Maken-Ki! Episode 04 - The Enemy is at Tenbi

I am wondering if I am simply this exhausted, or if it is that time of year when my sinuses decide they are going to start doing mock illness drills or something. Because I tell you, it's been a weird day of doing nothing but sleeping. Which is a thing that generally only happens when I don't sleep enough for a week, or when I am beginning to get sick.

Hopefully it's not actually getting sick. My schedule is already backed up enough as it is.

Anyways, it's time for Maken-Ki. It's a show that exists and that I would really rather not watch, but let's just get this over with.

Time to roll the boobie intro with lots of panties. I've already forgotten how many are supposed to be in this. But the bouncing mams and floppy clothes remind me that I should turn my brain off if I want to avoid going insane.

Part of me thinks I might actually enjoy the show if it weren't so damn full of entirely unnecessary fanservice. But then again, without the fanservice, what would shit show be even? Just another generic example I guess? I dunno. It feels like it has the potential to stand on its own, maybe, but then someone told them they needed to sell toys or something so they went 'f**k it' and perved it up something fierce.

So how do we start this out?

You really shouldn't have bothered asking that.

I mean, just, seriously. You should know better by now.

Sadly, no counts on the counter because this is part of a uniform. But I'm totally expecting that won't matter very soon.

Anyways some girls are out running and yelling at the guys who suck at the running. It's the first of their 'club activities', this running laps.

Oh and if the boys are too slow they will get their heads cut off by a giant shuriken for no reason. Gotta keep up the pace I guess.

I love the way this show is animated. It's seriously well-animated, which make the visual gags that much better. But my god, the cost of that is all the stupid perviness that permeates the very soul of the show, which makes it that much harder for me to appreciate the visual gags when done properly.

Now they're in a class and they finally decide to explain what the f**k a Maken is. Four episodes in.

THANK YOU.

The boys are sleeping through this lesson that by all rights SHOULD BE EXCITING AS F**K BECAUSE WHAT THE F**K KIND OF SCHOOL FORCES YOU TO LEARN HOW TO SHANK A BITCH? NONE EXCEPT THE ONES IN CRAZY MOONLAND I GUESS. BUT NO, THAT SHIT IS BORING. LEARNING HOW TO USE CRAZY BULLSHIT MAGICAL POWERS IS JUST NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH FOR THESE ASSHOLES.

So the president slaps them with some markers and bitches them out.

Yeah no shit! Some of us actually WANT to learn the most basic
things about the universe you f***ing live in!

But because they're sleeping through this shit they force us to look at a butt (ding on the counter, a first for being this far in) and they also get told to run fifty laps. Oh, that thing from earlier. They try to get out of it but she's like 'whatever'. The other girl decides to pull up the president's panties though, and give the class a view in order to 'maintain attention'.

Yeah. Okay. Fine.

My hatred for this show knows no bounds.

Now they are talking about the kitty panties because that's the only thing that will keep people awake and then the girl in charge cries. Now we change to that other blonde getting snippy at the newcomers.

It's almost as if that's a recurring theme for this entire show.

But then their meditation gets interrupted by the principal who decides to go showing off before the new male student body because reasons.

And by 'reasons' I mean 'the writers wanted to objectify the
most important and powerful woman in the entire show some more'.

Also, more pantsu because I guess she decided that flashing her shit all over is a great way to get kids to focus on the school thing.

CUE THE BOYS THINKING OF HER BASICALLY WEARING NOTHING AT ALL AND RUNNING TOWARDS THEM.

Then crazy girl's sprites fry and electrocute the boys because anger is her only definable trait besides her twintails.

Now it is night and dude goes to sleep, while that old friend of his wonders what the hell is up with him being so damn weak. Also they don't have any aspirin and nobody cares enough to go out and get some so dude just has to deal with his whole body hurting like the little bitch he is.

But then his cat-fiancee decides to stop shoving pocky in her mouth and starts giving him a massage because she cares.

Also grape flavor over there is annoyed that some girl is giving her childhood friend a massage that he finds quite enjoyable.

Yuh-huh.

She gets sick of this shit and runs over and hits a bunch of his pressure points I guess because she's an expert at acupuncture or something, and we find out that she's just a lazy bitch who could have done this from the start but would rather let her friend be miserable because she is lazy.

At this point, both girls decide to massage him at the same time, because we just haven't had enough sexual exploitation yet for being this far into the show. Seriously, we're still into single digits at this point, which worries me.

Oh and that other girl watches as he gets massaged and she thinks its weird she doesn't sense that weird evil energy from the dude yet. What is even up with that, she wonders? We get some flashback pantsu (which is still weird to say) as she remembers that shit from last episode and wonders what the hell was with that weird aura thing he had going on then. Also, she kind of wants to know if she has to kill him or not I guess.

