Dog Days' Episode 09 - Union Fest

I know I've mentioned many times around here how much I absolutely love Nanoha. In fact, I may even go so far as to say it is my favorite show of all time - there are very few films or TV series I will watch time and again, and short of some of my childhood favorite Disney flicks (Roger Rabbit anyone?), very few have seen more re-watches than Nanoha and it's follow-up, Nanoha A's.

This should tell you why this show enrages me so. It has so many things that I really liked about Nanoha peppered about in it. It's even in widescreen! And it looks pretty good when they decide they feel like animating things. But my god, the amount of idiocy that runs rampant throughout Dog Days reaches what I would almost describe as incredulous.

So of course I have to keep watching it, right? Because this is the Internet and if I'm not bitching about something then nobody is going to bother listening. Let's get the six pack ready folks, it's time to dive back into War And Fun And Profit.

Remember that concert that happened last episode? That time when nothing of note really occurred? I realize of course this describes basically the entire season so far but stick with me. They made an announcement at the end of it that they were gonna have a thing between the countries because war and fun and profit right? So yeah this is that day. Which is really just the day after the concert? Let it not be said that these folks are not efficient in wishing to wage war upon one another for the fun and the profits. Because they are.

We find Eclaire practicing by herself and thinking about that kiss she totally didn't have with Cinque and then totally not flipping the f**k out when nobody is watching.

She's also totally not doing that all during the opening credit roll either I'm sure.

... that was your cue to roll the opening, what did you somehow miss that? Roll it already! I'm like halfway through it geez.

So now that we've finally progressed to the actual episode, it's time for our daily quota of naked girls. To the shower room! Because, like I've said many times, if there's one thing this show needs more of, it's naked girls.

Anyways, some familiar faces are talking and saying things that I should probably remember but frankly I can't be bothered to because it's very hard to take someone seriously when they aren't wearing any clothes.

Why yes, this does feel a little Game of Thrones now that
you mention it. If you replaced all the murder and death
with sunshine and rainbows that is.

I guess they're wondering what the deal is with Cinque and Eclaire and wondering why she's suddenly being weird. Transition to the next scene, where the conversation continues.

I cannot think of any reason why this might be the case at all.
Ever.

They try to puzzle over what the big deal is, and the crazy squirrel princess continues to be not merely crazy, but also a squirrel and a princess.

You frighten me, and now that I am seeing you snuggling
up to Cinque like every other hussy in this show I will
have trouble sleeping today.

The princess is sure that things will work out and everything will be fine, Becky apologizes for letting her princess drape herself all over Cinque, and the Milhi's response is... to find it heartwarming.

OH CINQUE. YOU SO DREAMY.

But then they decide they really ought to get going and stuff.

That ear-splitting shriek you just heard? That was the tattered
remnants of my soul throwing itself into the shredder. Again.

Becky and crazy squirrel hop on a broom, say they'll all be enemies the next time they meet, and then fly off to leave those other two to cuddle up and, uh. Cuddle. GOD THIS IS SO F***ING WRONG.

Cut over to the Biscotti front lines where people are running around and doing 'things' that are probably related to 'war'. I like to imagine they are arranging the snack tables. Also we see Eclaire and tiny science girl are busy standing around chatting, and they move inside to look at a map and talk about just what's going on with Eclaire. She gets called out for her shit about her losing said shit over Cinque and gets all grumpy and frowny-face and does the whole "AM NOT GRR!" bit because that's where she's at in the tsundere romance process.

But the tiny one blatantly calls Eclaire out and says "yeah no you love him" and she's like 'buhhhhhh'.

Expect to sit here for the next minute and listen to someone else tell us why Eclaire is sooooo much in love with him all the time and why she's being weird and all that stupid shit. Because that's what happens. OH BUT WAIT. IT GETS BETTER BECAUSE ECLAIRE ISN'T THE ONLY ONE.

A harem, ya don't say? GEE WHAT A TWIST. NOBODY
COULD EVER HAVE PREDICTED THIS WAS HAPPENING.

I think the rest of this season is going to involve everyone in the goddamned kingdom coming to terms with how every single one of them wants Cinque's balls, and that they're all going to have to live with just sharing him.

There's some bullshit character development between these two, but let's face it, the show has long since failed the Bechdel test. It's failed it so hard, they're going to have to come up with a new test just to chart how far off the beaten path this show is.

Eclaire tries to brush the conversation aside but isn't allowed to but focuses on the whole "I JUST WANT TO WAR LET ME WAR OKAY?" Then she shuts down and turns into a bitch because she's the tsun and tells her pal to buzz off so she can focus on the war.

