Maken-Ki! Episode 06 - Descending to Tenbi Like Rain

Ah, Fridays. While most people would be celebrating the start of a weekend, here I am going over this godawful show that is somehow shoving more butts in my face per minute than a show about little girls who never wear pants.

I'm still baffled by this, mind you.

Utterly baffled.

What else is left to say? I'm watching Maken-Ki!, so let's dive right in.

Oh hey, it's that intro I can totally sleep through again. That's good. I can turn my brain off for the first sixty seconds and not feel the least bit guilty.

Come to think of it though, given the choice between having to watch this, and having to watch Shimoneta, I would choose this show every goddamned time. Which tells you a lot about the watchability of both shows if you pay attention to my tastes.

Today's episode begins with rain in a small park, and a shaky cam. Wow, I don't immediately hate this. How long will that last?

Probably not beyond the two-minute mark judging by this
being some kind of flashback.

So tiny ninja girl is practicing while dorkface is like "dude, it's raining dafuq is wrong with you girl' and then is like "no seriously get out of the damned rain".

I AM SO ANGRY AT THE FACT THAT YOU MIGHT CATCH
A COLD FROM DOING KARATE OUTSIDE. ALSO WHY
ARE YOU DOING KARATE OUTSIDE. THAT'S DUMB.
YOU'RE A DUMB GIRL.

I think we can see where this is going. Wait, you mean you can't? Clearly he's going to say something and she's gonna be all I WILL TOTALLY MARRY YOU SOMEDAY and he will forget about it and then we flash back to the present and find out OH HEY THAT WAS THAT GIRL WHO SAID SHE WAS HIS FIANCEE.

They forego the shaky cam and she's like "pfft rain whatever" and he's like "yeah rain is dumb". AND THEN THE GIRL WAKES UP IN CLASS TODAY. OH LOOK, IT IS RAINING OUTSIDE AND SHE IS THAT GIRL I TOTALLY JUST TOLD YOU SHE WAS.

Wow what a touching flashback that was.

At least we learned they met eight years ago and he probably doesn't even remember her. Which he clearly doesn't. Anyways she stops daydreaming as dude is like "uh, what the hell is wrong with you, class is over."

Oh wait nevermind, he's kicking her out because the boys want to change for gym class so they can practice "elements" or whatever.

At least they are reversing the role for once, with the whole "gotta change for next class leave"?

Also, I love the expression of the guys on the left, who seem to
have just now noticed they were about to get nakedified in
the presence of some boobs.

So she's like OH RIGHT BETTER LEAVE and so she leaves but not before she reminds him about the day they met. You know, that day he doesn't remember at all? But she walks off without explaining anything and he's like "the f**k was THAT all about?"

Then we head off to gym class, where it's still raining but now we're indoors. I guess we get to see what this 'elemental training' thing is all about.

THIS IS VERY SCIENTIFIC I ASSURE YOU.

So people stare into a ball, and they're told that the fog inside is an Element, and they need to figure out how to... uh, control it or something?

It's at this moment I realize we are almost four minutes in, and aside from the opening, we have yet to get a single pantsu counter. Am I watching the right show? Or is it tricking me again? Even better question: Did it abandon the whole 'show about showing girls getting their clothes ripped off' suddenly? Because the opening still indicates it's basically still all about showing off butts.

Anyway maindude condenses his fog into the middle and he learns this shit is hard. And some people are awesome.

Oh yeah, let's take this moment to have some random student call back to that shit from last episode. Whatever happened to the crazy spider chick? Uh, nothing really, since she lost all her memories and shit.

I almost don't have the heart to count this as a pantsu, but...
first pantsu count at four minutes and thirty-eight seconds.

Then the boys get slapped by the chick with the huge tits and giant fan and get told if they don't focus on their balls then they're going to pay for it later.

*snrk*

There are so many jokes I could make about this. So. Many. Jokes.

She tells them that learning to use an Element is way better than using some shitty replica weapon and then demands to give them a demonstration despite literally nobody asking for one.

She just wants to show off for the boys.

So the principal picks on the biggest dude in the entire class, and he's like "FINE. STEEL ON!" They posture for a bit and then some energy wraps around her body and we see some old shitty diagrams and she's like "we can do shit without Makens" and then sends the kid flying through the gym's wall. He survives though, so don't worry.

Now the tiny crazy marriage chick is like "holy cow are you okay dude?" and he's like "pfft yeah whatevs I'm good" and then she flashbacks to that time a long time ago when mainbro was like "I HIT MY HEAD BUT I AM TOTALLY OKAY THE BLEEDING IS NOTHING I SWEAR". Which seems to have a profound impact on her as she continues remembering shit, but then we go to the next scene.

And now, we begin to see the show we came here to watch, as we do a nice little completely pointless pan up of Grape Ape's thunder thighs, reminding the pantsu counter that no, it's still here for a reason, so don't you worry you poor little thing because you're about to get all of the numbers, I'm sure.

