Sailor Moon S Episode 31 - Invasion from an Alternate Dimension! The Mystery of Mugen Academy

I'm hoping that, god willing, I can get all caught up this week, being that I'm a day behind.

That means no more illnesses, no more weird audio issues, and no more 14-hour-long naps.

Seriously, those naps are something else.

So now it's time for more Sailor Moon. I'm seriously looking forward to this, especially after last week!

You've got  a chance, Sailor Moon S. F***ing wow me already.

Today's episode preview is basically 'oh no Hotaru is gone and stuff oh no she's gonna destroy the world oh no we can't let her get killed'. So... yeah. Y'know. Some pretty good potential for amazing. LET'S DO THIS. FIGHT THAT EVIL BY MOONLIGHT AND MAKE LOVE BY DAYLIGHT AND ALL THAT.

Wait did I just screw that up? OH WELL SCREW IT THIS IS HOW WE ARE ROLLING TODAY.

We begin with a pink-haired brat running through the the rain while transitioning to Team Debbie-Downers going "THAT GIRL IS EVIL" and "WE MUST KILL THAT GIRL" and "SILENCE IS BAAAD."

Insert Rick James joke here.

So Chibiusa goes running around, and finds the entire house is mysteriously empty. What's up with that! Oh but then someone shows up to... comfort her?

Great pep-talk Pluto. You are literally the worst now.

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT PLU. YEAH. TINY GIRL SAYS HER FRIEND WOULDN'T LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING SO YOU ARE THE WORST AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT AND NO DON'T HUG HER OKAY FINE HUG HER BUT SHE STILL HATES YOU FOR BEING A BIG MEANIE ANYWAYS. ALSO IT IS STILL RAINING OUTSIDE AND EVERYTHING IS MISERABLE THE END.

Across town, some other girls a dude and some cats chat about how the house was empty and stuff.

Remember a time when the Internet was used for research?
Yeah me either.

He goes to pull up information of the literal mad scientist, finds out dude is a genetic researcher, and that he goes to the school those three older gals all attend. WHAT A COINKIDINK!

... she says turning to Ami who is CLEARLY NOT A GENIUS.

Oh yeah and not only is this the best and brightest and greatest school ever it's also OWNED BY THE F***ING DUDE WHO IS AN EVIL MAD SCIENTIST.

Now, why is this such a big deal? It explains a lot, after all. Well, here's one thing:

HOW THE F**K DOES AMI NOT KNOW THIS SHIT? THIS SOUNDS LIKE EXACTLY THE KIND OF SCHOOL SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN CHOMPING AT THE BIT TO ATTEND, WHAT WITH HER NUMBER ONE IN JAPAN HIGH SCHOOL STATUS.

But fine. Whatever. Genius Ami decides maybe they ought to go check this place out! But then Chibiusa shows up with Setsuna, and Usagi is like "whoa kid you are soaked what the heck."

Seeing her looking so miserable warms my twisted little heart.

She doesn't want to say anything, and somehow winds up looking even more adorably miserable, before Mamoru has to silence Usagi because she's being a chatty Cathy and someone clearly does not want any of this shit right now. He's all "oh hey Setsuna, you're just standing around but uh thanks for walking her back and all that I guess you can just LEAVE now."

Damn, and just as she was about to walk away without revealing
any more about the unfolding plot. So close!

So she decides to stick around and talk about the school that was built three years ago and all the strange shit that happened there, and why those other two girls enrolled in it to investigate it firsthand, on suspicion of it having something to do with the Death Busters.

Now this is interesting, because three years means they technically pre-date the other scouts, excepting perhaps Venus. So, once again: Where the hell were they during that whole thing with Queen Beryl and Metalia? Where were they when f***ing aliens dropped out of the sky?! I'm willing to give them a pass on the whole Dark Moon Clan bullshit because let's be honest here, half of that happened in the future, though really Setsuna doesn't have much of an excuse when you consider SHE WAS THE F***ING GUARDIAN OF TIME AND KNEW ALL ABOUT THAT SHIT THE ENTIRE TIME.

This leaves me to arrive at a single conclusion:

Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto? THEY ARE DICKS.

So yes. Way to drop the f***ing ball on actual legitimate threats to the world that you've simply passed up on so far girls. WAY TO GO.

Anyways they're still talking about how Hotaru is probably involved with the Death Busters too and this is a bad thing. Also she's still Sailor Saturn and will end the world.

Y'know, this is the first time I can actually say... I'm with
Chibiusa on this one.

I mean, I get it, don't get me wrong. Sailor Saturn is a world-ending bitch, okay, sure. I'll give you that one. She has incredible destructive power. But Chibi-usa has witnessed firsthand that this is not the only thing she's capable of. She can also HEAL things too! For some reason though, everyone seems to ignore this fact. Or she chooses not to tell everyone about that bit. But I can actually see why Chibiusa would feel this way - everyone around Hotaru is all "you are a bad icky evil person" so of course what choice does she have but to believe that? I mean, she tried to heal people's injuries and shit, and they all spurn her for being a witch?

