Sailor Moon SuperS Episode 17 - Sparkling Summer Days! Ami, the Girl in the Ocean Breeze

I was going to put something else here, but then I read the title for today's episode. Is this yet another character focus episode? Was the team power-up not enough? Or are we still cycling through the entire team getting hit on by the badguys or something?

God damn it Sailor Moon, you're almost halfway through your season at this point, get your shit together already! Ugh. You're going to make me suffer yet another stupid and pointless character focus episode. It's going to be so bad I'm already repeating myself.

Fine. Let's just get this over with then.

Oh good we're at the beach again yaaaaaay.

Maybe I am finally starting to feel fatigue from this series. Maybe.

... today's episode is summed up thusly:

Everyone goes to the beach, Shingo thinks Ami is pretty, and then they get attacked by a lady with giant beads.

Roll the intro, I'm already sobbing and the show hasn't even started yet.

Fortunately, we jump from the intro straight into the title slide, so that's always a bonus. I just wish they wouldn't keep telling me what the show was about before I saw it, but at this point maybe that is their attempt at mercy, by letting someone watching know 'hey, you can probably skip this episode because nothing of consequence will happen'.

I swear, I really need to consider doing writeups of GOOD shows around here. Or something. All this negativity is bad for the heart. Anyways, the episode begins in the middle of summer, at the beach, with one of the laziest downward camera pans I've ever seen used as an establishing shot.

To be fair though, it probably did take them a long time to draw
it with this much detail, which is a rarity in this show.

Oh, and hey, y'know another thing you see at the beach all the time?

Creeper peepers.

Yet another lazy camera pan with no moving parts at all. Though, again, there is a lot going on, so I can forgive the pan, but we are now 20 seconds in and not a damn thing has moved short of the camera.

But hey, it's about time we saw who's doing the peeping.

For the remainder of this episode, Mina shall be known as Tommy.

And of course, she can't be alone in her man-ogling.

Should I even get into why this makes me mad?

Time for the rant. I haven't done these in awhile, but this is once again definitive proof that Usagi is, at heart, a terrible f***ing person.

See, you know the future. Quite literally, the future. Usagi knows what she will become, and what her future husband will become. She also knows the past. Like, how they were both SPACE ROYALTY BASICALLY. And because in their last life they were space royalty, they will be again for some reason I still can't even begin to fathom. They're also going to have the most annoying space daughter ever. So annoying, they'll send her to their past selves because f**k dealing with that am I right?

So, knowing what an absolutely astounding person Mamoru is, what with the whole having DIED protecting you like three times now, knowing this, you still have the audacity to go ogling at other men. Even if you have no intention of doing anything, even if you do compare them all to your guy, why do you bother looking? That's kind of a bitch move.

You might call me a prude, sure, and you're probably right to some extent. But let me put this into perspective for you: How would you feel if your significant other said they were going to head out to the beach to go sexy-watching with their best friends, knowing that the two of you are supposed to get married someday? Can you not see why this is a really bad thing?

In short, Usagi is a wretched excuse for a human being. We're moving on now.

Seems like everyone is getting a turn with the seeing-eye-glasses, much to the consternation of their attendants.

To be fair, the others have every right to be like this, except Usagi.
Of course, they're still being creepers.

Oh look more camera pans and then some dude's crotch gets in Rei's field of vision. A talking crotch.

I guess he has a face and other stuff too.

Mysteriously absent is Ami, which I only notice as Rei turns to her pals and is like "man we can do better than this" and then Usagi nods and agrees.

Wait. So you're telling me USAGI IS OPENLY TROLLING FOR DUDES RIGHT NOW.

WELP. I DO NOT KNOW HOW I CAN MAKE THE CASE FOR HER HORRIBILITY ANY FURTHER. OPEN AND SHUT CASE, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME YOUR HONOR, THE PROSECUTION RESTS.

But then Usagi summons her little brother who... wait a second.

Is... is that.... is he Luffy?!

I am struggling to wrap my mind around this. Ignoring his horrible monkey toes, his design is a straight up dead ringer for Luffy. That hat. Chewing on a piece of straw. Scar on the left cheek. The only thing wrong here is the color of the band on his hat - go ahead, look it up if you don't f***ing believe me.

