Kenzen Robo Daimidaler Episode 05 - Mad Dance! The Fearsome Penguin Flyers!

Y'know, I got myself all excited for no reason, thinking I had finally run out of episodes of this show to watch? And then I realized, 'nope, you actually have the next episodes sitting right in front of you.'

*sigh* Goddamnit Internet.

Why do I watch this shit?

They start with the recap of last episode because they're pretty sure we already forgot what happened, and remind us that now the 'evil empire' whose goals are still as nebulous as ever are using a little girl's body to do... evil... empire... things.

Oh yeah and then they drop some plot stuff on us out of pretty much nowhere.

I'm not sure what's more appalling. That your leader doesn't
know this shit, or that you 'accidentally' left a GIANT ROBOT
IN A TOWN SOMEWHERE AND DIDN'T GIVE IT A THOUGHT.

The Emperor gets kind of mad about just hearing this now, and decides that this makes perfect sense how humans just SUDDENLY HAD A GIANT ROBOT THAT WAS KIND OF SIMILAR TO THEIRS OR SOMETHING.

He still thinks it's pretty weird though that the original machines totally can't compare to that thing because I guess it's impossible to improve them or whatever?

... took you five episodes to do the obvious thing. My god.

Oh yeah and the guys that lost it don't get to eat until that report comes in because they suck. ROLL OPENING CREDITS.

I have to wonder why they subtitle this show as "the sound robot". Because it has nothing to do with sound at all. Then again, considering this show's obsession with naked girls, I really shouldn't be surprised considering they're using horniness as their primary macguffin.

We return to the show in progress where those three science chicks are.... doing science things to the robot? Yeah I'm really not sure.

It is unfortunate that my tolerance for your bullshit isn't.

I guess they're upset because the robot is taking a real pounding (durr hurr) and they can't keep up wit all the repairs. Which leads into the segue about someone getting held back a year from always skipping school to save the world.

Yeah, doesn't take much to see where this is going. If you guessed "hero tries to pin down and grope the female co-star" then congratulations! You've won a prize!

If by 'conversation' you mean "I'm gonna grab you!" "Yeah no."

Oh by the way they are making A NEW AND IMPROVED VERSION which will be done sometime soon.

For one thing, it has TWO functional arms!

Blah blah it's a super awesome mega special machine and now w'ere at school where we find out that someone really never goes to school due to "circumstances".

Y'know. Piloting a giant robot and stuff.

Yes. It's really an unbelievable as you say it is. It really is.

But then dude tries to explain his side by groping the girl and being all "yeah I mean shit is crazy and I don't even really get it but it's all true I promise". So he decides to prove it to her.

What, did you somehow think this WASN'T going to end in
hilarious sexual assault? Oh wait THAT ISN'T HILARIOUS
AT ALL.

Then he motorboats the teacher and gets all glowy and shit and everyone is all "WHAT THE HELL IS ALL OF THIS SHIT."

Oh no. What a shame.

So instead of getting expelled, like a student normally should, or arrested, like A HUMAN BEING OUGHT TO, he once again gets off scot-free for being a molester, and only has to take a make-up test. Oh and pay for the teacher's clothes or something?

Oh and he doesn't give a shit about the exam and would rather be training for battle since that's more important. So he's cool with expulsion. They get back down to the base, people see them shouting at one another, and now the science girls are taking another bath together because they wanted a reason to draw naked girls.

Now we look at another Penguin robot and they're all "this has a secret thing" and the girl is like "wow what is it?" and the Emperor is all "can't tell you it's secret."

But then he says this and throws all consistency out the window.

She has to KEEP IT A SECRET though, and then we're back to hero and boobs on a stick talking about how fighting is important and whatever or something. He's a hero, and therefore has his reasons.

Pretty sure he's actually saying "I get to sexually assault women
and everybody loves that so that's why I fight."

