Maken-Ki! Episode 08 - Syria's Everything in Your Hands

As usual, we end this week with the wonderful midair collision that is Maken-Ki!.

It has the trappings of being a good show. The OP isn't completely annoying, the animation is pretty decent, and it has some actual good character designs. It's just. If they bothered to give people personalities, and didn't go out of their way to say that the only important attributes of the entire female cast are their butts and their boobs, this would be an okay show. Watchable even.

But no. They have to pander to the horny teenage boy demographic, and that is what makes this show an absolute piece of shit. So it's time to dive into this mess, and catalog everything wrong with this episode in particular. Let us begin.

Normally, I'd write something about how this show makes me feel during the opening, but I'm still so scarred from Shimoneta that my brain can't even process these things. So I'm just going to wait this one out.

We begin by looking at a teacher's boobs as she claps for the class to pay attention. Also, her face is up there. She has to introduce some new transfers. You know, those girls from last time. It begins with Syria and let's be frank here, it wastes no time in reminding you why this show was made in the first place.

This show is forcing me to re-evaluate how the Pantsu Counter works.

Cue the montage of her laying around in practically nothing. At least one of them counts as pantsu. God damn it.

You'd think it would be over quickly, but nope. They're gonna milk it for all they can. Also mainbro has no clue she's an international idol. Nor does he really seem to care? His frenemy on the other hand is like "yeah she's cool but she's not like that blonde twintail bitch you live with YOU LUCKY BASTARD".

But then Syria is like "YO DUDE!" and takes a picture of him in front of the class and then everyone was super jelly.

And this happens too. Pantsu +1.

She seems to hang suspended there for a moment and then the catgirl is all "NO MEIN IS MAI HUSBANDO" and Syria pretends that they've never met before even though this girl was clearly at that gym you blew up the day before.

 Never forget what is most important in life.

I want to take a moment here, and point out Syria's name is spelled "Cilia" in the background.

Which... makes slightly more sense if you think abuot it. She's named after an eyelash. One has to wonder if all of the members of Venus have names like this. I'll have to look into it later as they come up I guess.

Also Syria continues being all nosey and wanting to know when the marriage is happening and how many kids they're having because again this is what is most important in this show.

Seriously.

Unfortunately I decided to watch this show and it's a decision
I will never live down.

So since they haven't decided anything he should just be her boyfriend and that's the end of it.

It's so adorably how all of these shows indicate romance is
a very one-sided affair and that the other person's desires
should in no way be taken into consideration.

Also the asshole friend is like "lol dude gonna die soon".

He's the harem leader what did you expect?

Syria then leaves him at the mercy of his class and the teacher does nothing at all.

Meanwhile, the twins are in some other class whispering into the mic because they can't breathe and knitting scarves which impresses the entire class for some reason. They try to force some background exposition on us by having girls tell us what the teacher told them, but frankly I don't even give a single solitary f**k. Are you seriously wasting my time with this when you have an entire plot left to resolve? Wait, you are? Oh, okay, please continue then.

Everyone loves the twins and some other girls who have almost literally gotten less screen time despite having been introduced earlier are like "man, everyone loves those girls for some reason."

It's pretty sad that art girl here was introduced four episodes
back and yet has gotten less screentime than the twins.

Art girl is interested in them purely on their aesthetic appeal, of course.

Boy I am so glad you are telling us all of these super interesting
facts instead of actually moving your plot forward.

Now it is gym time and that water-like girl is like "whatever" and then the redhead gets in a pissing match with the blue-haired one and then China Valentine is all like "NO I AM BEST GIRL" and everyone is like "oooh woooooow".

If I'm on the edge of my seat, it's only because I'm about five
seconds away from passing out.

Now time for some epic onion-cuting action as that purple haired one sucks at cooking things. Oh and their cooking teacher is that one guy who decides this is the perfect time to hit on the student body again.

So glad this is what we're watching instead of, I don't know,
the stuff this show promised to be about?

Demitra (the mom of the group don't ya know) talks to Grape Escape about how weird this school is. I mean everyone here has the special magical powers but they're all living like regular students which yeah it's pretty weird but EVERYONE HAS LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT HOW THIS IS JUST A NORMAL KIND OF THING FOR THE ENTIRE F***ING SERIES SO FAR.

