Oh well, I'm sure I'll figure something out. In the meantime though, here's the next episode of Sailor Moon S. I'm sure today won't be too bad right?
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| Hold on a second didn't we already do this like... three episodes ago or something...? |
So today's episode is something about using flowers for evil purposes and Usagi being evil or something? Boy there's a real stretch. Roll the intro, let's get this over with... I'm feeling a train wreck coming on.
We actually begin today's episode with the last few moments of last episode, complete with Mimet's timely demise.
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| God I love this image. She so deserves this shit. |
Then Sailor Moon falls down, Telulu vanishes, blah blah it's actually the real last minute of the previous episode. They were really phoning this one in weren't they. Roll title slide!
Now, okay, let's give the show the fair and balanced treatment it deserves. It's entirely possible that this episode will be just as good, if not perhaps better than, the last three. They've been on a pretty good streak, after all. Good character progression, some serious plot developments, and even some good bits of dialogue. It's entirely possible that their re-hashing of an idea they used four episodes back, or the fact that they spent the first minute of the actual show re-using the final minute of the previous show could just be them setting up for something very, very good.
Let me just state for the record, however, that given their previous track record, I am NOT giving them the benefit of the doubt here. Because of every single dance ball episode they've ever done.
We may continue now.
The episode ACTUALLY actually begins at the two minute and forty-four second mark, with a very heartfelt, emotional declaration.
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| ... yeah.... |
I'll give the original scouts credit where it's due. They truly believe that there is, in fact, some other way around this whole mess. Some unexplored option that hasn't been considered. Which makes a lot of sense when you keep in mind that there have only been two people attacking this problem from the very start.
I'm sure they'll accept this appeal for common sense and camaraderie, right?
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| Nah, that's just now how Uranus rolls. Giant earth-shattering explosions first, maybe some questions later. Actually, skip the questions let's just do the explosions again to be sure. |
Uranus declares their intention to seal away both Hotaru and Sailor Saturn. Because that's the world they desire.
Oh, I see now. The truth has finally come out. Haruka is just a f***ing cunt.
Not a bitch.
A straight up cunt.
Chibiusa cries saying that this really isn't fair at all, because none of this is actually Hotaru's fault. Which is... true for a change. I mean, the girl didn't ask to be possessed, nor did she ask to become the person who might accidentally the entire world. All she wanted was to be a normal person who got to make friends and have fun. Chibiusa gets this, although admittedly she accepts this without proof of course, but based on everything she's seen? Chibiusa is, in fact, 100%, fully justified in her beliefs.
Which, oddly enough, makes me really want to side with her on this issue.
Ugh. I can't believe I just said that. I feel wrong all of a sudden.
So no matter what, Chibiusa declares she will protect her friend. No matter what.
We now check in over at the Palace of Plushkinia, where our lovable possessed evil girl is sitting on her comfy throne asking where the hell are those Pure Hearts she ordered like six months ago. Seriously, where the hell are they? Like, did they order them from Pizza Hut or something? Did the delivery guy get lost? I mean they do kinda live in the sewers so it's understandable but still. Six months? Did someone just not answer their call when they tried to get directions?
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| "I'm sorry. Nobody answered the door so they left and now they have to re-make our order all over again and send it back out." |
Evil Darling reiterates just how very important it is that she get these Pure Hearts. It's kind of a big deal for her.
Then she passes out for a second and Hotaru starts poking through again, but the possession comes back out and we see the delivery guys are still trying to find the new office of the Witches... however many are left at this point.
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| Also, f**k that h, we don't need it. We're just Witces 3. |
So the phone rings forever, and we get the feeling that perhaps Telulu is... well. Considering some things.
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| Gee I wonder what today's theme is going to be. |
Eventually she picks the damn phone up, forgets that Witches 5 has been re-named Witces 3 (presumably by her), and the professor is all "so about those TPS reports..."
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| I'm going to need you to use the red cover for these... oh and you know we're filling them out in triplicate now right? Can I have these on my desk by the end of the day? Thanks. |
Her whole plan is that she wants to use plants to steal the hearts. Which... again is a thing which has already been tried, and kind of failed but whatever okay they're just going to go through with it anyways.
Oh yeah, and remember when the professor broke his phone?