Oh and I guess she wants him to go shopping because she has "things" to do involving the student council. He wonders if the rain will ever stop, and we get yet ANOTHER flashback of tiny marriage girl standing on a swing and then jumping off, impressing our main dude. But then her dad calls her away and we return to the real world where we get to see her panties via another pointless camera pan.

At least we know the show hasn't forgotten what it's really all about.

Also this episode is all about staring into the rain for no reason.

More pantsu, more staring, more very 'fortunate' camera angles that do nothing to tell a story. It's hard to connect with or build empathy for a character when the show keeps hammering in that the most interesting aspect of this character is between her legs.

Seriously. Why is it so hard for people to understand why this makes me angry?

Anyways our 'hero' shows up and is like "uh you're staring at the rain again, wanna come grab groceries?" and she's basically "YES MASTER". So they go shopping at the super market, and we get a regular montage of panty shots. Because again, the most interesting part about her is between her legs.

Uh-huh, real subtle there guys.

They continue to have this sickeningly sugar-sweet montage for what feels like forever, and everyone in all of these images is like "OH LOOK HOW HAPPY THOSE TWO ARE TOGETHER HA HA THEY LOOK SO CUTE."

Again: Never forget what is most important to this show.

Anyways shopping trip is over and it's time to walk home in the rain and both of them are happy they did this together. Cue the sappy music as they walk in the rain and imply all that romantic bullshit while slipping in flashbacks. But then they stop because our hero has something VERY IMPORTANT TO SAY.

STARING AT YOUR BUTT.

TALKING ABOUT YOUR BUTT.

They are really dragging out this whole complete misunderstanding
thing, aren't they?

He's like, THAT THING IN THE PARK. I WANT TO DO IT.

NOT THE DREADED SWING JUMP!

Did I just spoil the inevitable joke? Oops. He makes some weird noises, and she gives in. FINE. WE CAN DO THE THING WITH THE SWING AT THE PARK. BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT IS YOU AND WE ARE ENGAGED.

So he hands her the bag of groceries, and runs off "to go first".

AT THE PARK. THEY ARE SITTING ON THE BENCH LAUGHING IN THE RAIN.

... wait, so this was all about a POTTY EMERGENCY?!

Forgive me. I need a moment.

You dragged out that entire f***ing lame-ass joke. Not because you were making a shitty swing-jumping reference. BUT BECAUSE OF A GOD DAMNED POTTY EMERGENCY.

When I talk about wasted potential, this show is right up there as the god damned poster child for it. To be fair, the joke was a stretch, and would have shown how incredibly immature our male lead is. But at least that would have made some f***ing sense. Why bother holding it in so long? YOU WERE AT A F***ING SUPERMARKET. JUST BE LIKE "YO, GOTTA POTTY BEE ARR BEE". DONE. NO NEED FOR DRAMA OR MISUNDERSTANDINGS. YOU KNOW, LIKE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS WOULD BE.

Anyways, now they're sitting in the rain not using umbrellas and she talks about how it was raining that one day too. At least they're under some sort of shelter, but lo and behold, dude has no idea what day she's talking about. Because why would he?

She's like "what you don't remember?" and he's like "uhhh rain?" Then asks for a hint and she's like "uh, remember the swing?" and he's still clueless as f**k. Oh but then she brings up a promise, and he's like "uhhhh". But before she can tell him, he still doesn't remember and her poor little heart is broken that he doesn't remember, and now she refuses to tell him because he doesn't remember. Which is boring since she's the only one who remembers? So she's not telling him because of that?

I really don't see what sense that makes, but whatever.

He says he'll tell her when he remembers, and oh look man that rain is pretty bad. Also you look pretty depressed suddenly so maybe we should go home. But she's like "NOPE GO BY YOURSELF" and he's all like "uhhh" and she's just all "I WANT TO BE ALONE FOR A BIT GEEZ PLEASE OKAY?" so he does.

Now we get to listen to her internally monologue about how she wishes he'd remember while seeing rose-tinted visions of the both of them in the past playing in front of her.

It's not a terrible effect, but it's not great either.

Then she remembers her dad saying some shit about her training and not being good enough and then she gets all scared for no reason because PTSD or something, and we get our commercial break.

That is an oddly specifically-detailed cat for it to be purely random.

The other slide is borderline porn and of course causes the pantsu meter to jump a little more in anticipation.

Oh look, it's still raining. And other people whose names we haven't bothered to remember are walking through the rain when they see the girl walking around crying in the rain without an umbrella. And also alone.

Yep, that was a wandering plot thread. If you hurry, you can
run in the other direction and avoid it entirely!

