Sailor Moon R Episode FINAL - Usagi and the Girls' Resolve! Prelude to a New Battle

Well, we're finally here - the actual end of Sailor Moon R. As baffling as this is, however. I mean, they wrapped up everything last episode, right? What more could they hope to add? Wiseman is dead, pretty much everyone from Nemesis that wasn't a Phantom Sister is dead, and Chibi-usa went back home.

So what more could possibly be done? Everything was literally wrapped up nice and neat last episode. Why did there need to be one more? They didn't even set up for anything else!

I guess it's time for us to find out.

Also, sincerest apologies for the lack of that other post. I'm still having some issues with it. We'll see if I can get that taken care of... it's just. It's really, really painful, that's all.

But today on Sailor Moon...

Bask in the glory that is the last time you will see this opening. But not the last time you'll hear the song I'm sure. It's lasted 89 episodes thus far, I seriously doubt they're going to be changing it between now and next season. I could be wrong, but we'll see what happens.

Oh god we're in hell again.

Oh god no. Oh sweet mother of christ and all that is holy NO. This isn't just a thoughtless tack-on. That would have been an improvement.

This is literally an advertisement for the next season. They admit this shit in the preview of the episode. New characters will be introduced. A new villain revealed. They know you are going to eat this shit up so they have decided to force-feed you twenty minutes of promotional material FOR THE NEXT SEASON OF THE SHOW.

Now, it's entirely possible that this 'bridge' episode, if you will, which will set up for the next season, might actually be pretty decent. Maybe they'll utilize some clever mechanics, tell a good story, and really leave us in anticipation for the new season.

Of course, maybe the polar ice caps might freeze back over, Santa will start giving gifts twice a year, our cat overlords will decide we're not worth ruling and hand the keys back to humanity back to us, and Houdini will appear before us once again to reveal that his death was really just his greatest trick of all and that magic is REAL.

... I really don't have much faith in this show do I?

So they hop RIGHT INTO IT. Two girls in Sailor Fuku standing in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, and Usagi is all "who these bitches be?"

Shit is getting real in the first ten seconds for sure.

Oh, and instead of actual dialogue, it's just Usagi and Rei sitting around talking while breaking the fourth wall and informing us that they don't know what's going on because this is for next season. They're watching the same show we are. Literally. Then the two girls bounce off or something, there's stuff in vials and beakers that look evil as shit, some dude is a mad scientist who is totally not Umino grown up, and oh god.

Our new villains: Naru and Umino. Seriously.

Then they cut back to that scene with the two girls who are all like "oh guess they're Sailor Scouts" then Sailor Pluto shows up to do a thing and say a thing, and it's like "oh I guess there really are other scouts". Wonderful.

Now we get into flashback territory as we see Luna recruiting Usagi for the first time, and the theory is that these new two girls have been scouted (no pun intended) by teh cats. But that can't be right because the girls were all warriors to begin with? Then they cover the whole time travel thing by Chibi-usa to maybe they're from the future? Oh, and we hope you like watching her show up for the first time again to try and kill her mom or something.

Anyawys we get to see them use that scene with the two girls FOR THE THIRD TIME while they continue to speculate on shit. But now let's cut to Rei getting attacked by a stripper!

Like holy shit she is just immediately all about popping that top.

Then there's five fairies and I guess now they're trying to figure out if maybe they're like those other enemies from the first part of this season. Not likely though. But we get to see Tuxedo Mask show up like he did that first time. Oh and other villains we've seen before. Guys who are all dead of course.

Good god, this is the worst promo I've ever seen and we're only six minutes in. Just in case you forgot who all of the characters are, it's time to watch them introduce themselves and play out that battle with the Phantom Sisters all over again. To that exact same song that played back then.

Then Sailor Moon and Chibi-usa get hit by that bomb thingy and everyone is concerned and blah blah WE HAVE SEEN THIS SHIT BEFORE. WE DO NOT NEED A REMINDER THAT RUBEUS WAS A DOUCHENOZZLE. BECAUSE HE DIED AND THAT IS THE END OF IT. SERIOUS.

It's like the guys who made this episode were so proud of the shit they did that they wanted to shove into everyone's face how awesome the material they made was and remind us that they are awesome. Oh, and it's time for full transformation sequences from everyone. While they talk about how they're going to deal with this new threat they know jack shit about.

I'm waiting for them to show the clip with the two girls again.

Blah blah more talking amongst one another that would be okay on a JP drama CD... but not on something you TELEVISE. Or include on THE GODDAMN DVD.

