Kenzen Robo Daimidaler Episode 04 -

Y'know, I've been thinking.

A dangerous thing, I know, but bear with me here.

I've been thinking that, perhaps, picking up this show was a horrible idea.

Shocking, I know.

Yet, it is my solemn duty to attempt to make it through the rest of this show.

Even though four episodes in it is so god-awful bad I wish I'd never even heard of it.

Also, another friend of mine has suggested that shows from the Phillippines are so bad they would make shit like Maris the Choujo look like an Oscar-nominee.

I have called said friend's bluff. Said friend is now attempting to find me a show that is best described as "Orphan Boy Talks to Jesus."

Let it be recorded here that I am truly some kind of idiot, and I have likely just opened Pandora's Box.

... suddenly Daimidaler seems like a slightly less horrible choice for today.

We open today's episode by looking out at the sea, and having the two main characters talk about how they were glad they were able to beat "him".

... uh, was their last opponent not clearly a woman...? Did... did I miss something? Oh, we're going into the intro now? Okay then. I'm sure you'll probably explain this later.

Probably.

We re-open today's episode by.... staring at some underwater boobs.

*sighs* I should have expected nipples in the first thirty seconds. Honestly should have. But I didn't. So they caught me off guard. Fine.

Turns out, that chick from last episode is having her energy sucks away or something because she has those thingies that the heroes use. It's all very scientific.

INCREDIBLY SCIENTIFIC.

I'm not even going to go into how some of the previous trials ended. Except perhaps one really.

His 'front tail' became an actual tail. And that's bad.

But yeah I'm sure number six will work since Rtiz is all naked and getting all sex-crazed in her tube. Which explodes. But Henry succeeds or something.

He basically turned into Hakumen.

He decides to change his name from Henry, to.... Commando Six.

And I think today's episode is called "Challenge from Six". A quick Google confirms this is, in fact, the case.

Also, back at the main hero salon, a boy is harassing a girl and saying that he totally wants to do this thing to her that he's seen in a porn mag. They even show said thing in the porn mag because anything worth doing horribly is worth going all the way to be horrible about.

You just know she's gonna break down and do it later.

So girl goes to bitch at the lady professors who are all "eh just do it and give us the data on it" and continue bowling. Cue people falling just so we can have their crotches in our faces.

Oh but then a thing happens. And Daimidaler has to respond. Oh noooo. Drama.

This is your genius plan. Hoo boy.

So they accidentally chip a building, and the real Daimidaler shows up while people in helicopters tells us that people have been evacuated. Then the mirror match begins, and one robot is clearly better than the other but which is which? Oh well the one that sprouts new arms is clearly the fake.

Oh but then it's armor breaks away and reveals the real robot which is... larger... than the fake? How the f**k?

How. But that doesn't even. Why would. Who...
I have questions.

Also, the hero things the enemy proclaims himself to be Commando Sex.

...

......

Ladies and gentlemen.

I present to you, Naruto's Filler Hell quality writing. That is Daimidaler.

We can only go downhill from here.

Yep. That's it. My brain is now checking out.

So now they start fighting again, and then the seats in Daimidaler do a thing and bro takes Kyoko's boobs and... and... and...

Oh my god this is so ridiculously dumb I cannot even function anymore. He finger punches and bro "tail punches" which means he shoots a cable out of his penis cannon.

He shoots a cable. Out of his penis cannon.

And it has a fist on the end.

It has. A fist. On the end.

Oh no, the enemy is using Hi-Ero particles. Oh no, the Daimidaler is being wrecked. Oh no the penguin is going nuts and destroying shit and the Penguin army is freaking out. Then a satellite dish comes out of his penis cannon, and a giant energy beam y'know what just f**k it.

Also, the penguin starts turning into a human mid-fight, and then his laser prepares to go off so Daimidaler also fires a laser and lady gets fondled to hell and everything explodes the end. The enemy robot vanishes, and the heroes are like "what the hell was that". And the Penguin Emperor is all "we can't leave our bro as a human better go find his sorry ass, also let that girl sleep while she humps a giant penguin doll in her sleep."

So Henry or whatever the f**k his name is now seems to have escaped his mech or something, and our hero delivers the best line ever.

This is the best line for all the wrong reasons.

Oh no, Daimidaler's arm got messed up. Oh no, that girl is visiting her dad now. She tells him what's going on in his sleep or something. It's very touching or something I'm sure. I dunno. Then she looks over the sea I guess outside of the hospital where people stand around except some kid that loses her baloon. UNTIL SOME DUDE SHOWS UP.

LOOK AT ME I AM SO COOOOOL.

Baloon is returned to tiny girl with black hair, and bro looks over and is all "sup, I'm a dude, and you have giant boobs." And asks if they've met somewhere or something.

Are we doing the Amnesia thing? We're doing the Amnesia thing.

But then FLASHBACKS. IT IS PAINFUL. WHO IS HE??? PORNOGRAPHIC COMMERCIAL BREAK SLIDE.

