Free! Eternal Summer Episode 10 - The Six-Beat Kick of Tears!

There are lots of reasons to do something that is clearly not good for you. Some people do it because it's 'fun'. Some people do it because of an addiction. Others do it for fame and fortune and everything that goes with it.

I think in my case, I'm continuing to watch this show because quite frankly I am one incredibly stubborn bastard. There's a lot of great things to say about Free! as a whole. It's... admittedly not such a horrible show after all. But that doesn't mean I can't continue to sit here and mock it in all of its stupid glory.

Also, for f***'s sake somebody MAKE OUT IN THIS THING ALREADY GOD!

We begin today's episode with a can of Cool-aid. No really it's Cool-aid.

Either that or it's Cooc-aid which makes me think of Cock-aid
and okay we are abandoning THAT train of thought now.

Ai (who is still of 'name worth remembering' status) catches Sousuke aiding up and is like "whoa what why would you need coc- I mean cool-aid for" and he's like "YOU DIN'T SEE NOFFIN'" and walks off. Rei gets third place, and isn't making it to finals, and neither is Nagi, but let's be honest, they're not main characters or anything, and placing third is pretty awesome, but I guess you have to be in first or you're in last.

Thank you Ricky Bobby, the man with two first names, for your eternal words of wisdom.

Oh hey Rin gets to do a race! Not that we get to see much fo the swimming, instead we're focusing on people with cameras and a crwod that does nothing. Everyone is shocked at how awesome Rin is, and Haru gets all pissy and walks off, while Sousuke sighs on a bench.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHOW I AM WATCHING EVERYONE HAS SUDDENLY GONE SADEMO WHERE ARE MY HOMOSWIMBROS AT????

Cue that goddamn amazing intro. Shit I am never going to get over how f***ing PUMPED this gets me. Shit makes me want to rip off my clothes and tear up the nearest goddamn pool like some kind of swimbro master. What's that you say? It's impossible to tear apart water? F**k you after listening to this I CAN DO ANYTHING. Including finishing this entire episode.

Once again they are showing us that they have in fact totally run out of things to cleverly use, and just use every sorta-swim-related term regardless of how much sense it actually makes. Six-beat kick? Come on guys, you are literally not even trying. You shouldn't have pigeonholed yourselves like this! Branch out, do new things! Just go with water puns, we'll get those!

We start off with some kid swimming, probably Sousuke, and we find out that Rin put together some of his own swimbros back when he was a kid, with Sousuke being one of them. But after their first relay, dude is all like "f**k it, I don't even care I am out" after their first race. Why?

Oh right he's an actual prick, I forgot.

He finds relays boring because he's the only one awesome enough to care as much about swimming as he does and he isn't going to carry this team to victory. Nope, screw it, he's just gonna surrender at 20 AFK. Amusingly enough, Rin just about straight-up beats the ever-living hell out of the kid.

Junior swim races, super serious business!!

Oh hey remember that pink-haired dude? He's also there and explains to Sousuke after the race why relay swimming means so much to Rin. His dad was a swimming god or something. Oh he already knows that? Okay then so just keep doing the relay thing for Rin, I mean you like him right?

Man, this guy is even more unlikable than Rin.

Oh but then the kid makes the comparison that they're rivals and suddenly that makes everything better, right? Yeah, that's how you describe their totally platonic obsession with one another. Rivals. So Rin and Sousuke walk home together and Sousuke is all "bro race me butterfly" and Rin is all "F**k you". Progress!

No wait nevermind I take that back.

They play for cleaning duties and bump fists, and we get the montage of them fighting with brooms in the hallway and hanging out at Rin's place with his adorable little sister while it snows during Christmas.

.... seriously Gou was pretty goddamn adorbs.

Seriously super adorbs look at that face.

Oh, I guess it's while someone was miserably sick.

... wow. That.... that's pretty sick.

Dude is like dying on his birthday wow.

More school rival happiness and endless days of summer funtime yeah. But then Rin is all "I found some dudes to Relay with!" and Sosuke comes back to reality as Rin shows up to ask if he's cool or not. I mean he's been skipping practice right? So what's the deal?

Oh okay yeah just yell at your friend that everything is cool that will not make him suspicious whatsoever. But then Rin pulls a dick move, buys a can of soda and throws it at his buddy, who predictably can't catch it because his shoulder is all kinds of messed up.

