Dog Days Episode 07 - Declaration of War

Soon will be the end of the season of candies, and instead it will be just pumpkin and turkey and pie.

Damn, now I kind of want some pie. And ice cream. Actually I could really go for some ice cream for some reason. Instead, I'll just have to settle for Dog Days.

... this is a really crappy alternative.

So they give us the recap of how peaceful our Hero has been finding this world peaceful but Princess Leo has a bug up her butt and "we her trusted aides" must find out what's going on.

Wait, you're telling me her 'aides' have been narrating these sequences? Ugh. Nothing should surprise me anymore. Roll that craptacular opening that is way better than the rest of this shit-festa.

Which isn't really saying very much I suppose since it's really not all that great to begin with.

We kick off today's episode with a title and the bubblegum princess being told to stop waking up early to do work even though the reason is that she has a 'date' with Cinque so screw you maid, what do you know? She wants to get all of her work done before she runs off to have fun. Oh what's that, our weapons production project is completed ahead of schedule? Rewards for everybody.

Boy, this is riveting, this early morning paperwork stamping in front of maids in the morning business.

Eventually she walks out the back door to find her bird molesting Cinque. To which she can only go "wow, even Cerkles like you!" Cerkles being the name for their dumb birds. AND WE GET IT EVERYBODY LOVES CINQUE HE IS JUST SUPER COOL AMAZING AWESOME WOW GEE WILLIKERS.

Ugh. Disgusting.

Off they ride on the bird, flying across the ground. Bees are pollinating flowers, and we learn the princess' 'secret hideout' is a big field of flowers in the middle of nowhere. What's she do here anyways? Oh, she walks around and does nothing? Leave it to Cinque to have great ideas instead.

I'm not sure if that's what the kids are calling it these days or not.

His solution is to use his ring to create a frisbee.

F***ing hell.

So he goes to play fetch with the princess.

... I should be crying joys of tears. How many times do I get to write something that ridiculous? How often do you get to say someone played fetch with a princess? Where the princess was doing the fetching? YOU DON'T EVER GET TO SAY THAT AND THIS IS MY POINT.

They do this for a little longer and her tail wags like crazy, and then she throws it super hard and high. Then he does the ring staff thing and magics his way up to catching the darn thing before saying "yeah we should probably stop now".

Wasn't there a thing about how abusing your powers was bad for your or something? I'd think this counted as abusing your powers but hey what do I know.

Now they sit under a tree and have some lunch while she tells us HOW SUPER AMAZING CINQUE IS. Also how awesome it is that his ring, Palladion, seems to like him so much.

Why trade one phallic object for another am I right?

The Princess talks about how she has the royal sword but it's never shown up for her so what's the deal anyways? CLEVER FORESHADOWING THAT IS NOT REALLY ALL THAT CLEVER.

Supposedly their rings are part of a set and every kingdom has a pair of swords. Like that lion lady!

The holy sword "Of Machines" huh?

Some other places probably have some but we're not going to talk about them. Also he should probably give that ring back before he leaves FORESHADOWING FORESHADOWING SUPER BLATANT FORESHADOWING.

"Oh but I guess if you ever called me back I should probably borrow it again or something herp derp."

Someone's getting a little forceful.

Then he pats the princess on the head and realizes he probably shouldn't but she's all "I don't mind hee hee" and he treats her lik- oh my god.

BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH.

He proceeds to... erm, tickle her or something. Off camera of course as she goes "oh no, more to the side, heeheehee not there!" and we fade into the sky.

Now we get to see some other girls taking a bath that we don't really care about as they talk about nothing in particular. About how the ninja girl can't really talk about what LEGENDARY HERO was up to, although you can clearly tell that they suddenly blew half of the budget for the episode on this short sequence that establishes nothing.

I can't help but admit I really like this clash of styles and
animation here, it works very well.

Oh but she can tell you about all of the boring 'fun' stuff they got up to which we'll never hear.

Now the princess watches the news while getting tailored up, and as they talk about how Cinque wants to go out for a 'walk' tomorrow, SUDDEN NEWS BULLETIN. Princess Leo decides that, screw the upcoming competition, ITS TIME FOR SOME MORE WAR BABY. In fact, this comes across to everyone as a real shotgun decision, since nothing is really finalized yet, but they want to get this under way as soon as possible for some reason.

She's even willing to throw in a little extra for this!

Oh hey it's those things which got mentioned like five
minutes ago. No wonder nobody else got names dropped.

So basically she bullies princess pinkie into also wagering her own holy swords. Time to go to war folks!

A commercial break happens and then Cinque is all "uh aren't these rings like super important?" WHY YES CINQUE, YES THEY ARE WERE YOU ASLEEP DURING THE EXPLANATION EARLIER?

Most of the people probably think that this is just a 'loan' that happens every now and again but anyone with a few hundred brain cells can see that this is a pretty overt invasion attempt. What's going on with that other princess anyways?

Besides, there's some fine print associated with this sword keeping.

Oh fine print.

After some debate, they cut over to Cinque hearing about politics. Then they find someone from Galette dressed as one of their troops, who claims to have a secret message for Cinque. So he takes it and reads it supposedly, and is off to go meet with that prince dude so they can talk about the upcoming war.

See, he's not happy about this war thing. Neither is the gal he came over with. In fact they're kind of wondering if maybe their sister might have gone slightly insane. Time for a history lesson on a boring old map again!

Basically their two kingdoms have been supporting one another for like, forever, but with this? It doesn't seem right. To that end, he promises to do whatever he can to find out why his sister is flipping her gourd, but he wants Cinque to know that he's kind of on his side for this. But in the event he's unable to find out, he wants Cinque to win the war.

... wait what? So you really aren't able to bring anything to the table here other than "hey my sister is nuts"?

Your birds, they seem to be making out. Are you going t-
Nope? No acknowledgement? Okay then.

Gaul is all "I kinda like this place, the people are nice and the food is great, wars are supposed to be fun but this isn't a war about fun so this sucks and I don't like it."

GEE. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WAR MIGHT NOT BE FUN.

He does ask that all of what they talked about stays between bros, however. Why, I don't know, but that's what he's asking here. So he rides off leaving Cinque alone, but not before telling him that if he wants to know about the friendship between the princesses when they were younger he should seek out Amelita.

Now who was that again...?

Of course Princess Leo finds out about this immediately and proceeds to not even care.

Then I guess Cinque goes to talk to the head maid or whatever about the friendship between the two princesses, and talks about how they were such great friends. Why, they've even been such great leaders up to this point. Up until about six months ago they were really great friends still, but then Leo was all "hey you should start expanding your arms and stuff and building up a great military" with a big ol' smile on her face.

About three months ago she get to be this cold, rigid bitch that we've all come to know and... uh, know I guess. After losing her parents and then her best friend, it was more than she could take. So if she loses the holy swords, that's pretty much the end for her.

It's time for an announcement to be made! People are excited for war again, and the pink girl steps up to make her declaration.

NO. THEY. WERE. NOT!!!

She goes on to say that they've been losing due to lack of preparations and her general inexperience, but some other kingdom has been financially backing them and they are prepared for this with plenty of weapons and armor.

... does nobody else realize that being financially backed by someone else is kind of a bad thing? No? Nobody? Right.

Short version, they accept the terms of the war, including the bet and fireworks go off and everyone is happy because YOU ARE GOING TO WAAAAAAR!

I am going to get sick now because just watching this show has become an exercise in frustration quite unlike any I have ever known.