Dog Days Episode 01 - Birth of a Hero!

Yeah so I've been really not wanting to sit down and write stuff. And to anyone who would suggest that I may have sunk another 150+ hours into Civilization V in the last three weeks should really stop stalking me. Seriously, do you really have nothing better to do than sit around counting the time I'm playing games on Steam?

Seriously. That's just weird. Get a real hobby already!

That being said, I'm here with a new show. This one is called Dog Days. It came out in 2012. Hang on, that's only two years ago! How bad can that possibly be? I mean, this is NEW ANIME for god's sake. Hell, it's even the same creative team that gave me the Nanoha franchise that I love so much.

How could this possibly go wrong?

Okay so the plotline on AniDB says it's something about some dude gets summoned from Earth to another world to defend some chick. Hey, that can't be too bad, right? Besides, they're starting us off with some super amazing top notch trend-setting scene establishing shots.

Wow we just started and already shit is going down? Hell yeah.

This... is actually the opening. Oh. Blonde-haired dude with a staff leaps off a cliff, and I guess everyone in this show are dog people. With pet dogs.

... oh god I think I just felt my brain hemorrhage just saying that.

Shit, this show has everything, including CHOCOBOS. HOW CAN THIS SHOW POSSIBLY BE BAD?

The Opening has a great soundtrack though, and it totally reminds me of Nanoha. And I get the feeling I'm going to be comparing these shows a LOT for some reason. I'm sure it has nothing to do with bias, or the fact that it was made by the exact same team a few years earlier.

Why do I get the feeling this is going to get painful before it's over? Okay okay just throw us into the show...

We begin our tale with some kind of rain storm in the "South Central Flonyard" whatever the f**k a Flonyard is. Somewhere in the "Plains of Cocona". They also happen to have floating islands too.

Somewhere here is a bunch of tents were the reject chocobos have been enslaved, and feed on... I dunno. The disappointed cries of fanboys everywhere?

Just look how pathetic these guys look. Just awful.

Anyways there's a big meeting going down where we learn a bunch of names that mean nothing yet, and find out that somehow these people are using these sickened birds to attack a fortress. Oh and in case that isn't serious enough, take a look at the troops they're using.

... are these just animated dolls? Don't tell me we're supposed
to seriously believe these are people with thoughts,
feelings, and... I dunno. Names? Because they look like dolls.

Not that the people in charge here seem to stand out that much more either.

The wine bottle has more personality here, geez...

I guess they're out to quite literally make the "Dog Princess of Biscotti" miserable.

Dog Princess of Biscotti.

Her country is named Biscotti.

And they really couldn't come up with a better term to call someone than "dog princess". Really? You're just going to be that freaking literal? Oh god help me.

I wonder why nobody takes them seriously.

Speaking of this Biscotti place, there's a giant table full of people who seem to have actual character saying "uh these lion folks are about to rape our shit we should do something about that."

Also there is a dog wearing glasses.

A DOG WEARING GLASSES.

Why is this dog wearing glasses.

Okay. And it seems two of their Knights are named Brioche and Yukikaze.

And there's the burning sensation in my stomach. Oh yeah. Feeling that ulcer coming on. Oh god. Continue.

Basically, they're talking about if they lose this next battle they will totally lose everything. So the Dog Princess stands up and is like "welp time to use my Trump Card" which makes everyone go "uh what". Her plan: Summon a hero to their country.

Because, well... I guess it's not the worst thing. I mean hell, I've used that as a literary device I don't know how many times. It's kind of a trope in certain types of fiction. Though, it still seems kind of silly to entrust your entire defense strategy in the hands of some random stranger...

Thunder and Lightning and oh hello Japan. How are you on this fine summer da- oh my god the main characte'rs name is Sink.

HIS NAME. IS SINK.

WHO NAMES THEIR CHILD SINK.

HOLD ON A F***ING MINUTE HERE. NO. PAUSE THAT SHIT. PAUSE. NO. WE ARE SORTING THIS OUT.

The blonde-haired protagonist living in Japan. His name is SINK. As in his parents decided Toaster was just too demeaning. And I guess someone couldn't spell Fridge properly so they went "to hell with it Sink". But he has a brown-haired friend with pigtails whose name is Becky.

