Sailor Moon R Episode 42 - The Final Battle Between Light and Darkness! Love Sworn to the Future

Today, I am breaking all kinds of rules, but for good reason. I'm skipping Diabolik Lovers, and going straight for Sailor Moon again, and here's the reason why:

Viz Animation, the current holders of the US license of Sailor Moon, announced that they are re-releasing all original 200 episodes plus movies on Blu-Ray, fully uncut, and with a brand new English dub! This is pretty freaking awesome, but it's not even the best news, because you see the best news is that, starting today, and every Monday from now, they will be simulcasting this new dub over the internet through places such as Hulu!

Now, I won't lie. This is pretty amazing news, but it gets better, because come July 5th, Sailor Moon Crystal will begin airing. And this is pretty important because, from what I understand, this is supposed to be a reboot. A re-envisioning of the series, and a take of how it was supposed to be, as opposed to what we actually got.

So the bar is set pretty high for that one, and my interests are incredibly relevant, since I hope it will fix all of the issues I have ever had with this show. Like ever. So we'll see.

In the interests of honoring this thing, every Monday is now Sailor Moon Day for me, as opposed to Wednesdays. So that people can read this thing, and watch the brand new episodes and tell me just how horribly wrong I am about everything. Or totally spot on, I'm no visionary.

Anyways, I've rambled on long enough. Onto the show!

Finally winding down, we're in the second to last episode. All of the villains are dead, save for Mister Death Face and Dark Lady Who Is Just Totally Misunderstood And Not Mind-Controlled.

So in a strange turn of events, they decide that, despite the fact that this is the second to last episode, we need to know exactly how the episode will go before they show it to us. Which didn't seem to be a thing they were worried about at the end of the last series, but hey what do I know? I'm just some mindless drone or something. Basic gist of it is, Sailor Moon is her mom in the future and they all love and care for Chibi-usa so she should stop being such a bitch maybe.

Oh and of course she's gonna purify the f**k outta something. CUE THE DARK EVIL BOLTS OF RED LIGHTNING!

You can tell it is evil because of the black, purple, and red.
Those are totally every evil color ever.

Baby Chibi-usa gets told by the old creeper Death Phantom that it's time to end the world, and he laughs and is all "time to destroy the universe aww yissss". And on Earth the cats watch as lightning strikes the giant Dark Gate crystal and they talk about how the Earth will be destroyed if this keeps up and what's the deal with them taking forever to rescue the kid? Quick, cue the title slide before people start asking about how time travel works again!

Evil floating platform in the middle of nothingness. Black Lady calls upon the power of the Dark Crystal and the girls all panic. Dark energy all around, and she's all "Yeah totes opening that gate so uh, Wiseman, you should give me that power so I can blow up the world."

So Sailor Moon of course tries to tell her that hey, uh, if you do that you'll kind of blow yourself up too and that's bad. But she is all super drinking the Kool Aid because she's all "yeah doesn't matter, world is full of darkness anyways so it's all good if I take in all the power of that evil crystal thing". Man, she is super dedicated to her difficult-to-explain cause.

Her explanation? She's all alone in the world, so who cares if it gets blown up? She's totally ignoring the fact that her parents before they become her parents are kinda standing in front of her right now, but before they can point this fact out she knocks everybody down to the ground.

Ahh, there we are, some classic animation quality for ya.

After a few choice, questionably animated sequences of people falling and trying to get back up, Black Lady towers over Sailor Moon and declares that she will be the first one to go. Calling down a giant bolt of lightning, Tuxedo Mask winds up taking the blow for her, and Black Lady seems to not understand what this is all about. People caring for one another? The girls crying about how she too is one of their precious friends?

And clearly has nothing to do with not disappointing
the future selves.

He tells her that she is the most loved person of all and all the girls call her name, but Death Phantom slash Wiseman slash Skullface slash Grim Reaper is all "seriously you're gonna listen to this soft-ass shit? Please, you're harder than that. In fact, you're so hard, you'll just straight up take the Evil Black Crystal's power again. That's how hard you are."

I guess they just really wanted to show us the scale of this.

Having once more been force-fed some of that Dark Kool-Aid, Tuxedo Mask begs her to please not be consumed by all of this evilness, because it is bad. That's why it is called evil, because it is bad! Every five year old knows this! But is she having any of this? No, she is not. Don't worry though, future Mamoru/Prince Endymion (technically King Endymion this shit is getting more confusing by the minute!) gives them a helpful voiceover flashback telling them how their love will be tested and if it isn't strong then clearly they will never win.

So they hold hands as she proclaims to cover the world with darkness and Mamoru Mask is all "hey let's stand together and combine our power or something and show her the power of parental love".

Like I said. Parental love. Kindness and understanding.

Out comes the Silver Crystal and she's all like "powaaaaah!" and the Black Lady doesn't understand just what the deal here is. Here to show us what the deal is, is sleeping Neo Queen Serenity, whose crystal also starts glowing in the future. For... some reason. I'm kind of confused when on the timeline any of this is occurring but hey, let's just forget all about that.

She looks up from all the Shinyness and things get complicated as Sailor Moon suddenly turns into Neo Queen Serenity. What a shock! It's like they're the SAME PERSON. And her mom is all "yo, remember when you were a kid?" And then she remembers when she was a kid and said she hated them, and they're all "get up seriously you kid" and she's all "really we just wanted you to be able to stand up on your own, that's all, no need to blow up the world over that shit." Oh and she finally seems to realize they look like her actual parents because they are?

