Maken-Ki Episode 02 - Girls are Amazing

My Internet has been absolutely horrendous lately. Which makes updating the blog difficult, since being online is sort of a requirement for getting it done.

But now I seem to have a connection again for a little bit, so while our provider continues to f**k around and be completely unhelpful in general as to why our service keeps getting interrupted, I'll just knock Friday's update out now so we get caught up.

Unfortunately, it would have to be Maken-Ki. I am pretty sure this show is going to take me longer to get through than any other so far. Yeah, even longer than Daimidaler.

Here's to the next three hours of my life....

Immediately we roll intro - something we didn't see last episode, so let's get that pantsu counter warmed up folks, because I'm sure this is gonna be one hell of a ride.

Though, I'm still baffled by the ending only having one flash of titillation. Puzzled, even. Well, let's get this over with. I have no issues with the song immediately. It's okay. Passable, even. Pretty girl is pretty, and then girl with a cat on her head flashes her shit so that's one for the counter already. *sigh*

Then dude prepares to go Super Saiyan or some shit and we get the intro sli-

WHAT THE F**K ARE THOSE.

THOSE ARE NOT BREASTS.

THOSE ARE WRECKING BALLS. WHAT.

Sorry, moving on from jiggling mams, we see more more girls, and panties galore, so the show seems to at least be marketing itself appropriately. We're back at the 'once every ten seconds' so that's... consistent I guess.

Okay. I don't even want to know.

Oh look that blonde twintail bitch flashing her shit all over again. Didn't that make her angry or something? Whatever. That's four.

AND THEN.

C-C-C-C-COMBO!

... they just doubled the pantsu in one second. Christ almighty.

It's like they knew I'd be watching. It's like they knew.

Some ghost dude walks off into the distance, that main girl prays or some shit, and some other girl does Chun Li's cyclone kick on magical roller blades or whatever, for another spinny, incredibly lengthy pantsu. That they show said panties FOUR TIMES in one shot... just doesn't count. As much as I want it to. Even though it should.

... f**k it I'm going to give the meter another two dings for that. F**k it. Then some other girl flashing her shit for another. Some other girls manage to NOT flash their crap, and then everyone is wearing bathing suits.

While this doesn't count, it's really promising that it will
set the bar so low you couldn't trip over it if you crawled.

Girls go back to doing magical bullshit... YET MORE PANTIES IN YOUR FACE JUST BECAUSE. It's like HEY WE ARE GIRLS YEAH WE ARE AWESOME HERE LOOK AT OUR ASSES DON'T YOU LIKE OUR ASSES YUM ASSES YES NOW GIVE US ALL THE MONEY PLEASE.

The production values for this show are admittedly astounding. Which makes it all the more distressing they felt the need to just push this crap forward.

Oh and more butts in your face, that's two more... hang on we're almost done here.

ONE MORE just because they can.

And then they end on this.

So, looking at the logo, and the cast lineup, I can only imagine the production planning went something like this:

"Hey, people loved it when we sexually objectified girls who were like, twelve years old. Maybe we should make another show like that, set it in a high school, and make the girls like 15-16?"

"BRILLIANT YOU ARE GETTING A RAISE."

By the way. That's 17 butts in your face in the intro alone. I would like to point out to you that even Strike Witches ONLY HAD SEVEN IN THE INTRO. AND THAT WAS ONLY BECAUSE TECHNICALLY NONE OF THE GIRLS WERE WEARING PANTS.

So in a bizarre twist, after the intro, we start last episode all over again.

What the hell.

They're going to give us a complete recap of the last episode,
because they can. *sigh*

She goes over all the shit about how she was friends with a dude when they were kids and now he's going to her school because until last year it was girls only so this must be awesome or whatnot.

Technically, we get repeat pantsu, since it's a flashback, so I'm going to be counting those against this episodes sins because I can. It's that scene where the crazy fiancee shows up and passes out and hugs him and shit. Oh and that one crazy bitch that tried to kill him.