Secret is out bro, what now? Oh you want him to take off his jacket in this cold hallway well uh... uh... oh boy. They struggle for a bit, and Rin finally notices that poor vulnerable Sousuke's shoulder has a mild discoloration on it. Oh the noes, just look at that supple neck mmm.

They argue some more about how long his shoulder has been messed up and bro finally smiles and comes clean. It's actually been like this for two years now. Oh yeah and all that stuff he was saying? Yeah it was total bullshit. He's not on a super awesome swim team or going to some amazing university, because he blew his shoulder out from over-training back in the day. Funny how nobody at his school ever noticed this.

But after a couple of girls pass Sousuke is all "let's talk somewhere else" and we cut away to the leaderboards where we can only imagine they have some passionate, heavy dialogue in a private room somewhere. Nagi and Rei are all talking about how much they suck but at least they've got the relay to look forward to. Where's Haru at though? Mako rolls around and says he doesn't know, but he'll be back for the relay, right?

They even give us a flashback of that scene to remind us of what they just reminded us he said.

Where is Haru? Sitting on a bench, having some flashbacks, drooling as he stares at the sky. Oh hey are those some dudes arguing? What's up with that better look around the sign while they argue out in the open.

... seriously like, why would you go outside into a park to have a shouting match?

Then we cut away yet again (man this is really trying to ramp up the drama isn't it?) to Ai running into the locker room looking for those other dudes only to find out they are not there.

It's unfortunate for him that this dude pops out of nowhere.

Seriously, captain-bro is weird as shit. Look at those eyes. Just look at them. This is not a man who is, nor ever will be, okay.

But Ai is all "dude whatever shut up have you see the rest of our team?!" Cut back to clouds. Outside. Confrontations are happening! Why would Sousuke whisper those sweet sweet lies and transfer into his school and join Rin's swim team I mean what is up with all of that? Because... they're... rivals? Wait. Oh god we're getting another flashback okay here we go.

Remember all that time ago when Rin joined Haru's school? Well Sousuke thought that was for the best and kept swimming his hardest, reading Rin's love letters from Australia all the while.

Wait hold the f**k on you sent mail to you BEST FRIEND but never once sent a damn thing to your FAMILY!? Not ONCE?! Good god man Rin is a dick.

Eventually though Rin stopped mailing even Sousuke, but he never gave up the hope that Rin would break through any obstacle in his path. So he kept swimming, and kept swimming, and kept reaching for his own dream to get on the International stage so that he could face off against Rin. Dude was popping protein and winning trophies and lifting weights and then his shoulder started feeling weird, but went "aw screw it" and over time it grew worse and worse.

But hey he was still the best and needed to stay that way right? Until it totally gave out on him and he couldn't sports anymore. Ah but it was around that time Rin finally came home. I guess Gou was still talking to him or something?

If you do not confess your undying love for Rin in the next
five minutes so help me god.

Sousuke kept trying to rehabilitate his shoulder and keep swimming at the same time but it just kept getting worse and worse because you can't do both of those things at once you moron shit does not work like that. Eventually he got frustrated, and realized that he was never going to be an International Superstar, and gave up the swimdream. Much to Haru and Rin's amazement. But before he gave up, Sousuke had to see Rin swim one more time. Which is when he saw the thing last year, seeing Rin struggle much like he was.

Remember that little freakout session Rin had with Ai? Where he threw a trashcan and shit and ragequit swimming? Yeah he was there for that and went "holy crap bro's teeth looks like a shark's". He wanted to say something but couldn't and remained unnoticed because plot reasons. But when he saw Rin swim with those other bros, it was different, and Rin was happy and stuff and "a new hope was born in my heart". The hope to swim with Rin.

So basically in the end he's all "yeah I just wanna swim with my friends okay?"

......

..........

...............

Okay dude. Okay. I hope you drown. Seriously? You were an asshole to everyone because of a childish reason like this? Great. He announces that he is definitely going to quit swimming but before then he has ONE THING HE MUST DO.

... not the confession I was hoping for.

So now Rin gets to grab his jacket and scream in his face and try not to cry because why didn't he say anything sooner blah blah BECAUSE YOU ARE BOTH HORRIBLE PEOPLE HOW ABOUT THAT HUH? Seriously you are both terrible at the human being experience. Oh but the whole reason Sousuke never said anything?

