARE THE CRUEL THINGS.

Sailor Moon Episode 06 - Protect the Melody of Love! Usagi is a Cupid

After that last one, I had to take some deep soul searching and ask myself: Why do I hate myself so? Why would my friends ask me to watch something like that? And more importantly, how in the hell am I ever going to manage to finish it?

The answer is to keep going on with Sailor Moon. Because at least it is less brain-scarring than that last show. With that in mind, let's move onto the next episode.

Kodomo no Jikan Episode 01 - A Friendly Step

Alternate title: Expanding My Horizons For Hating Myself.

It would appear that some of my so-called 'friends' feel as though my descent into madness is too slow. They would wish it to be accelerated by exposing me to other 'shows'.

One of my friends, we shall call him Peter, is perhaps the worst friend you could ever have (in the best kind of way, does that even make sense? Probably not). Of course, I have no proof of this. Yet. I get the feeling though, that by the end of this, I am going to want to destroy something cute and cuddly. Perhaps a box of baby rabbits.

I know pretty much nothing about this show. Except that it is almost universally reviled. I saw a topic posted on anidb.com referring to it as "The worst show in the world." Sounds like a pretty perfect fit for this particular blog.

Sailor Moon Episode 05 - A Monster's Scent! Chanela Steals Love

It is that time again, when I hate myself enough to subject my poor brain to another episode of Blondie In Tokyo Screws Up. I only have 196 episodes left to go, so no time like the present, may as well try and slog through it.

If I've never mentioned just how much I hate 'episode previews', or in this case, 'episode overviews', then let me just take a couple minutes and go over that. I HATE EPISODE OVERVIEWS. I AM WATCHING THE EPISODE BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE HOW THINGS ARE GOING TO UNFOLD, I DON'T NEED TO SEE THE ENTIRE THING CONDENSED IN ABOUT TWENTY SECONDS BEFORE I WATCH THE STUPID THING. IT IS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY AND A WASTE OF EVERYONE'S TIME.

Sailor Moon Episode 04 - Usagi Will Teach You How To Lose Weight!

Welcome once again to another wonderful session of beating myself in the eyeballs with old anime. I would probably post these more often if it wasn't for the fact that, for the average 20-minute episode, it takes me nearly an hour to get this whole thing written up. Also, between Borderlands 2 and a newfound love for Civilization V, let's just say I've been busy.

But please, we're here to watch old anime! So let's get this thing started. Based on the title, I'm just going to go out on a limb and suggest that maybe they were trying to teach kids that there's more to life than just sitting inside and watching television, so you can be bombarded by lots and lots of commercials that make you want to scream to your parents that there is this awesome cool new thing that you just HAVE TO HAVE. But I dunno, maybe they're going to touch on some, y'know, serious issues here.

Sailor Moon Episode 3 - Mysterious Sleeping Illness, Protect the Girls' Hearts in Love

Welp, after a few weeks of recovery, I'm ready to take this thing on again, so episode three is go!

Who comes up with the titles for these things anyways? It's like they're trying to just describe the entire thing in a small sentence. I mean, I'm well aware that with Japanese, you can convey a lot of things with only a few characters.

But when it looks like this? Dear lord, someone needs to be slapped in the face.

Sailor Moon Episode 2 - Punish Them! The House of Fortune is the Monster Mansion

Once again, it's time to put myself through another episode of the classic Sailor Moon. After last episode, I was left feeling kind of okay. I mean, I've watched way worse. But then again, I'm sure I will want to gouge my eyes out soon enough, so let's see what happens.

Ah, so this episode seems to be showing us everything that's going to happen before the episode plays. I've never, ever thought of that as a good thing, but considering the show is probably aimed at a younger demographic, I guess it makes sense. But is it really necessary to know Usagi's blood type, astrological sign, and pretty much everything about her character we probably would've gleaned if we'd watched the previous episode? No. But then again, I guess even back in the early '90s, people figured that the average person's attention span is what, twenty minutes at best?

Sailor Moon Episode 1 - Crybaby Usagi's Magnificent Transformation

Oh god, here we go. The first episode of Sailor Moon. Of course, for reference, I am watching this in Japanese. Which makes me feel strange, because the song is so similar, yet entirely different. Heck, one might even say it is kind of an improvement.

So it opens up with young girls in skimpy outfits who are likely to get the crap beaten out of them. There are also cats. God bless Japan. I am a little disappointed, though. I kind of miss the FIGHTING EVIL BY MOONLIGHT, SEEKING LOVE BY DAYLIGHT, NEVER RUNNING FROM A REAL FIGHT-ness of the English version, but that's okay. If it doesn't make me immediately want to punch a clown in the face, I'll take it. This is acceptable.

Welcome to Moonlight Punishment - Or, why do I hate myself so much?

Sometimes, there are ideas you come up with that are so terrible, you have no choice but to follow through with them, for whatever reasons of insanity you may devise. In my case, it started as a really bad idea, but then it evolved into something truly terrible.

My goal is to watch every single episode of Sailor Moon, and every single movie. And I'm going to tell you about it.

"Oh, what's so exciting about that?" you may ask. Well, let me tell you why: A long time ago, when I was a tyke and there was this channel called USA Network playing anime on it, they had the English adaption of Sailor Moon. To many, this is pretty much a bastardization of the show, as many key details were omitted, episodes cut, and lesbians removed (a shame, to be certain).

I also vaguely recall enjoying the show immensely. Imagine my surprise, then, some years later when I decide to try and watch it, and find myself unable to get past the first ten minutes of the pilot episode. I think I wanted to tear my ears off.

Now, I'm not saying that this is a bad show. I have some very fond memories of it. But I also have to admit that it does some pretty terrible things. Or has really crappy animation. Or uses a lot of stock footage. The point is, it's not a great show by today's standards.

So I'm going to force myself to watch through this monstrosity, likely peppering with my comments on each episode. Because really, what fun would it be otherwise? (Author's note: Probably not a whole lot of fun.)

I will admit, this is a rather daunting task I have set in front of myself. But if I can manage to make it all the way through Macross (yes, the original '70s Macross, with all of its wonderful animation and unforgettable characters), I think that, maybe, just maybe, I can make it through this. Somehow.

I may require alcohol for this.

Hold me, mommy. I'm scared.