But not wanting to be left out of the massage parlor, it's time the angry one steps in to do what she does best.

Suddenly, I am reminded of Qwaser. Oh god no please no
oh god oh god make it stop.

Oh and also she wanted to ask him out on the weekend just because.

Now it is the weekend and dude is wondering what is up with this. Why would she ask him out, and then have him meet her somewhere else when they live together? Also what was with the trying to kill him thing?

Also also, this is the best time to imagine her in the sky flashing
her panties around because horny boys are our demographic!

Of course, everyone has to know what is going on, so we continue the Sailor Moon tradition of Worst Date Spies Ever.

It's kind of interesting that we can see their eyebrows.

Finally the girl shows up, wearing... a maid outfit?

OH GOD NO OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD NO NO NO NO
STOP MAKING ME THINK OF QWASAR AAAAAAAUGH.

YOU ARE GIVING ME NIGHTMARES OF A TINY
RUSSIAN DOMINATRIX THAT'S WHAT.

He compliments her outfit and she tells him that he still has to carry her shit around. So then those others all tag along t-

... what the f**k is this show?

Now we find that the school has an entire mall. Also, the couple walks along as the background changes until someone sees something they really want.

I just thought this was amusing for some reason.

But because we need to do some objectification, we find out she's wearing a red lacy thong because THAT IS IMPORTANT HERE I GUESS.

Blah blah she examines the stupid limited edition bear, and then she goes into the store to buy it. Now we get to hear her in other shops buying things as dude gets more and more boxes. It is... surprisingly lazy for this show.

Seriously, why is she dressed like Tifa?

Oh no, the couple goes into a Victoria's Secret. He feels awkward being there, and he starts thinking things but she's like "which one of these two would you rather see me in?" and he's like 'uhhhhhh' so we get to see both choices. Which count.

He winds up saying both are good and then she goes to try them on and tells him that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES EVER SHOULD HE BE PEEKING. Therein guaranteeing that some shenanigans will, in fact, occur, culminating in the aforementioned seeing.

So now he's left alone to contemplate life, some other girls walk in off-screen and then we see a blonde girl stripping because that's what this show is all about am I right?

Of course I'm right that was a rhetorical f***ing question.

They even manage a rare double pantsu with the same character with a well-placed mirror. This is ridiculous. But then she stops half-naked and is like 'is someone watching me? Nah probably not'. Which is a great time for her to... reflect on something?

I think this one might need some explanation. You probably won't
offer one, of course.

Remember those other girls who walked in? Well, it's time for them to prepare for the setting up of the shenanigans.

Also we are probably going to see all of their underwear in like,
the next minute.

The girls crowd around dude, we get to see some more double combos with the same girl due to mirror technologies as she tries on the other outfit, and dude starts losing his grip on all those boxes stacked up. Also, he wants to know if she can hurry.

Also nipples just because.

He gets jostled around by girls who are for some reason not at all alarmed that some dude is standing around a lingerie shop by himself, and people make noise which makes tiny angry girl angry. Oh but then dude finally falls over and wouldn't you know it, not only does he drop all the boxes but he gets knocked into just the right place.

It's almost like I've seen this formula a million times before.

Then she gets mad, electrocutes him, and they head off to grab some lunch.

Much like making this show and asking people to watch it,
and yet the mistakes were made anyways.

Oh but then SOME EVIL MYSTERIOUS PERSON WATCHES FROM A DISTANCE.

CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC.

Now is the season of the break for commercials.

And also another tick for the counter as a result of the return slide. We have a serious pantsu deficit for this episode, but they are trying very hard to make up for it in various ways which I do not really approve of.

So we find out they've gone to a maid cafe. Because I'm sure those were super popular before the boys showed up.

After being seated, he finally asks why she asked him out. But forget that, their servant shows up and it's someone we ought to recognize.

I've seen her in the intro and I think she got in some fights
before but just in case I'm dubbing her band-aid girl.

Yep, she was in a fight probably last episode.

All of the dishes seem to revolve around 'love'. "Love carbonara". "Hand-painted love omelet rice" What the f**k.

Bandage girl wants to know why the f**k this dude showed up.

STOP THAT. SERIOUSLY STOP THAT!!!!

I think she's trying to tell him something.

Those others are also looking at menus and pretending not to be watching, and they notice there aren't a lot of people at the mall. Which is weird. Oh and then we get the manager pointed out to us.

Why is this important? I dunno. Are we gonna see his
panties too? Probably not.

Dude unfolds the tray the maid bent, and I guess that dude really scares a lot of the 'customers' so nobody ever really comes here.

Then the food arrives.

