Sailor Moon S Episode 15 - Seeking Friends! Chibi Moon's Actions

I've been suffering a strange bout of computer issues lately. Not entirely sure why. Something about someone handling my memory and thank you very much I do not swing that way you sicko.

I think I've managed to get a handle on it though. The crashing issue. Not whatever other thing you may have been trying to think up. It's the Internet, there's bound to be at least one person thinking these things.

So we return in an attempt to get back on-schedule yet again with Sailor Moon S. Oh god Chibi-usa is back somebody kill me now.

I think the episode preview can best be described as "Chibi-usa is amazing and everybody should like her because we say so."

Yeah, I think that sums it up pretty succinctly. Deep breath... and pray that the intro lasts for the next fifteen minutes. Spoiler warning: It doesn't.

We begin with Chib-usa talking about how she's come all the way back to the past all over again to get some training and hey, it's time for a title screen already.

Please. Please just shoot me now and get it over with...

Even Ami is wondering if killing it with fire would really
be considered 'evil'.

So get this. She has a letter from her mom and hands said letter to Minako. Who reads it aloud and is all "hey, so uh, I guess you can train my kid or something? Yeah thanks love you bye."

Really, it should have read "hey you lazy asshole, I know you aren't doing anything better because I saddled myself with this shit at your age so you are going to raise my kid for me so that I can get on with being a Queen or some shit. On the bright side, you get to do this later in life so wait for it, you'll thank yourself later."

Whatever gave you that idea?

Then they all laugh at how the letter is written because boy, it's written just the sam lazy way that Usagi would write it. By the way what kind of training are they supposed to do anyways? Then Usagi and Rei get into a fight over some shit that literally hasn't been said yet.

Honestly, not sure what could have been said that she hasn't
already observed first-hand.

But Chibiusa is all "hey no worries I'm gonna run off and do something" and then Minako finds a smaller letter while the child runs off on her own telling her younger self "uh, yeah so that studying thing? You should probably do that a little more, just saying."

OF COURSE SHE IS!

So now we get to see bubblegum wandering around the 20th century. With one very important purpose given to her by her mother in a conveniently-timed flashback that happens right now.

... I think you really ARE the worst mother ever.

Can anybody explain to me in what universe sending your child into the past to make friends that they are just going to have to leave behind within a few months when there is an entire kingdom where you can do this shit in the modern era makes any goddamn sense?! Seriously! What in the hell are you thinking?!

As she's standing around in the park, Shin-chan makes another sudden appearance. Isn't this exactly the same thing that happened the last time she came to Tokyo...?

Pretty sure this has happened before in the exact same way.

Oh and there's some dude staring at her like a creeper while she thinks that this is perhaps the most important meeting in her life. Then he does a stupid little dance and uh... well. Starts cutting a rug I guess.

I'm horrified for her.

Oh god no.

Just. No. No!!

I am going to break what I consider my 'replay' clause, which is where I go back specifically to point out a very particular line of dialogue which is spoken. I am doing it because this is just that jarring.

I think I am now thoroughly disgusted with this show.

Oh but Orange-kun, you're just taking these comments out of context.

NO. F**K YOU. EVEN IN CONTEXT, WHEN YOU LOOK AT WHAT IS HAPPENING, YOU REALIZE HOW F***ING HORRIBLE THIS IS. SHE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO HER DAUGHTER. BECAUSE SHE LEFT HERSELF IN THE PAST TO CARE FOR HER CURRENT DAUGHTER. SO BASICALLY. SHE KNEW THIS SHIT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

WORST. PARENT. EVER. THE ABSOLUTE WORST. BECAUSE YOU SPECIFICALLY SENT YOUR DAUGHTER INTO THE PAST SO SHE COULD BE LEFT ALONE TO BE MOLESTED BY A YOUNG BOY. IN PUBLIC.

THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH CAPITAL LETTERS TO PROPERLY EXPRESS MY DISGUST. WE WILL CONTINUE WITH THIS HORROR SHOW NOW.

