Astarotte no Omocha Episode 10 - Fist of Fellow Neighbors

Happy Holidays folks. It's funny but I almost always say 'Happy Holidays' instead of Merry Christmas, despite being raised Christian. Why? I dunno, I guess it just seemed more right, whatever. I don't get all pissy when people decide to wish me a Happy Hannukah or something (though come to think of it... I'm not sure anyone ever has...). It seems silly.

Anyhow that seems like a good enough way to transition into me pointing over at that little poll box to your right. No, your other right. No, your other other right. Yeah. There ya go. That thingy. It's got a question and some silly answers, but why do that?

Well. I don't talk about this stuff at all but it's there to help me see how many folks are engaging with this blog. To date, I think I have about two readers. I am an instant Internet Success!

But seriously, if you read the blog go ahead and just tick one of those suckas off for me that'd be great. Or leave a comment down below. Or, I dunno. Email? Whatever. If people aren't telling me what a horrible job I am doing then clearly I am Doing It Right. So off to destroy my brain! Today, we're doing Astarotte.

I mean we're watching her. Because doing her would be oh for f***'s sake.


Does anyone remember what happened last episode? I vaguely remember something about a beach episode, and it generally being shit, and then there was Naoya getting sick, and then he wasn't sick anymore and Lotte was all getting her panties twisted or something I dunno. A quick glance back seems to indicate that I've already remembered too goddamn much and should take up drinking. Or smoking pot. Maybe I could hit myself with a hammer? Yeah that oughta do the trick.

It's a bright and sunny day at Castle-Lotte (Castlotte? Oh forget it) and Asuha is writing in her journal all about how daddy suddenly magically got better and she went swimming with people.

The highlight of your day I am sure.

Oh I see she is doing that thing where she writes/draws about her summer vacation. Then there's some noise outside and all her new friends are hanging out with the cow, and there's some kind of festival coming up and she's like "the hell are you on about" and we get an anime opening. Yay for flowers.

So the first thing that comes to mind is what the f**k is up with the title. Holy shitballs captain what is that mess. Fist of Fellow Neighbors? Considering literally every episode thus far has had some kind of punctuation mark involved, and I am confused, because of course Mirriam Webster has no idea what the shit I am on about. So I do a little more digging and find out what the hell they are talking about in this title. Yes, that's right, this show forced me to do research on the god-damned internets. Here's what I found.

This is a fist: ☞ No, I'm serious. That's a fist. You know what they use that shit for? It's a goddamn bullet point. Here is your freaking proof. Here's what I don't get though: The object they are describing is already relatively obscure to begin with. SO WHY THE HELL DID THEY CHOOSE THE MOST OBSCURE TERM FOR IT?!

It's like they wanted you to think this title meant something completely, horribly different. And I'm not talking about Fist of the North Star references here. I'm talking about neighbors coming over and sticking their hands up your orafices. Orafii? Orafeces? Oh god I'm abandoning that train of thought now.

So blah blah Judit is talking about how important the World Tree is and why they have a festival for it every year because it's kind of a Big Freaking Deal.

Basically Christmas. Fan freaking tastic.

Since Lotte is, well, Lotte, she has to sing to the World Tree. Because she's a succubus? Is that too much for your brain to handle okay then here's Lotte's mom wearing an outfit that is completely impossible have fun with that.

No seriously that shit is like glued onto her chest, what the
hell tops do not suction onto boobs like that!

Oh also Lotte didn't take part last year so she's totally trying to make up for that. So Judit is all like "you get the point of this shit right? She wants to thank the tree. Now I wonder why that might be?"

I'm gonna guess it isn't girl scout cookies.

Somehow Naoya is completely dumb and doesn't realize he is the thing that has happened to her so there you have it take responsibility or some crap. Judit is firmly believing that Lotte is thankful to the World Tree for letting her meet Naoya. Though after he goes running off clearly not wanting to deal with this, she's like "well, maybe, I mean it's not like I know or anything, but I'm creaming myself here so clearly that must be the reason".

Outside, Lotte's friends are, um. Less than impressed with her not-so-stellar performance. But Asuha is like "hey you're good at this just don't be a nervous wreck." So Lotte decides she needs "special training" and the camera zooms in... uncomfortably close on her panties which are just so ever slightly peeking out. Wait where are you-

OKAY THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND WHEN SHE
SAID "SPECIAL TRAINING".