Now, granted, she was the CAUSE of most of those injuries, but still. Magical healing powers? Shit. Sign me up.

Chibiusa wants to believe in her friend, because at the end of the day? SHe's not a bad person. Even Usagi is all "yo, we're all Sailor Scouts, right? So what's the deal? Why can't we just all f***ing get along like civilized human beings?"

Finally she says something that makes SENSE for a change.

Then a phone in a dark evil basement rings, and Mimet calls up her daddy professor with the new targ-

The who on the what now?!

I'm racking my brain on this trying to figure it out. What is the deal? Why him? Why now? Why EVER? Why are there suddenly authorities on physics of alternate dimensions? They aren't exactly things we can just up and study! And if they are, what the hell alternate dimension is THIS taking place in??

Just. Holy f**ksticks man.

Oh and he's holding a "special lecture" at the school today.

Boy, we are just batting a thousands for coincidences aren't we? WHY HAS HE NOT BEEN A 'THREAT' TO YOU BEFORE NOW EXACTLY? Also, isn't attacking someone in your own school kind of the dumbest f***ing things you could come up with? Like, isn't that shitting where you eat level of stupidity?

The professor thinks, however, that there's really no need to go after him immediately. Which seems wise.

Oh right I forgot MIMET IS A PSYCHOPATH.

On that note, he decides that uh, he'll have to call her back later. Y'know. When uh, he's more willing to listen to crazytalk.

Also he needs to introduce your immediate replacement
to the audience since we're running out of episodes.

But because we all know that Mimet is bugnuts crazy, she just happens to have installed a listening device in the Professor's lab, and turns it on after hanging up the phone to hear what he's saying behind her back.

Literally, this is a thing she does. Holy f**k is this woman crazy as hell.

Oh and this other chick? Her name is Telulu. And the prof isn't too pleased that things just aren't panning out with crazybitch in charge so if she takes up this job and does a good job maybe a promotion is in the works for her? Just sayin'. Did he ever tell you the definition of insanity? It's doing the same f***ing thing over and over, expecting different results each time. It's not very scientific, and he's starting to get the impression that he is a pretty bad f***ing scientist at this point.

Just saying.

Yes. Do your best and maybe we'll show your entire face!

This pisses Mimet off of course, because she didn't spend this long usurping power just to get one-upped by some uppity bitch like she did with that other chick who never showed up for work again after driving off of a cliff. Oh, and after the professor leaves, Telulu gets another call from the professor who is all like "oh yeah that thing I told you about like thirty seconds ago? Yeah, just forget that."

"Mother f***er just stepped out of the room. What, he couldn't
tell me he changed his mind immediately face-to-face? He
had to walk to the phone first? That cunt."

Turns out, surprise! That was Mimet because she's a crazy f***ing bitch.

Whatever sanity she had left is surely gone now.

So she steals a thing that Eugeal was working on, and we find ourselves at the MUGEN fighting academy of infinite stars or something.

It's kind of a shitty emblem.

That professor is doing a lecture thing! Good thing those high school kids are showing up. And good thing the school is, quite literally, just letting anybody walk in. Meanwhile Mamoru is still looking up stuff and finds out there was a lab fire four years back. At a genetic engineering lab! How mysterious. And everybody died!

And we mean... everyone.

Okay, so actually Hotaru and her dad managed to make it out somehow, without dying. How? IT IS A MYSTERY! A miracle according to the article, but even Mamoru is like "yeah I do some crazy shit on a regular basis but even that's a bit far-fetched".

Then he remembers all that yelling Chibiusa did earlier, and transitions into the scene at the school where nobody is attending, and they are deciding to sneak into a computer lab. Unsuccessfully may I add.

Okay dude you are just being a pervert at this point.

So after getting poked in the butt like five times by a security guard, they discover they are in some truly, TRULY deep shit.

OH GOD IT'S JOJO'S BIZARRE SECURITY ADVENTURE.

He's all "the hell you doing here?" and they go "looking for the lecture hall" and he's like "THAT WAY" and they go "kaaay" and he goes "AND TAKE THE DUMB BLONDE ONE WITH YOU."

She is dumb, and a blonde.

They pass by Mimet who is totally not being suspicious AT ALL.

Not. One. Bit.

The guard tries to stop her, but she uses irrefutable logic against him.

Oh god damn it.

Fortunately, this guy actually paid attention during his Security Guard classes.

Can he become a recurring character? PLEAAAASE?

He demands to have a look at what's in her bag, and then in teh case, but she knocks his ass out a homemade taser that... is actually kind of threatening.

Holy shit that escalated quickly.

Oh and Telulu is kind of ninjaing around because reasons or something. She has the power of invisibility and summoning commercial breaks, and uses them with wild abandon.

Afterwards, we are introduced to... Carl Sagan?!

If you can imagine Carl Sagan speaking Japanese, then my
friends, I give you this dude.

He talks about alternate universes and how they totally must exist, and emphasizes this point with some totally bitching special effects dudes.

