Sailor Moon Episode 27 - Love for Ami-chan? The Boy Who Sees the Future

So this is old news for the rest of the internet, but news for a guy who was offline for nearly a month: The new Sailor Moon series has been delayed, probably until 2015.

Which means that I will probably have finished watching every single episode and movie by then, and posted blog entries regarding them. That's good. On the other hand, though, it's still that much more of this show I have to watch. Why? Because I promised myself I would do this and I am stupid.

Speaking of stupid, I have an episode to watch and putting it off won't make it go by any faster, so let's just get this done and over with already.

In today's episode, Zoisite corrupts a little boy's heart. No news on what may happen to his anus. Also, Amy strips her clothes or something.

Astoundingly enough, however, we are treated to a brand new OP sequence! We are not treated to a brand new song, however. Sigh.

That is some pretty wicked water.

Perhaps the most interesting part of this new OP is that they show all five of the Sailor Scouts, despite us not having met the fifth one yet. Foreshadowing? No, I bet they're just lazy. Odds are we wont' actually get to meet the prissy little thing for another three or four episodes.

Of course, this doesn't stop them from still running the "just in case you haven't been watching this show at all here is what you haven't been watching" clip just before the title slide. Target audience, attention span of concussed goldfish, you know how it goes.

Today's episode starts off rather quickly. You're all "I  wonder what's going to happen" and then BAM BERYL IN HER CHAIR NOT FONDLING BALLS. Oh and in case you've never watched an episode she is casually reminding her generals (who probably need the constant reminder) that there are seven crystals which they need to retrieve so that they can get this other crystal which is important for their big evil demon mamma. Then she proceeds to tear into them because Tuxedo Mask made off with one of them.

Also, who the hell translated this shit?

Resist the urge for Kamen Rider reference. Resist the urge...

It has nothing to do with the show, but stuff like that bothers the hell out of me. Even though it really doesn't affect the show itself, I suppose. Whatever.

So back on Earth, there's a big construction project and out front Ami is walking around. Oh, and she just barely manages to not get pancaked because this boy acted like he wanted to talk to her. As is normally the case, he up and just leaves her there after the fact without her even noticing. What a nice kid.

Then the grades get posted and the rabbit and her friend the tallest girl in the world find out they are both terrible at the school thing. Failure buddies for life! By the way, that kid who saved her earlier just got the top score on the exams and is number one for testing. That's cool I guess. Seems he may have had some kind of crush on her forever or something? Clearly Usagi must exploit this weakness and tease him endlessly.

He still regards her as being smarter than he is, and the rabbit thinks she has the answer! Before she runs off, the kid is all "hey watch out for water" and then she gets drenched. For someone who is supposed to be somehow psychic, he is pretty terrible at it so far. Way to go bro.

Elsewhere in town, someone who looks like Rei is totally hanging off Mamoru's arm, and he's all brooding about how he's Tuxedo Mask and his life is difficult or something. At the same time, Usagi is out with the boy from earlier, and she brings the cat, for no good reason. Turns out her stick is reacting to the boy! I'll just let you figure out the jokes to that one.

So the whole thing seems to revolve around trying to get this kid to confess his feelings to Ami. Zoisite looks on, longingly stroking the Dark Crystal. No, I mean he is seriously stroking that shit.

Can you ramp up the homo-eroticism any higher?! Christ.

Luna tries to tell her master what's going on, but gets interrupted because Ami gets out of cram school and they totally go out for some girl's night fun. While Zoisite goes to meet with someone.

CREEPER ALERT, CREEPER ALERT. DO NOT ACCEPT
CANDY BRIBES OR INVITATIONS FOR RIDE IN VANS.

In an amazing turn of events, however, the kid already knows his name! Well, maybe the Sailor Scouts won't be needed after all. What a relief. It is revealed that he has been psychic his whole life, and knows exactly what Zoisite plans to do to him! Well isn't that just grand. I bet you're not going to be able to stop it from happening are you? Nope.

