The Qwasar of Stigmata Episode 06 - The Princess' Egg

I am highly considering dropping this show as soon as they get to a point that seems as though it would end a plot line or something. Because jegus-f**k I just don't know how much more of this show I can take.

I mean don't get me wrong, KnJ? That show is just bad. Reprehensible. Deserving of everything I ever said (and probably a few of the things I DIDN'T say) about it. But this show? This f***ing show? I honestly had no idea how bad it would be. None. It has maybe one redeeming quality. And that's about it. Otherwise, this show is probably one for the "never ever recommend this to anyone not even as a horrible joke" list.

Coming into this, I expected it to be bad in a new and exciting way.

I was so f***ing naive. I had no idea. And now, I wish I'd never even heard of this stupid show. WHOSE IDEA WAS IT FOR ME TO WATCH THIS SHIT AGAIN!?


I am not even going to lie. I'm not. Today's episode starts with what may or may not be a dream sequence where Mafuyu is taking Tomo from behind.

They're both naked. Both panting. Mafuyu is apologizing to her for whatever it is they are doing naked together being too painful, and that she has to squeeze just a little more, but they're almost done. But it's okay, Tomo just wants her to be more gentle.

Seriously. There is zero alternative ways to take this. Until you see what they are actually doing and they are clothed but they wanted you to have the visual of one woman taking another from behind because someone thinks you like growing oak trees in your pants. Also, if you do actually grow oak trees in your pants... take a shower holy shit man that is not normal.

Spoiler alert: This is the sexy thing you were rubbing
yourself over just a few moments ago. You sick f**k.

But since the thing is too tight the moment bubblegums strides in all the buttons pop and nail her in the forehead. Then we get Tomo-boobs. As if we hadn't seen enough of those to begin with.

Anyway I guess the idea is that they are maids for whatever the hell that stuck-up bitch's name is, or something. Or at least maids at her store or something, because of some promise that got made? Awesome. Let's watch that boring-ass intro again that is in no way indicative of anything this show is about. Except when it tries really really hard. But mostly they just want this show to be about boobs. The action is just a way to get you to see more boobs... or something. Where's the logic behind this shit again?

But now we cut back to a few days ago when.... yeah there's just no excuse for this.

Just another normal morning where the servant sleeps
on the master that they attend to for no reason.

Eventually they go downstairs to where Teresa is setting things up for breakfast, and everybody is eating except for Teresa who... for some reason is apologizing for the fact that she can only afford to prepare japanese-style breakfasts? I'm really not understanding what is going on here. But whatever, they try to play off the whole "part of the family but not wanting her to be part of the family but stoically accepting it anyway" comedy routine, along with some incredibly butchered Russian that is supposed to sound poignant I imagine, but is really just him going "hey this stuff tastes pretty good".

SO WHY NOT JUST SAY THAT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH AN ASSHOLE ABOUT THIS AUUUGH DIE IN A FIRE ALREADY AND END MY AGONY.

But right around that time Mafuyu realizes she's not being enough of a Debbie Downer and we are right back to her remembering all those crazy assholes trying to kill her for pretty much no reason. Oh and she's having a talk with Father Gene because y'know, it's not like he is an asshole or anything either, so I'm sure he'll come forward with the whole thing, right?

She asks if the "Icon" is really lost and of course, he gives a vague "Uh, well..." to which she automatically assumes means "yeah, we have no idea where it is or what it is so awesome". Even though it is pretty clear to me by now that most likely, she is the 'icon'. So let me just ask, if they're going with the whole virgin mary schtick, does that mean she's going to drop a baby or something soon because that is what she is most famous for and if we're going this far to give a giant "f**k you" to Christianity while attempting to retain it as a core central theme WHY THE HELL NOT. GIANT MILK-SUCKING BRICK THROWING ELEMENT CONTROLLING BLOODY FETUS MONSTERS FOR ALL.

Anyway the wanna-be Big Boss says that it's all good so long as Sasha kills all those crazy people. No big deal! It's not like they've been avoiding you or anything, I'm sure that will be easy.

Yet not actually destroying it, or making it so no one can
use it, or... I dunno using it yourself.

Immediately after being told their entire goal is to make sure nobody finds the Icon, Mafuyu asks the stupidest thing possible to herself: Why didn't he tell anybody else where it was?

