Shimoneta Episode 08 - The Devil Blows His Own Trumpet

Few things in this world fill me with quite so much hate as Shimoneta does. I realize that at times this may sound like hyperbole - I get pretty angry around here. But when it comes to this show?

All of it is true, I promise you.

Every time I tell you that it leaves me shaking with rage, every time I say that I need to go to a happy place, every time I tell you I cry in anguish because of something I witnessed in this show? It's absolutely true.

This show is f***ing horrid. That is the only word to describe it. If you have a choice between marathoning this show and getting some molars extracted, you'd better damn well go with the molars.

Because at least with that one, the pain is only temporary.

We begin today's episode over at mainbro's house. Where things have immediately gotten interesting. And by 'interesting' I really mean 'rapetacular'.

That moment you wake up and realize there's a crazy bitch
in your bed and you went to sleep alone.

He immediately jumps into bed and is like "WHAT THE F**K IS OH WAIT OH GOD NO" and turns around.

Enter crazy bitch number two. Or number one really.

Anna asks very calmly what the hell this is all about, and then smashes the radish she was cutting up. It's amazing that there can even be 'misunderstandings' when NOBODY HERE SHOULD ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND THE POINT OF LAYING TOGETHER IN THE SAME BED. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SEX IS, OR HOW IT WORKS, SO WHY WOULD TWO PEOPLE LYING IN THE SAME PLACE REALLY MEAN MUCH TO YOU? ALSO DON'T THOSE COLLAR THINGS PREVENT BOINGY BOINKY FROM OCCURRING? BECAUSE I AM PRETTY SURE THAT IS THEIR PURPOSE.

So of course, he realizes that there's only one way out of this.

This always works!

He claims that Kosuri is... his sister.

Here to 'observe' their school.

Can we just address that literally everyone is sleeping in this dude's place and the Decency Squad has done nothing about it?

I mean think about it. You'd think they'd notice if a bunch of girls just started basically LIVING around a guy's place when you consider they can tell when you are drawing a boob or penis on a surface.

Anyways, he sells the story pretty freaking hard.

Way to throw everyone under the bus.

Kosuri starts to wake up, and he makes a desperate plea for her to back up his story.

Any sane person might question why there is a murderous
psycho bitch in your bedroom at 8am. She probably won't.

But Kosuri is very good at playing roles, and immediate asks her 'big brother' if this broad is his main squeeze.

YES YOU COULD SAY SHE IS THE MOST SPECIAL PERSON
BECAUSE SHE WILL STAB ME IF I SAY NO.

Of course, hearing someone else ask if she is 'someone special' causes her to literally cream her own pants, and Anna is defeated. She slumps against the wall. Proclaiming that yes. She is the specialist lady ever. She ain't right, but she ain't wrong either.

Okay SERIOUSLY will nobody EVER ADDRESS THE
COMPLETELY F***ED UP STALKER ISSUES? NO?!

Okuma basically lampshades the whole breaking and entering thing, and doesn't even bother to address that she is literally being a creepy stalker bitch. But don't worry. She really cares for him as you can see.

Seriously this just is a million shades of NOT COOL.

Then Kosuri goes in for the hug and talks about HOW SAFE HER BIG BROTHER MAKES HER FEEL.

At which point Anna's knife 'slips' and cuts some of Kosuri's hair.

Part of me hopes that Kosuri understands what this poor guy
has to go through every day, but another part of me knows
that can never happen because it would ruin the status quo.

Anyways, Anna proceeds to greet the girl properly.

Did I say greet? I meant THREATEN HER WITH STABBING.
REPEATEDLY. FOR PRETTY MUCH NO REASON.

After literally stabbing holes around the poor girl Anna apologizes. Her hand just moves on its own sometimes don't you know.

He finally introduces Anna as the f***ing student council president. Oh and, you know. They're very close.

Only a month? It feels more like a year.

