Diabolik Lovers Episode 10 - Double Digit Dungheap

Lately my job has been seriously kicking my ass. Overtime is great. Unfortunately, it also means that I tend to really throw my sleep schedule off, and never knowing when I will have to work super long shifts is really starting to take its toll on me and my life.

Also, I just haven't been sleeping very well period lately, and that's never good for anybody involved. And speaking of things not good for anybody involved, Diabolik Lovers? Well it's still a pretty bad show.

Oh and I have something special planned for this Friday. So look forward to that. It'll be a riot.

So remember how last week the vampires we care nothing about are suddenly all "oh the no some shit is going down?" and that asshole Ayato is all like "wait where is that girl I hate?"

Yeaaaah. By the way, yet ANOTHER opening shot with a full moon. Though this one is red, for flavor.

Is it me or do they just show the moon a LOT in this show?

So now Richter Belmondo is talking to the girl nobody gave a shit about who is currently possessed by the ghost of some vampire chick who already, uh, died again. So... assuming you die to become a vampire, this would be her, what, third lease on life at least? I'm just saying, shit is a bit confusing.

That dress looks horrible on you and being a fashion vampire
you should be completely ashamed of yourself. Dress
for your body type, geez!

Oh and I guess Cordelia isn't just some chick Ricky Gervais there loves to bang. It's his Sister-in-law.

Wait. What.

Oh. Kaaay... that's. Weird. But whatever.

They continue spouting exposition because... I guess they don't know how else to get this information to the viewer except to have them  talk about shit when it would be better to bring it up in some other way. Like having someone ask what they are doing and why.

So here's the thing I guess. He and his brother had this big ol' prettyboy vamp fight, which I imagine involved them slapping the shit out of one another and crying about it the entire time, to determine which would take Cordelia and claim her for themselves. But the vampire-slayer-turned-vampire lost and then wandered the world for a couple hundred years in an attempt to forget all about it.

GOD DAMN IT FROZEN! AUGH!

Anyway she's all "you didn't need to forget me, it's not like you owed anything to Karl Heinz" who I am going to guess is, on top of being a guy who makes Ketchup and Ketchup-related tomato-based products, is the vampire brother in question who won an epic battle of ineffectual slappitude. But hey, water under the bridge, she's back alive, and oh hey look it's Ayato wondering what is going on.

And by extension the rest of the audience as well.

You know if they were just planning on having Ayato show up to ask questions in the first place, why did they bother forcing that exposition about his brother and everything when it would have been more natural to bring it up during this conversation? Assuming they don't wind up bringing it up anyways that is.

That's what she s- oh wait I guess that is what she's saying.

Oh and the girl shouldn't even be awake but is fighting Cordelia and I guess she's having troubles coping with this or something. I mean it's not like you are possessing a living creature. Who'd have thought they might want to keep their body.

So she walks off and Ayato... lets her, and then demands to know what Richter done did. Cue the clock thing and OKAY SERIOUSLY?!

The clouds are clearly BEHIND THE MOON. WHAT.
THE. F**K. I MEAN GOD PEOPLE.

It's time for that flashback thing where Richter comes across Cordelia's body in the rain before she gets burned alive I guess. And she asks a favor of him - cut out her heart.

... uh what?

Oh and she wants him to transplant it to another body.

O-kay. I'm not sure how this is supposed to work but... if you say so? He guesses this is the only way to really keep her alive, and she's all "we will totes meet again someday, but please hurry because I can see the future."

Seriously she can see the future.

Why did they all kill her in the first place? No explanation. I guess we'll just have to keep accepting that this is a thing vampires do or something. Which... sums up the entire show so far, "Vampires do things".

So he just suddenly has a sword and holds it all dramatic-like and cuts out her heart in the rain and... I guess takes off her dress while he is at it and walks off heart in hand?

Wow it's like he was actually paying attention.

Blah blah the girl is just a vessel for Cordelia now and once she fully awakens her soul will be obliterated etc etc.

Yes that thing nobody has bothered explaining but
everyone knows about anyways.

Then Ayato just walks off, and Richter looks at how beautiful the moon is. Meanwhile, Ayato is off to talk to Cordelia who is standing over a lake, and he talks about how he used to be a shit swimmer. And she's all "I helped you swim better right?" and he's all "your turn chick" and pushes her in.

Oh whoops sorry the body you are currently inhabiting has no idea how to swim, oh the horror guess you're gonna drown and die AGAIN. And not a single tear was shed.

