Free! Eternal Summer Episode 05 - A Resolution's Heads-Up!

I keep falling short of my three-times-a-week goal. It gets quite annoying, but today, that changes.

We're getting back on track here, damn it. Just because I have an actual pile full of stuff that isn't remotely as bad as the stuff I watch here to go through, nah, I'm going to sit down and force myself to suffer through another episode of Free!.

I'm sure there's a very good reason for all of this but I just haven't figured out what it is yet so I'd better move along before I catch on to what I am doing to myself.

Okay so this episode starts off... weird. Mako shows up to bust in on Haru taking another cold bath, and he remarks on how since summer started he's begun taking them or something, walks in on Haru naked and then suddenly HARU TAKES HIS REVENGE UPON MAKO FOR DISTURBING HIS SLUMBER.

WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOME?

It's actually amazingly creepy for a nice change of pace. Good thing they aren't constantly reminding us this is a work of fiction, because now I can believe shit like this does actually happen.

THE GREAT ONE RISES FROM THE DEEP! IA! IA!

Mako screams like the little girl he is and it's opening theme song time baby. Aww yeaah. GET PUMPED FOR WET MEN DOING YOUNG MEN THINGS.

Turns out, Nagi snuck into Haru's house first and decided to play a little prank.

... okay seriously, does EVERYBODY just break into Haru's place or something I mean holy crap. So what was he doing there in the first place?

Oh y'know. Just. Spending the night. As casual-like. No big deal.

... this is the epitome of "I don't want to know."

Eventually Haru stops watching Nagi do dumb things and asks "what the hell are you doing in my back yard?"

Dude. His eyes are UP THERE.

But before he can set fire to something and probably burn down the neighborhood, so Haru took him home, much to Nagi's incredible pleasure. In fact, one might suggest this was his entire plan to begin with.

Then Rei is all "uh that's in Autumn" and Nagi is all "oh god you actually thought I meant what I said yeah well let's just roll with it ha ha boy am I dumb" and I am simply burying my face in a pillow because god let it be over soon please.

So Nagi is all "WE SHOULD PRACTICE SUPER HARD TODAY" and the others are all "uh okay but first let's check in with that other school" where everyone are admiring Rin's rock-hard abs.

Yes. His abs.

He's all "I think my training is pretty awesome, I mean you gotta be awesome to compete internationally right?" and that fourth guy is trying to drown himself.

So back to our heroes or something walking home after practice swimming with... paddles? Okay. Then Nagi is oddly quiet and the others are all "dude what's up with you?" and he's like "nah I'm cool I'm just all not here today hah" and Rei is all "dafuq is up with you brah?", which makes Nagi run off by himself saying he's just tired or something, and Mako is all "Hey doesn't this plot setup seem oddly familiar to you guys?"

Oh, like camping in Haru's back yard and acting like Rei
from two episodes when he was learning to swim wasn't
enough of a f***ing clue?

Back to Haru cooking, where there is someone ringing his bell. It's Nagi again! So they hang out while Haru stares at his career path survey, and Nagi takes a peek. All he wants it to be FREE! Which reminds Nagi he should turn his in too. So what kind of career goals does he have in mind?

Oh, you know...

... the usual assortment of easily-attainable jobs.

Nagi can't decide on a single thing so let's watch the cat while Haru says he could do anything. Nagi says that Haru can do anything too, why, he could even be a pro swimmer or something if he wanted? But nope, he doesn't care. Time to find out why Nagi is really here, so what's the deal bro?

Boy that was fast.

Nagi goes running off, to hang out with Mako instead. With a giant pink duffel bag and Haru followed to beat the truth out of Nagi. The truth?

He, uh, ran away from home. Okay.

But if he tells you then you won't let him stay!

He begs them though, to please shut the hell up and let him stay at one of their places. Haru makes a call and Nagi locks himself away somewhere which is the perfect time for Rei to come busting in screaming all freaked out about someone running away from home.

What in the hell is this? Is this suddenly turning into some weird Scooby Doo plot or something? Now they sit around and discuss how weird this all is and how little they actually know about Nagi's parents. But he won't talk, so it's up to Mako to beat the truth out of him. Alone.

You are even more gullible than I thought.

Even Haru is like "dude, what the hell are you on?" So it's up to Haru this time to beat the truth out of him. Or rather, to just let him stay at his place after being given several cans of Mackerel.

So now it is Rei's turn to figure something out.

You're no Will Shatner, but you'll probably be just as effective.