Oh, you still don't believe me? Fine then. FINE THEN. YOU ASKED FOR THIS.

Worst. Mother. In the universe.

Just saying, there's no room to misinterpret this shit. NONE.

Remember: Her mother knew this would happen.
And sent her anyways.

I'm breaking the replay clause again.

I want you to die. In the most horrifying way possible.

Eventually, his mom shows up, clocks him in the back of the head (which has no effect), and drags him off as he just... I don't even.

I want to die now.

I have no words yet. More Chibiusa.

Your mother knew. SHE KNEW.

So after feeling incredibly violated by this incident, she wanders off to find some other kid wandering the streets, wearing a kimono for some reason. Who is this mysterious girl? She's cute! Therefore, it is time to stalk. Or he's cute, there's some confusion. But then she runs across Mamoru buying Takoyaki and... oh god how dumb is this girl anyway.

YOU ARE TALKING TO YOUR FATHER RIGHT NOW.

Oh and Usagi is there too oh well whatever he's all hers. Then they suddenly have takoyaki together.

Y'know. Just. Casually happens out of nowhere.

Takes all of ten seconds before the girls try stuffing food down his gullet of course.

Ah but suddenly Haruka and Michiru show up, all decked out in kimono today because why not? Chibiusa thinks they are the greatest and look like her mom and dad, but first of all, Usagi is her mother (and sitting right in front of her, two points she casually points out), and also Haruka is a chick (a mistake her mother made for the longest time). Does this stop the child from denying her mother is her mother? Of course not. Eventually Mamoru gets sick of choking, tells everyone to shut up, and gets dragged along to have tea even though he clearly already had some plans.

So they head off to... some tea house place where that dude pinkie-pie there was stalking earlier happens to be serving tea. I'm not even going to try spelling his name, it's just ridiculous.

That just looks like you mashed the keyboard randomly.

Dude looks like a lady. People bow, Chibiusa gets starry-eyed, and... the professor is suddenly wearing a Kimono what.

Oddly enough I am kind of okay with their startling lack
of stock footage so far.

But his tea is too hot! You idiot. How dare you make something like that and then serve it to yourself. Better throw it away! Oh but wait this gives him the perfect idea. Let's rely on all of that new stock footage you created last episode, ignore all the potential for character growth, and come up with some bullshit excuse about how you want to steal the heart of some tea-making kid.

... I can't believe this is the actual plot for this episode.

By the way, who puts sticky notes on their screen? You have
entire sides of the monitor to do that shit!

So it's time to make a Daimon for the purpose of becoming a tea-thing. It's going to be called Chagarma. Time to take the car out for a-

.......

... yeah I'm just going to pretend that didn't just happen.

Back at the tea house, tea keeps happening. Or would be happening if it didn't take forever. Also, people's feet are falling asleep. Chibiusa gets a snack and is politely told that she is totally doing this shit wrong, and violence to her future mother ensues.

It is agonizingly long. Also, they tend to punch each other's feet because they're dicks.

Then the kid starts a balancing act with a bowl and a ladle to 'ease the tension of the ceremony for you' because... I don't know. I just don't even know. Or care. He's doing a delicate balancing act with a bowl that is "worth over 10 million yen".

Show, we get it. This guy is awesome. You don't need to keep inflating this shit to tell us how awesome he is. Usagi freaks out, tries to make the dude stop the balancing act, knocks him over, and the bowl is then saved by the other adults in the room because she is useless ha ha why am I watching this show again?

Thank god, a commercial break to let me know we are halfway done. Sadly, it means we are only HALFWAY DONE.

Now they're having soda or something and they talk about how embarrassing that shit was, and how it's all Usagi's fault. Also Pink Hair probably likes that guy right?

She has an entire kingdom's worth of people in the future!

I know, I know, blah blah end of the world and all that, but surely there had to be some survivors in the future. After all why would you keep calling someone a queen if there were no subjects to rule? Why bother continuing to protect a city that has literally collapsed?

