Sailor Moon SuperS Episode 13 - Love Those Minis! The Fashionable Soldiers

Hopefully by now, you know how things work around here. I queue up an episode, spend a couple of minutes delaying the actual watching of it by talking about some stupid banal thing that is utterly pointless, maybe ramble on for a paragraph or two about how I absolutely dread today's episode, and am generally a negative Nancy about things.

But y'know what? Not today. No. Why? Because today's episode is about clothes.

Yeah. That's right. Today's episode is about clothes. Truly the show for little girls is breaking new ground this time.

Hope you're nice and comfortable because today, we're just jumping right in with both feet. God help us all.

Today's episode revolves around fashion. I'm going to hazard a guess and suggest it involves swimsuits. Why, you ask? Well, somehow I get that feeling since today's villain appears to be an evil beach ball.

Yep. That's these are the depths we have once more sunken to folks. Break out the air tanks, because this ship is sinking fast. ROLL INTRO!

Watching the intro reminds me of something. We haven't seen Diana in awhile. Kind of funny how they wind up introducing a brand new character, then promptly forget all about them within a few episodes? And what role has she really played in this show, aside from that one time she made everyone freak out because they thought Mamoru's apartment was on fire?

Yeah. Kind of makes you question WHY they bothered introducing her in the first place really. She has literally just vanished. Of course, not even the main characters can consistently get screen time, short of the titular character, so this should be expected I guess?

Anyways, the intro is over so let's just sit back and watch this train wreck unfold shall we? It's a sunny day out in a park somewhere. There's some pop music playing and we're watching an outdoor fashion show open to the public.

Man, I know I say this a lot but Japan is f***ing weird sometimes. Free wedding contests are one thing, but this? Geez. I know the weird is the thing I love about anime the most but even this is simply bizarre.

Anyways, guess who has shown up to this event? A bunch of girls of course.

Some of which are more excited than others. Also, is that Naru
in the background? Couldn't be, she was written out ages ago!

So there's this dude who is some hotshot fashion designer, and even Amy is here. I find it amusing how she was actually cropped out of the establishing shot of the girls - she's just not important enough I guess.

To be fair though, female Umino next to her is the real
reason I actually took this screencap.

Ami the exposition machine tells us that dude is opening some shop soon nearby to let girls dress up like... some weird cat thing I guess to 'express their true selves using clothes' or some shit like that.

Front of outfit.

Back of outfit. Complete with a tail of sorts. Japan is weird man.
Fashion is weird.

And some of these designs... man I just don't get fashion. It's because I'm a guy isn't it?

It's totally because I'm a guy that I am incapable of understanding
this shit.

Then they awkwardly segue into the title slide and now we see the main dude show up. I guess he's kind of a big deal or whatever?

Oh hey! It's Trowa Barton! From Gundam Wing! Dude what
the hell did you do to land in this show?

The ladies all go wild over him except Chibiusa because puberty hasn't struck yet or whatever I guess, but then they see some bride walk out and everyone is like 'SPARKLES STARS AND STUFF OH GOD HE IS DANCING WITH HER I WANT TO BE HER' and then they walk off and he sighs because Trowa realizes what a step down this is from piloting Gundams.

Hell, this is a step down from being in the goddamn circus. You
know that's bad.

Immediately cut to the bar where Fish Eye is looking at clothes instead of pictures. And asking her coworkers (who still aren't convinced she is, in fact, of the female persuasion) about how she looks.

Hm? Oh. Sure. I love how your clothes blend in with the
background yeah sure no it doesn't make you look fat at all.

As predicted, they ignore her and look at photos and Tiger's Eye is like 'eww a dude' and we all know what's gonna happen next.

At least the stock footage is minimal at best this time. New
animations! Slightly different shots! It's a miracle.

Oh and Hawk's Eye is like 'man why guys gotta have dreams like what's even up with that?' But Fish Eye recognizes the photo immediately.

Yeah you're right that is Trowa Barton! Man. What a heartthrob
that dude was back in the day, right?

Anyways, she does a little dance.

Sometimes I add these simply because I can.

So you might notice Hawk's Eye asking if she will be 'cross-dressing again'.

Uh. Is Fish Eye... not a woman? Because I am fairly certain she is...?

But she says that she will approach the guy as a beautiful man as opposed to a woman this time.

... I am so confused and have so many questions right now.

Which means we need to immediately jump over to Chibusa's room where she is studying late into the night for some reason.

Oh wait, never mind. She's just being a kid after all it seems.

Then a winged unicorn is like 'so what the hell is this' and she's like "I SAW A WEDDING DRESS AND IT WAS PURTY".

I think it is a little early to be saying things like this. Particularly
since saying something like this would insinuate one either
has an idea in mind already or CANNOT EVER SEE ANYONE
BEING WITH THAT PERSON EVER. So you're a creepy dick.