Wikipedia says that this originally aired August 12, 1995. That places it two full years before One Piece. THE MANGA. So either this is referencing something I'm unfamiliar with (which is entirely possible), or Sailor Moon secretly influenced one of the longest-running mangas in history since f***ing Dragonball.

Also his entire appearance spontaneously changed between shots.

The guys move along, and then Shingo rips off the disguise and is like 'why am I doing this again?'

Oh look the scar is magically gone.

Usagi explains that Mamoru has 'research' at his 'university' which meant he couldn't make it to the beach today and so she brought her little brother along instead.

... wow, that is so full of dumb.

But then Chibi-usa and Ami show up, and Ami gets all the super anime sparkles. while Chibi-usa is... well, she's there I guess. Ami suggests Shingo go swimming, and Chibi-usa is all "YEAH LET'S GO FUTURE UNCLE" and he's like "f**k this I'm out to the water PEACE".

The girls wonder why Ami is so nice to Shingo, while completely glossing over the fact that Chibi-usa just got told to get bent.

Man, her guardians are complete dicks.

The girls are all like 'aww yeah Ami likes the little boys' and 'aww yeah Shingo likes the older women' and Usagi is all 'the hell are you on about?' while future daughter doesn't seem to have any issues 'getting it'.

This frightens me greatly. Please, please stop.

Hey, remember how Baba Yaga or whatever the f**k his name is supposed to be used to be a thing?

Looks like he is a thing again! With new footage. I think?

So he's all like "OKAY SERIOUSLY ASSHOLES, I GAVE YOU ONE F***ING JOB. HOW HAVE YOU NOT FOUND THAT DAMN MYTHICAL BEAST YET?" and really, to be fair, finding it isn't the problem, it's capturing it that's proven tricky. That said, at least their plan makes sense, in that they're trying to find the 'vessel' he is currently inhabiting so 'capture' the beast. Of course, they are limited to whatever snapshots his firebat can send them, so basically who is to blame here? I somehow doubt it's the Amazon Trio, when you really think about it. They may be a lot of things, but you can't fault them for not trying their damnedest.

He demands GO AFTER THIS PERSON NOW. And throws them a photo.

Because I'm sure that this is really going to get them any closer than they were before.

Spoiler alert: It won't.

After looking at the photo, all three of the trio are kinda like 'eeeehhhhhh'. None of them want to come close to touching her. Which is kind of sad because smart girls are hot? So the three are like 'man how the hell are we supposed to make this chick fall for us I mean, she's kind of the hardest thing in the world to approach?'

So, just to be clear... your orders are to find Pegasus by any means,
right? The whole 'wooing them' thing isn't part of that, right?

... uhhhhhhhhhh?

At least we're getting some new animations? He calls them brainless idiots, and the peanut gallery goes wild over this, calling them hurtful names.

Super hurtful.

Tiger's Eye finally decides HE'LL TAKE THE CASE! Since everyone else is too much of a wuss or whatever. So they bow, and the others are like 'hmmm' and now we're down at the beach.

I like the subversion on the usual bar scene. It's nice actually.

I have to give this show credit. Even the villains are off to the beach this episode, and they've decided to do it in the classiest way possible.

I kind of like this new, relaxed take on things.

The others express concern about Tiger's Eye taking on this task, but then the owner changes the radio station from the cool jazz we're used to, and instead switches to the ballgame, and gets understandably pissy when the patrons throw a fit.

It's these little moments of silliness that kind of make this show
for me. The rest? It's really hit or miss.

Meanwhile, some other girls are off getting ice cream, and Shingo and Ami are off laughing and stuff. But then Tiger's Eye shows up, 'accidentally' slaps Ami's shaved ice out of her hand, and proceeds to pretend he wasn't just a complete twat.

Waah waah waaaaaah.

He immediately pours on the charm, which is met with... mixed reactions.

Very mixed.

His plan is f***ing classic.

"HEY SORRY I F***ED UP YOUR ICE CREAM HERE LET US GO TO MY PRIVATE BEACH WHADDYA SAY?"

Also he flashes his teeth and everyone but Ami is like "HOLY SHIT HOOOOOOOT".

... wait a second, shouldn't one of them notice something is weird here?

For that matter, shouldn't HE be noticing one of them looks awfully f***ing familiar??

Oh wait nevermind Luffy is back again.

But then Mina shows up and is like "HOLY SHIT PRIVATE BEACH."

... oh. So he does remember! I'm okay with this now.

