Dog Days Episode 02 - First Battle!

I love the Nanoha series. Nanoha and Nanoha A's are among my most favorite magical girl shows, and StrikerS was... well, it was a thing. It happened. It also killed the series but it showed me that the writers just bit off more than they could possibly chew. Short series seem to work best for these guys.

But then, there was Dog Days. Seriously. Dog Days. I don't even understand what they were thinking when they made this project. Where do we even begin with this show?

Well, I guess I may as well pick up the second episode and see where it goes from here. How Grimbright can this show get?

... is that even the right term for this show? Man my head hurts already.

They begin with a recap of everything from the first episode. 20 seconds of "this is what you missed last time", all spoken by the princess who immediately breaks the fourth wall asking if she did that okay.

Well... it's not the worst thing in the world I suppose, but it just continues to set itself up as being an incredibly confusing tone-setter. Because WAR FOUGHT WITH ACROBATICS. PEOPLE FIGHTING WITH SWORDS BUT NO ONE CAN GET HURT OR ELSE.

And what the hell kind of name is Sync anyways.

The more I try to wrap my brain around this, the more it is likely to make my head hurt. So let's just power through the OP and get to the actual show already?

So basically, Sync has now arrived at the battlefield and everyone is all "oh shit son". He waves at the princess who is all "ohai" and then he runs off to go shake hands with someone. Which is great for him because someone else brings up an incredibly good point.

Oh I'm sure it will be fine.

Yeah, he's basically memorized all of their 'rules of war' in all of thirty seconds.

... forgive me I'm just going to scream into a pillow for a moment. Ignore any strange sounds you might hear.

Right. So he's memorized all the rules of war so there's no chance he will mess up. He knows everything there is to know about everything so what did he think about the Princess? That she was cute and amazing and I am sure this will have zero bearing on everything that happens next.

... which means now we get to have a flash back where some cute girls are dressing him and the Princess tells him all about the rules of war.

... WHAT THE F**K IS WITH THE PACING IN THIS SHOW JESUS. JUST. ARE YOU REALLY?! YOU START WITH THE "OH ITS TIME TO KICK SOME ASS" AND THEN PULL BACK JUST BEFORE THEY DO THAT TO GIVE US SOME BORING SHIT THAT ONLY SERVES TO PLUG YOUR OH SO CLEVER F***ING WORLD OF PEACE AND FLOWERS AND PUPPIES?!

God I'm not even five minutes in and already I feel like flipping a bingo hall's worth of tables.

THE RULES AREN'T EVEN VERY CLEAR.

Rule one? "If enemies are attacking you, beat the shit out of them."

I'm sure you can do that just standing there talking about
how freaking awesome he looks.

This show. Oh good god. This. Show. Basically all he has to do is hit people with his magic stick. That'll knock 'em out.

They are rather cute and adorable, I'll admit.

But then there are more rules after that too which really don't make a whole lot of sense.

.... what?

So we get to see him running around tapping people on the back of the head, but these "touch outs" gain you bonus points or something. Wait there's a score involved?!

This is the stupidest idea for a war ever. THE STUPIDEST. I thought this was capture the flag, not team deathmatch!

Ah, but now we have to go back to the real world now, because important things that are totally relevant to the plot will now be happening. All those kids are leaving the school and Rebecca is asked if she will totally be spending spring break with our hero.

I fail to see how this statement is relevant to the question.

Oh noes, she lurrves him. Too bad he's off in another world or something. Oh, I see, this whole scene exists solely so everyone can gush about how great Sync is.

I get the distinct impression Sync may be a Mary Sue. Just saying.

Back to the other world, there's more talk about the world while Synch turns people into giant cat balls and leaps around looking awesome because this show is totally all about him. Guess the enemies better start talking about how awesome this dude looks, so it's time for their lady general to try and take him on. While that green haired kid does a magic thing and turns an entire batallion into catballs. Except one guy! Oh noes whatever will-

Oh of course.

... I will admit that I love the image of him flying in and landing on the attacker with a sickening crunch. Just, absolutely sickening. He hits the guy with so much force he might as well have just exploded his chest. It is simply glorious, and I'm sure zero penalties will be assessed as a result.

I'm sure that dude will be just fine.

He's even so humble when introducing himself.

The humblest.

Yeah and her name is Eclair whatever time to go do some more stuff! Liek tell him about the 'crest attack' thing you just did because that's awesome. Cue the flashback where Sync gets a ring which gives him his magical whopping-stick, and tells him about the whole "magic crest" thing. It boils down to "magical bullshit".

"There are a lot of things you can do with this ki power, but what you would use it for the most is definitely the crest attack."

So instead of using it to, I dunno, try and make the world a better place, you should totally abuse the hell out of this magic to beat the living hell out of anyone who stands in front of you.