I guess Chibiusa realizes that oh shit if you're going to get married you have to actually get married to someone. My god, how that managed to slip her mind I can't even imagine. He tells her he's sure someone will want her someday, and we transition out to the city, where a dude is trying not to have a mental breakdown, presumably because of amnesia.

Seriously, Trowa loses his memory like, every five episodes.

Dude snaps at his hired help, then apologizes and decides he's just gonna lay on his desk because he can't think of anything. Then his assistant starts to give him a massage.

Uh...

Cut to... some other scene during the daytime I guess?

Creeper shades are one thing, but did he glue them to his
freaking nose?! Jeebas.

Oh and these aren't just any normal shades either. These are super creeper shades! You can get them like, everywhere in Japan.

They filter out the dudes from the ladies so you can be
absolutely sure you're ogling the right gender.

But then Fish Eye walks past and he's like "WHOA WHAT" and she's like "yo" and he's like "HOLY SHIT".

Somebody's laying it on a little thick.

So Trowa is like "MODEL FOR ME" and she's like 'wha' and he's like "I DONT CARE IF YOU'RE A DUDE YOU ARE DOING A THING FOR ME AND THAT IS HOT."

Seriously though. I'm really confused. Because Fish Eye is a girl, right? I mean, she got mad at everyone calling her a man before, right? I mean... right?

I am so confused.

So she takes his hand and is like 'oh do you think I can do the job?' and like all caresses his hand all gently and shit and he's like "yep you are so much hotter than my assistant who is totally fired now".

Then she starts laughing and... okay I don't...

I don't...

Y'know what? No. This deserves a gif. This is gifworthy.

I am just. My brain. I can't deal right now.

So... she... he? I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE. Fish Eye gives the seamstresses shit because they can't sit still and like is all bitching up a storm because needles are pokey. But the assistant shows up and is like 'yo look I'm sorry kay please just chill' and Fish Eye is all "LOOK AT MAH PEEEECS!"

MAH PEEEEEEEEECS!

God I am EVEN MORE CONFUSED THAN I WAS BEFORE. WHAT THE HELL IS FISH EYE ANYWAYS. This is going to get me lambasted because Fish Eye is actually gender fluid isn't it? F**k me. I DON'T KNOW WHAT PRONOUN TO USE ANYMORE.

Then... he? Is like "make me something new" and that dude shows up and is like "HAY I DID A THIIIING". So the assistant goes to look but Fish Eye is like "OH COOL BUT HERE CHECK THIS OUT."

This is really not helping my confusion at all. In fact, it is
making it worse because I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT FISH
EYE IS ANYMORE.

The assistant gets all shovey with Fish Eye though, and he's like 'step off bitch, dat's MY man.'

To be fair she's been 'working' what, five, ten minutes tops?

But Fish Eye is like 'fire him' and dude is like 'but that's my dude' and he's all 'whatevs I'll walk' and the others are like 'seriously wtf bitch you just got here'.

Of course before dude can make a decision, his assistant is like 'f**k this shit, I quit.'

This is code for 'we're totally boning at my place later'.

Bro apologizes, Fish Eye laughs, and then cut to... Usagi and Mamoru looking at clothes with some chick.

Does she work here or something? Why is she in the establishing
shot? Why do we keep suddenly cutting so much this episode?

I guess they've been there for an hour and she's been making a ruckus and Mamoru is like "okay I will buy you one thing can you please just pick one so we can leave?" and she's like "please I wasn't gonna BUY nothing!" He insists, however, probably hoping it will not only shut her up but also not get them kicked out of a public store, and she freezes.

Oh boy. You just know she's about to kick it into high gear. You know it.

Let's just say he cares enough about making you stop squealing
like a pig quite so much.

We find out that was in fact a store associate, they leave, and now Mamoru is broke. Then Usagi says some really weird shit.

... what?

She says she's super happy and they walk off, and now we cut back to the fashion thing where there are lots of designs and dude is like super happy and never wants Fish Eye to leave because designs. Which was just as planned? Also commercial break just busts in like the Kool Aid man.

Seriously, who the f**k was in charge of EDITING this episode?!

Also, there seems to be a recurring theme here, but I just can't
quite put my finger on what it is. Hmmm.

Oh and all of his staff is like 'f**k this' and walks.

Not sure I really have anything to say about this other than
this really makes me uncomfortable for some reason.

The last of his help leaves, and he kinda wants some alone time which makes Fish Eye sad or whatever. Then dude goes stand on a swing and cries his feelings. Then Usagi seems him and is like "OH COOL" and he's like 'the hell?'

There is something just awfully bizarre about this sudden
meet-up. Can't quite put my finger on it...

She talks about how she really wants to wear that wedding dress someday, does some more super weird shit, and then she asks if she can have a favor.

And like that, every professional artist immediately wanted
to murder Usagi.

Before he can say anything, she pulls an Usagi.

You are a shameless girl. Seriously.