Okay okay hold it together Sousuke you can do this.
YOU CAN DO THIS. JUST PUCKER UP.

Then Rin starts crying and buries his face in Sousuke's chest, and Haru walks off going "damn that's gay". Oh hey they should get going I mean the swim thing is about to happen right? Oh but Sousuke you can't swim I mean your shoulder right?

"If you keep doing this you might never swim again?"

"Eh, hell of a way to go out, right?"

"No! That's unacceptable!"

"Dude, seriously, like, blaze of f***ing glory right? LET'S DO THIS SHIT."

"No! Don't want to, you'll get hurt!"

"Okay, look, how about if I promise that I'll make it through the whole race? Will that make you feel better?"

"...... maybe?"

Look at his adorable little face, I just wanna punch it.

Leave it to those other two teammates to show up and be all "HEY LETS SWIM TOGETHER FOR FRIENDSHIP AND SHIT!" Also Ai says a bunch of other stuff but nobody really cares because HOT-BLOODED YOUTH AND MAGICAL FRIENDSHIP YEAH LET'S SWIM BROS!

Whoa there buddy was this really the appropriate sequence
to use when using a phrase easily taken out of context?

But yeah they all want to see the thing Rin saw when he swam with those other dudes so yeah let's make the magic happen.

Inside, Haru finally meets up with those other dudes and is all "yeah sorry I'm late let's go swim and stuff", so they're all "kaaaay!" Time for the last relay, and everyone can clearly see how messed up Sousuke's shoulder is, and Haru explains that dude is swimming because he wants to learn the power of friendship or something, and made that his new dream. Because despite him being an asshole and basically telling them to go to hell and deriding them on every occasion he ever got, dude was super inspired by your swimbro power last year. So uh, let's show him how far your swimbro powers have evolved and shit?

"Dude, that's..." "That's like the dumbest thing...." "Yeah. Dumb."

But they're all for it anyways and we see the epic lineups of both teams, and oh they're right beside one another. The opponents for each leg share a little jab at one another, escalating all the way to the incredible wit of Haru and Rin which boils down to "This is my ultimate team dude." "Uh, yeah. Mine too. I guess."

... truly Haru, your mind is... it's something. I think 'scary' is probably the best way to describe it. Whistles blow, and oh hey we're finally getting this competition underway. Swimming happens. Some more swimming happens and they're pretty evenly matched but man that exchange was perfect and they're still in teh running. Then everyone notices Sousuke's shoulder and the team is ordered to CHEER FOR THAT SUMBITCH OR ELSE YOU ALL DIE.

Bro pours everything into his swim, but his shoulder starts going again, and he decides "screw it I can hear Rin underwater and I am RIPPING THIS SHIT OPEN LIKE YOUR ASS" and pulls back into it at the last moment. Time for the epic showdown we all knew was coming, between Rin and Haru. But Haru gets the advantage due to, of course, perfect timing. They're both amazingly fast, and neck and neck and just going faster and faster and people are cheering and shit and WHO WILL WIN???

Neither one actually. They uh. They tie.

Yeah, they actually tied. OR DID THEY?!

"You can't have two number ones. That'd be eleven."
- R. Bobby, NASCAR driver

So wow what an amazing twist they main characters of this show made it to Nationals as a team and they are all super happy and emotional and shit. Rin, meanwhile is also emotional because man that was awesome right? Who cares that Sousuke cost them that win, I mean they had a great time.

POWER OF FRIENDSHIP HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED AS GREATEST POWER IN THE UNIVERSE. Haru is happy. Then Sousuke is all "thanks for showing me your thing" and Rin is super happy with that and cries some more as they stare out at the now empty pool, all the way into the credits. THE END.

... you know, this would actually have been a great place for them to end the series, come to think of it. What more honestly needs to be said? The power of friendship has won out and in the end who cares if you win so long as you have friends? But we've still got three more episodes. Three. Which means they're going to go to Nationals, and probably have one more big freakout moment or something, and maybe Haru will move on to ascend to swimgod status or something.

Eh. We'll find out in three weeks, huh?

... I'm still kind of mad that they still aren't making out yet. I'm not wrong in this am I?