Oh but look at the time! She has places to be so have fun you crazy siblings you. AND NO FUNNY STUFF OR SHE WILL LITERALLY MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. See you later~

Anna leaves, and then Kosuri falls into the apartment downstairs, scaring the hell out of the neighbors.

Also they couldn't resist another penis joke.

Roll the intro, and buckle up because we're only getting started with how f***ed up this show is going to get. Of this I am convinced.

I can't even pay attention to the 'this is what this episode is about' bit. It goes by so fast. Something about getting turned on and toilet paper? Also stuff getting confiscated maybe? I dunno. We're gonna find out either way.

So we return to our main... uh, protagonist (because I refuse to call him hero) taping up the floor that got wrekt.

If Kosuri had any sense, she'd run as far away as possible.

The doorbell rings, and the title meets Okuma. Alongside the bear guy who is like "so Anna wants to talk about a thing so let's get this over with" and all I can think is WHY DID SHE NOT MENTION THIS WHILE SHE WAS TRYING TO SHANK A BITCH WITH A KITCHEN KNIFE? Anyways you need to go to the meeting room and wait why the hell are you even here?

Seriously dude. We get it. You're gay.

He feels sad that they aren't spending much time together these days. Even though last episode they... y'know what. I don't even care anymore. Saying this show is inconsistent would be like telling you water is wet by now. Characters will say or do anything with or without proper justification. Oh and of course they play the "IS THERE SOMEONE IN THERE" "NO IT IS TOTALLY JUST A MOUSE" game because drama is great don't you know regardless of how f***ing forced it may be.

Mainbro tells the dude to leave and slams the door in his face while artgirl arts.

I am forced to admit that the characters are actually
kind of well drawn.

He is then forced to tell Kosuri why there is a girl living in his closet.

I cannot even begin to address how much sense this doesn't make.

They then immediately cut to that one girl saying lewd things because that's what this show is all about.

Seriously, I might consider walking in front of a train
if I were in Okuma's shoes.

She's talking about how something is bad and then art girl shows up and they just start talking about semen.

But will nobody ever address the stupid limitations thing?
Like, even if her device is blocked, shouldn't everyone
else's pick up that shit and report her?

Seems the Decency Squad is sending an officer to... something? She's supposedly some hard-ass who is from the top academy founded by Anna's dad.

Oh right, that chick from the end of last episode that we totally knew wasn't going to ever show up. Right.

Anyways artgirl starts eating an entire loaf of bread at a very inopportune time.

You seriously have no idea what it's like. Stop with that. Ugh.

I told you it was an inopportune time.

Now they are at school and meet the new chick who is totally a hard ass. Who is still in training or something? But Anna is like "yay she is great and an expert on lewdness". And immediately gets to work by disassembling the basketball hoops because lewdness reasons.

I hate this show so f***ing much.

Also tug of war ropes are now banned because sex. And ping pong balls.

WHY WOULD YOU EVER.

At this point, I am fairly certain even Anna is like "okay this seems kind of insane and I am literally the craziest bitch on this cast." To which I would say, yes, yes you are.

Is the entire next five minutes just going to be her removing literally every sports-related equipment from the school grounds and making incredibly loose arguments for it? We're on volleyball net at this point.

Anyways our black-haired terrorist is rather enjoying all of this because it's opening her eyes to even greater levels of perversion. Which is to say that she's finding new ways to find dicks and boobs everywhere.

So less perversion and more just pure immaturity, really.

Now the entire student body is looking at this chick and going "SHIT HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUR STUFF NOW".

And lapgirl shows up in her usual fashion to ask questions of this newcomer.

I am beginning to suspect she greets literally everyone like this.

She has many questions.

*sigh*

It immediately becomes a sticky situation (ha ha ha kill me) when Okuma shows up, she tries to confiscate the thing, and lapgirl is like "hey remember when you said you'd give me a pass on this thing?"

Oh. That's... actually a reasonable response that works?