Ah but right as he is about to go off and do the horrible villain cliche of not confirming death, he hears the voice of our girl calling out for him as she... suddenly pulls herself out of the water. Oh, okay. So much for... not knowing how to swim?

So now girlie girl is awake and confused and totally getting his blood flowing again, and wants to know why she's wearing that dress which was once torn up. What's he decide to do? Drink her blood because that is the most important thing right now. Yep, let's forget that she is technically a vampire, but boy her blood is like totally the best, and he decides to just go biting her all over. Despite... uh, her blood being totally filling? I'm not sure you really understand how this is supposed to work dude. When something is filling it means you don't need a lot of it. This isn't filling, it's just intoxicating. Please for the love of god, AT LEAST PROPERLY DESCRIBE YOURSELF.

Oh and he immediately forgets that whole thing with Cordelia and decides that she is his, and wants her to totally devote herself to him. But then those other two show up.

Everything in this show is strange and not in a good way.

They talk about how hard it is to keep from wanting to drink the shit out of that girl, and how weird that is. Vampire bitch-slap fight time? Well Yume goes running off and Ayato decides he doesn't feel like sharing, but his brothers are like "but we want some tooooo".

She goes running off to the house though which is totally not going to be a bad idea, and runs in to her room to pull out that dagger.

Suicide: The solution to all life's problems!

Oh but someone is aggravated that she is smelling like awesome or something and takes it somewhat personally.

Dude she was bit like three times now, anemia oughta
be kicking in any moment.

Subaru just can't help himself and bites into her shoulder, and she just kinda holds that dagger like a dope. And he decides one but isn't enough and goes for another, and is all "man this is good I am totally gonna wreck your shit if I keep going but what do I care I am just a vampire with no regard for human life anyways".

It's kind of funny how they seemed to care more when she was just brought into the house that being bitten more than once might be bad, and now they just plain don't give a shit. That's development right there.

Because the best part of waking up is Folger's in your cup!

She drops the dagger and falls to the bed though, and Subaru picks up the dagger, and asks her the most idiotic question imaginable.

She has been terrified since DAY ONE. Where have you been?

At this point Yume declares that isn't it at all. She just feels that if she has that dagger with her she... doesn't know what she'll do?

... wait, I'm sorry what? Could you maybe try explaining that one to me again?

Oh. Thanks for clarifying that.

Then she goes to have a little cry on the bed and he's all "keep it" and vanishes from sight between cuts, because vampires do that. Oh and uh, why is she worried about having the dagger if she doesn't know what she'll do with it but clearly wants to have it around? I'm having a hard time keeping track of what's actually supposed to be the thing bothering you here.

From where I'm sitting, it seems an awful lot like she is simply distraught because that's what the script says she's supposed to be. Are you going to kill yourself to keep from being possessed or what girl? I mean make up your mind already.

Also the dagger somehow moved. Careful not to
cut your own heart out or anything!

So she stares at the dagger, and then Richter shows up to tell her that her blood is driving them nuts. Because she is close  to 'awakening' so it's really not that surprising.

And yes, he is just suddenly there, like every other vampire in this show. It seems to be their only power. A power which seems to be lost when dramatic flair demands a door to be shoved open because... yeah.

Anyways he informs her that it's about to get all Battle Royale up in this bitch, with her as the final prize for the last blood-sucker standing.

Then he asks her to "admit it".

Don't you mean "want this to happen?" not "know it will"?

So she asks him for advice, and he's all "just clear your mind and let shit happen, and when you figure out what to do, just let it happen like it was destiny."

Basically... kill yourself is what he's saying. Even though he probably doesn't realize that's what he's saying. Okay. Then the window bursts open and we see the blood red Moon and the actual Cordelia looks at her and does the bump-bump thing and she walks over to the not there lady and becomes possessed again because she takes her hand and falls to the ground.

Oh and people are all "woow is Awakening tiem" and violins play and the episode ends abruptly.

Well. Glad you clarified all of that shit. Thanks for that. Wait no sorry that's a lie you didn't actually clarify much other than "you are now possessed and will be". Two episodes left, and they have yet to tell us what this "awakening" thing is ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE. Because I am pretty sure it isn't "get possessed by a vampire we already killed once".

Y'know, I can't help but get the impression they really could have told this story over a period of like, four full-length episodes. Maybe make it an OVA instead of a TV adaption stretched so thin you make Gollum look like Terry Crews.

This show is a disaster and I cannot wait for it to be done and over with.