Sailor Moon S Episode 16 - Wanting More Power! Mako-Chan's Lost Path

So remember when I said I thought I had a handle on the whole crashing thing?

... yeah that was kind of... um, optimistic to say the least. I did, however, manage to solve my issue.

Just as a word of warning to anyone wondering why their computer is acting strangely: if you look on any of your computer components and see a thick layer of dust resting on them, you should probably get rid of that shit. Immediately.

In other news, I've been crash free since so that means we can get back to business as usual around here. Now where did I put my hurty mallet...

Considering this was another weekend where I got to watch the incredibly fantastic Sailor Moon Crystal, it is only fitting that I return to a darker time in their history, when things... didn't make quite so much sense. So yeah. What's up for today's episode, my little preview? Makoto is training at a temple or something? Then gets attacked by a monster with a brush? Oh, okay. I should just turn my brain off now shouldn't I.

Yeah. That's probably for the best. Roll footage...

IMAGINE. THE MOUNTAINS. PEOPLE RUNNING BAREFOOT ALONG THEIR PATHWAYS. A GIRL. MAKOTO. TRIPPING OVER ROOTS. And... a flashback with... oh god help me.

HOW DO THEY KEEP COMING UP WITH STUPID ENEMIES?

A flashback where they were fighting, and I shit you not, an evil body-building electrical plug woman.

... oh god this is just unreal. It's like I'm watching someone else's bad dream about watching this show.

We just started this and already, I'm at a loss for words.

Then Jupiter runs up, or rather we see a sequence of still images of her running up, locking hands with the foe, getting thrown aside and then she's all "LITNAN BORT!" and who would guess that a lightning-based attack would be fairly ineffective against such a monster.

It's a goddamn electrical plug what the hell were you expecting anyways? Then Sailor Moon does her spinny magic stick thing (again portrayed through gratuitous use of static imagery) and even the LOVELY'D portion is just a static image.

... holy crap man. Just holy crap. This is some kind of lazy, but I kinda get it, I mean it's all just set up and I'm glad they didn't waste an entire episode on this thing, but seriously a bodybuilding plug woman I mean come on!

So we come back to the now, where we learn that Makoto wants even more power, and she gets up and runs off because I guess one powerup this season just wasn't enough for her. Cue the title slide and let's get the show rolling.

IT IS EVIL LAB TIME. Today we get lots of lovely stock footage of the doctor talking on the phone to that one chick at the computer who is all "found a bald monk, thought you'd like it" and he is all "PERFECT WE MUST MAKE A THING FOR THIS" even though it makes absolutely no sense to do themed monsters at this point but when you are evil and hellbent on destroying the world I guess you're entitled to making no damned sense.

Once again, I am forced to call into question your heuristics
for determining these things...

Oh and she decides to ask something NOBODY IN THE LAST FIFTEEN EPISODES ever thought to ask: What does a talisman actually look like?

Well, if a heart is pure enough, it will transform into one of three objects: A mirror, a sword, or an orb.

Oh hey that's basically the the three imperial regalia! Though, while the third piece (the jewel) is typically depicted as being a magatama, in this case they're going with something slightly more literal. Though this begs a brand new question: What in the hell are the three imperial Regalia doing in the hearts of some random schmucks? Hell, for that matter, what's the deal with this whole arbitrary time limit you've put yourself under? Oh I'm sure that'll be properly explained later. Or not. Kind of hit or miss with details like that in this show.

So basically, when the three objects are brought together, a 'holy grail' is supposed to show up. Not entirely sure how that works in with the mythos, I'm thinking they just made some shit up and oh god what are they throwing into the oven today.

... this looks so freaking out of place.

You know they're pinching pennies with this episode because they are treating us to a bit more stock footage transformation than last episode.

... also, somehow they have physics-defying launch ramps that give zero shits about what is on the other side.

Also, a submarine car or something.

After driving off on the railway tracks, Usagi gets a postcard from Makoto who tells her she's off training and oh it looks like she's at a temple right next to where Mamoru is staying at.