Which makes her pal cry because this war is such a big deal, what with Cinque leaving soon and all that and that's why she wanted everyone, Eclaire especially, to be all on top of their game because the entire world, THE ENTIRE WORLD MIND YOU, is coming together just to make ONE PERSON HAPPY.

I just felt like pointing that out. Again. In case some people just weren't getting it.

So the tiny one runs out and cries and says she hates her friend and runs into Leo and her guard because stuff and is like "WAAAAH" and then Yuki talks to Eclaire because someone needs to talk to her. They bring up Cinque, yet again proving that shit show really just CAN NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW GREAT CINQUE IS.

Of course whatever 'heartfelt conversation' they might have been having is cut short because Leo has to waltz in and prove that she has the biggest balls of them all and is the real queen bitch. I mean, it's kind of her thing? So she's not gonna let anybody be a bigger pussy than her because SHE IS QUEEN OF THE CATS. She tells Eclaire off, and is like "yeah so I get how weird your thing is but let's make a bet by which I mean A DUEL later today."

If Leo wins, Eclaire becomes Leo's new captain of the ... commando troop for a day? Uh, okay. But if Eclaire wins? Leo will 'listen to any wish' she has.

I have no f***ing idea what is even going on at this point, and I'm not sure anybody else does but they decide this is totally a great idea and run with it because the show needed some drama.

Commercial break, with more boobs!

So the war is about ot begin and a packed stadium is all cheering and shit, and Milhi shows up to be all "SUP BITCHES, WHO IS READY FOR SOME WAR? THAT'S RIGHT ALL OF YOU! LET'S DO THIS." So all three princesses show up on screens and are like "LETS DO THIS" and then they go do this thing.

Leo does a thing and charges ahead so she can go have that fight with Eclaire, and shitty chocobos are all over the place.

Also some other people fly through the air and... does anybody even give a f**k? No one? Okay good, because I don't care either. Let's just watch some random shit happen.

Leo and Eclaire clash but oh no, Leo breaks Eclaire's weapon despite using a regular blade? So now what will she do. Oh, she'll sit there and let Leo call her basically useless. That's cool.

It's sitting over there waiting for it's check to clear.
Like everyone else in this show.

But Eclaire all gets off her chocobo and is like "I GOT DAGGERS RAR AND ALSO I SAY THINGS" and they clash again, and some fighting happens and uh, I dunno. I guess they go back and forth a bit? There's lots of smoke and stuff but Eclaire isn't backing down and the crowd is like 'oh cool' and other people are watching the fight and stuff, but things don't look ogod because now she's been disarmed yet again.

Then she narrowly avoids getting exploded, but Leo is like "lots of magic lols" and blows her up anyways.

All that's left is a tiny crater with a girl sitting in the middle of it, and Leo decides welp time to go. Cinque wants to go help out, but his orders 'forbid' it, and Leo walks over to collect her prize while Eclaire internal monologues about all the stupid insipid shit, and Leo is all 'do you yield or do I gotta finish this shit?' and instead of answering she just continues to lie there feeling sorry for herself.

Oh but that's when we hear little Rico call out over the PA asking Eclaire not to lose. Because this is all her fault and she'd feel bad if Eclaire lose because she's a horrible friend so please be awesome again?

Oh also, Rico declares her undying love for Eclaire. Just tossing that in there since we're shouting in front of quite literally the entire world.

But since we're talking in front of the world Eclaire is like 'nah I'm a bitch' and stands up and is like 'you're pretty swell too tiny person' and she looks at Leo and is like "BLAR NOT GONNA GIVE UP". So I guess they're gonna fight again or whatever. She announces she'll win against Leo without a weapon or whatever and I guess they fight now? Maybe? Okay so she pulls out the magic weapons thing again and basically explodes Leo with magic force and is like 'oh crap' and then explosions.

She manages to survive the attack of course, but not without losing her weapon and armor because that was their deal, so Eclaire won. Yay. Everyone is so super happy. Even Leo.

Maybe it's just me but I suspect she just wanted to lounge around
in those clothes in front of the entire world again.

They have a talk about how Eclaire needs to talk about her feelings more often and if she ever needs to talk about love or whatever Leo is basically doing nothing and lives in a castle full of chicks so she kinda knows how that shit works and don't be a stranger?

Which Eclaire takes as her reward. Off ot the rest of the war! Folks got beat up but Cinque charges up and is like "DUDE BRO THAT WAS DOPE AND OFF THE HOOK" and then they get together and start working together again.

And now Milhi is so happy about Eclaire having not lost her battle after all.

*sigh*

Also time for people to fight in the air but not this episode because this episode is over with but they want you to look forward to something next episode obviously.

But let's be honest. If anybody were theoretically still watching at this point, it wouldn't matter because they'd watch it anyways.

So next episode will be all about girls who love Cinque fighting over Cinque.

... god I f***ing hate this show.