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| Well now, it is Franken-Phone. |
He also points out that this whole Daimon thing? Yeah, it's not really working out quite as well as they had hoped. In fact, they pretty much have had a zero percent retention rate at this point? I can't think of a single heart they have managed to actually recover. Hell, if you look back, it's looking like things were going pretty well before Mimet got involved.
Maybe Telulu can turn that around? That's his hope. So she holds up the potted plant and oh holy crap this one is thorough.
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| What do you know, they *DO* have lights installed! |
Oh yeah, and remember Kaori?
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| Yeah, she's still just as busty as ever. Mmm. |
Oh and she gives him a massage because his shoulders are stiff. Oh yeah and she actually DID die. Because the professor quite literally brought her back to life. Which made her not quite so much of a bitch I guess? She seems a lot kinder, excepting where Hotaru is involved but whatever screw that kid. She's all madly in love with the professor and willing to do anything for him.
Considering she already died trying to help him once before, that's not a huge surprise.
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| *blinks* Oh. Wow. Okay. did NOT see this coming! |
In an amazing turn of events, he recalls that bit I mentioned about how they seemed to be wildly more successful back when she was running things. So he does the smart thing, and asks her to consider going back into the field, instead of being wasted as merely being his secretary.
Huh. I am actually speechless.
He calls her Kaorinite again, and she realizes she doesn't have much choice in the matter, and once again becomes that evil bitch who overall was pretty likable as a villain, if perhaps a little incompetent.
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| EVIL MODE: ACTIVATED. |
She undergoes a quick transformation, and becomes... Kaorinite 2.0.
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| Oh damn. She looks pretty bitchin'. |
Off to some awesome flower store that sells the most amazing flowers ever!
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| Wow, Telulu really does resemble Usagi without her glasses. |
Remember back in the last season where the villains kept offering stuff on sale for insane prices? Well for the price of merely TEN YEN YOU TOO CAN OWN YOUR OWN AMAZING PINK FLOWER THING THAT BLOOMS IN JUST A FEW DAYS AND REQUIRES NO CARE WHATSOEVER.
It's... kind of ingenious really. For a literal penny, you're asking them to basically just walk away with your entire stock.
Oh but these flowers are called Teluluns.
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| Even Setsuna is like 'okay that sounds fishy'. |
Meanwhile, over at some plant house, A PLANT BEGINS TO GLOW EVILLY AND KILLS EVERYTHING ELSE INSIDE.
Oh and now Chibiusa is running around the city without adult supervision.
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| Okay between the two cats you might get one adult, but Usagi there is like negative three adults easy. |
Why is she running away? Who knows! Usagi doesn't want to deal with this, but the kid is probably worried about her friend or whatever. But hey, they're sure the kid will be juuuust fine, right?
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| Yeah it's not like you're the kind of cold-hearted bitch that would send your kid back to the past before you were anything close to resembling a responsible human being to be put in any dang- wait a second. |
Interlude where Usagi gets mad about being told she's like her future daughter or whatever, and turns out they're close to Mugen academy which is still around?
So yeah Chibiusa heads inside the empty campus, alone.
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| I think you missed the part where I said "SHE GOES IN ALONE." |
Time for a lecture about how dangerous that place is an how it might be home of the Death Busters. But her best friend might be kidnapped and she needs to save her friend no matter what! So let's just ignore that thing where you know FIVE ACTUAL BADASSES and just rush in on your own.
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| But you're her mot- oh forget it. |
Back over at the doll house, Hotaru wakes up again and is like "where the hell am I?"
Meanwhile, Setsuna seems to be raising that plant and doing, well, research or something? It seems research-ey. She's using a computer in a dark room after all. That screams research.
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| IT IS ALL SO VERY SUPER SCIENTIFIC. |
But then the flower glows all evil and stuff and blooms and she's like "uh that can't be good."
Then it explodes and.... her staff saves her I guess?
Cut to Hotaru being given a flower by the evil Telulu.
Boy that escalated quickly.
She takes the flower, decides it'll probably make Chibiusa happy, and wanders off.
... huh. So somehow she found her way out of the evil underground lair, and her first thought wasn't "how the hell did I get into this weird place" but is instead "Let's go see Chibiusa"?
... hmm. Seems like this is a great time for a commercial break.
Afterwards, she shows up at Usagi's place, holding an evil flower and saying "sup".
Hotaru hands over the flower that grants happiness because she's a super thoughtful friend, and gets all sad because she accidentally hurts people and realizes... she's kind of a danger to everyone? That whole evil split personality thing.