Are these episodes going to have recaps like this all the time? Oh boy. Four as that one bitch kicks down the door at his apartment... Five as the childhood friend does the same... god. Six as it fades out and lingers on that last shot from the previous episode. Are we finally watching the show now? It's been two minutes.

Okay, I guess we're watching the show now.

Girls are cooking.

... wait wasn't this against the rules or something? I... I am so confused now.

Our hero wakes up to see his new roommates making breakfast, and also that his face really hurts for some reason. Then his gal pal throws him a bag of ice and tells him to watch out for them night hoes.

Flashback pantsu counts as pantsu.

Uh-huh. 'Lonely'.

She tells him to wash his goddamn face and get ready for some goddamn breakfast which is when he walks in on that other roommate putting on her panties. Which counts as gratutious fanservice, as well as pantsu. A double since we see her in the next shot. Without her bra even.

... am I gonna need to start a Nudity counter too? For f**k's sake there is only so much one man can keep track of. Fine, I'm going to keep a tally of titties, because why the f**k not? I'm already counting things so why not count more things.

Third shot, one more tally for each. For the record, in less than three minutes, we have ten counts of pantsu, and two titty flashes. So in the last minute and a half, we've managed to get all of those. Because the intro counts on the timer. Meaning so far, we've seen a total of twenty seven pantsu and two pairs of tatas.

I've seen Hentai with less fanservice than this!

Oh wait, hang on, LET US LINGER ON THOSE PANTIES SOME MORE.

Qwasar was pretty shameless, sure, but it wasn't this sort of
blatantly shameless pandering.

She gets mad, starts spouting shit about how this is the second time while completely ignoring the whole clearly flashing the entire school, and her deal right now isn't that he is basically seeing her naked and is just standing there gawking, no. Her issue is that he's seen her panties.

Then she electrocutes his eyeballs I guess. Cue the breakfast!

I GOT LIGHTNING IN MY EYEBALLS AND YOU ARE
BITCHING ABOUT BEING LATE. I MEAN SURE I KIND
OF DESERVED IT BUT EVEN SO.

The food looks great, he glasses up and realizes the food is f***ing amazing. Which makes her kind of happy and he remembers that time when they were kids, and then that blonde girl rains on everyone's parade because she's a bitch.

"Yeah, aren't we like, supposed to be doing a show or something?
Something about a battle royale with magic? Eh whatever."

But then it looks like they'll be late anyways so here enjoy some flapping boobs while they talk about how living with the class president or whatever means you are never allowed to be late ever.

I AM SO GLAD MY BOOBS BOUNCE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Then we get the triple combo. One would think it rare, but I get the feeling we're going to be seeing a lot of this kind of exposure in the episodes to come.

A LOT.

Oh and maindude is lagging behind gasping for breath and girl starts monologuing again about how she forgot to ask about the bullshit surrounding that whole marriage thing. More flashbacks, strangely no panty flashbacks, and more jiggly jugs. Oh and some other girl is like "SUP BITCHES".

YEAH. WHO NEEDS BRAS AMIRITE?

Oh yeah but Takeru doesn't make it before the gates close and she's like 'lolol gonna make you work for it' but then that blondie summons her fire sprite to tug on dude's tie and get him into the school or something? Little dude vaults the main dude up and over the fence and the childhood friend is like "YO WHAT YOU DO BITCH" and the blonde one is all like 'meh whatevs we good now'.

Though why she cares is literally beyond me.

Then she walks off and grape-aid there is like 'yo so she has this power called "invisible" and that's what that shit was it lets her move shit with invisible force'.

.... okay. Yeah. I guess. That's what's happening now. Okay cool. So... nobody else can see the little fairy dudes. Cool.

Oh, and she's the only person that 'can do this without a Maken', which is a thing they still have yet to explain, but I'm sure they'll get around to that eventually, right?

I guess they missed the part where she also gets crazy
demon eyes sometimes.

He catches this and is like 'whoa what is like that time she tried to kill me' and then some other girl shows up. But who is it? I dunno they're showing me the back of her knees for some reason which is a crappy way to introduce a new character.

