Sailor Moon S Episode 35 - The Horror of the Approaching Shadow! Eight Soldiers in Tough Battle

I feel like I make a lot of excuses around here for not doing things. On the one hand though, can you blame me? I've seen some shit in these parts. And I mean some shit.

But on the other hand, a lot of times I feel completely justified in being late. Because you know what sucks? Not being able to use any USB devices. I'm fairly certain you can imagine just how difficult that can make life sometimes. Especially when that problem is the main thing keeping you from going insane as you work the graveyard shift, sitting on your ass doing literally nothing for nine hours on any given night.

Or longer, if you wind up having to pull a double.

I have yet to find a fix for this issue, unfortunately, and after banging my head against the wall yesterday, I'm taking a break. Just long enough to take out my anger and frustration out on something deserving. Like Sailor Moon.

One step closer to my goal. Here's to another mark on the wall.

According to today's preview, today is "the final showdown".

... but wait, you may say, there are still three more episodes after this!

To which I reply, "yes, you are absolutely correct, there are three more episodes after this!"

This tells me three things:

- This battle will last, at the least, three episodes, with the final one being the epilogue.
- This battle will last one to two episodes before THE REAL VILLAIN emerges and they have to fight HIM.
- This really is the final battle and they are going to use the next three episodes to set up for the next season which is probably inevitable at this point.

My money is it being some weird combination of all three - where the fight that starts today ends on the next episode but leads into the FINAL final boss which will conclude on THAT next episode, and in turn become an epilogue so they can spend the final episode stroking themselves silly over the next season they have planned.

Because we've seen they have a brilliant f***ing track record with that so far.

They start off the episode pretty much right where they left off. With the end of the world or something like that.

"So, hi, welcome to our universe and all that. Feel free to,
I dunno, destroy it on a whim and all that?"

But from the looks of things, his little Messiah seems a lot less awake and a lot more... well, doped up. Kinda has that blank stare in her eyes, like the lights are on but no one is home. It gets even weirder, if you can believe it, when we see what the next step of the plan is.

You ever get the impression two different teams were working
on the same scene? Because the background is different.

Upon further investigation, that image from the top is actually part of the one on the bottom. It just makes absolutely no sense when you consider it is just a very small portion of it re-arranged in a manner that is completely different. There is no excuse for this, short of a lazy art director.

Anyways, they put the grail on a giant test tube thingy and "the light of shadow will shine upon the Tau Nebula".

Two minutes in and we've already said something incredibly stupid. Awesome.

The point of this all, in case you were wondering, is so they can summon their great master...

... you're calling it what.

I can kind of get that you were aiming for something vaguely star-related to name your final villain. Give it the name of a star or whatever. Sure. But... Pharoah 90? Really? What the hell kind of name is that? That's... that's just stupid even by your own standards Japan! Come on, step up your game! You're supposed to be master storytellers damn it all, ACT LIKE IT!

Oh yeah and Mamoru is still holding his future daughter and looking like he's been blazing it up pretty hard.

I'm deducting points from you again because goddamn you
look like a pedo-loving creep again. STOP THAT!

And just for good measure, we finally get a look at what's really going on with that background by finding out it's... not so much a background?

I am still of the opinion it is very, very dumb. And inconsistent.

Cue the evil laughter, and forget about a title screen because we're right back to those girls standing on a deserted roadway looking at that school that blew up and going "WE R HERO".

They exchange glances, and head right into the transformation sequences.... again.

I can see why they'd do this, but I think that, if they hadn't done it LAST episode, this would be way more effective. Instead, it feels like they're just copying themselves by lazily inserting the first part of the transformation sequence, which transitions into their title slide.

Also, forget what I said last episode about long titles. THIS ONE IS SOMEHOW EVEN LONGER!

Okay seriously I think this is just becoming a thing now, where
each title is progressively longer than the last.

Anyways, we return to our episode with a girl in a sailor suit flying a helicopter without any regards to safety.

Actually I take that back. They seem prepared for an on-board
fire, which is like, one regard I guess?

Neptune holds Uranus' hand as they fly (which seems very unsafe, negative one to the regards given for safety), and doesn't even bother looking over at her gal-pal as Uranus talks about how there was no Messiah after all, and boy was this entire thing they were trying to do pretty dumb. So now it is up to them to SAVE THE WORLD!

