Gunparade March Episode 05 - Withered Leaf - Thursday's Child

So, I have finally managed to go through the trouble of acquiring a slightly more legitimate source for this show, since the discs I got appear to have been, shall we say, less than genuine.

Really with a shiny red and silver sticker that says "BEST COLLECTION LIMITED EDITION ORIGINAL" you would expect a little bit more.

Anyways jokes about Chinese bootlegs aside, let's see if this show somehow gets magically better. I'm not expecting it to, given the crap we've seen so far, but I figure I may as well try to judge it with the best it has to offer. So let's dig in, and see if this show will somehow magically make me care about more than one person.

I get the feeling it won't though.

Ah yes, the boring, boring introduction. It is the most boring thing imaginable. The quality really isn't that much better, so while I got a rip at least it was a pretty good rip, compared to the source material. But it's not really adding a lot.

We begin today's episode with people walking around as dead leaves litter the ground. Anyways, some kids are late coming back. Something about maybe getting lost in the woods with some scary ghost.

I hope you are the only person alive at the end of this show.
Otherwise there is no justice in the world.

They are reading Hansel and Gretel for some reason, and I guess they are preparing to perform it. Turns out not everyone is good at this thing. Cue the title slide.

At least we know the translation is worth a damn this time around.

Anyways the performance is to be done in the stupidest way imaginable.

Via hand puppets.

At least I'm assuming this is the case since they are making puppets and stuff. Which seems pointless to me but I'm sure there's a good reason why you couldn't just make it a stage play.

Also, aren't you guys the only people in this school? I'm a bit unclear on that.

Pretty sure nobody saw that one coming.

Turns out that some elementary kids are coming to watch and they will probably like it or whatever.

For the sake of your purity, my raven-haired beauty, I truly
pray that you are correct in your assertion.

They talk about how the boys suck at acting, stayed back to have them practice, and two people are playing the witch role. Oh but not just any two people, but the totes main couple of the entire show.

Keep lying to yourself. You'll bomb no matter what you do.

Anyways the annoying brat is all I DREW A THING and the unfinished witch talks to her.

Then the boys are all complaining about their respective roles and how they all suck at the acting. Or how they didn't get the role they wanted.

I want you to die in the worst way possible.

Then the lech wants the witch role and the dude is all 'yeah no' and then ladies get mad because the lech stepped up on the table. Then she gets told to settle down and other people go to get something to eat.

I'm sure the reasons have nothing to do with trying to get
those two to work better together. Nope. Not at all.

Cut to us hearing the reason for this unusual partnership for being witches.

GEE HOW INCREDIBLY CONVENIENT.

Turns out this is all a ploy to make them better at working together. Who'd have thought. VR training montage is go. But then it ends after about ten seconds. Seems like they are getting better at their job but they all suck overall. Cold girl is still cold, other dude just doesn't have a clue, and people read things and suffer an acting practice montage.

At least the wish plaques are translated this time.

Also we find out the guy setting these up is the blind teacher.

Now it is the time for the performance or whatever, in record time. We're not even halfway through which worries me. Or maybe it is simply more practice.

Either one is just as likely, really.

Turns out it is practice, and some folks are just a little too damn happy about the whole thing.

To be fair, pushing those two into the oven would truly
improve the show an awful lot.

If you don't know the plot of Hansel and Gretel by now, you should be ashamed.

Anyways, there's a fan turned on for some effects, and it has some side-effects that are possibly unintentional, but not for the guys running this show.

*sigh*

Then mainbro falls over, knocks the girl off the ladder she was standing on, and the lech is all like, totes not looking, and then that other girl gets mad at him, and then people yell and stuff, and my favorite character continues to wish everyone else were dead.

I will kill you all in your sleep. Teehee!

Now it is the next day and it's a culture festival or whatever and people are totally doing things over a montage of static images.

Who knew there were other people at this school? Then some bratty brats show up and get all pissy because it's taking forever for the show to start.

Her expression. Simply the best.

Anyways it's time for the show to begin, and so they get right to it. Will they suffer us to watch the entire performance? Nope, because SUDDENLY ALARMS. ALIEN ATTACKS. SORRY KIDS NO PLAY FOR YOU.

I guess the show finally remembered it was supposed to have aliens attacking or something and has decided to make up for this after three episodes of aliens doing jack and shit.

Also, why does this one have a human face?

Lots of big monsters and also a commercial break oh no.

Halway through, and we return to kids complaining about there being no show because GIANT F***ING ALIENS ARE ATTACKING THE CITY.

And nobody was more disappointed than my lovely Tanabe.

But she gets dragged out and the girls decide they're going to stall for time. With, uh, a very awkward... stand-up comedy routine?

Remember folks, she's bad at everything. Except wishing
for each and every one of you to die screaming as you burn.

Also aliens. Dead cows, and aliens. Not that the aliens even matter because they do nothing but die immediately. People say things, and they decide to do a missile thing, and so missiles are launched from the new mech, and explosions occur. But oh no, most of them missed. Time to do more of that fighting thing. Oh and also more aliens that just don't want to die.

Oh no, someone is in trouble. Oh no, blood spatters on a screen. Is someone finally going to die again? Maybe if we're lucky. They to and prop the cockpit of the fallen machine open, only to find that, well, someone's done got hurt pretty bad.

Oh no blood oh no. Funny how she got all bloodied, despite
the outside being perfectly unharmed.

Injured pilot, call for help, etc etc. Don't worry girl we will totes get you out of this alive. But we gotta get this taken care of fast before the poison gets to you. Then some painful looking stuff occurs, I'm surprised her spine doesn't snap itself in half, and then she seems kind of okay but not really? Blah blah stuff that's probably supposed to be touching but since we really have no idea who is talking to who because FACES ARE OBSCURED we just have to imagine that this is a touching scene.

Oh yeah and also you're not getting an evac so you're screwed.

It's not that they don't want to get to you but there's flying aliens. Who knew? Then a van drives up, and they say they'll drive the girl away to be picked up somewhere else because that's faster.

Truly this is an exciting show.

By which I mean it's kind of the most boring shit I've seen since that idol wrestling show.

Eventually a helicopter takes off, the girl is off to the hospital, and everything is just great. Yawn.

A helicopter flies through the air, and then she's in the hospital. Transfusions blah blah also operating stuff. Her teammates watch as she gets operated on while she is conscious, and they ask them to talk to her to help her feel more comfortable or something. There's a thing where she wants water but can't have it because it'll kill her, and it looks like she's basically gonna die anyways since she takes off her breathing mask and says something to lech dude that has no audio.

Then more helicopter! And people walking.

Also a bomb got dropped off screen. Grats on the successful mission. Depressing music that is super heavy on the piano plays, bad news is spread across the Nono network, and people are all mad because people get hurt when they fight giant aliens.

Also a phone call is made so she's probably totally dead now. Also since everyone is crying.

We get confirmation just a little bit later through a news report going through the list of everyone who died in the last operation. But not until like, ten names in of course.

End of the episode.

So what do I think of the show now that I've seen it with a far more accurate translation?

It still f***ing sucks balls.

Not much else to say.