Kenzen Robo Daimidaler Episode 10 - Invoke! Joseph's Symbol

What's this, you might ask? A Monday with no Sailor Moon?

Fear not, fine fellows. This is just me attempting to catch up. You'll get your Sailor Fuku Fetish Fix later. But for now? Giant pervy robots.

Man I'm not looking forward to this at all.

Speaking of looking forward to things (or the lack thereof), we kick off the episode right where the last one left off - which is, thankfully, a great thing as it works both as a recap and also as a solid launching point. Seriously, at least these guys know how to carry episodes along with each other instead of telling us the entire goddamn story every other episode before we watch anything.

Blah blah they're flying blah blah something about "penguin lines", I'll be honest I'm really not paying attention. Ritz is charging her lazor. That's all you need to know.

Hell, Ritz gets bored halfway through trying to explain that shit.

So yeah blah blah nobody cares here have some super mega attack thing. Except not because it doesn't work and just sorta fizzles out? Welp, better run that intro.

After that incredibly snoozeworthy introduction, we return to what can roughly be regarded as 'the plot'.

So what's going on here and why did Ritz fail? Well the penguins don't know, but they do discover that the word 'failure' and 'breasts' sound very similar.

If you need me at some point in the next five minutes, I'm going to be bashing a hammer against my skull in an attempt to dig out the stupid.

The Emperor is all worried and shit, the robot has taken a lot of damage, and they don't know what to do next. Which means it's time for our heroes to taunt the villain because that's what good guys do. Which makes Ritz super angry and so she flails away at Daimidaler and forces us through another flashback montage about why she can't give up.

Which ends about as well as one might expect, with a giant robot falling down on the city.

Then it's time to... send Joseph through the teleporter I guess? The next thirty seconds is so bizarre. When they say things like "Doing it!" and "having sex!" and "making love" I mean... what, are they just literally sending him out to f**k a little girl? Is that the level we have stooped to here?

I don't know. Could be they're getting carried away, but frankly I can't put much of anything past this show at this point. All their talk of 'front tails' and 'showing the power of our front tails' and all that, I just cannot tell when they've stopped pretending and just started being openly blunt about what this show even is.

Then they turn on the thing and prepare to send Joseph to Ritz. He shows up, she hugs him and stuff, and he's all "I got this babe".

But how, Joseph? However will you accomplish this getting of the situation?

I. I. I honestly. I can't even right now.

Seriously. I just. I can't now.

The front tail is his pe- oh you knew that? Okay.

But oh no, it's time for that hilariously quirky side effect from the teleporter because turns out it stole his erectness.

Yes. The teleporter stole his erectness.

You should really know better than to think I'm joking about
this kind of stuff by now.

Welp, it's all over now except that it's not because "there are ways for a limp front tail to regain its glory" according to Joseph.

Suddenly, I'm not sure I want to be watching this show anymore. I'm really not. I'm reaching that point of pure f**k it, but I'll stick around just a little bit longer. I mean, we're only two episodes out from the end. I can do this, right? How bad could this possibly get?

Oh right, by molesting a little girl named Ritz. Of course.

So he charges her up which charges him up and now he has a giant glowing penis.

Which he uses to force the robot to transform, defying just about every law of physics imaginable. So now the new robot is out and they get to doing the robot fighting thing, causing massive amoutns of collateral damage in the process, entirely forgetting about the thing Ritz was trying not to do last episode.

Ritz rips open the new Daimidaler's cockpit, and is about to I guess grab Kiriko or something but the boyfriend is all 'nuu you can't do that won't let you' and Ritz is all like 'dude just move come on' and he's all 'nuuuu'. Which of course gets her jollies rocking, or is it his? He gets all glowy and shit, and everyone is all "what the shit is even going on now?"

Oh and then he turns into a Penguin.

And then Ritz is all "yo dude come join us we're awesome".

I can't even be sure of what I am even watching anymore at this point. I really can't.

The girls start fighting over the boyfriend and... I just don't even know what in the actual f**k is going on now. I just don't.

What the shit am I watching.