Also Pluto is in the back, also not giving a shit about the dangers of NOT WEARING ANY KIND OF SAFETY HARNESS IN WHAT BASICALLY AMOUNTS TO A FLYING METAL COFFIN AT BEST.

Back on the ground, our heroes run forth in slow motion while our villain suddenly develops a personality long enough to say "oh those morons are bringing me the grail. Also, asthma attack."

Then the building glows black and Mars is all "whoa what the hell" and everyone is blind to the EVIL PURPLE SHIELD growing around the building. Until the giant star that can be seen from space shows up, and they go "whoa what".

OKAY WE GET IT STARS ARE YOUR THING.

Test tubes start exploding all over the place, evil icky plant spore things pile out en masse from literally every crevice of the building, and those explode into... uh. Jello... blob... things?

Once again, may I just ask: Why was THIS not your primary
plan of attack before? Look at these things!

This is so very Japan, it makes my heart sing. Weird stuff like this? This is what got me hooked on anime to begin with. But it does make a lot of questions rise to my mind, like why didn't they attempt something like this sooner? They have what must be tens of thousands of these things now. Would it truly have killed them to throw a couple extra out at once? I mean, to have this many you must have had a few spares at some point. Why send one monster when you can send, I dunno, five? Would it honestly have impacted your pipeline THAT much if you had? Hell if you had you might not even be DEALING with this situation right now you cheap bastards!

Anyways Mercury tells us something very important to remind us that she is still relevant to the team.

I know you were all really looking forward to running in all
dramatically and stuff but... why didn't you just do that from the start?

But then Mistress 9 makes a face, and we now return to our feature film Ghostbusters 2.

Seriously guys. This was Vigo's thing.

So the building cries, turns into an army of.... sexy jello ladies?

Sorry, sexy jello ELF ladies.

Battle music and they leap at the girls who are like "uh, we should... dodge?"

So they beat back the things and spawn about a billion doujins in the process with lines like "there are too many of them!" It comes down to Sailor Moon to do her trademark thing though, by spinning a stick and dancing around and just downright beating the hell out of everything.

.... okay show. *THAT* was actually pretty damn clever!

But then the second wave arrives, and the girls are all "welp what do?"

Inside, however, someone is having trouble keeping up, but still grins as she proclaims that they are completely safe still, despite looking about ready to pass out.

Also, she proclaims she cannot be defeated, practically
guaranteeing that's what's about to happen.

Then she reaches out, pushes her hand into a weird portal thing as it becomes translucent, and... well, the girls continue to fight outside.

I take it back. *THIS* spawned dozens of doujins.

But Sailor Moon gets off another Heart Attack, and just as they are about to pull of a Teleport, Sailor Moon dies.

Walp thanks for playing baaaai!

Nah, she doesn't die, she just gets sucked into a dark portal, while the other girls get left behind. To their credit, however, they did try to prevent this, and failed to do so because that jello just won't stop jiggling.

Then it retreats back into the building, pulls a Ghostbusters 2, and... actually does a far sexier job than Vigo ever did.

That is one very attractive wall.

So, a helicopter passes overhead, and the best thing ever is said.

I'm just going to slap my forehead here.

Now, let me just remind you of the thing that was said but a mere minute ago:

Great going, boss. Bang up job you did there.

But the wall sees the attempt, and attacks!

Gee, at times like this it makes me really glad we went and
skipped out on those SAFETY HARNESSES!

The chopper gets covered and electrified and everything inside explodes, and that's three dead Sailor Soldiers leading us into a commercial break.

Yeah, I know, we're only halfway through. We're getting there though!

Turns out, they're not dead. Just frozen in time.

"Hello, guardian of time? Kind of abusing my power here."

You'd think that someone with the power to manipulate time might do stuff like this a little more often. Or might skip ahead to the end to see how things are supposed to work out, maybe tell herself how to tweak the outcome or whatever? Those are the usual dick moves you'd expect. But nope, not her. Apparently, these uses have never once crossed her mind.

Not. Once.

She tells them that she's blatantly frozen time and they should get the hell gone like, right now.