Wow. That looks so amazing. Amazingly boring.

We find our hero doesn't like peas, and that the animators really love sneaking that pantsu in.

Especially when it shouldn't make sense to do so.

She then puts some ketchup on his omelet and not-so-subtly informs him that he should shut the hell up.

It's the T that really sells it for me.

Then they leave.

Customer service is truly a lost art, am I right?

Now they are sitting on a bench outside and she's like "how about that lunch huh" and he's like "yeah the maid was pretty damn cute" and they talk about how funny it is to see her wear that and then he's like "I wouldn't mind you in a maid outfit" and she's like "oho?" But then she's like "WAIT NO THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND."

You live with him. You could have just checked him as he slept.

This is the part where she gets mad because she is having fun and that is totally not what she had intended at all, despite the fact that she has pretty much done nothing even remotely related to that stated goal up to this point even though she has basically spent the entire day with dude so far.

Being in this show? Yeah, yeah it really is.

The spies continue spying wondering what is going on over there, and we find the bushes that aren't the spies are moving. Also dude wants to know if he made her mad somehow. Oh and then she's like 'welp better put on the cute face and do a thing'.

... why do I somehow doubt this.

Another pantsu as she gets on her knees, on the bench, for... some reason I cannot even fathom.

Being creepy as f**k is what dude.

I guess that works too.

Then she tries to rip off his clothes and some dude is like "WHOA HOLD UP" and some dudes jump out of the bushes.

You. This doesn't. How does. YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN GOING
TO THIS SCHOOL FOR WHAT, A WEEK!?

She demands to know what the hell this is about, and so they begin their creepy stalker speech. Where they will do anything for their 'goddess'. Including not listening.

.... I hate life right now.

..... huh?

... and the school will surely do nothing at all to discourage
exactly this kind of unacceptable behavior, I'm sure.

Our spies see this going on, and they're like 'huh, what a tweeeest'.

I guess they know everything about her except for the part
where THEY LIVE TOGETHER.

She gets annoyed and has her spirits throw the dudes into the pond, but then A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS.

WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS NEW RIVAL?

So he's like "BATTLE ME" and then summons a snake weapon and straight up gets right into the violence. Then she does some flippy stuff and lands on dude's arm.

Also more pantsu.

She's all like 'yo I'm cool with a fight and all but we got RULES for this bitch'. Then flips back, and wonders where dude is from. I guess he maybe works for that other weird girl with the strange lavender hair? I dunno, we know literally nothing about that chick besides the fact that she exists.

Dudebro is lost, but I guess now they got back to the fighting. Also, dudebro gets hit during the fight and she feels things or whatever for him.

Also, there's no mark on his chest? Boy that is sure weird isn't it?

But they both get knocked into the water and he tries to protect her I guess and also they kiss or some shit?

What the f**k is this some grown-up Negima bullshit?

Then new dude is like "aww yeah I won" and dude bro flies out of the water and isn't wearing his glasses anymore for... some reason.

Given that we have like, another minute left, I just know this
shit isn't getting explained until next episode.

Now he's all cool and shit and everyone is like "the hell is going on?" and dude gets all angry and stuff and our hero kicks the shit out of a dude for attacking  a girl and is like "THE F**K IS EVEN YOUR PROBLEM".

Oh, wow, they did explain that one rather quickly. Amazing.

The mark suddenly shows up on his chest and I guess this is an important thing or whatever.

... we're gonna be waiting to find out what THAT means for
the next three episodes, won't we?

Dudebro breaks angry guy's blade and kicks him across the pond. Also, at some point he loses his pants.

Does... does this count as pantsu? I... I don't know. I think I am
going to err on the side of caution on this one and say 'yes'.

Then dude is like 'uh what just happened?' and gets told that he done saved a girl who is thankful, and decides to give him a real kiss as a reward for being an okay kind of guy.

Get used to it guys, this is the entire show.

Everyone shows up for the crying party.

I'll take this over the egregious fanservice though, every time.

That is not even cool.

Then guy gets beat up off-screen, angry blonde thinks this is funny, and we get our end-of-episode title slide.

Cue ending that is easily the best part of the entire show. Which doesn't say much about the show I guess.

And of course, I have to sit through it just to make sure they don't have any post-credits bullshit. Which I am not actively against, but since this is a show I despise, it makes me angry.

Fortunately, this is truly it for this episode, and we lay this one to rest for another week.

Final pantsu counter? 32 for this episode. And one count of nudity, technically for the nipple we saw. One of these should be noted that the pantsu was a dude pantsu, so if you're being really anal, it's only 31 counts.

Rather light for this show, but if it continues the trend of dropping off or only relying on flashback pantsu, I might be able to tolerate this show a bit more.