Unless your goal was to flash some more panty in which case,
it's perfect! Though you'd think they'd be flashing the new
girl's and not the main love interest.

So who is this new girl?

I'm guessing this is the stern class president because of the glasses.

She's all "OHMAIGAW YOU WERE ALMOST LATE YOU ARE A FAILURE TO YOUR FAMILY AND THIS ENTIRE SCHOOL. NOT TO MENTION A BAD INFLUENCE ON OTHERS."

As predicted this is, in fact, the class president. Takaki Furan? I think I'm just going to call her Fury-san. It seems to fit in line with her character thus-far. She is the very model student and known for being a stone bitch.

... who is also afraid of cooties or something I guess.

Grape introduces him as a childhood friend, he just kinda smiles at her and then PANTIES. THAT THING YOU WERE WAITING FOR. They waited a full glorious minute before revealing them.

It's a double because as the wind blows revealing them they change to another shot where she tries to push her skirt down, and basically turns to show us her butt too. One shot though so that one only counts as a single, rather than a double. Sensing a theme with this show yet?

OH BUT WAIT. THE WIND KICKS UP AND OH BOY LOOK AT THAT A TEDDY BEAR ON HER BUTT. THAT'S THREE IN A ROW, WE WIN A PRIZE OR SOMETHING. THAT PRIZE? MORE WATCHING OF THIS SHOW.

Chalk up yet one more as the supposed fiancee bounces as she laughs about the whole bear thing. That's twenty and we're still not halfway through. F**k me this is ludicrous.

Why don't we just call this Underwear: The TV?

This sends the girl crying because of this, and then we get to see what the school looks like from above because I guess we need to know this now.

No idea why the camera shine exists.

We finally see people getting into class and oh look WHO IS THE ONLY DUDE IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL WHO SHOWED UP YESTERDAY WITH A GIRL MAN HE MUST BE A REAL PLAYER. Everything thinks the totally-not-a-cat-girl is his girlfriend, and the teacher is like "tee hee TIME TO START CLASS BITCHES SHUT THE F**K UUUUUUP."

It's always the quiet ones, after all.

When she claps her hands, they make an incredibly soft 'squish' noise. It's bizarre. She introduces herself, I'm never going to remember her name, and then we get to see the 'assistant teacher' show up.

Oh holy f**k that is the Principal!

TIME TO START CLASS SHUT UP GIANT BOOBS I HAVE SHIT TO TEACH HERE THAT IS WHAT YOU PAY ME FOR, QUITE LITERALLY. Oh, but... it seems like today they're going to do some 'physical examinations' first. All the girls go outside, that not-a-cat girl is like "I'LL BE OUTSIDE MASTER" and every guy in the room is like "I SWEAR I WILL CHOKE THE LIFE OUT OF HIM". Is this what life in Japan was like in high school? Because it seems weird if it is.

Ah, but two kids get a GENIUS IDEA at the EXACT. SAME. TIME!

Well you just know they're gonna be best buds immediately.

She asks them to hurry up and they charge out of the room and down the hallway and OUT OF THE SCHOOL TO FLY UP A TREE.

No seriously they f***ing fly up there and then make with the climbing.

Watch out folks, we got a pair of badasses here.

They eventually realize they've literally been mirroring one another, and that uh, there's some other dude there with them. They just keep talking in sync. Which... is admittedly pretty damn funny how they use the exact same excuse at the exact same time.

Okay, this is actually pretty funny.

But then the girls start getting undressed inside and we find out the boys have bionic eyes. PREPARE YOUR ANUSES, HERE COMES THE PANTSU. TRIPLES. SINGLES. EN MASSE PANTSU.

I was going to post a screencap, but then I remembered this blog has standards. But there is a six-combo pantsu explosion. Sweet christ. And that doesn't include the girl getting her giant boobs measured.

YOU CAN MURDER A MAN WITH THOSE THINGS.