GUARDIAN. OF. TIME. COME ON! HOW DID YOU
NOT KNOW THIS STUFF?

But Pluto reveals that, well, this isn't something she should have done. After all, once you stop time just once...

She just kinda leaves it at that. Doesn't explain anything, just says, "yeah, well, I shouldn't have done this but..." and leaves them hanging. Instead, she gives them a cryptic "if you are able to meet the *real* Messiah..." and then they vanish, going right into the evil lair of EEEEVIL.

Then boom, chopper is gone, and so is Pluto. Guess they are on their own. Not unnoticed, however since Mistress 9 realizes they stopped time to get in - a bold move, but not one she's overly concerned about.

Sure was a good thing she ate that incredibly pure soul, after all, right? But then, she starts fighting with herself over using it.

No, literally, she tells herself not to use that thing. OR ELSE. But she becomes normal Hotaru again, and claims she will totes snatch that grail. But daddy best go off and take care of those other two skanks that just wandered in because homegirl ain't got time for that. In fact, he can use one of his favorite doll things: Germatoid.

... with a name like that I am sure it must be super impressive.

Outside, the wall begins to expand and the girls have no clue how to get in there. So they're switching to damage control, and hoping Sailor Moon can manage all on her own. They get into position, and prepare one of those barrier things - kind of like what their future selves would be doing at some point in the future.

Honestly? That's a pretty smart move, and a great way for them to call back on something that's been established as being a thing in the past.

Meanwhile, blondie wakes up and realizes she is in a bit of trouble. Oh but there's Hotaru! She must be hurt or something because lying down.

Elsewhere, Uranus and Neptune walk into a super creepy lair.

Okay seriously, why can we not get more enemies like these?!

Is it just me, or do all of the really great actual monsters get saved for the grown up girls?

... really? That's the line you're going with? Sigh.

So they have a little moment where they trade words, he's all "I wish you could've become Daimons like this dude's body", then he explodes and holy christ.

That is actually kind of disturbing.

The old man passes out, and the girls attack the monster with all of the power at their disposal. Or Uranus does, really, which causes it to explode... and possess all of the dolls. Neptune goes and drowns them all, but it's no use! They know what to expect and their bodies are just not very punchable. Then they snare the girls with their elastic arms and stuff.

Okay. Seriously now. How many doujins is this?

But then Pluto's face shows up, says "talisman" and EXPLOSIONS OF LIGHT. The girls are freed, and their mystical artifacts appear - the mirror and the sword, which causes a MAJOR FREAKOUT SESH. Like with Pluto, they now have newfound powers. Neptune finds the "master" doll, and Uranus brandishes her sword, and prepares to seal the deal. Sword in eye, egg thingy is destroyed, and everything falls to the ground. They take a moment to consider if they really did just hear Pluto now, and run off just as Hotaru's father begins to stir.

Meanwhile, Hotaru is talking to Sailor Moon. Or is she? She says something about "if Sailor Moon unleashes the Holy Grail here..."

Considering everyone knows you are already the big bad,
banking on her trusting you with any information is a
pretty gutsy move to say the least.

Sailor Moon being who she is, however, says she's glad Hotaru is safe, and the girl pushes the issue by saying to please hurry up and do a thing, for the sake of Chibiusa. But there's one problem: She slips up by calling Usagi by name.

FINALLY SHE DEVELOPS A BRAIN!

Realizing the jig is up, Hotaru reveals that she is Hotaru but isn't. She's just kind of renting out the body right now. It's a timeshare thing? Actually she's really Mistress 9. Then Uranus and Neptune show up saying they will defeat her, and Sailor Moon asks them to wait please, because they don't know what they're saying.

It is then that Mistress 9 pulls back the literal curtain, revealing the true scene for the final fight.

I'll admit, this is a lot more impressive now.

She turns to address her master by name, and then looks back on the girls as the end credits roll in.

I'm not going to ask for much here. Just that it remains consistent. I'm not expecting a grand finale here, but seeing as how they have three episodes left, perhaps they can be a little less anticlimactic than last season.

I'm not going to ask for another Beryl fight - because that shit? That was amazing. Just don't be a disappointment like Wiseman. That's all I'm saying.

I'm not asking for much.

Just a miracle.