Time to learn about ho they went all across the world but then Grapey tells her very politely to shut the f**k up.

IF YOU TALK, YOU GET THE FINGER.

Now we get to see our main hero getting patched up at the nurse's office because the entire class beat the shit out of him.

Also they take the time to give us a sexy pan of the nurse because, again, women are sexual objects and their most important features are the ones you can stick your penis into.

But don't worry, we get to see the pointless panty shot as she climbs up to grab a thing on a high shelf because what would this show be without that?

Also she has to sound as sexual as possible because, once again, that is what this show is about. Have you noticed a theme yet? WELL HAVE YOU?!

He gets up to help, she says he doesn't have to and then falls because that's how this always works and then somehow winds up face-down under her because, again, that is just how this show works. Doesn't matter how physically implausible it may be, somehow, his head is going to rub up against her cooch because that is supposedly more entertaining.

But don't worry, we've got some hero worship coming right up in the next scene.

Oh good I only have another 15 minutes left of this shit.

Cue the saccharine sparkly love bullshit, and talking about some shitty love bullshit. Syria wants to go on a date with a dude and they're like "yeah just go for it girl" and throw their 'support' in, and proceed to give an entire mission briefing on him. Also all of the ladies around him. Including a very pointless shot of kitty kid sitting on the toilet, which also includes pantsu somehow.

Every time I think this show cannot possibly get any more exploitative, it does.

Also see some of these other girls doing things and sneezing while shoving their panties in your face because they are being talked about and also the most interesting thing about them involves their butts.

For the tsundere however they just show her straight naked in the tub. So there's that I guess.

Zzzzzzz....

Briefing ends and they decide to 'eliminate the obstacles'. Also they decide the date is tomorrow even though they have no idea if dude even has any plans. Not that it matters. Then dude sneezes and we get our mid-episode commercial pantsu break early for once.

It is now the next day and people come to class, and some actually subtle things happen in the background that you could miss if you weren't paying very close attention.

She notices him walk in and a heart flies up for only a couple
of frames. It's a nice touch, actually.

Anyways the frenemies make small talk.

Duh, because he clearly is.

Also someone is super salty because girls like the person he is hanging out with instead of him. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you are a horrible excuse for a human being. You're probably just ugly.

But then someone notices he got a letter that is clearly going to be an invitation to go out after class. He decides to hide it from his 'pal', and has to explain just why he is so nervous suddenly.

Also they want to re-use as many art assets as possible.

Then catty is like "what's up you're in a good mood" and moody bro is all "psh bro has a hot babe like you ready and waiting every day wtf" and she's all like "THIS MAKES ME INCREDIBLY MOIST".

Also all those other girls paying attention to dude and so he starts to choke the life out of him because jealousy.

Between this show and Shimoneta, I am dead inside.

So dude reads the letter from Syria on the toilet.

.... I'm. What. I don't. That doesn't. He can't.

I suddenly have many issues. All of which involve this letter, and people's perceptions of others.

So he gets asked to wait in the parking lot but the girl who likes him doesn't sign her name because that just isn't her style but we are led to believe it must be Syria. Which means he is now super excited because of this letter and also that other asshole is spying on him in the most pointless way imaginable.

You are LITERALLY IN THE NEXT STALL. THIS IS
COMPLETELY POINTLESS TO SPY ON SOMEONE.

He then goes to tell the rest of the school fight club leaders about this tragedy.

*groan*

The girls are wonder what is up. Who would DARE send HIM a letter? They totally aren't bothered by this at all. Even though they are. Maybe something weird is going on at the school? Why yes, that must clearly be the case. But then those other girls show up and are like "yeah some weird shit is going on at our school."

It has nothing to do with any of that other stuff they were talking
about. OR DOES IT?!

Wow, trash? What a weird thing. Guess someone better look into it. Like those two girls that live with that guy. Also... creeper guy?

Personal space is being invaded.

He gets told to stay back and then gets electrocuted. Oh no. Then they all walk away and we're back in class with booby teacher telling everyone to be careful. Also dude is already gone before the cat girl can walk home with him.

Meanwhile, dude goes walking around to go off to the meeting place, and the plan to distract a girl commences.