Why, in the name of all that is good, ARE ALL THE BREASTS SO GIANT? Also, DON'T THINK FOR A MOMENT I DID NOT SEE THE TWO PANTSU IN THE BACK, THOSE COUNT. THE ONE IN THE MIDDLE IS TOO LOW SO THAT DOESN'T, BUT THAT STILL COUNTS.

Also speaking of counting, both guys who have yet to introduce one another but whose names are listed anyways seem to be 'measuring' the girls' scores. This show is going to break the damned counter. Just. My god. There is so. Much. Pantsu. Also girls talking about where they bought their bras and shoving their asses into the camera, but also lots and lots of pantsu.

Amazingly, there are scenes without any panties showing. In this show, that is worthy of note. Another FIVE TIMES COMBO FOR THE NEXT SHOT THOUGH. F***ING HELL.

... and two more pairs of nipples. WELP GLAD I STARTED THAT COUNTER TOO. WAIT NO, ADD A THIRD PAIR TO THE SHOT BECAUSE GIRLS JUST FEEL THE NEED TO GRAB ONE ANOTHER'S TITS IN FRONT OF OTHER GIRLS WHILE EVERYONE IS NAKED.

I am fairly certain that these are things which do not, in fact, actually happen on a regular basis. EVER. Add a sixth as we get a close-up of the breast fondlage and the other girls are like "uhhhh".

Girls with boyfriends get no rating but then that supposed fiancee gets rated at 120 points by the visitor who has yet to be introduced. They watch her undress and then someone gets a block.

"Dude that's my fiancee!"

There is so much wrong with this one line, I'll just leave it here.

Takeru is like "NOPE NOT MY FIANCEE BUT I DON'T WANT YOU LOOKING AT HER ANYWAY" and then dude spots some other hottie that draws their attention away. They ogle her and cry but then SOME VOICE CALLS FROM ABOVE. OH NO. WHOEVER COULD THAT BE.

Oh right her.

She is all like 'man I f***ing electrocuted your eyeballs for this shit this morning and here you are doing more shit already I mean seriously you truly deserve to die'. Other dude is like "DUDE SHE IS CUTE" and wants to know how they know one another and she's like "WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE LIVE TOGETHER AND THAT HE HAS SEEN ME NAKED ALREADY BUT WHATEVER TIME TO DIE." Also panties. DID YOU WANT TO SEE HER CLOTH-RIDDLE VAG RIGHT UP IN YOUR FACE? WHY YES, I THINK YOU DID SO HERE SHE IS GOING TO PRACTICALLY HUMP THE CAMERA SO YOU CAN GET YOUR JOLLIES OFF. BECAUSE THAT IS THE REAL FOCUS IN THIS SHOW!

They are truly milking this for all it is worth. The counter is off the f***ing charts. It's managed to one-up itself from LAST episode already. This. This is unreal. Anyways she plants one foot on each of their faces and sends them all to the ground. I'd be more amused if they weren't so busy focusing on cramming every single pantie shot into as many frames as possible.

Translation: CREEPERS STOP CREEPING.

Then they crawl off like literal cockroaches, and fire sprite is like 'wow you totally didn't kill them amazing' and she admits that, for some weird reason, she just can't feel the same thing she did yesterday. Y'know, that uncontrollable urge for bloodlust and carnage. She's just not feeling it today? Weird I guess.

She talks about that weird-ass mark on his chest, and wonders why she doesn't feel some weird aura of evilness that makes her want to rip off his head and shit down his neck. It's kind of unsettling for her I guess. COMMERCIAL BREAK. Also add another counter for the return slate.

We see some dudes getting weighed, and nobody mentioning the literal bootprint on peoples' faces.

Totally a model of health. Totally.

But behind the curtain, they hear some lady with a sultry voice talking about 'holding it just right there' and then 'putting it in'. Y'know. Stuff like that. Oh and pantie flash on the school nurse who doesn't need a face, just some boobs and a snatch to ogle.

The whole face thing is truly an afterthought, considering they
first focus on her boobs, then her crotch, and THEN pan upwards.