WHAT THE HELL JAPAN. DID YOU DECIDE JAPANESE NAMES IN YOUR JAPANESE SHOW BASED IN F***ING JAPAN JUST WAS TOO JAPANESE FOR YOU??

This is unheard of. Absolutely unheard of, and already I get this feeling that the people in charge simply did not give enough f***s to give anyone a proper name.

... you may continue now, show.

So blah blah Becky is all "hey wake up or I'll leave you behind" and dude is crazy with the lifting of weights or some shit as evidenced by the SIX BARBELLS laying around in his freaking bedroom, and then he gets his shit and leaps off like forty feet to the ground because he is insane.

Oh by the way tomorrow is the start of spring break and oh god this is already turning out like every doujin I've ever read.

Oh god this just got a lot more uncomfortable.

Here they give us a little backstory. See, Sink? He's not from around here. He's from Cornwall England.

... what the hell is it with this creative team and having people from England in their shows? Never mind that. Moving along. He's thinking about heading back there. By himself presumably since his folks will be on a trip. How will that work exactly? How the hell old are you supposed to be anyways because I am pretty sure there are some stern rules against this kind of thing happening.

Also he is some kind of Athletics guy. They don't bother to say what kind of athlete he is. He's just all "there's a competition coming up I really want to go to" and it is incredibly unclear as to what kind of competition this is even supposed to be.

I am incredibly unclear as to what this is even for.

They call it the "Iron Athletes Competition" which, again, doesn't really tell you anything about the damn thing. Just that it involves athletics and is a competition. Oh and he only took second place last year so he's totally going for gold this time.

So they finally get to their International school, and things make at least a little more sense. Of course as soon as that comes up, Sink asks a weird question: Are Becky and her parents free the last three days of break? Because his parents will be back then and he wants to invite them all over to his villa.

... what in the hell am I watching?

He then follows up with the super-smooth "well you can come alone if you like" and I'm like "dude, you just announced your parents will be gone for most of the break and oh forget it." They talk about how he loves to train and yes we get it he likes to train okay we get it can we just move along now with the plot.

Oh and suddenly there is a dog with a knife on campus. Wait what?

Uh...?

Of course there's some kind of ceremony where they talk about how everyone is all from different countries and blah blah blah Sink has no time for this shit he's gotta be at the airport suddenly. So why even bother going to school? He doesn't really seem to be in a hurry though, as he takes the time to stand around and reminisce about how awesome Japan is. Then climbs out on the fifth floor of the school and leaps after talking about how small and boring the town is.

I'm sorry what?

I had to rewind that a good six times to make sure I didn't miss something. I didn't. He just casually says that shit as though it means nothing. He is just wishing there was a dead body around.

... what the f**k.

Anyways he leaps and the dog is all "oh hey jumping person" and decides to stab teh ground and MAGIC ALL OVER OH GOD HOW DOES NO ONE ELSE SEE THIS. Oh and he gets swallowed up by a portal and the dog goes with.

Now he is in fantasy land with the sick birds and a princess who has a tail as she goes to welcome this new arrival to her land. He lands within some kind of flower bud, and she gasps realizing he doesn't seem to have any kind of ears or something.

Understandably, he's a little confused, but she decides to explain things pretty quick. He's a hero, and uh, he is now in a place called Biscotti. And at this point, I get fed up and go to confirm whether or not Sink is his actual name. Turns out, it is, but the translators for this are somehow complete f**k-ups, as the official spelling of his name is Cinque. Yet his last name is still Izumi for some reason. So I guess his dad is Japanese or something, yet he was born in England.

*sigh*

Cinque is still a really stupid name. Just really. Really stupid. Nobody names their kid that. Nobody. Because it is a number. It's not even remotely English. Get your shit together people.

So introductions are made and the pet dog runs up and he still doesn't seem to understand what's up. So she reminds him once more that he is the hero and only he can save them.

Though before she can properly explain that they're all about to be murdered by lion people fireworks go off and she gets freaked out. Because now she has like thirty seconds to explain what she was supposed to say from the start.

Truly, these are some fearsome warriors to behold.

