The Qwaser of Stigmata Episode 13 - A Night at the Iron Spring

I was going to do something else. I swear I was.

But then I got this stupid idea in my head. Which is worse, Qwaser or Daimidaler?

I don't think I understood what I was doing when I sat down to do this.

God help me.

Does anybody really remember what was happening in this show? I don't. So let's just start it off right. With boobs! And people talking about something being unbelievable. Yes, how unbelievable that a show about sucking on tits would begin with... naked tits.

But not just one pair, nor two. BUT LOTS AND LOTS OF THEM. I guess the girls are out at a hot spring or something and... we are right back to gimp girl and the doll doing weird shit. She's washing creepy girl's back and is all "my god it's so white I want to kiss it" and creepy girl is all "you're thinking bad things aren'tcha? Naughty, naughty zoot."

Meanwhile, other girls are being smothered by other girls with unbelievably huge bazongas, that one stupid nun girl cries because she has no such thing as a chest, and we hop into... oh god a new intro?

I can hardly remember what the first one was like, but let me tell you that you can definitely sleep through this one. If you've seen Naruto, you've already seen far more entertaining intros.

I mean, I can hardly describe to you how god damn boring this shit is. It truly is an uninspiring piece of shit. There's some more actiony stuff near the end I guess but for the msot part it is just still images that mean nothing.

So we finally head back into the episode proper, and good god. Tell me this entire episode is going to be about girls at the hot spring.

... why did I EVER think this was going to be a good idea?

That means screencaptures for this episode will be woefully in short supply. Because 95% of today's episode is guaranteed to come packed full of titties.

Wait. Okay. So... hold on here. Sasha is... now a girl.

Yeah, the girl I thought was the nun is not actually a nun, but is Sasha. As a girl.

WHAT IN THE F**K HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO.

Okay, so they give us a flashback where they show us the shit that happened last episode, bro does the killing blow thing, and now thinks that he's a girl.

Oh god. OH GOOD GOD. I have made a mistake. I HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE, HORRIFYING MISTAKE.

This is not just a hot springs episode. No, it's worse.

It's a hot springs AND A RECAP EPISODE!

Let me rephrase that as "the only person".

So here's the situation as it stands right now. Sasha thinks he's a girl. For some dumb reason. And they won't let him into the hot spring while wearing a towel. Which means they want him to be naked in front of all of these girls who are in his class. And everybody is okay with this for some reason.

GOD DAMN IT JAPAN.

At least they explained the reason for the mixup.

Blame it on this bitch.

To be fair though, this is pretty f***ing hilarious.

Basically, she's taken advantage of the fact that he has essentially regressed to being a grade-schooler, and will believe just about any old bullshit he gets told.

Yet this still does not explain why everyone suddenly wants to see him naked.

Also, everything is okay because they could only rent one room at this hotel so all's well that ends well right? Wait no that doesn't explain anything.

Wait nevermind I take it all back. Father Starwind has
explained everything by opening his goddamned mouth.

Then they go on to say that "rooming with a guy would be inconvenient", yet they are anyways, he just thinks he's a girl. And then the creepy gothloli goes "it's fine, besides, this counts as fanservice", all while one chick with huge tits tries to rip the towel off of Sasha and everyone looks on.

F**k me man. I forgot just how much this show likes to punch my brain.

Y'know what also hurts my brain? That they left a note for the prissy bitch saying they'd gone off to vacay.

On their front door, even.

Who puts a note on the front door proclaiming to the world that you have gone on vacation? This is the dumbest goddamned thing. Just... this is worse than the bullshit with Mako barging into Haru's place every day. This is straight up inviting someone to rob your place.

Probably has nothing to do with the fact that you're a bitch.

Oh and guess who shows up to see boobs and her bestest red-headed gal-pal?

Yeah, this one.

So where are they? At a hot spring, doing your typical hot springs anime th-

I'm sorry what.

Boy, going to a hot springs sure does sound like a lot of fun. So let's just have the two of them suddenly head off themselves because one is rich and the other is homeless so why not?