But of course the villain can't be having any of this, and continues spouting the same old shit time and again. Evil, darkness, loneliness, blow up the world, nobody loves you, so on and so forth. She decides not to have any of this again though and attacks her past future parents who are all "you need to get out of here or you'll die!" and she's all "and what about you huh? You'll die if you stay here" and mom is all "it's no biggie as long as you're safe even though you are trying to kill me and stuff" and this shakes her.

Mom continues to deliver the heartfelt message of how sometimes, life is pretty painful. Shit sucks, you get hurt, and things just don't always work out like you want. But hey, that's just life, and you've gotta move past that crap. Because that's a little thing called growing the hell up.

At least that's what I wish she'd have said. Instead she goes from the "remember the warmth people share with one another". So instead of telling her to man up and stop crying about everything, she's all flowers and sunshine and motherf***in' miracles all up in here. Remember what it is to love. All those happy memories she made with everybody else over this disaster of a series, and the hijinks that ensued. Forget all about the time that she left you to wander alone on a beach, or physically abused you, or called you names, or humiliated you for wetting the bed. Forget all about that crap. Instead, focus on all the positive things. Like... all those times you cared for Usagi! Yeah, ignore that she basically treated you like ass the entire time you were there, because you all really cared for one another.

... suddenly I seem to realize that Black Lady's actions are actually kind of justified. Her mom was kind of a dick.

Okay, no matter how you look at it, this is just
pretty freaking questionable folks.

But Black Lady is all "why do you keep doing this crap?" and mom is all "duh, cuz I love you moron" and then they hug and she is a child again. Congratulations you managed to keep your daughter from accidentallying the entire universe. You deserve a commercial break!

After said break, we see that they're still on this platform all gathered around a now sleeping Chibi-usa who wakes up and is all "whoa, thanks, I guess I'm not alone after all, and I totally shouldn't question the last five times we have had this exact same conversation about how you guys totally care for me, and I promise this time I won't just forget all about it next episode. For realsies."

And then Sailor Moon passes out for no reason, and Chibi-usa says it's because she used the Silver Crystal. Makes sense I guess, but according to the evil dude the Dark Gate is open and soon the world will end. And he couldn't be happier! In fact he's so happy he will destroy them all with purple lightning, while same purple lightning assails the city as the Dark Gate opens.

More evil laughing and electrocutions, but Mamoru Mask is all "can't let this happen" and Sailor Moon stands up and is all "welp can't be having none of this Wonder Crystal Powers Activate!" all while giving a nice little monologue about how she can't let the Earth just blow up and end everything.

So the other girls tell her that she can't try to use the Silver Crystal again and WisePhantom is all "lol not gonna lose" and zaps her with dark energy but then she becomes Neo Queen Serenity. Again. And they hold their hands up with their respective light and dark powers and man this really pales in comparison to that fight with Beryl from the last season. In fact, it doesn't even hold a candle to it. That shit was plain awesome. This on the other hand is... well, not quite so.

It mostly consists of people shouting other people's names while we see close ups of faces, and then Chibi-usa cries about how this is all her fault and as her tears fall, she realizes something while the final fight theme that you can't really make out the words to is playing because there is important dialogue happening at the same time.

Not even Shyamalan saw this one coming.

So now there are, count 'em. TWO Legendary Silver Crystals. And now little Chibi-usa is going to do a thing, which inspires everyone else to stand up as well. I guess. But DarkWiseman is all laughing at them but then Chibi-usa becomes a pretty little princess, and asks the gemstone to help solve all the world's problems.

They couldn't even give her a mouth for this scene...

Wiseman is surprised by the two Silver Crystals, and suspects some Time Travel Shenanigans may in fact be at play here. Who would have thought that basing your entire scheme around TIME TRAVEL could cause such a paradoxical thing to occur? Certainly not him! So Mom and Daughter and all of the Planet Powers combine to become... uh. A giant ball of light I guess. It's actually kind of boring.

But he's all "no can't lose" and then everything is bathed in purple light and Sailor Moon and Chibi-usa are all "we dead?" "yeah, probably, but it's cool, we saved the world so it's all good". But then we can hear Sailor Pluto being all "dudes, you're not dead, I'm just gonna make up some bullshit about how your crystals all detected your love for one another and managed to retcon all this shit again because happy endings for everybody." Then they get told to return to everyone and wake up in a circle of all their friends.

So yay, everybody is alive again and everything is sunshine and rainbows and unicorn farts. The Dark Gate vanishes, and Tokyo is once again safe from the Dark Power of the Evil Black Crystal.

Seriously they are very specific about this shit.

Oh and both Earth and Nemesis are saved! Not that there's anyone left on Nemesis, mind you. But it's saved anyways! Now it's time to say goodbye to Chibi-usa, who they tell various things like 'say hi to the us in the future!' and other uplifting messages.

Except for Minako because she's a bitch.

Finally it comes time for Usagi to say goodbye, and they kind of stare at one another for a little bit and say nothing. They do share a little hug though, and she's all "thanks mom!" before running off to go BACK TO THE FUTURE. And vanishes in like, less than a second. Cut to the future where everything is suddenly better adn literally shit is all flowers and happiness.

Yay everything is happy again whoo.

Everyone is alive, little girl curtsies to her own parents, and then rushes over to hug her mom who is all "welcome home finally" and everything is happy the end.

... hold on though, isn't there one more episode left? This not only feels like a really weak final fight episode, but let's face it, it's not EVEN the last episode! And they don't lead into the next one in any way whatsoever! So what's the deal here?

Guess I'll have to find out next week. When I can finally finish this series. And with luck, this Friday, I will tackle that thing I meant to tackle a few weeks back. I'm sure it'll be worth the wait though.