Everybody hops onto this 'private beach' thing, and suddenly he begins to regret his choice of words. But hold on a second, whatever happened to Ami? Well, she does eventually speak up and turns him down, instead placing the blame partly on herself. Also, she can't accept something like that from a dude she just met? So there's that I guess.

And just like that, everyone goes walking off, leaving Tiger's Eye to be completely baffled that the erotic fiction he read was a complete lie after all.

Seriously, those things never actually happen in real life so Ami's reaction is completely justified here.

This does make me chuckle so.

The other two are like 'told ya so' and he's like 'SHUT UP IMMA EAT THIS THING AND THAT WILL BE IT' and then the owner wipes the table into the next scene. It's... a really weird transition.

Now the girls are like 'what is up with you Ami?' and Artemis accuses Mina of being a gold digger, and... do none of them seriously remember that dude from TWO EPISODES AGO!?

Ugh. Also Rei gives shitty advice.

NO. NO NO NO. TERRIBLE ADVICE. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.
BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.

Ami says she doesn't think 'love is something to rush into'. BUT WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT LOVE? THAT... WHAT?

Looks like she's buying into the red string of fate and the whole destiny thing. So if you're fated to meet someone, you'll feel something special when you meet them, and therefore you should get all the doki dokis and that's when you know it's true luurrrrrve.

Of course all this talk makes Chibi-usa think about stuff for some reason.

This is fifty shades of NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.

So what's with this whole destined partner thing anyways? I mean, clearly if Usagi has one everyone does, right?

Hnnngh.

The girls finally decide that dude wasn't Ami's type. Or Mina's type, but it's not like any of them have a memory that spans longer than a single episode these days. But Rei points out that she'll never meet that 'destined person' if she doesn't talk to people at all, so maybe she should be more outgoing?

Meanwhile Shingo is like "I'M STILL IN THIS SHOW!" Then he an Ami go out on a raft to talk to her about the whole wanting to become a doctor dream. Also that's not her only dream? I mean, she is a person I guess.

I think perhaps they may not be the best example...

Then the SUPER SPECIAL MUSIC plays and Shingo just sits there staring at Ami as she's all like "MAYBE SOMEDAY SOME DUDE WILL COME ALONG AND I WILL FORGET ALL ABOUT THE DOCTORING THING". And Shingo discovers he has hit this thing called puberty. Which means it's time for a tiger shark to appear!

Get it? Because he's in the water? Oh screw you.

Also he maybe starts to drown or something? I dunno, he just starts coughing up water at some point for what seems like no reason. But now he just needs to get rid of the brat. Which, given he has MAGICAL F***ING POWERS shouldn't actually be that hard one would think?

He then dives into this week's commercial break from the following sponsors. (Note: I don't have sponsors, so why do I even keep saying this shit?)

Anyways after the break  Usagi gets a melon ball to the face.

A shame it isn't a real melon to break her stupid face.

We get to see more beach things going on elsewhere, and Fish Eye and Hawk's Eye are just sitting around wondering about their pal, when they see that shop owner talking about the tide changing, and sticking a wet finger into the air. Why is this a thing? F**k if I know but I guess they need a  reason to go looking for the folks out at sea.

Speaking o people out at sea, Ami and Shingo notice they are out pretty far. UH OH. Guess they better get back. BUT THEN. DUN DUN. DUN DUN.

DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN.

DUNDUNDUNDU-wait is that a DOLPHIN?!

... oh my god.

He just straight up skated in with a dolphin.

A dolphin.

Shingo tells him to buzz off and spot being persistent, he's like 'whatevs kid' and he's all "I'M NO KID" and at this point Tiger's Eye has simply had enough. Snap of his fingers and a hole opens in the raft and down Shingo goes, and he's all like "aww yeah finally alone" but JOKE ON YOU PAL because Ami goes diving in after Shingo.

Yeah, I'm not sure how he expected this to work really? Then again, he is some kind of dumb cat isn't he?

Anyways Mercury makes good with her namesake, and then the other girls notice Shingo and Ami have been gone for a really long time. Luna is sure they'll be fine, but then Diana... wait, where the f**k did she come from!?

No, I'm very serious. WHERE THE F**K DID SHE COME FROM. SHE WAS NOT HERE FOR THE REST OF THE ENTIRE EPISODE AND NOW SHE SPONTANEOUSLY EXISTS AGAIN.