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| Awwww. |
But then she gets all possess-ey and uh, kinda turns evil all of a sudden.
Before anything bad happens though, Hotaru manages to stop herself, and Usagi merely watches in horror as her future daughter very nearly gets murdered before her very eyes.
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| I dunno about you but if it were up to me? I'd be calling the band together and get on this ASAP. |
Oh shit, though! Things get unreasonably real as Kaorinite arrives on the scene to bring Hotaru back home again! She blasts Chibiusa back, grabs Hotaru, and flies off into the sky as the two girls try to figure out what the hell is going on.
Chibiusa doesn't care too much about that however and mostly blames herself for being pretty much useless. Setsuna shows up though, sees the evil flower, and rips it from her hands before it can do any damage, which makes Chibiusa pretty mad. Because her friend gave it to her!
This causes Setsuna to come to a very reasonable conclusion, given the information presented to her, though.
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| Y'know I actually can't blame her for thinking this. |
They look on as the flower withers away, and Setsuna points out that had the flower been allowed to bloom, it surely would have stolen a Pure Heart. Which is bad! Oh yeah and also there's like a million of these things and they could be blooming all over the place at this point? Which is totally different from their previous operations which were basically "find a person, attack them with a monster, hope you get what you're looking for".
It's almost like they are actually being smart about this!
This is a pretty big problem that they need to solve right away, and Chibiusa volunteers to help.
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| Yeah you tell them tiny pink sugar blob! |
Over at the flower shop, the girls arrive and Chibiusa takes charge by saying they should sneak into the back. So that's what they do! Meanwhile, Telulu is running the front of the shop and is all laughing about how she's going to steal the hearts of everyone inside.
This is accomplished by completely abandoning any pretense of continuing to distribute the plants and instead just trapping everyone inside and gassing them to death.
... I'm sorry I thought you were being smart about this????
The plants grow and the harvest begins.
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| Well, the law of averages is on THEIR side for once, at least. |
Telulu gathers up the hearts, the girls see what's going on from teh back office, and they decide it's time to save the day so let's transform.
We even get to see Pluto transform, which is a real rarity. But her transformation is actually pretty awesome.
Of course, it's time to show up and shout things about justice and prepare to kick some asses in the name of the moon!
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| When was the last time I posted this? It's been awhile. |
Telulu compliments them on their intelligence, but decides eh, she'll just take their hearts too. Chibiusa charges up, and unleashes her super ultimate attack.
... which is nothing, as usual. Wait no, it's just on delayed blast setting. Not that it really means much because it's pretty useless and Pluto winds up getting snared by roots because Usagi is too busy standing around looking like a dork. Also, she chose not to call for backup. This is your leader people!
Ah but leave it to Tuxedo Mask to show up and rant about how shitty it is to use flowers for evil purposes. Then Sailor Moon uses the grail and does a grail thing and purifies all of the plants.
Yeah it really did just kind of happen that quickly.
For the first time though, there's nothing for her heart attack to strike, besides a bunch of potted plants, which makes Telulu kind of mad. But then she fixes that by injecting one of her plants with a thing that turns it into a monster!
She calls it.... HYPER-TELULUN.
Oh yeah and unlike the regular ones, it explodes after it steals your heart because THIS THING IS SO HYPER.
But before Telulu can get away scot free, Tuxedo Mask hits her black star with a rose which sends all of the pure hearts free, and thereby foiling her totally perfect plan.
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| Oh yeah and Hyper-Telulun is all FEEED ME SEYMOOOOUR! FEEEEED MEEEEEE! |
But boy you'd better believe the girl fights back with everything she's got, while Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon literally just stand on the sidelines.
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| Don't mind me, just gonna attack my own plant monster with weird evil vine things. |
It explodes though, seeming to take Telulu with it, and winds up leaving something behind. A book from Mugen Academy!
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| I'm kind of curious to see those pages translated... |
Seems Mugen Academy should be the focus of their investigations! Chibiusa checks on Pluto, who turns out to be okay, and Chibiusa is all "Pretty sure Hotaru is still cool and all, just letting you know that" and the episode ends.
On the one hand, this episode is kind of weak. It reeks of filler material. But on the other? They managed to use a legitimate monster for once. And they returned Kaorinite to the forefront.
Well played, you guys.
Well. Played.
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