Oh hey someone left some shopping bags around wonder what's inside?

WOW. ALL OF THE THINGS THAT I LOVE. HOW VERY
CONVENIENT!

Better look to make sure OH HEY LOOK MORE BAGS FULL OF SNACKS. WHAT A LUCKY DAY.

Yes clearly that is what happened.

Oh. Then this happens.

... I have no words for this.

No words.

None.

It is now at the parking lot and nobody has shown up. Or have they? Could it be that asshole? Why that jerk, he ought to maybe get in a fight or something. He yells at the air but then Syria shows up and is like "thanks for meeting me".

Also more pointless panty shots.

Someone is truly too stupid to live.

Takes his hand and is all "LETS GO" and they proceed to date or something. That's how this works right? So they're out on the town enjoying things like ice cream and whatever. She talks about how great it is to not be followed around all the time by the media, but everyone is like "wow what a pretty girl" anyways and he's like "oh sparkles I guess she's pretty" and they play the main theme on the piano to make you think they're in loooooove.

Eventually they wind up at a lonely little cottage.

GEE I WONDER WHY.

Meanwhile, there's a mess to be cleaned up.

IT IS A MYSTERY INDEED.

"Yes. No human would stack desks like this, Ray."

Grape-tart is getting this weird feeling. She must be worried about her childhood friend! Also they're being watched. Also more pantsu. Also that one chick from that team that just showed up.

She asks as she plants a foot on an object specifically so
we can see what's going on under that skirt.

We are skilled etc etc and this was a trap so now you know what's up.

I have no idea what's going on here but I'm sure they'll get around
to explaining it two episodes from now.

Time to fight though!

Also now it's time to hang out in a dark room with Syria who puts him on a mechanical chair.

Sorry I forgot to mention the part where he gets locked
onto the chair.

He has no idea what's going on at this point, and I can't say that I blame him? Lights all over the place, and uh.

Uhhhhh.

She says she hopes he is 'prepared'. I guess they couldn't get the rights for "LISTEN TO MY SOOOOOONG!"

What in the hell are you even talking about?

They say they can't fight off school grounds but you think China Li is listening? Hell no, she has some legs to kick with and dang it someone is losing some clothes this episode. It's in the script and everything.

Oh but then cat girl wanders along with her fake hubby and everyone is like "what the f**k".

He was never moving to begin with.

They try to tell her it's a doll, and it takes a few times before she finally gets it. But hey now Jill China can beat everyone up at the same time. Winning!

Also somehow the tsundere-hair stole the paper plans from China and they have a look.

..... I'm not liking where this is going.

NEVER ON A FIRST DATE.

Then they imagine boy getting whipped and stuff and OH NO NOW IT IS SO VERY ON.

So everyone goes running off but China and Tsundere-hair because SOMEONE HAS TO FIGHT THIS EPISODE. But some other girl tries to stop those other girls and oh no whatever will they do.

Oh right, everyone lets out magical Rider Kicks immediately.

By now, they are sneaking pantsu in every chance they get, because they have way too much ground to cover and not enough time left in the episode. Those girls continue to run and it's too late because y'know they're already in the cottage.

But now they get there. When did this thing show up? Who knows. But they find the doors are locked and decide they should probably try and break in because who knows what's going on in there. So they literally break down the wall.

Or, y'know. Half the house.

Oh and Syria is having a concert for one.

Oh yay what a treaaaaat.

Turns out S&M stands for SONG AND MUSIC. Gee who didn't see that one coming at all.

Much like me, our main hero is pretty dead inside.

He checks out and the episode moves into the closing segment, with more sexy pans that serve no purpose. Other than BOOBS.

Also the girls keep causing this show to fail the Bechdel test because they keep talking about dude all the time.

Also, counts as pantsu.

Speaking of, dude is liek "man Syria is hot but she's f***ing crazy."

Because she's f***ing crazy.

Insert ending title slide and end episode.

Today's final pantsu count: 29. I may have missed one or two though, but I am pretty sure I'm close to accurate this time around. Considering there is still an average of more than one pantsu per minute, and that this doesn't even include the opening and endings, we're still on track for way more fanservice than is strictly necessary in an anime.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to spend the weekend trying to forget about what I just watched. Because I'm going to need some time to recover from all of this.