Oh right, it's been a few minutes since we saw Sasha crying like a girl about having his towel taken off, so we should get back to that. The lady trying to do it is a... teacher? And after getting pegged in the head and accused of not helping, she's all "oh come on don't you just wanna take a look at that thing?"

Cue thirty seconds of stammering and her eventually going "HELL NO!"

Also, more naked ladies in sexy poses. And school nurses wanting to see-

PFFFFFFFFFFFFT

This show has completely gone off the rails at this point. It's just. Oh holy shit.

This is so many levels of not cool right now.

Oh but of course she was just talking about his earring. What were YOU thinking? Gee you people and your dirty minds I mean she was only talking about his naked body for so long I mean seriously.

Actually I changed my mind. I want the people that wrote this to burn in hell.

Time for them to go eat a lot of food now. Everyone gets to eat the same thing except for Sasha because he's special. It's all stuff packed with iron! Because that's his thing right?

Okay seriously whoever wrote this shit should drop dead.

Remember Hana? The crazy girl enslaved to gothloli? Yeah well now she starts spouting shit about copper.

The f**k does that have to do with ANYTHING?!

Oh I see, you didn't want Mafyuu drawing attention to the fact that Sasha is actually a dude and not a girl because you're a dick.

Though she runs to the head of the table and rips her top open talking about how women have copper inside of them.

... the f**k????

Also gothloli points out that there's barely any copper in the human body and she's a moron and will be punished later hey let's cut to the old guys drinking some booze in the comfort of the church why not.

It's not like they're pretending to actually be religious or anything.

Blah blah priest arranged for them to go to a hot spring because that last battle was super fierce yadda yadda Sasha asks the tiny class rep if she is also cursed by a witch because their breasts are about the same size. Cue the awkward silence.

Yeah, watching this show makes me think that too.

Then Tomo says some shit, but who cares because I'm only paying attention to the girl in the corner at this point.

She is clearly the most interesting thing here after all.

This is where shit starts getting really weird. Tomo smelled alcohol and is now acting drunk, the suicidal one is now singing softly to herself, and Sasha is trying not to get a raging boner because two girls look like they're about to start making out.

Oh dear how traumatizing yawn.

And then Tomo does kiss Mafyuu.

.... god DAMN IT JAPAN.

This whole show has devolved into insanity. The priest reveals that he has a second plan to help Sasha regain his memories, and that he's called out some chick, then we see Berserker or something show up and crack his entire hand or something, and now we're back to showering.

Wait no sorry, I mean we're back to the BDSM. For f***'s sake.

This entire show is nothing but fetishes.

Oh and then the old couple next door gets to see a girl hanging from the ceiling and promptly shits their drawers.

Yeah.

Blah blah she likes being tied up so on and so forth.

No, this is actually just torture, but thanks anyway.

Then the other room next door gets a peep, and some poor kid is now going to be traumatized for years and require extensive therapy.

Oh great, now the gothloli is going to start fingering the girl in front of some poo-

THE F**K IS THAT?!?!?!

This nun gives zero shits about bending down, and just forces the building to get the f**k out of her way as she quietly plows through rooms that she is too tall to walk into normally.

Yeah I have no idea how she managed to enter in the first place, but like with the rest of this show I'm just not going to think about it too hard. Here, have crazy nurse bitch sucking on her thumb.

I'd say this is the reason you watch this show but we all
know the real reason is titty-suckling.

Tomo and Mafyuu are talking about stuff and hey maybe they should get a massage. Nope, screw that, we've got GIANT NUNZERKER TO DEAL WITH. AND SHE BROUGHT GIFTS ALL WRAPPED UP.

See what I did there? It was a clever joke. I'm being clever.

In a surprising move, she bends down, apologizes for being late, and then Teresa shows up and is all "oh hey thanks for showing up finally."

Wait, don't bother telling me. Her thing is PROTEIN.

Also, YOU WILL TAKE A BATH NOW SO SHE CAN EXAMINE YOU OR ELSE. WHO IS THIS AMAZING BASTION OF BEEF?

Oh f**k you. You're not even TRYING anymore!!!