Of course they try to frame it as him saying that in a romantic kind of way before he's just all "yeah you let me do all kinds of shit to you" and an alarm goes off. What a twist. Shamalayan would be proud etc etc.

But of course since those science girls were showering they show up in bath towels and start pushing buttons and stuff. Time to send the robot out while the hero gets a boner from his operators being almost naked.

Now a robot is there, and so is Ritz. What is her evil plan today?

... inviting people to join their evil empire I guess.

This is... bad or something for some reason?

I think something important just died. Like my liver.

Time to send out the robot for reasons. But of course the girl is all mixed up because she thinks the hero likes her for her empty personality or whatever, and we get some unnecessarily long filler material as the robot arrives at the surface finally. Commercial break with naked girls!

Now is the time for the showdown where the hero will totally be winning. He gets right to work groping his copilot, and she likes it but doesn't like it, and he just straight up goes for the major attacks today and blows up a few buildings before beating the hell out of the enemy robot. Boy he is getting good at this or something.

Of course now Ritz gets to do a thing which involves rockets out of her butt and the robot changing form.

Yeah, you're right. It's really NOT that different.

Then she starts to charge her penis cannon, and everyone is all "oh crap this is bad or something and we know why" and continue explaining things we've already heard six times over. How about some new information? Nope, not gonna do that, she just goes right ahead and tosses Daimidaler to the ground as she monologues about pointless shit about how it harnesses chakra energy or something.

Ha ha how clever a masturbation joke.

But Daimidaler escapes by blowing a hole in the building, and Ritz avoids an attack with a big bubble barrier because haxxorz. She is totally going to win this time! Oh but crap some penguin got hurt in the fight and... oh christ.

I now have a whole new level of hatred for this show.

How terrible. His front tail "won't stand tall for awhile" because of the accident.

....

........

..........

... yeah. Just. I'm just gonna ignore that. Just. Just gonna move on. I'm nearing my tolerance for this shit.

Then Ritz stars crying which makes her super angry, and so she charges forward going SSJ5 or whatever.

Oh no, look at these incredibly shitty graphics that make no sense at all!

I bet someone worked a whole five minutes on these.

Then Daimidaler loses the useless arm, and they get told to retreat because they've analyzed the enemy robot and they cannot possibly win so they should run. But then they get beaten into the ground as Ritz laughs and stuff, and dudebro is all "nope can't leave" and then they get drilled in the chest to death as the penguins are like "uh, actually I'm not really all that okay with this."

Then the robot's... chest... starts blinking? And that's..... bad? But we cut away before anything can be explained,  and Daimidaler is bleeding... uh, robot blood or something.

Like, an entire lake's worth of the stuff.

They get hit by the penis cannon, and the penguins are ordered to get Ritz out of there before she gets absorbed by the particle generator or something. Or the robot explodes. One or the other, they're not too sure themselves, so they get all ninja on her ass, knock her out, and oh boy the robot is now moving on its own even without a pilot because feelings.

Penguins should evacuate before it blows up!

The heroes are told to abandon the machine, but their escape mechanism isn't working. Oh no! Enemy robot is melting down and will destroy everything. And they are trapped in the machine, so what do? Bro makes the machine move by sheer willpower, and rips its own chest open so as to extract Kyouko, ignoring the fact that at this point he could just.... jump out too? But then the hand glows or something, and I'm kind of unclear as to what it is he is supposed to be accomplishing here.

So he's all "I really loved your tits" and the badguy robot hits Daimidaler in the face and everything explodes.

... that means everyone is dead right? Show's over? Because I don't see anyone surviving that.

Yet of course this is one of THOSE shows so of course there is someone that miraculously survives for REASONS.

Yawn.

Tits on a stick is unconscious but alive and thinks bro was just saying that he loved her or something, the end.

... yeah, I don't have anything left to say. That's the end of the episode, and frankly I am not going to spend another second thinking about it because I'm just done at this point.

I f***ing hate this show.