Sailor Moon S Episode 22 - The Grail's Divine Power! Moon's Double Transformation

Oh Sailor Moon. With every passing episode of Crystal, I am reminded of just how much potential was lost in the original series. How much promise it showed, and how little actually came through.

With last week's episode, despite the suddenly helicopter (seriously where the hell did that even come from??), things took a relatively dark turn. Given that we are now two-thirds through the series, I suppose it might be time for the show to begin actually taking itself seriously for a change?

It's a lot to hope for, but hey, I am, if nothing else, an optimistic fella. Let's do this.

Immediately this episode is showing promise, what with them giving us an actual recap of the events from last episode, rather than a "hey this is what you're about to watch". I always prefer these episodes because they usually wind up being way better than the normal fare.

With her re-declaration that Sailor Moon will save the world, even without talismans, we're off to the intro because this show has places to go dang it, and it's tired of waiting for you to put on your damn makeup already.

With all of that intro stuff out of the way, we hop right back into the cathedral where we left off, with Usagi asking the barely conscious Uranus how to shove those things back into their bodies. But she declares that, for their sake, she needs to keep these things safe, find that third one, and pass them off to the Messiah to avert total catastrophe.

But who the hell is this Messiah anyways?

We all know what a Messiah is, they're asking WHO it is!

With her final breath, instead of actually, oh, telling them who this Messiah is supposed to be, she just reiterates how important it is to find this person. With as much as you were talking, don't you think you could have been at least a little bit more clear? No? That would be too easy? Fine then.

Usagi cries, title screen appears, and we have an idea of what's coming up.

Back to the bodies and the talismans, Rei declares that, well, Uranus isn't quite dead yet, but then a giant pillar of fire appears, something blows past, and we find out that someone just can't stay dead.

Man, you seriously just can't give it up can you?

So after putting the mirror in her bra and taunting them, Usagi leaps into a transformation sequence, and prepares to exact some sweet, sweet justice. After demanding their return of course.

Seriously were pockets just too much to add? Or maybe a pouch?

So Eugeal sets the place on fire, yet again, laughs, and... wait, the Fire Buster II? If you had that the whole time why didn't you just...? Oh forget it.

But then Mercury does a thing, which is useless because fire too powerful. So leave it to Mars to burn the flames. Yes. Burn the flames.

No shit, what did you think was going to happen?!

Eugeal laughs some more, the scouts are all 'oh no what do', and the villain runs off. But then who shows up to save the day, bursting in through a stained glass window?

Oh look it's dad of the year.

Of course Chibi Moon puts out the fire with her magical bullshit ball, everyone laughs with relief, but they just kind of forget that, uh, some people are dying? After a moment they go running off to get those things back for those people who are dying, and we get some hallways, and some running, and more hallways, and more running, and... yeah you get the point. But sure enough those pesky girls and their stupid cat too are right on her heels! Until she spills glue on the floor, trapping all but Sailor Moon, because someone is a little slow on the uptake today. Which is a good thing for her?

Also, Chibi Moon gets her face glued to the floor. Ha ha. Brat.

Pretty sure this is how most H-mangas begin.

Comical music playing, Eugeal runs off, and Sailor Moon wonders what to do since she isn't stuck. Oh I know, let's jump on our pal's heads and leave them to die, all for the sake of justice.

Oh ha ha a rabbit joke very funny.

Off she goes all by herself to take back those talismans, and who is watching all dark and broodingly? Oh right it's that mysterious chick who showed up and vanished suddenly between episodes.

Eventually Sailor Moon and Eugeal prepare to face off, for love and justice and all that good stuff. She whips out her rod of beat downs, and of course the enemy is all "lol you saw me block ur ult once nub, go practice against bots you scrub". But Sailor Moon isn't going to give up, and goes into an attack sequence without the usual music, which is... incredibly f***ing creepy as hell. It just feels hollow.

Eugeal counters with her fire thingy, of course, and tears right through the attack. So what now huh? You can't beat her. Or can you? FIND OUT AFTER THE COMMERCIAL BREAK.

How lucky for you that you don't actually have to wait to find out. OR DO YOU??

Nah, we just jump right back to Eugeal laughing and some boring scene-setting stuff we've already seen, and of course she takes the time to gloat and declare that she will take her vengeance and stuff. But before she can attack again, that mystery chick shows up, and is all "Yo, gimme back the talismans, or else." Then those other girls show up and they're all "who the hell is that?"

And then we find out that oh hey, this is Sailor Pluto. Y'know, that one guardian you met way back in season two but forgot all about?

"Yeah, I'm kind of a big thing I guess."