Then Kiriko gets all glowy and shit, and that other girl finally finishes cooking and wakes up from her deep slumber.

After a commercial break, we see Kiriko is trying to change her boyfriend back into her boyfriend by glowing or something, saying some bullshit about them sharing a connection or whatever. Turns out this works. Sort of.

I'm starting to think maybe this is the reason Spengler
wanted to drill a hole in his head. Because he knew
we'd come up with some shit like this some day.

Kiriko is all confused why her boyfriend changed, she begs him to stay, and then just ollies outie to join the other side. Kiriko starts crying and stuff, and decides she's going to fight after she cries some more, but of course she is weak so on and so forth. Ritz throws her into the ocean though because safety first again or whatever, drops the Penguins out, and taunts the hero and stuff while Kiriko cries some more.

Then giant sparkly energy as Kiriko gets super mega pissy and everyone is all like "the hell is this shit?" And it's basically her going completely and utterly berserk because fuck the world, everything is going to completely melt down, and probably blow up the town but who cares. She lost her boyfriend, so nothing else matters.

And of course, the commander is totally okay with all of this.

And by 'okay' I mean "THIS IS JUST WHAT I WANTED!"

Ritz is all like "hey we got this" but now the new Penguin is like "uh yeah no you should probably run or you'll get blown up."

Okay. Hearing a Japanese VA say "Jesus" is actually
one of the most hilarious things you'll hear all year.

Ritz, you better run. Oh but the Emperor says she's got like ten seconds. Or five minutes they're really not sure. Also they can't use the Penguin Device Teleporter Whatever Thingy to teleport Kiriko because that would just be too convenient.

So Ritz orders them into the sewers, and the Penguins are all "nah you should get gone Ritz". Because I guess she's super important or something? I'm not sure what they are talking about or why they're just suddenly okay with them dying?

To be fair, I'm not sure what anything is at this point. Except that the commander is just as crazy as I always said he was?

Like, legit crazy.

Even his support staff is all 'uh, okay, seriously I'm not sure I am okay with any of this anymore'.

But then sleeping girl is walkinga round, and Penguins are freaking out. Then the emprah comes up with an idea, use that thrust attack Ritz learned yesterday. It'll be fine, she's totally mastered it even though she really has no idea how to properly pull it off or whatever.

So Ritz is now the one getting all weepy and shit, and the emprah is all "tap into your inner Penguin" and she gets her badass GAR monologue powerup sequence, and does a thing while the other robot does a thing. There's some screaming, but it seems like Kiriko loses, and falls down into the ocean.

Oh yeah and Sonan is all 'yo dude send me out in the left arm of that old unit'.

No seriously, that's what she says she wants him to do.

I'm really not going to get into how f***ing stupid this has gotten.
Ground control to Major Tom, are you receiving?

But the arm starts glowing and the commander goes "eh f**k it, just launch the damn thing." So they shoot it out, a cat watches as it rockets into the sky, and then we return to the scene of the battle where Ritz is all "welp, totally saved that town."

Penguins cheer and shit, Ritz feels better about herself, a touching sequence occurs where she thanks everyone and everything, says her appreciations in broken english, and wonders how Kiriko is even alive.

Oh but then... something so incredibly, monumentally, UNBELIEVABLY STUPID OCCURS.

I just. I can't even.

Incredibly badass, but also incredibly STUPID.

There is a candle on its head. Implication is that it's from the other world or something, but nope. Turns out that's not the case at all.

F**k this show f**k this show f**k this show.

And now. The only person who died and wound up improving the show. Is not actually dead at all.

I need to find a healthy way to deal with all this rage I am feeling because IT IS AN AWFUL LOT OF RAGE. How much rage?

Imagine, if you will, a man so angry that he kicks a mountain - an entire mountain - into the air. Straight up into the air. Then rockets through the sky, grabs that mountain, and swings it around about fifty or sixty times before hurling it towards the nearest active volcano, and pile-driving it all the way down into the earth's molten core where he starts just punching at everything solid until he explodes in a blaze of glory.

Now imagine that I am angrier than that.

... I need a real hobby.