Sailor Moon Episode 17 - Is Usagi a Model? The Focus of the Monster Camera

I don't have an amusing anecdote today. Or any anecdote for that matter. I'm just going to get this thing over with in the hopes that it'll maybe go down a little easier or something.

Today's episode overview: Evil photographers who shoot laser beams out of their cameras. Then there's a message of judging girls on their looks. Can these episodes really get any more formulaic? Answer: Probably.

So this episode opens with Usagi doing that thing where she puts food in her mouth, and the other girls are talking about some famous kid or other that lives near Rei. Usagi freaks out, and is all "holy crap Ami this famous guy lives nearby we should totally get his autograph or something". Already, this seems to be the most shallow plot hook EVER. Like EVER. You've never heard of this guy before, he shows up in one photo then you wanna be BFFsies? What the hell, even for a blonde that is just a stretch.

But Ami is predictably 'cram school blah blah' and being a boring sensible person.

Anyways, famous kid is some hotshot photographer or something who just got a prestigious award that was probably made up specifically for this episode. I mean, 'best scenic photograph in Japan of the year' is kind of a stretch, even for this narrative.

He seems pretty depressed about the whole thing, as he's being interviewed outside the school, and just as Usagi and company show up, Rei stops her from 'acting like a groupie'. Just because he's famous doesn't mean you should be hounding the guy for autographs, appreciate his art... okay, at least that makes some damned amount of sense. But it's still reading like a public service announcement.

But the kid jumps in and stops them from fighting, surprising everyone. Then goes off to take some more pictures I guess. And slips and falls off a cliff, only to be saved by... well at least they're moving pretty fast with this plot.

There could be dangerous people around.

I'd also like to point out just how freaking impossible that picture seems. But there it is, lifted right out of the episode. Blah.

Of course, upon helping him get back up, our boy decides to just go ahead and possess the camera before giving it back.

I mean, he's just all kinds of jumping ahead of the game now. Aren't you supposed to find out who the guy is before you jack his stuff full of ghosts? I mean, literally we go from that scene to the one where he's in his mansion with a magazine of the kid, then into the kid's room where he's freaking out. It's like watching a hyperactive kid who's trying to read a book, play a video game, watch tv and snort sugar all at the same time. Just jumping all over the goddamn place.

Oh, then he makes the comment "Art is explosive! I just want to take explosive pictures of girls!"

.... wait what?

So.... what?!

This appalls me. Because then we cut to Usagi reading a magazine about how you could be the next top model and get photographed by superkid and she starts to daydream and we know exactly where the rest of this episode is going to go thanks to the overview at the start. It ends in camera laser beams.

Luna comes over with a new communicator so the girls can talk any time, and the first thing Usagi does is call Ami and tell her how she's going to become a model!

This is some hi-tech stuff here. For real.

Ami blows her off though because she's got math problems to do. Because some people have actual responsibilities.

So aparrently her little brother, who hasn't been in an episode forever, thinks her becoming a model is utterly hilarious. Because she's just totally stupid. Which she is. She goes crying to mommy who pretty much agrees with her brother.

Over at the Arcade, Motoki thinks it's cool, but Mamoru also thinks it's hilarious. Also, he has some bitchin' wraparound shades.

So very bitchin'.

He starts going on about how stupid everyone in the world is, and how looks mean nothing compared to what's inside. He thinks lowly of people who pretty themselves up and believe they're hot shit, when they have no guts or spine deep within.

Honestly, he's coming off as not only a creepy pedo, but also a little bit gay now. Does this perhaps make him ever creepier...?

Anyhow, Mamoru slams the photo kid for only wanting to take photos of any young girl he comes across, referring to him as a third-rate photographer. Which sends Usagi storming off. Motoki is all 'dude, she's not a kid' despite the fact that CLEARLY SHE IS STILL A KID, and he's all 'eh, whatevs, we fight every time we talk'.

Thank you captain obvious.

So Usagi is waiting for the mail the next day, hoping she got accepted into the photo shoot thing, and it turns out that she did. And it's a shoot by the pool. Then she starts walking around with books on her head saying stupid things.

Yes, because a single day is going to make you a top-notch model. Off she goes to find a swimsuit and finds out the one she has was eaten by moths. Probably because she never wore it because she is clearly unfit.

So in record time we advance to the next stage, with evil photo guy separating all of the girls for private shootings. Apparently every girl in the freaking city was accepted for this thing, including Usagi's friends.

Luna is convinced something is up however, and she heads off to the pool to take a look at what's really going on. What's going on is that, predictably, he is shooting lasers at girls in groups, and making them vanish. Because that's how you take a photo.

So off Luna goes to warn Usagi of the Dark Kingdom's plot to continually ruin Usagi's life. So she runs off to call Ami and let her know what's going on just before the photo shoot, but is interrupted. Luna steals a bow covering an embarrassing hole in Usagi's suit, and she gets a sneak preview of what's about to happen to her over by the pool.

Off she goes running again to confront camera kid, and he just starts freaking out. But then she repeats what Mamoru said at the arcade, and he pushes her back. So, it's time to transform into Sailor Moon I guess, and kick someone's ass?

This is so boring and uninspired it's damn near putting me to sleep. But let's see how she deals with a human opponent for a change? Apparently, by calling out the monster possessing the kid. But he's all "SO BEAUTIFUL" and shooting camera bullets. She gets tired of this though, and kicks his camera into the pool, which releases the evil within!

.... boring and uninspired, just like the artist she possessed.

And the most boring name of the year award goes to: CAMERAN.

Yes.

Cameran.

I am done.

So she steals the kid by shooting camera lasers at him, and Luna is all "hey if she takes your picture you'll be trapped in the photo". GEE, THANKS FOR THAT, NOT LIKE WE DIDN'T ALREADY FIGURE THAT OUT.

Cue more camera lasers, and Luna takes a shot for Usagi. This makes her cry, and just as she's about to be snapped herself, Mars and Mercury finally show up for their debut. Ami starts with the bubbles, Rei follows up with talismans, but they are of no use as she manages to snap their pictures. Gasp, actual plot twist! The villain is actually competent for a change! And now Usagi's friends are all photos now.

So once again she gets back into a corner, and comes up with a brilliant idea as she presses up against the glass: She's going to dodge and let the monster capture herself. Which she does, and then begins to melt.

But Sailor Moon finishes her off with the tiara, and for the first time in the history of the entire show thus far, she's actually managed to accomplish something useful. Congratulations Usagi, you didn't completely screw up for a change. Everyone trapped by Cameran returns, and everything is all fine.

Well, except for Nephrite. Who is being visited by Zoisite once more. He's all laughing about how Beryl's gonna love this shit, but Nephrite is all "yeah so how's that hunt for the crystal going?" and promptly shuts up.

Then photo kid goes on TV to say that he's not taking any more photos because some girl taught him that what matters most is a girl's heart and love of justice or whatever. And Usagi is dreaming of being a model. The end.

In short? Bland. Not likable at all. Altogether not very good.

But at least I don't want to stab my eyes out. Yet. I'm sure it'll come though. Or maybe it'll get better, and I'll start to like this show?

Oh god please don't let me turn into something horrible.