But when lapgirl says that it is a textbook full of "philosophy and psychology" the lady goes "oh okay" and removes it from the list of materials to be considered lewd.

... what.

What.

Okuma is like "WHOA NO THAT IS TOTES RAUNCHY" and she attempst to confiscate it again but lapgirl continues to fight for her right. And goes on to talk about other magazines.

This show is killing me. Not even slowly.

So for some reason, this chick appears to be a complete pushover. Which means it's time to go home and get some re-

QUICK. YOU CAN STILL CATCH THE LAST TRAIN
IF YOU HURRY.

Seems like Kosuri and artgirl are getting along far too well and it's time for Okuma to lay down the law.

Spoken like a guy who is totally going to be docked.

Tonight, Kosuri wants to hear all about the shit you've been getting up to. Because that's what excites her I guess. So he's going to have to tell her some things. Like how he met that chick in the first place? So it's time for the flashback sequence to eat up time because it's the middle of the season and this is what anime does - reflect back on things that happened at the start of the show to invoke that nostalgic feel for when things weren't a complete train wreck.

Except that this show started with a train wreck and we have graduated to Operation Meteor Drop. I'd hope you know what that is, but in case you don't I put a helpful link because you have much to learn young padawan.

Dudebro goes on to say that eh yeah bitch is cray-cray but you know she's actually not a horrible person. She just blackmails people and nudges people into a position where they want to rape other people and is willing to let those who are supposed to be 'close' to her risk sexual assault and objectification to further her goals.

Yep, a real winner, there.

I'm starting to suspect Stockholm Syndrome is starting to take effect now. Because he is blocking out the fact that it is completely her fault that he is at risk of being murdered and or raped at any given time because Anna is a crazy f***ing bitch.

Now we go on to prove what a horrible person Kajo is.

I don't want to know.

.... no I am pretty sure she still looks exactly the f***ing same.

They put 'makeup' on Kosuri so that she won't be recognized, even though they really don't to jack shit but give her a side-tail and a change of clothes. That's not going to fool anybody.

... wait you're actually acknowledging this? Oh. Okay.

..... I'm going to go smother myself now.

Time for some shitty sex jokes and then self-congratulatory masturbation as they pat themselves on the back for bringing the brat up to speed on what their goals are exactly. Kosuri tries to say some shit about how he was talking about how pretty crazy lady there is but he clamps a hand over her mouth and sadly doesn't murder her, so now we're onto finding out what their next plans are.

I paused on this purely by accident, but man.

Their next plan is to spread these things to other schools. They plan to hit some other major 'morality school'. Which has me rolling my eyes so hard you'd think the world was falling over. Since they can't really get into the school, they're going to drop some dirty mags outside and see what happens.

And now mainbro and penis hair are at the school and preparing to hide magazines around.

But not before we talk about the things her dirty old man made her read first as opposed to what everyone else got to read.

I can't say that I blame him, necessarily.

She asks to sneak into the school. So she can get the layout of the school and figure out when security makes the rounds. Y'know. Someone's gotta case the joint. If she shows up as a prospective new student, then it shouldn't be difficult at all!

Yeah, somehow I get the feeling that's not going to end well.

So she runs off and his 'boss' yells at him for basically being the same spineless coward that he's been the entire show.

You know. The one that basically lets everyone walk all over him and that's why he's doing all of this shit in the first place?

Every time you do this, I lose a little more self-respect.

They decide to see how this goes, and then Anna shows up trying not to cream her pants while that other lady brings some 'stuff' that's 'lewd'.

I can hardly wait to find out what she confiscated this time.

Oh right. Toilet paper. I'd forgotten all about that.

I get it now.

She's a robot.

I will name her, Robo-chan. Because f**k if I'm capable of remembering her damned name at this point.

"Moral health". Every time I hear this it makes me want to
slap someone with a tire iron.

Anna is now feeling uncomfortable because she hasn't gone to the bathroom because she would have nothing to wipe with.