The girl is climbing that giant mountain thing, and so he of course has gotta follow while strawberry tiger over there is all like "he doesn't remember me boo hoo". But then, we hear a cat meow from the side, and she looks into a cardboard box that has just been not so suspiciously left on the side of a f***ing mountain for no reason.

Who the f**k would do that? At least put it on the side of a road!

Oh look, a cat with an x-shaped scar on its head. How convenient. Also, they keep avoiding all of the cheap pantsu shots they usually take. Did they outsource to a real animation studio who didn't get the pantsu memo? Because it's kind of feeling like that's why there's suddenly a distinct lack of underwear in these shots.

Anyways she takes the cat and is like "FREE CAT!" and then we jump scenes where the crazy twintail blonde is getting naked for the audience. THESE GUYS GOT THE MEMO!

She complains about how it's been raining since the start of the epis- I mean the last few days and how it should just let up already.

While not technically a pantsu shot, I feel the need to point
out what a f***ing sin this shot is in general.

Oh look. Girls' underwear. Are you fapping yet kids?

Our main dude is reading some shitty magazine when the big purple monster wanders back in. Not only has he not put the groceries away (a crime in and of itself), he also left that other girl out in the rain. What a monster you are! It's getting late so grapey is getting a little worried and that other chick they live with comes out and gives them a piece of her mind saying she really could give two shits what's going on between dudebro and kitty litter but frankly she has some... choice... words...?

What in the actual flying f**k are you TALKING about?!

Even they're like "the f**k is this crazy bitch saying".

She brings it all home by speaking in words even a child can understand. She's supposed to be your fiancee, right? GO FIND HER YOU F***ING HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR HUMAN REFUSE.

Eh, close enough.

So with that he goes running out and the girls have the run of the house again. But hey, remember that other guy from like two minutes ago? He's waiting for mainbro outside, and he has some news I guess.

He's like "is she back yet?" and dude is like "uhhh why".

So instead of running off to go see if she needed help, you
ran off to go yell at some other dude.

Again. Instead of going to see if the girl needed help and maybe find out why she was off all alone IN THE RAIN, he ran off to confront a dude about leaving her to go wander around in the rain by herself.

Are you seriously trying to take the moral high ground here dude? Because while Inaho is kind of a piece of shit by nature? You are like a million times worse because you don't actually care about the girl. You just want to yell at someone who is surrounded by ladies because he maybe had a fight with one of them or some shit. Shut the f**k up with this nonsense, your motivations make no goddamned sense! Well, except to telegraph to the world what a colossal douchetart you are.

Yeah, that's a tart made primarily of douches. It's pretty bitter.

But seriously man, what the hell are you hoping this will accomplish?

He does tell him where she was going, and wants to know what happened between them, and instead of letting dude run off after her proceeds to get in a fistfight with the dude. Again, INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY SHOWING ANY SORT OF CARING FOR ANOTHER PERSON'S WELL-BEING. JUST LET HER WANDER THE MOUNTAIN. ALONE. IN THE RAIN. AT NIGHT. AND PREVENT ANYONE WHO MIGHT WANT TO LOOK FOR HER FROM DOING JUST THAT. OR ATTEMPTING TO RESOLVE IT. BECAUSE, UH. UM. HE MADE HER CRY OR SOMETHING PROBABLY SO IT MUST BE BECAUSE HE'S A WORSE PERSON THAN I AM?

God, I f***ing hate this artificial drama bullshit SO MUCH I KEEP USING ALL CAPS. THAT IS A MODERATE AMOUNT OF HATE.

Inaho is surprised to find kitty girl was crying, and other guy is like "blah blah I'm a giant waste of space".

Yeah you just wanna feel like a MAN for butting into other people's
business while not really actually caring at all for the person
you're getting angry over.

But I'm sure you'll sleep just fine for not actually doing anything
to help her out, right? Yeah, you probably will.

Oh my god look at this sappy melodramatic bullshit.
JUST LOOK AT IT.

I never thought I'd say this, but what the f**k happened to the show I was watching? I thought I signed up for a shitty anime that tries to show off girl's in various states of undress for no good reason. Not for some middle-schooler's wankfest fanfic. Because that's really how this reads to me. I have seen better fanfictions than this.

More boys fighting in the rain, but at least our hero makes a good point.

I will forgive all of the shit I just gave if you if actually
call Usui out on his bullshit.

DAMNIT. So Inaho just straight up shoves dude to the side and runs off, completely missing the point. Then the blonde shows up because reasons.

Yeah, now you know what a repulsive human being he is!

She seems to indicate however that she has improved her opinion of him.

HOW THE F**K. HE LEFT THAT GIRL TO F***ING DIE ON A MOUNTAINSIDE. WHY THE HELL IS ANYBODY OKAY WITH ANY OF THIS?! #*(TH@#OFITJG#)(T#(TY#$G

OH YES. BECAUSE THIS IS REALLY F***ING IMPORTANT.