I guess she exists only to make this discovery, but... where
was she for the rest of this entire episode??

Usagi tries not to freak the f**k out because now her brother is missing and possibly hurt and/or dead, and everyone decides to redouble their efforts to find the two missing folks. Meanwhile on some rock in the middle of nowhere...

This f***ing guy.

Shingo isn't breathing, and Ami realizes she needs to do the CPR, while Tiger's Eye is like 'the hell, he's just a brat' and wonders if dude is her boyfriend, and she's like 'he's my friend you asshole' and for the first time in his career, Tiger's Eye is given pause. Friends. What are friends? Are they something you should go so far for, he wonders?

... wow, this episode is actually turning out to be way better than I could have expected.

I... can't even be mad at this. I really can't.

Ami continues CPR and he wonders if he has anyone he could call a friend, but then Shingo wakes up and she hugs him and cries and he's like 'aw man hot'. But then Tiger's Eye snaps and is like 'eh f**k it gotta do my job' and puts Ami on a board so he can have a look at that mirror.

Though, Shingo shows up with a piece of wood and tries to protect her, only to be knocked aside. Shingo is mad at being so useless but OH HEY LOOK IT'S SAILOR MOON and that smaller one too.

Shingo is like 'oh hey cool' and passes out just as those other girls show up too, and he calls for his monster.

The what now?

Oh dear christ what is that.

Y'know, I was telling myself, "I don't think I'll have to do any animated gifs for this episode", but then?

Then this shit happened.

It... it just... it keeps happening.

Chibi Moon picks White, and the ball turns out to be Red and it pops out of the top of her head and we are told 'don't try this at home'.

HOW COULD ANYBODY CONCEIVABLY TRY THIS AT HOME. WHAT.

Are you just going to forget your friend is tied up to a board?
Oh, you are? Okay then, just checking.

Then the ball turns out to be a bomb of some kind and she does her little dance again, and sicne nobody wants to give an answer, she pops a giant ball out of her head.

... what?

It makes an even BIGGER boom, and Tiger's Eye has a look at some dreams, and he's like 'aww dude isn't here so whatever deal with stuff Ponko' and then he leaves and Ami falls to the ground.

Ponko does one more dance for a silver ball, BUT THEN A ROSE OUT OF NOWHERE.

This may be the single best entrance he's made in the last
fifty episodes, holy shit that is fly.

I find myself mesmerized by Tuxedo Kamen's cape. Has... has it always been so... flappy? So magnificent?

Anyways, he's like "YEAH WELL Y'KNOW LOVE AND STUFF". Which makes the monster made and she declares she will golden ball all over them. But Ami tells them to 'plug the mouth' since that's where ALL THE BOMBS COME FROM, so Usagi covers her mouth, but Tuxedo Kamen hasn't dong anything in awhile so he's just gonna throw his at at the monster and save the day.

I was totally serious. He plugs up her mouth with his hat.

QUICK LEADER PEOPLE DO THE THING AND END THE EPISODE.

Tiny person rings a bell, not so tiny person gets a powerup and does a thing, and the monster thing goes and dies as per its contractual obligation stipulations. Gee so glad we resolved that!

Shingo wakes up to see Ami looking down at him, and they seem to be back by the beach and Shingo is like 'the hell happened to that dude' and feels bad about not protecting Ami. But she tells him that if it wasn't for him, Sailor Moon probably wouldn't have shown up in time, and he takes some comfort in that I guess.

Also, that is a bizarre incense burner.

Then they go out and eat melon and watch fireworks, and Mamoru is nowhere to be seen. Despite having just shown up.

Fireworks go off some more, and that's the end of the episode.

... y'know, this may be one of the best episodes this entire season. The first couple were awesome, but there's something about this episode that gives me hope they might salvage at least part of the show now. I mean, Tiger's Eye given pause to consider the problem of 'friends' is a pretty cool turn of events, and shows that there's a chance the villains aren't simply two-dimensional cut outs, like they've been portrayed the entire time.

Of course, knowing what I do, I'm sure they will forget about this development soon enough. *sigh*

That's it for this week fellas. I can only hope next week's episode is at least this good, but somehow I doubt it. Maybe we'll get lucky though. Maybe.

Tune back in Wednesday for more Shimoneta... I've been told that's... a thing.