... wait what? Why does this matter at all? Are you just loosely trying to give her justification to go running after her friend? Oh god you are, aren't you. I guess he's working there part time because he is an adult and jobs are things you kind of need if you want to do things like eating food.

I have no idea how you came to this conclusion but I guess
we'll just have to roll with this.

One train ride later, the girls are on a field trip to visit Usagi's boyfriend. Oh, and their other friend I guess, whatever. They feed the cats some shrimp and Rei just has to f***ing tempt fate.

NO. NO YOU ARE NOT. SHUT UP.

Turns out, Usagi ditched the girl by saying she was going to go to the bathroom, and straight up snuck out the back door while the brat wasn't looking. That is some true A-grade mom material there folks. Hell, Usagi even mentions that she is clearly Chibi-usa's future mother, so I have no idea how this is supposed to be endearing to a child. Shouldn't it actually be, I dunno, horrifically scarring or something? Because if I were treated like this by my mom, even if I'd traveled back to the past, I think I would be asking myself some serious questions. Like, is it possible to get your mom arrested for child neglect that happened to you before you were even born?

No seriously is that possible because I am pretty sure that this is a thing that should happen. That girl should not be walking free, princess or otherwise.

And for that matter, why do they still call her a princess when the queen is clearly dead? Shouldn't that mean she's basically already Neo-Queen Serenity?

Screw it we're moving along this is dragging on for long enough.

A bus ride later and the girls have arrived at their destination! Why, there's the awesome hotel! The real reason they came. Not to do that thing where they help their friend with training, I mean who would do such a thing?

... Ami, why are you even here then?

But before Usagi can manage to get them all off-track by suggesting they stay at a hotel they cannot possibly afford (unless Mina still has some of that sweet merchandising cash tucked away somewhere), Luna is all "hey she just wants to see her boyfriend, screw that and let's focus on real issues thanks".

The other girls are understandably annoyed by this turn of events. What kind of friend lies to her pals about this? So they're off to the temple, forgetting all about that hotel thing.

One stairway to heaven later...

... or maybe just a couple thousand I mean what's the difference.

The girls finally reach the top where Makoto is assaulting some poor tree. They announce to her that they are here to help, and then some bald monk that totally isn't about to be attacked runs up the stairs, flips over the group and keeps running, while Mako tells us that he runs 50 laps around the mountains every day.

I'm sure he just reminds her of someone else who treated
her like total shit once.

Now we get to see waterfall meditation techniques. Mako is all "holy shit that's cold" and asks the monk how she can be just like him. Then goes on to ask him advice while blushing over his 'mental state'. He continues to say nothing, until she asks why he refuses to answer any of her truly important questions.

.... oh. Okay.

Then he gets a cold and she laughs and he's all "you got a nice smile", tells her a quote about how you have to walk the path you've chosen, and tells her that even he has doubts about the choices he's made sometimes.

But now we discover that the EVIL STAR WAGON has arrived on the scene, just above where this conversation is taking place.

Meanwhile at the temple, the girls are all lying around and asking Mako why she decided to just come out here all of a sudden. They're all talking about how friends should talk to one another, and then quickly get into a very loud pillow fight. In the middle of a Buddhist temple. I'm sure that will end well.

Seriously Ami. Why are you even here?

Comedic pan out, shot of the moon, watch as all the girls but Mako are sleeping. She seems happy that her pals came out to help her, but this is a problem she needs to solve herself. After the commercial break, of course.

So it is now early in the morning and Mako wakes them all up with her amazing air-fighting skills, and they decide they can't really do anything to help her so it's time to have a very modest Buddhist breakfast.

I dunno this makes me kinda hungry...

They talk about the merits of eating this food, while Usagi complains, and then the cats are all "hey your friend already left". So Usagi decides they should head to the hotel for breakfast! And not to totally see her boyfriend. Also, everybody brought swimsuits. Including Ami.

Including Ami.

This is the look of realization that Makoto's friends?
They are all kind of dicks. Including the smart one.

So off to the hotel for lounging in swimsuits and pigging out on food and staring at the water's ass. I mean Mamoru's ass. Ah screw it, they're the same thing in this case.