... I'm going to stop analyzing this and just move on because it is making my head hurt.

End result is that Usagi suddenly feels bad for being so hard ont eh brat and now she's changed into a kimono after making up so that the kid can become tea dude's apprentice. Then the black star car comes barreling past and Usagi realizes SHIT IS GONNA GO DOWN. So better let her run off by herself while she gets stuck in a bush right?

Eventually the car crashes, which lures the kid out, and, well, we get the cliff's notes version of what happened last time she showed up in a car.

It happens so fast he doesn't even get time to process it.

Then Chibiusa does a transformy thing and oh thank god she doesn't get an actual transformation sequence. She just suddenly goes 'pop am magical nao' and arrives on the scene to say "EVIL BAD BLARGH!"

I do find it kind of hilarious however that she doesn't even wait for the girl's intro speech to be over before she straight up tells the Daimon to wake up. It's like she isn't even taking the kid seriously. Which she really shouldn't be.

Hell she even asks her to repeat that last part because she clearly wasn't listening.

It is now time to meet our monster of the day who will last a whole four minutes at most because this show is almost over.

Still not sure why they're even bothering with theme monsters.

Also, someone feels the need to strip again. Why do they keep feeling the need to strip?!

Seriously. Why are you bothering?!

Monster flies at little girl, little girl snatches heart crystal, gets tied up, and then Uranus shows up to rock some worlds. Oh and Neptune does too because it's just not a party unless you're drowning everyone.  Kid freed, monster dealt with, and intros are made.

Oh but the monster survived it seems like. But this isn't a talisman either, boo hoo too bad so sad lady, guess you'd better try your luck another time, which means it's time for her to go "eh whatever go wild monster" and straight up leave the scene.

By the time the monster turns around after complaining about being left behind, the only person still remaining is Chibi Moon, because I guess the other girls decided this wasn't worth their time.

... I really hate everybody in this show.

Time for a diabetes attack. Which does... nothing. Not a thing. Not even tiny little pink sugary hearts this time, it just twinkles and does nothing.

Wait sorry nevermind, it's even more useless now.

So Chagarma decides, eff this, I'm going to pour myself some tea and oh god why are you shoving pink hearts in my face seriously you are a dick why would you do that I'm not even attacking you any more ow seriously stop before I get mad.

Luna shows up and tells Usagi to transform because the child is fighting by herself and... of course she'll get a full transformation sequence. Which leads me to the next problem:

This monster is actually not doing anything evil. It is simply sitting there, trying to enjoy some goddamn tea. But is that going to stop Sailor Moon from making her introduction? Nope. So now it's time to actually do something evil because screw this.

Then again, it's only Chibiusa, can't be THAT evil.

Now she will throw acidic tea at her opponent, while the two girls run around trying not to be splashed. Oh and sometimes Chibiusa hits her in the face with pink sweethearts. But Tuxedo Mask shows up to save the day because, uh, Tuxedo Mask.

Which means that since he has shown up it's time for Chagarma to 'truly entertain' someone, by....

Oh god, she's stripping.

WHY MUST THEY ALL START STRIPPING?!?!

QUICK SAILOR MOON KILL HER BEFORE SHE CAN STRIP IN FRONT OF YOUR BOYFRIEND.

... this changes nothing.

Then she goes "uh, wait, hold on I'm not ready just a-" and then gets Lovely'd in the face, turning into a kettle again. Egg breaks, and... we realize something is very wrong about where Tuxedo Mask is standing.

I thought it was just me but uh... what is he standing on exactly?

Chibusa says thanks, the kid wakes up and is all "that girl is awesome", then we return to the quest to become a tea apprentice as Haruka and Michiru leave the tea house in a hur- OH WHAT.

I. I don't. What the. Who. Why???

I. I don't. What just.

.... check please.

The two girls immediately escape, realizing why the other two left, and credits roll.

What the f**k did I just watch???