This i the perfect time for Naoya to show up with tea and cake. And totally see Lotte's naked bottom, and she gets mad, and his daughter is all like "dad's a pervert tee hee!" while ignoring the fact that she regularly runs around without panties all the time. But whatever. Judit, however, seems to think this turn of events is hilarious.

She likes to watch.

Then he goes back to Effie and has been turned into a girl as 'punishment'. Cue the training montage. Complete with as many still images as they could fit while re-using the same animation from earlier in the episode as often as possible. Oh, and some more close-ups of Lotte's butt.

Also, a giant pink cow statue. Why not? You always need those in your montages. At some point Asuha joins in with the whole singing thing and the two sisters are having fun and looking like they're probably going to be performing together.

So what's next? All the little girls head off for a bath. Oh boy oh boy, another bath scene just what we needed. They head into the changing room and are all like "man we can totally all bathe together" and Lotte's like "man I've only ever bathed with my servants, so this will be totally different with friends". Oh and uh, they're just casually stripping in front of the camera. No biggie.

And they also talk about how awesome it is to walk around without any panties.

Cut to the bath! Where boobs are stared at and ages are questioned.

Oh yeah and Asuha and that other one are playing flat-chested patty-chest.

You read that right. Flat-chested patty-chest. It's a game where you sit across from one another. And press your hands against their chest. And you say "flat". And then they do it to you. And you do it back. OVER. AND OVER. AND OVER.

Meanwhile Lotte continues agonizing over her lack of chest and at her age how 'well stacked my mom was at my age'. Complete with a naked chibi version of her mom popping up to say "well stacked *wink*".

Can we just stop here for a moment? Just kind of, you know. Take a look at what we are watching here? Rather, at what I am watching because I seriously doubt any of you are watching this show. I'd be awfully suspicious of you if you were. Because once again, this show is all about teaching a 12-year-old girl how to suck dick. But seriously, what is up with all the fanservice suddenly? They've been pretty good about it, but this is like the third? Fourth episode where everyone is taking a giant open-air bath together? And we just had the obligatory beach episode?

Sweet mother of Christmas Jesus this is just getting out of control.

So I continue with the show and Asuha is like "my dad likes 'em big". Also there's lots of butts in your face, and Lotte wanting bigger boobs. Asuha says milk is the best way to go, and the one with the tiggest of bitties is like "yeah, my cow demon nanny used to give me milk after a bath".

SUDDENLY, THIS SHOW HAS GOTTEN ENTIRELY TOO F***ING GRAPHIC.

This show hasn't even hit rock bottom yet. But it
is definitely digging as fast as it can.

Lotte is like "but I drink this stuff all the time" and they go "well you gotta do it after a bath!" because hey, that shit makes more sense. After a bath your blood is circulating better or something. So who should walk in right at that moment?

The cow girl Effie. Complete with a full-screen shot of her mammies and a mooing cow sound.

Suddenly everyone leaps for the cow asking for milk, and uh. Oh god. Literally all five girls want to pile on and suck on her. And so at least two of them do.

Meanwhile....

Somehow, all five girls manage to have suckled on the same set of teats, and are satisfied. They are all convinced their boobs will get bigger now. Then it's time to put their clothes back on and get the hell to bed. Commercial break!

I hate it when a bad show has great artwork like this.

When we get back everyone has put on yukata because.... because Japan.

Forgive me for a moment. I need to slam my head against something for a moment. Because they go to all this effort to pretend that they are living somewhere that silly human customs don't exist and then they just straight up wear f***ing festival yukata. Why? BECAUSE IT IS A SHOW MADE IN JAPAN THAT IS WHY.

Now it is Not Christmas, and the streets are full of strings of glowing Lucky Charms.

Hearts, Stars, Horse Shoes, Clovers and Blue Moons....
where's my goddamn pot of gold you Irish f**k.

As they wander the streets, Asuha even comments on how everybody is wearing the same goddamn thing.

WE GET THE GODDAMN POINT!!!