She asks what's up with Takeru's face and he's like "uh I fell down" and she's like "sure fell down on a boot whatever."

Creepers gonna creeeep.

Oh but that weird device is a thing that determines a person's compatibility with Maken. Which is a thing they STILL HAVE NOT EXPLAINED. But then the machine up and talks and is like "STICK YOUR F***ING HAND IN ME RIGHT THE F**K NOW. DO EEEEEET."

So he does and it's like "F**K THIS GUY NO SERIOUSLY F**K HIM I'M NOT DOING THIS SHIT."

Way to go, hero.

BOY THIS HAS NEVER EVER HAPPENED. HERE, LET ME PUSH MY BOOBS AGAINST YOU WHILE I FIGURE OUT WHY OUR MACHINE IS BEING A BUTT.

Now we change channels, and suddenly we're in an office.

SRS BSNS TIEM.

So folks get called in to find out what's up with the whole not having a Maken thing, and how it's totally impossible.

... now we are outside, and he's with that not-a-fiancee of his sitting on a bench. Talking about how he has to spend a month without a maken. WHICH THEY STILL HAVEN'T EXPLAINED WHAT THE F**K THAT EVEN IS. WHAT THE F**K IS A MAKEN??

He thinks things will work out, she's like 'oh cool NOM NOM POCKY" and he's like 'yeah man, uh like, gotta just relax and chill or some shit' trying to sound like some kind of Dude, and she compliments him on his English before a volleyball damn near breaks his neck.

Hidden pantsu shot is hidden, but still pantsu. *ding*

It's amazing how much the show slowed down with the out-of-control fanservice in the second half of this show. Astounding even. Girls return to playing volleyball, dude is like "girls are awesome" and then a flyer for a club and he is told CLUBS ARE MANDATORY MUST BE IN AT LEAST ONE.

She eats more snacks and wonders what club she'll join. Her answer? Whatever club he'll be in.

Seems like a great time to ask why he's her fiancee. OH NO YOU DON'T REMEMBER? I AM SOOOO HURT!

... yeah that's never a good sign at all.

Also, another hidden panty shot. Truly, these people are masters of their craft, and that craft is being pervy dudes. She tells him that until he remembers why IT IS A SECRET THE END. Then he gets a surprise boner, laughs, and plays it off as just being hungry, so she digs out some snacks for him to have because CANNOT HAVE YOU DYING OF STARVATION NOPE.

He notices she loves teh snacks, and then Haru shows up gives him a bento and is like "MAN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Also how long was she sitting there listening and the answer is long enough to hear the conversation. Also, he wants her to help him figure out all the clubs to determine which one he should be in after school. So she smiles and is like OF COURSE but then we go back to the office where the dude who made the thing is like "YEAH NOPE THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING AT ALL."

Oh. So... why did we transition to this scene? Or away from it? I'm confused. But he is confident in this thing's ability to detect stuff, but it turns out there are three students this year who cannot be defined by his magical bullshit system. What's it looking for? Maken aptitude? How is this determined? AND WHAT. THE F**K. IS A MAKEN?! This is the second episode, you keep saying these things BUT I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE BECAUSE YOU DO NOT TELL US. Everyone accepts these are just 'normal' things BUT THEY CLEARLY ARE NOT NORMAL IF SOME PEOPLE HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THEM. SO WHAT THE F**K IS A MAKEN?

Dun dun duuun?

Hers is explained as how she already has an actual Maken so that's probably why. WE STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE MIND YOU. Oh and the other person?

Oh great, now we're playing the pronoun game!

Takeru finally asks whether this is really such a big deal and all and everyone is like "WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU SOME KIND OF IDIOT?!"

The answer is, yes, it is a problem.

Principal Mammary finally explains that one's element determines the Maken the person gets to use. BUT WHAT. THE F**K. IS A MAKEN?

Who knows but let's talk about battles I guess. Here watch some totally random people fighting with no context because we still have a fight budget. Also, double pantsu bonus EXTREEEEEME.