GEE I DON'T KNOW MAYBE BECAUSE THEY WERE TRYING TO MAKE THAT SHIT VANISH I MEAN GOD ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO THIS ASSHOLE?!

So she begins to say something along the lines of  "So... like, not that you look suspicious or anything what with missing an eye and all that..." and he immediately goes into the "WE ARE THE RIGHTEOUS TRUTH. WE DO NOT KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE FOR NO REASON, THEREFORE WE ARE NOT THE EVIL YOU SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT" speech. Oh hey look some photos of when TOmo used to be cute. And Mafuyu looking around for this 'icon' thing.

Which leads us to this particular scene.

And it's flagrant disregard for human anatomy.

But she shoos Mafuyu away, until the world's cutest little goth horror plays the cute widdle girl ploy and gets her to make a bargain. After all it must be something super important or she'd never bother asking a heartless wench like her to begin with, right?

Yeah you're just too stupid to realize you're
sitting DIRECTLY ACROSS FROM HER.

Which... leads us to Sasha dressing up. Like a maid.

I don't even know what the point of this place is. Of course, boobs mcpinky wants to take Sasha to the back immediately in order to ravish him, becuase... putting on more clothes is somehow more attractive.

Or I guess him just wearing women's clothes is super attractive to her? Either way, this is some serious BAD END shit going down here. BAD END.

... man I don't even KNOW what to make of this shit.

Sasha of course has an understandable hissy fit and goes to storm out, but if he leaves then the deal for the villa key is off, which means she can't go poking around to find that Icon thing. So she has to get him to stay by any means. Including promising to never make borscht again.

And of course, he's gonna stay. And play the part of a maid. And call pinky there "master".

And all of this? ALL OF THIS? Is because when they were kids, Mafuyu told her there was no such thing as Superman.

... you know, I actually feel bad for this adorable little
blob who just learned that TV is not real life.

Because she is already in the third grade and just got schooled at... school, all the other kids kind of look at her and laugh and go "oh my god she still believes in Superman? Wow!"

Yes. This entire hate-filled persona is all because of that one event. All the rage, all the vitriol, all the pass-aggressive behavior and the total contempt? Is because she got embarrassed due to thinking Superman was real because he was on the television.

I feel bad for the kid. But this girl that she's become? No sympathies. None. Whatsoever. Not a single iota of giving a f**k for her. She's really that shallow of a character. I'd ask if she could die off but honestly I could care less. I really don't. I just want to stop watching this show even more now because of this completely pointless reveal.

Anyways after learning all that stupid shit, Mafuyu almost lets the cat out of the bag that she's doing this for a key and then instead says something about money instead to distract him. Sure, I guess he'll buy that.

No. No it is not. This is what they call SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

... somehow, Tomo is able to make Sasha actually feel kind of okay with the whole having to cross-dress as a maid and mop floors for no discernible reason other than possibly making money. With of course the weakest-ass explanation ever about how he just doesn't understand Japan. Or Mafuyu's heart.

I'm sorry WHAT THE HELL DO THOSE TWO THINGS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!

Not like it matters because this other bitch shows up.

... and of course wherever she goes, something incredibly f***ed up is going on elsewhere. Sasha tells her to leave but she says she can't because her slave is too busy "enjoying herself".

By 'enjoying herself' we mean getting discovered in the bathroom by Tomo chained to the wall naked with a ball-gag and a sign saying "I am enjoying myself".

No. That's not embellishment, that's actually what's going on. Is this par for the course yet? Because... I think it might be. I don't know anymore. Let's just go on and forget we ever saw this.

Oh, no, you're not gonna let us? You're also going to show us that she's using her copper construct to basically perform tickle torture on her? Okay. Fine. We get it. CAN WE MOVE ON ALREADY?!

FINALLY we move on with more shitty Russian accents and armed dudes looking at the building they are in and Tomo looking... well, more like Tomo than usual.

Seriously does EVERYTHING turn this girl on?!

And we get to see that this artifact museum thing... whatever this place is supposed to be, is some kind of subtle message about whatshername's personality. Something about valuable things being put on display and then discarded once they lose their value. Then the kid runs over to ask about seeing the egg. What egg? Why, a Faberge egg of course. You know, one of those russian things. It's no big deal. Of course this girl in Japan just happens to have something Russian in an anime where a Russian dude comes to wreck some shit and some other Russian dudes probably come to do the same thing. Because why the hell not?