This is a pretty badass lecture that I am learning nothing from.

Blah blah alternate universes that exist side-by-side, unable to observe one another, with a healthy serving of existing within YET ANOTHER UNIVERSE.

It's Turtles, all the way down.

The girls continue wandering around the campus that NOBODY IS INSIDE OF FOR SOME REASON while they livecast the event across the entire school, and wind up passing by the security room which they totally ignore. Which is great because inside? You'd better believe things are going on. Like Haruka and Michiru hacking their mainframes or some shit. Chances are there's a way into the Death Busters' hideout here or something! So they're looking for that I guess.

SUDDENLY, SETSUNA SCARES THEM. Oh and she lets them know those other girls are around too. BACK TO THE LECTURE WHERE NOTHING IS REALLY BEING SAID.

Y'know, this may be slowly starting to make sense.

Also Hotaru is dreaming in a chair and remembering back in the old lab when she was just a child hanging out with daddy.

Hell, bro even had both eyes back then for some reason!

This is interesting to note because in an earlier screencap,
you can clearly see he had the demon eye in the news article!

So now he turns back to his buddies in the flashback to explain to them stuff they should already know. Like how this is a special place for gene splicing experiments and can in no way go HORRIBLY WRONG. Except for when a tiny universe explodes in the GENE SPLICING MACHINE and SETS THE ENTIRE PLACE ON FIRE. He seems to be the only one to survive though, and a mysterious voice speaks out to him.

Gee I don't know mysterious light voice let me think about that.

The weird light voice thing says, it's not a complete dick. It's totally willing to spare both their lives but uh, he's gotta do a thing in exchange.

Perfectly reasonable.

And that folks is how daddy got the crazy eye and the multiple personalities. Oh and now he says Hotaru should awaken or something for their TRUE PURPOSE.

Meanwhile back at the lecture hall...

God damn dude you've been at this how long and you are
JUST NOW getting to that shit? Holy crap.

The power goes out int he middle of the lecture though, and Mimet comes on stage saying yeah sorry but dude has to leave now. But first, she needs to monologue or something in front of an audience. And then charm the hell out of folks. Also now it's time for a monster!

Upaso-what now?

Just what in the name of f**k am I looking at here?

Oh no. Oh good god no.

Ladies and gentlemen, we've finally done it.

We've finally come full circle.

We are dealing with A SEXY COMPUTER.

IT FINALLY HAPPENED.

And he is all kinds of okay with the upskirt service he's getting.

So she goes to kiss the heart out of him or something, the Sailor Scouts hear his scream and don't even bother with a transformation sequence. Just showing up all at once is good enough this time around. Mimet isn't messing around either. Hop to the fighting thing evil computer lady!

Yeah I'm feeling mighty uncomfortable all of a sudden.

Upasocon calls for her mice to "mount" their targets.

I get it. It's a computer term... but STILL. COME ON GUYS. COME ON.

Then the mice turn into real mice and get burned to death. And Jupiter hits the computer with a lighting blast.

Suddenly regretting that comment about computers and
porn earlier. Super regretting that.

But that's not the end of it because there are still mice and stuff but the girls are up to the task, and keep fighting and stuff. Eventually Mimet also does a thing and treis to charm some girls to death, and things look bad as other girls get peppered with 5 1/2" floppies. But then Mimet busts out... THE THING SHE HAD IN HER BAG. Which wasn't the Daimon briefcase? Huh.

So... what's this thing exactly?

Mimet reminds the group she's only doing this for the glory. But then.... Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Chibimoon show up.... to save the day?

I can't help but actually feel bad for this one. She had it in the bag.

I guess this gives Sailor Moon an opening for her grail thing and we're right back into the stock footage territory. Sigh. WE WERE SO CLOSE TO GOING TOTALLY WITHOUT IT TOO.

Guess it's time to wrap everything up and not address any of the lingering questions like what the hell was that thing Mimet brought with? Monster is defeated, turns back into a PC, and Mimet is asked to please give up or else people will beat her in the face. But she can't do that, she has a thing! Which... does what again?

Yeah but what's it do?

So she turns it on, calls it the Witches Electric Warp, and.... vanishes?

I guess she is now in the giant TV screen. That.... helps how, exactly?

Uhhhhhh....

Supposedly, being trapped in the TVs... makes her stronger or something? But then Telulu laughs from the side and is all "yeah you're kind of a bitch for stealing the work of others, oh and by the way there was a reason she never used that thing before."

Remember kids, always read the documentation!

How exactly was Mimet planning on getting out? So the plug gets pulled, we'll probably never hear from her again, and Telulu ninjas away leaving everyone pretty f***ing confused. Even those other three scouts that just showed up to stand around and do nothing.

Like always.

End of the day though? Still pretty pleased with this episode.

I just really wish the REST of the series had been half as good as this. Then I might not have to give it a failing grade.

Still though... it might manage to pull ahead and earn, I dunno. A C average or something? I dunno. They have an awful lot of (insert random object) strippers to make up for.

And I mean *a lot*.