Then she acts all dejected or some shit and to be fair, if I were him I would be running for the hills right now because holy shit that chick is f***ing crazy. But being the nice guy he is, he just laughs at her and recognizes the outfit she's wearing is one of his, and so they talk about her boyfriend and why she likes his clothes.

She tells him that they're cute and pretty and there's something else she can't put her finger on but she just really likes. She asks if he's in a slump and he's just like 'ehhhh' so she works her gold digger angle yet again, because that's how Usagi rolls.

Dude laughs though, says she's funny, and says maybe he might actually consider it for the hell of it. Then he's like 'man, I forgot what it was like to design something' and then has a complete crisis of conscience. But now he's over it? So... yay Usagi?

Yay, Usagi fixed a situation by being a selfish bitch.
... god what a terrible message to send kids.

He promises to design that dress, and... I guess the episode is over now? Usagi goes off and takes a bath, and Chibiusa blasts her in the face with the shower thing, and... they argue about the whole dress thing. They decide to go drop by his place, then have a water fight, and now it is evening where Trowa has one of his trademark mental breakdowns about what he's doing and where he is and if what he's been up to this entire time is really what he's about.

Seriously, am I the only one who sees the Trowa thing?

Fish Eye shows up and is like 'the hell are you up to?' and he's like "YOU'RE FIRED" so Fish Eye is like "NOW I WILL SHOW YOU MY TRUUUUE FORM" and puts him up on a board and rips out his chest mirror.

Oh and for some reason the Usagi twins show up just in time because yeah let's go visit a fashion designer IN THE MIDDLE OF THE F***ING NIGHT I AM SURE HE WON'T MIND.

Cue transformation sequence.

Cut to this just because.

Fish Eye is sad and is like 'welp gotta kill you' but then the Moon Brigade shows up and is like "MOTHER DAUGHTER TEAM GO". To which Fish Eye is like 'okay seriously, the hell are you wearing?'

Wow. This... this may be the single greatest assault a villain
has made on Sailor Moon YET.

The girls are like 'did we ever think of that?' 'no' 'didn't think so' and then the.... the...

... WHAT.

WHAT.

W-WHAT.

I... I... I....

So uh. I guess. This one is. Um. Related to that balloon one? From that one episode. Okay. But uh. Um.

YOU ARE A FREAKING BEACH BALL BEING BOUNCED ON A SEAL'S NOSE.

Fish Eye goes to leave, the seal tries to eat her and leaves too, and uh... suddenly the enemy realizes this may have actually been a really terrible idea launching itself at his opponent.

... please tell me you just deflate it and call this a day.

Yeah it gets pretty weird now.

Okay seriously. Just deflate it and be done with this?

It manages to free itself, bounces around some more, and then... bounces some more. Eventually it knocks them in to a wall, laughs, and bounces around some more but then Tuxedo Mask music plays, and the monster is defeated.

He was... kissed by a rose.

It's weird because the music starts up, and dude looks around like 'what the hell where is that coming from?' before a rose just kind goes 'dink' and he deflates.

Also, Tuxedo Mask is just like 'seriously guys what the hell'.

Why are you even here dude? I mean seriously.

The girls slide to the floor, ball dude stands up, and... changes form I guess.

I guess you could say now that his rose is in bloom, the
light hits the gloom on the gray? Wait are those the actual
lyrics what the f**k Seal. WHAT THE F**K.

Then it turns into an even bigger ball I guess? But they serve it up into the air, Chibiusa summons her Lisa Frank Nightmare Pal, who gives Sailor Moon the Deus Ex Machina stick, and finally takes care of this stupid thing. Boom goes the dynamite, monster eliminated, hhappy ending for everyone or whatever.

Sailor Moon lifts up Trowa and is like "suuuuup, gonna make our dress now?' and then they walk away, hand in hand like some big happy family.

Kind of a weird family outing if you ask me though.

This leaves an impression and then they recycle the intro sequence but replace the clothes.

Also the cats show up this time? As well as Mina. Actually, that's a lie, there's one cat missing from this lineup for some reason.

Again. Diana just simply does not exist anymore. For now.

Oh and one of those outfits looks oddly familiar.

What no that looks nothing like her at all what are you saying.

Also a wedding dress.

Twintails are in I guess.

Usagi gets excited, she wonders aloud if that's her wedding dress, and the other girls get mad. Chibiusa just stares longingly, and it looks like Trowa and his assistant got back together, the end.

... wow. Just... wow. This episode was bad, don't get me wrong. But... it was a different sort of bad. Kind of like the last time Fish Eye was involved. I'm not sure if it's a better or worse kind of bad though. Just... different.

I think the thing that's going to make my head hurt the most though is how the hell I am supposed to refer to Fish Eye now. Is she a man that acts like a woman, or a woman that acts like a man? I have no idea, and I am horribly, horribly confused.

And I somehow suspect that the show will never tell me which it is. Which means I'll have to resort to the Internet for research.

And we all know how THAT will turn out.