Not that it matters because the egg is already gone. Or hasn't been delivered yet? I honestly don't have a clue what's going on now.

Are you sure you know what you are even referencing?

At this point we got a complete and utter breakdown of anything that makes sense as Sasha is suddenly like "yo some Mafia guys the size of Athos been running around buying eggs and shit for like seven billion yen" and pinky is all like "eff those guys I like my egg they can suck it" and then of course 'those guys' show up to go "SHOULDA SOLD US THE EGG BITCH".

Oh and they kinda already killed all the guards. And knock out Sasha. And start breaking shit and stealing things because... I guess whatever. Oh and I guess that other stupid brat can't do anything because she doesn't have enough 'soma'. Even though she's currently using her powers to abuse someone in the bathroom upstairs.

... I'm not even gonna get mad about that though. Nope. Not gonna get mad at all.

Anyways the bad guys can't find the egg, because it isn't even here yet or something, and so of course they demand to know where it is. But joke's on them, it's in the bank vault, oh no. Guess they'll have to leave now that they can't get what they want.

*sigh* Why can't this just be a hentai why can't this
just be a hentai why...

Elsewhere we discover that slave girl has finally gotten free from her ballgag and chains... somehow... and is now fully clothed to boot. She considers escape from all this crap, maybe running to get help or something, but is she gonna do that? Of course not. She's going to stand there while that one guy films the girls doing... uh, nothing. Just sitting there I guess. And then? Oh god.

Oh good god.

ABORT ABORT ABORT

So some dude is sent in to start feeling up Sasha and Mafuyu is all "but he's a guy!" and the guy literally says, "That's no problem."

....

....

....

Yeah I think pinky has the right reaction here.

Oh and of course the biggest guy in the world gets assigned to the tiny one. Who starts having flashbacks of being ravished as a homeless child but pinky stands between them, and is all "nope gotta go through me first, that's my little sister" and makes her feel a thing called 'emotion'.

Again, why is this not in a hentai?

Having been ordered to take her clothes off, she complies by standing... up on a stage.... complete with lights and cheering, and begins to strip. Colored lights even. This is now a strip show. How this even happens? Man I don't even know. They try to play music that makes you feel like this for this whole thing with the panio and shit but then the little girl is all like "man I wanna be a stripper too".

God damn I hate this show. So she runs over and hugs the big girl and is all "thanks I'm gonna suck on your tits now" and the crowd goes wild. Cue the magical transition sequence completely with f***ing sparkles and shit. SPARKLES AND SHIT.

Oh and I guess now she's going to kill everyone now. Thank god. Hana comes back and throws a coffin and tells her how useless she is, and then prepares to basically make with the murder.

Really because it still looks like a stripper stage to me.

Everyone except for the hardass Colonel dies, and he knows that they're a Qwaser, which is interesting so they'll leave him alive long enough to learn his dudes died to that Sodium guy. So before he can die, Sasha demands to know everything he knows about this Sodium-user. I guess his name is Pheonix? I'm guessing he likes fire.

Every since that day he murdered everyone he's been taking odd jobs to find more about Qwasers and then blows himself up, but hey, it's no big deal I guess since Sasha saves the day. Why is this Sodium guy important? Oh because he was with that gold dude. You know the one Sasha wants to kill.

Ah but it's time that pinky wakes up and realizes the whole place is wrecked, and we get more PLOT PLOT PLOT from the rooftop above where Creeper talks to himself about the Colonel not getting what he wants and walks off. Then over at Hana's place she's all "sorry you couldn't get your egg" and she's all "yeah, whatevs, no big deal."

I do not think I like where this is going more than usual.

End of episode.

The more I try to understand this show? The more I realize that it completely defies belief. It is nothing more than complete pandering to the lowest common denominator. The people who just want to jiggle their junk while watching the animes.

But for the life of me, I cannot understand why this show appears to be so amazingly popular. It defies all logic. Why? The character designs aren't that great. I've seen hentai with better plot and more amazing animation than this shit. So what is it about this show?!

I think if I ever find the answer, I may just want to shoot myself in the face because of how depressing it will be.