Yep. I've already talked at great length about 'physical health' and the effects this bullshit will have on that, so I'm just going to keep moving along. Because my brain shut off ten minutes ago and hasn't turned back on since.

The issue here is that toilet paper rolls have holes in them.

First of all that's incredibly uncomfortable and secondly
THAT IS REALLY A TERRIBLE IDEA,

Okuma tells her that's not lewd, and so she's like "oh okay I'll take it off the list".

SERIOUSLY. SHE IS A ROBOT.

Oh but the other box has porn mags in them so yeah.

Then some "gathered fabric" guy shows up and Anna freaks out and roundhouse kicks his head clean off. Or might as well have given that we know she can destroy floors with her bare f***ing hands.

And then Anna basically wets herself.

Did we mention that Anna put together a goon squad? Because she did and they were chasing that dude.

This show is my punishment for deeds from a past life, isn't it?

Oh and the goons are supposed to impress Okuma. Right? Why, with them doing all of the work, that would leave them more time to spend together... right?

Proof that she is certifiably insane. She wants a subordinate's
approval for having done 'good'.

She then grabs a roll of toilet paper and runs off crying about how she must try even harder to win his love. Not that she even knows what that is considering she has: Molested him, sexually assaulted him on multiple occasions, threatened him with his life, and forced him to ingest her bodily fluids.

I'm sure your issue though is that you're just not trying hard enough.

I am curious how you managed to get this, considering it has
no creases and I doubt they'd just print an oversized blow-up
of the entire campus for you to take home.

Now they begin their plans to hide things on the campus and cause troubles. Also more shitty jokes.

You are truly the absolute worst at innuendo.

You're not any better.

Also some magazines have already been hidden and also she spliced some footage into their video feeds because y'know.

Also more innuendo.

*groan*

This is literally my reaction for this entire episode.

Now he's back at home and Kosuri is spreading her legs for the camera and telling him to get her things because she says so.

You make such a compelling argument for me to do even less.

Then we find out that Kosuri is trying to take his place? Not that he even wanted to be part of this in the first place so really I don't see what issues there would be here? I mean seriously. Why should he give a shit? So what if she's 'more useful', he's only doing this because he is being blackmailed.

He asks how she managed to get on the council anyways, and she decides to confirm that artgirl is not living in the closet today. So she lays out how she 'infiltrated' them. It hinges on the fact that there's less girls than boys and so all she had to do were make some folks jealous.

She shows that she can basically turn on the moe charm on a moment's notice and that's basically how she lives her life.

Also her knowledge of manga helped.

Basically she wound up destroying the student council with some love triangle bullshit that she was at the center of and he tells her that she took it too far.

Says the person who constantly ignores what the founders say.

But now he's in a bad spot. Is he going to tell on her? Because we know this is a girl who carries weapons in her purse.

Seriously, train. Pretty sure you can still make it bro.

If every woman in this show weren't completely insane, you
might have a case.

I have a few people in mind who could use it...

She then takes off a stocking and demand he lick her foot.

Also the goon squad is now going around the school doing stuff. Beating people down, stealing theri things and burning them in front of the school while... uhhhhh.

Uhhhhhhh.

Anna then starts licking the table.

Because she's insane.

Meanwhile the terrorists wonder what they can do to stop this, and prevent it from spreading to other schools.

No shit?

They seem to think this presents some kind of problem but... I'm just not following the logic here at all.

But isn't Anna....?

Oh and also they should do something about those other terrorists probably. Don't worry though. SHE. HAS. A. PLAN.

Roll credits. And stick through them because they always do shit afterwards, which is enough to make me want to claw my ears off with a cheese grater.

Let me just be clear. This show makes me want to vomit. Violently.

Turns out though, there's nothing after the credits this time. Except for the teaser image for next episode which makes me cry on so many levels.

So many levels.

Now if you'll excuse me. I think my train is coming into the station.