So what's she doing here? Oh, y'know, just casually mentioning that she's the last Talisman and stuff, so time for a showdown. The top of her staff starts glowing and all that, and pulls the other two over to her, and they all glow and stuff. I guess instead of holding it inside her chest, she just is hanging onto it? Then her forehead glows and those other two warrior's foreheads glow and teleport to where the talismans are, and their hearts are extracted from the items and returned to their proper bodies.

GEE, WHAT A CONVENIENT TWIST. NOBODY EVER HAD TO DIE AT ALL AND EVERYTHING YOU WERE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH WAS POINTLESS. GREAT F***ING JOB YOU F**K-UPS. HOPE YOU ARE PROUD OF YOURSELVES.

Oh, don't even get me started on how this is one of those 'test of faith' bullshits because that's exactly what this is. A TEST OF F***ING FAITH.

So basically, Sailor Moon has managed to accomplish absolutely nothing, and yet everyone gets a sort of happy ending. So everyone takes hold of their thingy, lights go all crazy and shit, and Eugeal basically pisses herself.

Meanwhile, back at the lab, everything starts shaking and the professor is all "What the hell?"

Then the HOLY GRAIL finally appears.

Wow I had no idea it would look like this at all.

Oh yeah, this thing will either save the world or doom it to oblivion. So of course Eugeal sets the place on fire so that she can grab hold of it. But before she can, Sailor Moon goes diving in, getting set on fire herself, and not stopping Eugeal from getting hold of it after all. Or does she? Because now they're both charging at it at the same time, and neither one is totally gonna lose this contest.

It takes freaking forever before they finally leap at it, and of course Sailor Moon grabs it, and the roof explodes with light as Sailor Moon's broach starts glowing like crazy mad, and enters into a second transformation sequence filled with butterflies and crazy music. This, of course, leaves everyone suitably awed. Except for Tuxedo Mask for some weird reason.

Could you at least pretend to be amazed or something...?

Oh and Chibi Moon also gets an upgrade or something. Now Super Sailor Moon is immune to Eugeal's flames, and turns them back upon their user, and Uranus and Neptune are all "OH MAI GAWW ITS THE MESSIAH!" Then Eugeal goes driving off and that one girl is all "lol you done failed super bad and I'm sick of your shit, so uh, can you please just die already?"

Of course she doesn't want to die, but discovers her brakes have been removed, and we find out that note in her locker was more than just wishful thinking.

But instead of going out in a blaze of glory, she just makes a bit of a splash in a lake or something, leaving me to wonder if she actually died. I mean, she's survived way worse shit than that. Come on, give the woman a little credit at least.

Meanwhile, Sailor Moon falls to her knees, requiring being caught by Tuxedo Mask. Then she immediately wakes up from passing out and is all "man I am tired" and the Doom and Gloom brigade wonder if she is, in fact, the real Messiah, since the REAL MESSIAH wouldn't be getting all tired and shit from an upgrade.

Seriously, do you have to be such a bitch?

So clearly their search isn't over just yet. They've got to find the true Messiah, and Chibiusa touches her new hair feathers. Then somewhere a girl is crying in the middle of a room or something, and then the Evil Professor laughs, and laughs some more, and Mimet (the orange haired gal) delivers the good and bad news. But he's not worried, since clearly they don't have a true wielder of the Deus ex Machina. Because if they had, the building would have exploded!

In retrospect, that just sounds like a really bad design choice was made during the construction of this underground facility. Kind of like how there's no lights, except underneath tables.

Then he laughs some more, and Mimet is all "well maybe we've got someone close who can use it?" and the Professor is all "oh hey I like that idea!"

Enter the other girl crying in the middle of a dark room, whose face we don't even get to see yet. Despite, uh, clearly being in the opening sequence.

You're really not fooling anybody with this not showing her
face thing guys. Seriously. We kinda already know what
she looks like here.

Then it fades out into the credits, and you are left wondering what is going to happen next episode.

Frankly, I feel a little bit let down. They were going places with some of this stuff, but instead of having the hero be, well, heroic, they just kinda forcefully inserted a magical solution at the last moment to completely kill any dramatic tension that existed, and then ham-handedly tried to force some fake tension to keep our interest in the series high enough to watch the next episode.

Sadly, it all just kind of fell flat in the end, because there's really nothing hidden here. While I am perhaps a little disappointed that Chibiusa wasn't the last talisman holder, it's pretty dang obvious that, what with the sudden appearance of sprouting feathers on her head when her mom grabbed the Holy Grail, that she is the most likely candidate for being THE TRUE MESSIAH. Either that or the person who befriends and convinces DARK MESSIAH that things aren't so bad and hey do a good thing please?

Seriously, why else would she be in this show? She's basically been useless this whole time.