Oh look, an entire army is advancing upon Sync and Eclair. How convenient! So Eclair tells him to uh... do everything the princess told him? He decides to start with "Level one".

... not even joking he straight up activates his magic by saying "Crest Activate, Level One!"

The rage of a million facepalms.... as they go straight from there to Level 2 and then 3 because f**k this waiting bullshit. Just shout out things and make it sound awesome. Even though you weren't doing any of these things earlier.

Oh and then release the energy from your weapon so they do that together and the battlefield explodes. So much for the enemy army I guess. But better not use it against dudes with helmets and armor because they're pretty immune to it?

...JR *@ +_YV(IHGV$+9h398guh[

Also you get tired after using it blah blah oh look now Eclair is using her tiny-ass daggers to stop someone else from blasting the hero to hell.

Don't take this out of context.

Then scary lady on a scary bird shows up. Y'know the enemy princess with a bow or something? And she's all like "hey you can't call me princess, that's bullshit. Call me your highness."

Commercial break as my brain begins to leak out of my ears.

The announcers are all "princess is on the field with her awesome bird" and then she walks off saying something about making the first move? Then the hero tries to get up and grabs a boob and oh great now we're making those jokes here too. WHO IS THIS SHOW FOR EXACTLY!?

He says he's sorry, and then keeps squeezing. Somehow he missed the part where she was actually a girl or something and he gets slapped into the sky all comedic like. Oh Japan.

Time for the princess to do a thing on her bird while the peons try to stop her with arrows which does no good because she is a princess. More obstacle course nonsense as the hero and Eclair rush to catch up with the princess, who abandons her bird like a Yoshi to blast her pursuers into the ground. Then Eclair's armor comes off and OH FOR GOD'S SAKE ARE YOU REALLY DOING THIS?!

REALLY?!

Good god they actually are doing this.

He gets another face-full of boobs and they both wake up and she's all "seriously dude what the hell are you even doing". They argue and the mean lady is all "rar magic" and usese her crest attack to rain meteors from the sky. So now they run because METEORS ARE RAINING DOWN. But then she turns into a nuke to it's kind of a moot point as everything just explodes.

So now she calls up to her announcers to confirm if the people she was actually targeting are dead. After kicking a puppy ball.

... good god she actually kicks puppies. That's the kind of evil they are going for here. A legit puppy-kicker.

Then down from the sky come Eclair and the hero who, I gues through some kind of bullshit managed to fly off into the sky or something? And she's all "hey let's work together to bring this chick down and share the credit for it" and punts him towards the princess.

Now on the ground they get into a fight with her and begin whittling away her defenses, breaking her armor and oh good god.

They even punctuate this with a woman going "ooh" sexily.

So rather than suffer having to look beautiful in front of everyone, she decides to surrender. CONGLATURATION YOU ARE WIN. Points are tallied or something and I guess the enemy princess lauds her opponent for managing to best her before walking off, and he's all "well it was nice fighting you" and she motions with her tail for the microphone to be handed off to Eclair, whose clothes promptly explode.

... oh but not before she tells her camera guys to focus on her really closely before the handoff.

... WHO IS THIS SHOW FOR EXACTLY?!

Oh all of this is also Synch's fault because he totally hit her with his staff when they team-attacked her at the end, so...

... oh forget it. Just. Just forget it. Everyone thinks this is hilarious, and the enemy princess promises to kick some ass next time they come to invade, and everyone is happy. The war isn't over yet, but this battle was awesome to watch so please do your best next time. Then Eclair chases Sync around with a knife trying to cut him like a bitch on top of a spinning gear.

So what are they fighting this war over? The right to hold some kind of celebration. If the cats had won they totally would have held a wine festival.

... What?

No just. What? So because they won the fight they're going to hold a concert instead?

... I don't. What does. Huh?

Then that other dude from earlier shows up to give Eclair clothes as she yells that their princess is a world famous singer, and we learn that she usually goes around the world with her orchestra when dealing with other countries, but since they've been doing this war thing they haven't heard her sing in awhile.

Oh and we also get to watch Eclair dress which is super exciting. Welp, time to enjoy a performance from the princess right? Ah but not before Sync lets the folks back home know what's up. He can do that, right?

.... are you...

Even the Princess seems oblivious to the fact that dude has been ripped from his homeworld. Hell big general guy is all "yeah uh, sorry dude but your'e stuck here." Then the Princess learns about this, and goes "oh uh, shit". That's kind of the whole reason why people don't Summon heroes? Screaming and the episode ends.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do some screaming of my own. Because WHO IN THE HELL THOUGHT THIS SHOW WAS A GOOD IDEA?! WHO?!

The tone is all over the f***ing place! What audience was this intended for?! It's got a children's plot with a Mary Sue that enjoys all the pervy jokes intended for the teen audience and uses the design aesthetics of a Moe anime.

WHO WAS THIS SHOW MADE FOR?!?!