And now the Penguin Lord is all "yeah so where's our dude" and his guys are like "hell if we know maybe he has amnesia or something."

So now those two are on a bridge and he feels better but still has NO IDEA WHO HE IS. But she's a nice girl. With big boobs. But seriously did he meet her somewhere? Dunno but man he feels funny standing next to her. What's she do for a living? That's a perfectly normal thing to ask someone who is probably still in high school.

More accurately you work under a beauty salon.

Then she starts bitching about her 'coworker' and how even with all his shit she's willing to put up with anything. Like continuing to be in this show. Also family is super important to her. So she quotes a thing that was probably said by her dad or whatever, which is long and boring and pointless except to further hammer in the point that SHE REALLY LIKES HER DAD OKAY WE GET IT.

And it's probably because he said shit like that which is why
you no longer have a mother. Just saying.

More still images of people walking around outside or something, and we realize that not a single shit was given to the animations this episode.

"Just slowly pan over this image of a hundred birds. Nobody
will care. It's only Daimidaler."

His takeaway is that family is super important, and then some balloons float off. And he talks about birds flying and... I have no idea what the hell he's talking about at this point. I think he's hitting on her or something? She keeps blushing and honestly I have no clue why. He's not even being charming. He is quite literally some dude you just met who clearly has no idea who he is.

Amazing how far this show has come in only 13 minutes isn't it?

Oh and suddenly he wants to make a nest with her or something. OH HEY HE MUST BE A PENGUIN OR SOMETHING. Welp, so much for that Amnesia thing. He knows who he is now! That... really took a fast turn.

So now they walk along the beach or something and he goes "I HAVE MY MISSION BUT SHE IS REALLY KINDA HOT OR SOMETHING. MAYBE I COULD PUSH HER INTO THE SEA AND PROTECT MY FAMILY." He gets up behind her and prepares to choke her, and suddenly vanishes when a bell rings. FOR REASONS I AM SURE.

So Sonan goes back to the salon, makes herself some coffee and goes "That dude was kinda hot."

Also now those science gals bullshit some footage with the pilot of that other machine escaping and are like "oh hey look at that that's not a penguin."

Looks an awful lot like a person.

OH HEY THERE SINAN TAKE A LOOK AT THIS DUDE WE FOUND WHO TRIED TO KILL YOU EARLIER. BEST KEEP AN EYE OUT. Then she runs off and now we're... uh, somewhere. I have no idea where this is, but Kyoko is having a shower because reasons. Also he shows up at her place with A LASER GUN OR SOMETHING. More naked boobies and she showers and he looks to see her dad's photo.

Then the shower ends and she comes out and oh hey her window is open and there is a note on her corkboard.

He had no feathers but found one anyway.

So she reads the note, which reads words I'm guessing since she just stares at it and transitions to a scene where she meets him and they say words. He's a penguin, she's a pilot. They hate each other. And love each other. They have to beat each other for reasons.

This is the lamest poetic bullshit ever. Seriously.

Then a giant robot shows up with another giant robot and they start fighting.

Phil Ken Sebben would have a field day with this one.

At this point, even the show itself has looked inwards and said "yknow what, f**k it. This wasn't going anywhere and we really don't care so we'll just end things without actually explaining anything. Robots show up, start shooting each other and stuff explodes the end."

They start muting the audio from the fight while Sinan says shit that is basically her repeating that sappy bullshit from her dad from like three minutes ago like IT REALLY OUGHT TO MEAN SOMETHING TO US. Also flashbacks to them standing by teh water and laughing for the FIVE MINUTES THEY KNEW ONE ANOTHER. Then Daimidaler beats the hell out of the robot with a giant anchor, and they beat one another into submission more or less. Lasers hit one another and the Penguins are all "oh hey we found a dude" and bro is all "I SUCK AS A PENGUIN AND AM TAKING RESPONSIBILITY OR SOMETHING".

Oh but Sinan cries and tells her pilot bro to hit the chest or whatever and the robot explodes and dude is happy and all "I wanted to be with you" and explodes. Sinan cries and repeats more of that sappy shit from earlier, and then blames the dude for doing what she said.

Now we are back to the beginning of the episode, where they're at the beach or whatever and.... okay they are literally just replaying the intro to the show.

Adding on that she has amazing boobs and that's just awesome and who cares if I killed a dude you liked I get to fondle your tits anytime I want.

Like right this very instant.

Then she smiles and laughs and tells her sleeping dad about all that shit and leaves the hospital. A narrator tells us... oh for f**k's sake.

Even the narrator is a douche. Good god.

It's very unapologetic.

*groans*

TRY TO GET YOUR BOOBS TOUCHED HARDER GIRL I MEAN GOD. THAT IS THE MORAL OF THIS STORY THE END.

I hate this show. And I hate anybody who ever thought it was a good idea.

I hate you all.