Shit like this would make me dump her faster than
a bag of rotten apples.

Anyways he gets called off to work again, and some guys talk about how hot those chicks look. Oh wait but look there's some hotter chicks somewhere else yeaaaaah.

The hotter chicks in question.

Seriously, these two girls cannot go anywhere without rose petals flying all over the place. Kind of like Tuxedo Mask, but more so because they don't even have to be transformed for this shit to keep happening. It's every freaking time! Also, has no one put together just quite yet that these two are rarely seen without one another? They've totally got a thing going by now.

The girls run over to say hi, and what a coincidence that they're all at this resort together, and oh they should probably get back to the temple or something, and then Usagi falls into the pool. Michiru says something is about to happen, and we're out to the mountains where a storm is brewing, and for some reason Usagi is walking by her lonesome, when a familiar STAR WAGON passes by.

Now, Mako and that bald dude sit on rocks. Silently. Or rather, kind of quiet because dude fell asleep meditating. SUDDENLY A GUN IS POINTED AT THEM OH NOOOOO.

Quickly! Move so I can leap into her bullet!

Today's crystal? Not the regalia we are looking for. But dude is so beast, he doesn't let a little thing like having his heart ripped out of his body stop him from telling Makoto that people can't live alone, and she shouldn't force herself. Then the doctor strips and walks over, while Mako transforms because, y'know, this is her thing to do.

Oh and somewhere Usagi is also transforming into Sailor Moon because, y'know. I guess she's the only one who can kill monsters or something.

Jupiter does her thing, and the Daimon, Darumah pops up.

Somewhere, a Buddhist monk is crying and doesn't know why.

In case you're wondering what in the hell this is about: Daruma dolls are kind of a good luck charm of sorts. The basic gist is they are supposed to encourage people to keep on keeping on. Which makes this just, well, f***ing bizarre even by Japan's standards of weirdness.

She attacks by shooting bristles out of her brush and throwing disc-shaped... discs or something, and then Sailor Moon shows up to say a stupid thing about standing up the eighth time. Also, punishing by the light of the moon and oh look those other three are here too. Not that it matters because Jupiter is all "YO I GOT THIS BROS."

I DON'T GOT THIS BROS.

Thanks to Jupiter, everyone gets thrown to the ground, and then Uranus and Neptune show up, go "lol not a Talisman", the doctor runs away, and Jupiter gets back up and is all "DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID HELP, I GOT THIS BROS. I. GOT. THIS."

Oddly enough, Neptune and Uranus are all "uh, yeah about that um, y'know you should take help when it's offered, especially considering we never offer to help with stuff".

WTF JAPAN. WTF.

So as the girls are being electrocuted, after just standing there while they all get trapped by inky bristles, Sailor Moon is all "hey let's combine our powers and act as one" all calmly while being electrocuted, and we flash back to the wise monk's words and Jupiter is all "OKAY WE GOT THIS BROS." Then they do a Planet Power thing, the monster freaks out, and knocks the scepter out of Sailor Moon's hands before she can Lovely the shit out of her.

Jupiter once more recalls some other wise words the monk said about doing nothing, and so she decides to just relax, confusing the monster. Oh wait no she's just going to throw a shitton of lightning at it until it blows up and becomes a normal Daruma again.

Joy of joys, Jupiter did a thing, and everyone is happy. Time to ride the train home and eat lots of food. While seeing weird monk dude waving despite the train rolling at like fifty miles an hour, and roll credits.

These episodes are just getting weirder and weirder. Just... flat damn weird.

I like weird things, but I'm having a difficult time finding ways to back this show. It just... it hardly makes any sense.

I think I'm starting to better understand why the show was popular, but I think that was more popular by default rather than being particularly good. Don't get me wrong, they have some great ideas but... they focus less on that stuff and more on weird shit that has no bearing on the overall story. Like these monsters.

Remember the days back when Nephrite and Zoisite were running around town, mucking things up and summoning giant evil cats?

... I miss those days.