Protip: If you plan on telling someone you would rather die than join them, back up your words with something other than a direct bull-rush onto them. Do it with like, I dunno, a knife or something? I guess that would have been too dramatic though. Seriously, running away would have been more effective than trying to take him head on? Some psychic this kid is.

OH GOD NO PUT THAT THING AWAY!

OKAY WE GET IT. Zoisite is CLEARLY GAY. As if we didn't get that message when he was practically sucking his brother off. Sweet jesus the overtones in this show are about as covert as a gay pride parade. The thing that blows my mind? This shit actually got aired in Japan. I was under the impression that they were pretty strict about this stuff back in those days? Wow.

Around this time the girls stumble upon the scene, and even Luna is about to jump into things. Then we are treated to a transformation sequence before the mid-point. Wait, seriously? When does that ever happen? This is probably like the second time I think.

Also, the fact that both girls get their full sequences just before the mid-break point does not bode well for how much they are trying to pad this episode out I think.

After the break the girls leap into their 'love and justice' routine, and Mercury runs off with the kid. Then Zoisite scoffs at Moon and makes a hasty escape. Of course, the boy lets slip that he totally knows who Mercury is, and passes out.

After which, he has this interesting dream about a giant scissors-monster stripping off all of Mercury's clothes.

.... should this be considered hot? I'm not sure.

By the way, the animation for this episode seems to have taken a real dive. All of the characters appear to be much more 'chibi'. In other words, their heads are larger in proportion to the rest of their bodies (not to mention a lot more rounder). This is probably not such a bad portrayal, given their actual ages, but since the rest of the show hasn't been quite like this, it does feel a little bit off.

Anyhow on the bench, the kid tells Mercury about his psychic powers and how he got a perfect score on the exam, and how he dreams about her every night so on and so on. Clearly she won't admit that he is spot on, but he's all 'if I turn into a Youma just kill my ass please'.

Although, we know for a fact that he can definitely be saved, so what's the deal? I feel that maybe this would have been more impactful if it had happened first, but this is the third crystal we're talking about here. We know how this is going to turn out, so this whole scene just kind of feels... flat.

Then there's talk about taking control of your destiny and all that, and Zoisite appears again, limp rubber arm and all.

Seriously what is up with that arm?

Zoisite resumes the whole 'turn person into youma' thing and the crystal flies over to him, as though that were the plan the whole time. Then we get what is literally the most interesting monster design shown yet. Even more surprisingly enough, he decides to forget all the rules and instead attacks Zoisite. Bunbo no puppet here!

I am swiss army man!

Unfortunately there wasn't a scene prior to that which had a good image of both his hands, so I had to settle for this one. You've gotta admit, at least it isn't just a girl with something on her forehead. Or HAWKMAN. Though, why he needs a compass on his left arm, I have zero clue.

Anyhow, Zoisite dropped the crystal, and now he has regained control over the boy, who grows in size and starts chasing Ami. Moon shows up, and decides this is probably a great time to heal the boy, before things get too much more out of control, only it doesn't work this time. Probably because he has too much energy.

Also, he shoots out razor blades. How awesome is that?

At this point the other two girls show up out of nowhere to save the day before their friends get skewered with oversized school supplies, and they follow up with a swift tiara to the torso, in the hopes that it won't kill him. Now we get to sit through the Moon Healing Escalation bit a second time, and surprise he is back to normal. I bet he never saw that coming.

Amusingly enough, Tuxedo Mask shows up, only to walk off when he sees the girls already have the crystal in hand.

The next day, the worst psychic ever is transferring again, and how sad it is that he must leave. But before he can do that, he hands the picture he got earlier back to her, but she's all 'here take this photo instead' and does the whole dreamy running to the end of the platform thing as the train leaves. End episode.

Much like the opening, we're also treated to a new ED as well, which comes complete with... a new song.

Oh, I see how it is. Lazy jerks want you to sit through the credits at least once during this season I guess.

Personally, it's pretty boring, and I doubt I can make myself sit through the rest of it, because it's literally just the Princess dancing in front of a mirror over and over. Guh.

Come back again on friday. I'll have something else here, and lord knows I will probably be bored out of my skull watching it. Christ.