Finally they all decide to confront him at once because Rei is an idiot, and we're already halfway through the episode so they're running out of material they can use to drag this out any longer. He apologizes for making everyone worry, and decides to finally tell the truth, which may get him kicked out of the club.

See, his grades are sucking, and his parents told him to quit Swim club. What's the big deal though? Just get your grades back on track right? Nope, his parents are super hardcore strict and won't let him ever join swim club ever again.

Anyhoo, Rei decides to ask Nagi just how idiotic he is. What, running away from home will let your parents recognize your swim talent? Please. SUPER SERIOUS DRAMATIC MOMENTS as Rei is all "DID YOU REALLY THINK THIS WOULD WORK?" Then Nagi's phone goes off and he gets a text that his mom is coming to drag his ass back home. So they run off to the swim club! Because nobody cares about breaking and entering I mean have you see the non-existent lock on Haru's place?

Remember the last time they came here? There was talk of ghosts and stuff? Yeah well Mako is still scared of that shit even though the entire building has been renovated. Rei wants them all to go to the locker room (how suspicious), and I have to wonder: Why didn't they just let Nagi stay at Haru's place? It isn't as though he even has parents who give a shit. Or parents at all, really.

I'm having a hard time figuring out who cares less, me or Haru.

They settle for hiding behind the counter because someone will wind up seeing them or something. Rei takes a peek at Nagi's grades, which range from 41% to 98%. Boy, someone is... well, all over the place I guess. What's the deal with his grades slipping? Ah, he just hates studying.

Then he gets all weepy and talks about how his parents are pressuring him to do the best of the best in all this super boring stuff. Eventually he lost focus and was like "WHAT IS MY LIFE?!" and so rather than let their kid commit suicide, they decided to let him transfer to Iwatobi. Because y'know, that's probably the smarter idea.

You can't even hide properly...

Nagi transferred so he could swim, but not just with anyone, but with Mako and Haru! Oh and Rei too I guess. IT GIVES HIS LIFE MEANING. THIS IS WHY SWIM CLUB IS SUPER IMPORTANT.

And this is why he ran away from home without even telling his parents how he feels because he is convinced they will not listen. Then lights show up as they realize someone is parking outside. TIME TO RUN INTO THE BUILDING. GOTTA HIDE GOTTA HIDE. What's going on? Well, someone approaches the locker room they are hiding in, but then walk off which lets them sneak off to the pool. Rei gets all introspective and has a burning question to ask Nagi: He hasn't tried talking to them, has he? About the whole wanting to die from boredom thing.

Yes, Rei can never understand because you will never
bother trying to explain to anyone.

Then he gets all weepy in Rei's arms and women everywhere got kicked in the feels as straight men talk all about FEELINGS and NEVER GIVING UP and how IMPORTANT IT IS TO NEVER GET THE HINT TO GO AWAY.

Finally the waterworks begin, and Nagi is all talking about wanting to decide his own damn future for a change, so that means they'll just have to all talk to his parents for him. Oh but someone is just outside of the pool whatever will they do?

Why, they'll stand between Nagi and the big bad evil parents. Or not because Nagi decides "screw this noise time to face the music", and uh, screams out loud.

Is this where he finally comes out as being utterly gay?
Because I would actually be really fine with that.

He screams about how he never gets to say what he wants and how nobody ever listens and damn it they are going to hear him this time so screw them. He wants to keep swimming no matter what, and rips over the curtain to find out that uh, it's their teacher.

She seems kind of upset but not really? She tells him to go home already because his parents are worried. He agrees, and she apologizes for not having made herself known earlier.

Don't feel bad, the entire male cast has been trying to
find the right moment to come out since episode 1.

But how did she get here? Well remember that phone call Haru made? Yeah... he was calling her. To ask her to ask the parents to let Nagi stay with someone else for awhile. Because I'm sure that was a foolproof plan that never could have failed.

They all decide to work together though, to talk to his parents all at once, so they're off to do that or something because it's the end of the episode and nobody wants to see this club break up. Except maybe me.

Transition to the next day when they tell Gou everything she missed, and now they magically talked his parents into letting him swim. But he'd better get to Nationals or something or they will be SORELY DISAPPOINT.

So they have to train super hard and make it to Nationals. For Nagi's sake. END CREDITS.

.... wait. You mean you had to try and pigeon-hole their justification for wanting to make it to Nationals this year as being solely based on Nagi's parents wanting their child to succeed?

My god this whole episode was a waste of my goddamn time.