There is no plot here. It's just a freaking promo where they complain about wanting a new main character. Not that I blame them, but there's a time and place for this... and this ain't it.

But after the commercial break they promise they'll show us even more images from the new series. Oh joy. Just what I wanted to see in my animated TV show: STILL IMAGES. They break to commercial early while showing us Sailor Moon doing her signature moves. Just because. Upon the return, we are treated to... still f***ing images. And stuff that makes zero sense. Stuff getting blown up, curtains rising, girls looking oh wait we're back into flashback territory focusing on Rei and all the times she's awesome. Great.

Oh and all those times she wasn't awesome too but who cares we have SEEN ALL OF THIS ALREADY. But now it's Makoto's turn in the spotlight, and oh boy I sure hope they do this for the other two as well. Ugh.

This is the kind of thing that makes me want to club seals and kick bear cubs. The kind of thing that makes me want to set orphanages on fire and pretty much be a dick to everyone else. This is just... this is literally the characters breaking the fourth wall to pretty much stroke their own damned egos. Why? Just because. Also to remind you who the characters are even though YOU CLEARLY WATCH THE SHOW SO YOU OUGHT TO ALREADY KNOW.

WHY DOES THIS EPISODE EXIST.

WHY WAS IT EVER INCLUDED IN DVDS.

WHY DID ANYONE THINK THIS WAS A GREAT IDEA?

Mina's turn comes and goes, then Ami's as well, and I'm not capable of caring about this in the least. In fact, all this is doing is making me NOT want to watch the next series, because let's face it: They have less NEW material in this episode than in an ACTUAL COMMERCIAL FOR THE NEW SERIES. And yet they turned this INTO AN ENTIRE EPISODE. HALF OF WHICH IS DEDICATED TO TELLING US ABOUT THE CHARACTERS ALL THE THINGS WE ALREADY KNOW BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN WATCHING THIS SERIES.

But don't forget that there's some evil scientist dude with a hot red-head assistant. Oh but you've seen that so time to show some other things we've already seen. Like that time Sailor Moon purified the hell out of Kunzite. You remember him from the first series right? He was the guy who killed himself with his own evil glowing boomerang. Oh and we can see Rubeus doing evil things to Sailor Moon like crushing her with gravity until she gets up and purifies the hell out of him too.

Because folks need a reminder that Sailor Moon is the hero. I mean her name is only in the title of the show, but it's time for a reminder of what Usagi is like at home so everyone else can laugh at her expense. Boy oh boy.

This is honestly pretty rage inducing. I can't even take snapshots because it's all shit YOU HAVE ALREADY SEEN IN THIS BLOG. I don't feel like rehashing shit. Like that final battle against Queen Beryl. Which they are now rehashing. Let's remove all of the things that made it badass, you know the CONTEXT of the thing, and just show her straight up ruining that bitch's day. I'm sure that'll be exciting to relive.

But now it's time for us to see Wiseman get taken down. You know, that thing from last episode? It's time to show that again since they're near the end of their runtime.

Oh and we get to see everyone call out for their Star Power for the second time in a row. In case we didn't quite get it the first time around I guess.

Are they going to show us anything actually neat before the end of this, or are they gonna let the end of the last episode continue to play out? Oh, they're gonna keep letting it play out? Okay then. Oh look it's that one new scene and the evil scientist dude again. And the Stripper attacker. And those girls in the tree. And that evil science guy with the redhead again. And the girls saying "bye and thanks for being such a sucker for watching this shit."

This wasn't a filler episode. This wasn't a bridge for the next series, it wasn't even an episode that wraps up any weird loose ends that might have been lying around. This is, without even trying to hide it, a promotional episode cobbled together by a 20-minute omake track recorded by the VA's using materials literally from the entire show to fill up time.

It is, without a doubt, the absolute worst episode of Sailor Moon ever. EVER. This is the worst way, the WORST WAY to end your series: with a full-length advertisement asking you to please watch the next show because remember how awesome the show was so far you totally remember that so here watch that stuff all over again while we promise new things and never actually show you these new things.

I don't understand this. Why is this even an episode? Why would they include this on the DVDs? THIS LITERALLY ADDS NOTHING. IT JUST PADS THE EPISODE COUNT. I HAVE SEEN EPISODES OF DRAGONBALL Z WITH MORE SUBSTANCE THAN THIS.

I should give this show a failing grade JUST FOR THIS EPISODE ALONE. Because this? This is UNFORGIVABLE.

This is literally the worst thing I have ever seen a popular series do... and they made Dragonball GT.

Yeah. I f***ing went there.