So now everyone is back in the shower and OH GOD I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT THING NAKED. NOT EVER. OH GOD PLEASE YOU ARE GOING TO FORCE ME TO SEE BRUNHILDA NAKED. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S HER NAME AND I DON'T CARE HER NAME IS NOW BRUNHILDA BECAUSE IT IS THE UNSEXIEST NAME I CAN THINK OF.

The whole point of this? So whoever the hell this bitch is can grab their titties.

Not even joking. That is the actual reason they are standing naked outside in the middle of the night in a hot spring. So some crazy five-hundred pound crazy wall of muscle can fiddle with their nibbly bits.

It's one thing that they wanted to make a fanservicey show. It's another that they went so far as to allow you to watch nipples harden and boobs get fondled. Seriously, IF YOU WANTED TO MAKE A F***ING HENTAI, THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST GONE AND DONE THAT. THEN I WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. AND YET THIS. THIS F***ING BULLSHIT? THIS DOES NOTHING. THIS IS NOT A HENTAI. THIS IS A SHOW THAT ACTUALLY AIRED ON TELEVISION.

I don't want to live on this planet any more.

Not only do we get to see nipples harden during fondling, but milk spurting and being licked out of mid-air.

Oh god this is going to haunt my deepest nightmares for weeks. F**k.

Then the nun talks to the suicidal one, says that maybe one day her boobs will grow, and she gets happy, and immediately goes back to singing in a corner when the nun cannot decide if there's actually a chance of that happening.

Screw that though it's time to finally get around to Mafyuu. Who just gets a "meh" and then drowned. Now it's time to turn to Sasha who reveals that Katja said he was a girl and now she is scared and shit.

WELL NO SHIT DUDE.

Eventually she gets to the point. She's not actually here to rub breasts at all! Also she can't lactate or something. Probably has everything to do with the fact that she is 115% JACKED.

Just a theory.

She came here to cure him of his memory... problems... by having him... suckle... on breasts.

.... ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME WITH THIS GARBAGE?!

Basically if he sucks on all of these boobs at once it'll probably cure his amnesia or some shit.

Please excuse me while I attempt to paint the walls red. With my face. It's probably going to take awhile.

OH GEE. THE AWESOME MUSIC IS PLAYING WHILE ALL OF THESE GIRLS ASK YOU TO PLEASE SUCK ON THEIR TITS.

I want to die. This show makes me want to die. It is killing me from the inside out.

Eventually they have to basically press themselves all around him and then he freaks out and the ground shakes which... causes their tits to bounce around like crazy for... some reason. Except the flatchested one. BUT OH NO. HIS POWER IS DOING SOMETHING OR SOMETHING THIS IS BAD I GUESS. Then Katja gets luanched into space, along with the other girls, and... we're back to Father Starwind and his buddy.

Oppai Hot Springs? Are you f***ing serious?????

Also I guess this spring has lots of iron in the water or something which is perfect for him to regain his powers or whatever. They drink a lot more, and laugh because they're drunk.

Now girls are hanging from everything, the whole place is flooded, Brunhilda floats on a geyser, and Sasha cries about how he's scared of boobs.

OH GREAT A NEW OUTRTO WHERE GIRLS ARE WET AND BREATHING HEAVILY. F***ING HELL.

OH NOW THEY ARE FALLING OR SOME SHIT. FALLING IN A WIND TUNNEL OR SOMETHING. THEN THERES SOME KIND OF TV OR WHATEVER AND SASHA AND MAFYUU ABOUT TO MAKE OUT OR WHATEVER. MORE FALLING GIRLS. ALSO SOME INCREDIBLY FORGETTABLE SONG.

OH HEY IS THAT GOD BECAUSE THAT LOOKS LIKE GOD. HERE LOOK AT SOME MORE WET GIRLS AND PEOPLE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. ALSO MORE BONDAGE AND SOME KISSING IN A TUB, THE END.

BUT NOT THE END BECAUSE THERE"S A POST ENDING THING. GIRL DRINKS SOME MILK, THEN GETS ASSAULTED BY SOME GIRL WHO SUCKS ON HER TITS NOW IS THE ACTUAL END.

WHY DID I EVER START WATCHING THIS SHOW AGAIN THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I COULD HAVE DONE.