We still have no clue why it's even important to fight in the first place.

Cheery Cherry there points out that so long as he declines to fight, he should be safe since he doesn't have a thing which is good I guess. And that's fine by him because he doesn't wanna fight girls anyway.

Sexism? In THIS show? Never!

Also I guess Makens get used out of battle, but we still have NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE. I'm beginning to get the feeling that will never get explained. Ever.

And so he's like 'oh so this place is dangerous or something?' and his main squeeze is like 'oh crap I knew it you only came here thinking about the boobs'.

Turns out, that dude with the hair is going to custom design him a Maken. Not that anyone KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE. Gonna take a month so whatever.

NOW WE RETURN TO THE EATING OF THE BENTO. Also, dude looks like a sensei. And that girl holds some special Maken that's an original or whatever that I still have no idea WHAT THEY EVEN ARE. Also, we're back in the office again. This show is getting confusing because they are trying to pull the whole MYSTEEEERIOUS angle and THEY SUCK AT IT. SO HARD.

So we FINALLY, FINALLY get some CONTEXT as to WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON. See, the school is built in a very special place.

THANK YOU FOR THE CONTEXT.

And there are eight Maken. Which I am going to guess were used to seal this great beast away. They are special.

Guessing these sealed the thing away.

Oh yeah, and by the way here's some other stuff that totally should have been mentioned AT THE START OF THE FIRST EPISODE.

THERE IS A GIANT F***ING SPIRE OF DOOM
JUST OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL.

Also some vague talk about how you need to start talking about things like 'replicas' if the real ones are now in play or some shit, whatever HERE WATCH SOME EXTREME TENNIS. Or EXTREME HIGH JUMPING!

Eh, technically doesn't count, so no pantsu.

... what? I don't... what am I looking at? F**k it this one counts.
Mostly because I have no clue what this is supposed to represent.

Clubs clubs clu-

HOLY SHIT IS THAT LASER KENDO? F**K THAT IS
THE ONE THING YOU CAN SIGN ME UP FOR GIVE ME
LASER KENDO F**K YES.

Also volleyball but since wearing no pants is part of the outfit, I am not allowed to give this one a pantsu rating.

Even if NONE OF THIS SHOT MAKES ANY SENSE.

But before he can get smashed in the face with another ball, cherry comes in for the save.

She is totally not a cat.

Grape gives him 'that look' and now it is getting late and the sun is setting but still there is no club that interests him. Since they're all clubs that deal with Maken.

Also, this is an interesting statue.

He can train his 'element' but has no idea what that is and figures he'll try one of the other clubs on the list. Something that doesn't involve getting violenced upon.

It's where we watch shit like this and tear it apart.

He finds the one that's just for him though.

*sigh*

Cue grape imagining cherry wearing all kinds of school outfits and such and being photographed. Also bikinis. And then of course nothing at all because clearly that is what he will ask.

Yeah, sounds like something he'd say actually.

Blah blah he talks her into stripping it all off and OH LOOK MORE NIPPLES. GOING ON THE OTHER COUNTER.

Yes because his life is totally your choice.

He asks what the hell is up, and she is like "I HAVE BOOBS SHUT UP, JOIN THIS OTHER CLUB". It's called Kenkeibu? The f**k is that? He asks what that is and we get out title slide. OH LOOK GUESS THAT IS THE END OF THE EPISODE. Do we have a post-credits bit? Nope. THANK GOD. WE ARE FINISHED. IT IS TIME TO TALLY ALL OF THE COUNTS.

So where do we stand? Well, the Opening alone contains 17 Pantsu shots.

Meanwhile, the episode itself contains a whopping 60 Pantsu. SIXTY.

And the ending contains one as noted last episode. So where does this leave us?

Seventy-eight Pantsu in a single episode.

My god. I don't know how much more I can keep up with this. Oh, and seven pairs of nipples for this episode. I somehow expect that will grow over time.

I'd think this show might have a shot at being entertaining if it wasn't so busy trying to shove girl's crotches in my face at least once every ten seconds.