Then Lotte asks if wearing the Yukata without any underpants is really the way to go. Because that's what she's asking. How do I know this? BECAUSE IT IS A THING WHICH COMES UP IN ALMOST EVERY SLICE-OF-LIFE ANIME EVER. Because some guy is dreaming about girls wearing nothing underneath, or one of the girls talks about how traditionally you're not supposed to wear anything underneath so on and so forth.

Do us a favor. Kill her. Do it now. Please. Quickly.

Oh yeah, and their Yukata are all shorter that other folks'. Because it is the trendy thing.

I'm going to find a baseball bat and beat someone in the face with it over this. And not with a wussy aluminum bat, f**k that. Traditional wooden bat is the only way to go for this.

Then Naoya shows up with that vampire chick who they just happened to come across, and Naoya compliments Lotte on it. Then the short one flips Erika's yukata revealing that she is wearing panties underneath and demands she takes them off.

I don't know, maybe they're trying to tell us something but little girls with no undies is a good thing?

That life-defining moment when you realize you are, in fact,
the worst father in all of human history.

He doesn't even get the chance to yell at her for being an idiot, and then that dude and Dora the Exploder show up, and he immediately starts hitting on Lotte. The other girls don't take kindly to this, but he's not here for her, he's here for Naoya. So he wants a duel I guess. He doesn't get a choice in the matter, he is forced to accept by the others, who pressure him into this. How ar ethey going to settle this? With a godlfish catching contest. And ring toss. And more yukata flipping. And other bullshit where Dora (thankfully) keeps us from seeing bare little girl ass.

End result is wolf boy gets smashed and they all walk away laughing, and he freaks out.

Then some people eat some food, and Lotte is like "man it's almost time" and gets all the nervous jitters. She looks over at Naoya, and we transition to the stage where she will be performing. She's all in the tent shaking like a leaf with the microphone, and we get to see her literally wearing "the spare panties (Naoya) had for Asuha".

If you must know? It's got a penguin on it. That alone makes me want to murder someone. Not nearly as much as the next gratuitous shot which is a flashback where the only thing keeping us from seeing pre-teen snatch IS HER GODDAMNED HEART-SHAPED TAIL.

SERIOUSLY. HOW F***ING MUCH OF THIS BULLSHIT DO I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IN THIS ONE EPISODE ALONE. HOW MUCH?!?!?!?!? JUST STOP IT ALREADY GOD DAMN YOU.

Then Asuha gives Lotte a "good luck charm". It's basically one of those clover hairpin things that she already had. Now they have a matching set. Like real sisters. Except they don't know it. How very touching. I GUESS THAT MEANS IT IS PROBABLY TIME TO SEE MORE NOT QUITE NAKED LITTLE GIRLS AM I RIGHT?!?!??

Sorry. I'll try to refrain from smashing my keyboard. It's time for her to get on stage and she does the whole shaky robot thing and gets all nervous in front of Naoya, and then she gets out on stage.

She is mortified, and completely incapable of properly dancing. She then proceeds to kill it with her singing.

By "it" I mean my eardrums. Because she is horrible, even by karaoke standards. And they don't even have standards.

So Asuha shows up to help her out and steals the show because that's what she's been doing since day one. Then they hold hands and sing and proceed to actually kill it. By which I mean they make the crowd feel awesome and good about themselves and totally not guilty for lusting after twelve-year-old girls.

Oh and this is televised so everyone gets to see this shit.

Then there's sparkles and we drift up into the sky and end scene. Now it is night time and Asuha is writing in her journal again. She's gotta be accurate in her portrayals after all.

She even shows the part where she is not wearing
any underwear just like on the TV.

She asks her dad what he'll do once summer vacation is over, Lotte looks over the balcony looking at a mirror and giggles, and the episode ends.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS ANY MORE.

WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT.

DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW EVER. NOT UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY GET TURNED ON BY THIS STUFF. IN WHICH CASE PLEASE DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND BOIL YOUR TESTICLES OR SOMETHING AND REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE GENE POOL.

I KNOW I WAS A LITTLE SPECIFIC THERE BUT I CANNOT IMAGINE A FEMALE WILLINGLY WATCHING THIS SHOW AT ALL.

OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER.

WHY DO I DO THIS SHIT TO MYSELF?!