It's no wonder everyone keeps kicking the dogs around because frankly NOBODY understands how you are actually supposed to fight against people climbing ladders over a wall. (Protip: You don't do it by chucking giant smoke bombs at their heads.)

Then they get the gates open and people start rushing in and oh look its' the hero and the dorky OH GOOD CHRIST WHAT IS THAT THING.

THIS IS A TERRIFYING CREATURE.

If I saw that in real life, I would straight up shit my pants. Not even joking. LOOK AT ITS EYES. Holy crap that thing is terrifying. WHY NOT JUST THROW A DOZEN OF THOSE AT THE ENEMIES AND WATCH THEM CRAP THEMSELVES?!

They call these things "Cerkles". Or Circles. I'm not sure how well I can trust these translations. Also time for epic music on a sick guitar while they run on a bird. Also there's a scary lion lady out there who is trying to kill everyone. So ignore that you are just a "normal middle-schooler" dude, this princess believes in your power.

After all it's not like her dog would just pick some random kid it wandered across for a ritual right?

... yeah I couldn't say that with a straight face.

... oh god no.

Did we mention this was televised for your entertainment?

They literally have broadcasters from the Lion country livecasting this battle. That is pretty twisted. Why would you even do that? Well, turns out there's a very good reason.

This entire 'battle' is just one big, long obstacle course.

I think I'm going to go cry in a corner now. We're not quite finished yet though, so I can't. I have to continue.

Suddenly everything makes sense. They're not actually fighting. Despite carrying axes and swords, they're not actively trying to hurt anyone. Theyre just trying to obstacle course each other to death. Which means that, while you carry actual swords around, you're probably not going to be trying to hurt the other person with them. Not when they're shooting cannons that essentially are those generic balls you used during Dodgeball back in middle school. Not the soft foam ones, I mean the rubber ones. Those shits hurt.

Oh but then actual fighting occurs. See, when you stab someone, they turn into a tiny, chibified animal.

This is what happens when you 'die'.

Now they take a turn for the Dynasty Warriors as two people pretty much hold back the entire army, but one almost gets through and oh no, that was close.

.... what in the hell am I watching?

Why do you get points for showing up LAST?!

Elsewhere, Cinque asks an incredibly important question about this 'war'. Because it just doesn't add up.

... probably not dude.

Heaven forbid anybody should get hurt in a war. See, it's the organizer's duty to make sure of this. No one gets hurt or dies because that's against the rules of war. In fact, this whole thing is how people negotiate.

Girl, you just melted my brain.

She takes his hand and explains that everyone is feeling down because they suck. Oh and if the enemies reach the palace then everyone will become SUPER SAD. So he decides that hey, this is kind of like how fantasy worlds work in Becky's silly books so he should just go for it and be the hero right?

Having decided this, he's going to go forth and save the day. So it's off to the palace to get the gear they've selected for him. Also magic makes it so the bird can fly or something now? Why not just do that from teh start? Meh whatever.

Cinque thinks this is pretty awesome, and he's going to have as much fun as he can before this ends, and now everyone freaks out because a Hero has been summoned. Also, they just so happen to have Armor and clothes all in his size. Despite not knowing who would even show up.

Oh god this show hurts on different levels. Why, the battle pauses just so the princess can give her speech about how their hero is totally sweet and is going to change everything.

Remember that dude in the intro? Yeah that's Cinque.

To be brutally honest, dude has some serious flair.

... his entrance is actually pretty cool. I can't argue that. The animation is really nice too. Super dramatic, and he's all "I'm the hero! Bring it!" Oh and they decide to finally give us the title slide and oh look it's time for the ending credits already.

Do you want to see daggers falling through the sky? Opening magic portals and shit? Do you enjoy seeing landscape panoramas slowly slide across? Then this outro is for you! We've got it all. We've got cut chibi critters bouncing along at the bottom, and still portraits of folks sliding across the screen, and a chipper Japanese vocal track. It's so bright and cheery and... and... and I'm having a hard time hating it.

It's dull, and boring, but... it's hard to hate.

Though at the very end we get a little omake sequence where the characters spend ten seconds discussing the next episode or something.

I think they expect us to laugh.

... oh man this is going to be a long thirteen episodes isn't it.