FIVE BUCKS SAID HE BOUGHT PORN.

IT'S F***ING PORN.

Then it slips out, she sees it, and OH LOOK. SOMEONE IS FIVE DOLLARS RICHER.

NOW FOR DRAMATIC RUNNING THROUGH THE RAIN WITHOUT GLASSES. WHILE REMEMBERING THINGS SHE SAID EARLIER IN THE EPISODE. OH NO. WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON HE IS. BLAH BLAH.

OH LOOK. SHE IS SITTING WITH A CAT JUST HANGING AROUND ON A MOUNTAIN BECAUSE THIS IS CLEARLY THE SMARTEST THING TO DO WHEN FINDING AN ABANDONED ANIMAL INSTEAD OF IMMEDIATELY TAKING IT HOME WITH YOU.

OH LOOK. SHE IS HUNGRY SO IT MUST BE HUNGRY TOO AND BOY HOW DUMB ALL OF THIS IS. THEN OUR HERO SHOWS UP AND THE CAT RUNS OFF. WELP. TIME FOR A LONG CHASE TO TAKE PLACE.

He comes across a cat. Oh hey, wouldn't you know, it's the same cat. It's as if the animal somehow knows there's only like two minutes left in this episode. He talks to the cat and then OH NO A GIANT ROCK BETTER SAVE THE CAT. Then he remembers that shitty lesson from earlier, does a magic thing, and saves the cat in time. OH NO MORE ROCKS FALLING. WELP. But then his waifu shows up with some panties to our face to SAVE THE DAY. She breaks a rock and gets pointlessly clothesless in front of us. And then... re-clothes after the magic thing?

WHY DID SHE EVEN NEED TO LOSE HER CLOTHES THEN. WHY DOES ANY OF THIS GODDAMNED SHOW NOT MAKE ANY GODDAMNED SENSE.

Then shit explodes, sparkles happen, and SUDDENLY ALL OF THE CLOUDS AND RAIN ARE JUST GONE. JUST. GONE.

Also, someone didn't get the memo again.

Pointless camera pan up? Check. Pointless lingering on the
butt? Check. Shameless panty shot? Uh... huh. Not check.

She turns, smiles, and thanks him for saving the cat. And passes out. AND NOBODY EVER ADDRESSED THE WHOLE RAIN SUDDENLY VANISHING FOR NO REASON THING EVER.

Then we do a flashback where she was a kid after a grueling training sesh with her pops and Inaho is like "holy crap you okay?" and she cries because she is a WEAK LITTLE GIRL or whatever. Then dude approaches a tree and starts punching the shit out of it for no good reason. With his face.

Yes, you heard that right. He begins to pummel the shit out of a tree WITH HIS FACE. Because a girl is crying.

Little girl asks if he's okay, because that is the natural reaction to seeing some shit like that.

I THINK PERHAPS THIS IS BESIDES THE POINT.

Seeing shit like this makes me wonder if anyone working on this show has ever met or interacted with at length another member of the human species. BECAUSE PEOPLE. DO. NOT. ACT LIKE THIS.

He says some shit like "now we're the same!" and she presumably shuts up because HOLY SHIT THIS KID IS F***ING CRAZY.

Yeah, because THAT is the perfectly understandable stance
to take after someone starts beating their head against inanimate
objects for NO APPARENT REASON.

She promises to marry him, he promises to grow up strong or whatever, and totally protect her, and that makes her happy and ends the flashback.

...incredibly unlikely he could carry a cat on his head? Why yes,
yes it is but this is anime you stupid girl.

She lets him carry her off and he says he's sorry he can't remember that thing but he's totally gonna try to remember it and maybe get strong enough to not have to be rescued all the damned time. So he can protect her? Which makes her happy. So really he never actually forgot what he said, but he just forgot he already said it? So that's fine with her or whatever. Sun is out, and now the girls take a bath with a cat. BECAUSE EVERY EPISODE NEEDS A BATH. AND TITTIES. AND NAKED GIRLS WASHING ONE ANOTHER. AND GIRL TALK.

Oh and she names the cat Monji because of the stupid scar on his face. Whatever.

And now, the reason behind the lack of pantsu makes sense. They went straight on f**k it mode, and just gave the fans what they really wanted. Which was a bunch of naked girls rubbing against one another.

Oh and Inaho is outside getting a cold because he can't get a warm shower the end. ROLL CREDITS.

I've seen some bad writing in anime before. But this show? This show takes the f***ing cake.

And since I know you're wondering, the final Pantsu count this episode? 14. A remarkably low number but you need to keep in mind that should be at least doubled if not tripled for the blatant use of nudity in its closing moments. So really, the fanservice amount is still basically the same.

F**k this show. It's still more watchable than goddamned Shimoneta, but it still makes me want to tear my hair out.