Astarotte no Omocha Episode 08 - A Strong Comma

I was unable to get this out to you earlier because, well, reasons. But I dislike being a liar above nearly anything else, so here's the final bonus update for the week - starting next week we'll be returning to the usual three per week. Try not to hold onto that sinking feeling of despair and resentment that is clearly beginning to permeate your very soul. I try not to, at any rate.

And, of course, in true idiot fashion, I pick what is probably the worst possible show to end on, because frankly, I'm just a horrible person when it comes to the things I do to myself. I'd call myself masochistic but honestly? I don't think I care about myself quite nearly enough for that. It's more of a simmering resentment really.

So last time on this shitty show, Naoya made out with an alien creature that can basically be considered his own step-child. Only less 'making out' and more 'kissing on the forehead'. Instead, he decided to make out with the even shorter and flatter-chested 500 year old sage who decided to move in and make him hers because... because... well shit does this show even need reasoning at this point? They're straight up flippity floppying on themselves at this point in the story.

Anyway it starts with the Queen all meeting with some vampire bitch or something, and she's all remembering something tasty or whatever, but eventually gets down to business. She kind of likes the way this gal just casually eliminates slavery and is all trying to make good with other folks. So she's hoping they can all be friends. Oh, and something about the prince of the other kingdom going to school at the local academy, so where's he hiding? The answer is, where you would expect a foreign prince to be: at a local tavern of course, where the boobs are plentiful and the food even more so.

This is probably the most normal thing to come out of this
show since ever. Seriously.

This dude loves this place, it's got everything: great food and busty girls. Hey, I like this guy, he knows what is up and is even getting fed meat on a bone by some hot babe. What's not to like? It's almost as if this guy isn't aware of what kind of show he's in, and is oblivious to the fact that he is 99% likely to be macking on a little girl soon or something.

Of course, that doesn't last, because soon, he's found... by the explorer.

Did you finish telling Swiper 'no swiping'?

She gets all mad at him for being what any good prince would be, which is a philandering womanizer, screaming ensues, and an OP is played. Is this some other show suddenly? Why should I care about this dude? Did they suddenly forget that there's only like five episodes left after this one?

Now I will say this: Today's episode title is incredibly unfortunate, because you see they added an extra m. If it had instead been called "A Strong Coma" I, for one, would have a much easier time identifying with the show, because that's kind of how I tend to feel by the time I'm finished watching this.

Anyway, Asuha and Lotte are forcing Naoya on a day on the town, running from shop to shop buying clothes and carrying a few boxes like ti's some kind of horrendous chore.

You bitch. Using your father like the manservant he is.

Naoya takes this shit in stride, and we get to see his daughter wearing things SHE SHOULD NOT BE WEARING PERIOD. SHE IS TWELVE YEARS OLD WHY IS SHE BASICALLY DRESSING LIKE A WHORE.

No seriously, we get the chinese dress that is too damn short (and no panties), the school uniform catgirl (again, still no panties), and I don't even know what that next one is but I'm pretty sure Miley f***ing Cyrus would approve of it.

YOU ARE THE WORST FATHER EVER.

I want this man to die a horrible death. You don't even understand. Any sympathy I might have had? Gone. Why? BECAUSE HE IS CLEARLY ADVOCATING IS IT OKAY FOR HIS TWELVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO BASICALLY DRESS LIKE A SLUT.

F**k this asshole, seriously.

NO THEY DON'T ARE YOU F***ING INSANE?!?!?

Then Lotte is wearing something similar for him and is all "AM I CUTE YET?" and he's like "Uh shit how do I answer this". She responds by trying on another outfit, and if this doesn't make you recoil in horror, then my friends, seek medical attention because you are clearly sick.

Not as sick as I feel now, but you should probably see a doctor for that shit before it gets worse.

BEHOLD THE STEREOTYPICAL KINDERGARTNER
OUTFIT IN JAPAN. BEHOLD AND WEEP.

Why is this the worst? BECAUSE IT IS THE ONE HE LIKES THE MOST.

Die. Just. F***ing. Die. You. Monster.

Lotte is all wondering what is up. In case you thought I was joking? Or in case you didn't get the joke in the first place?! Well here you go, they'll explain it for you anyway.

OH HA HA VERY CLEVER YOU ASSDICKS.

She is understandably distressed by this, for the first time in her life.

But of course for all the wrong reasons. The horribly,
horribly wrong ones.

So she storms off and remember Dora the Explorer and her charge that totally doesn't look like Swiper? Yeah they're walking around and she's all "man what is wrong with you Lady Helga is gonna be pissed you did that shit she told you not to do the first day we were here", and of course suddenly, we get backstory. He's transferring from a military academy to learn something called 'manners' and 'etiquette'. Pfft whatever. Shit is lame anyways. This of course means he is bound to bump right into the princess of this country immediately after.

Cue the inappropriate Kindergartner outfit panty flash.

Not once, BUT TWICE.

He gets all indignant with her, and she gets all royally furious and shit because she's been practicing that for the last few years.

Oh god the look on his face just says he would love to
take all the responsibility for this shit.

Seriously eh is in love at first sight, accompanied by f***ing magical love music time. She's joined by Naoya and Asuha, and they all go running off leaving the prince standing there wondering what's up.

I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life.

He is totally gonna marry her. Or so he says. Also, kind of hard since she's sorta the princess here. But you think that's going to stop him from asking what he's gotta do to meet her again? And again? And again and again until he can stick his bun in her oven?

What I'm sure he's an avid baker.

So of course this dude has to go to school. He immediately begins howling like a dog because he can't meet her as soon as he arrives there, which is funny because I get the feeling this dude is probably a goddamn werewolf. After all, Dora calmly explains to him that dorms are separated to "keep wolves like you away from those girls".

Yeah not subtle at all there.

Oh and Dora is wearing a boy's uniform, so whatever. He makes fun of her not having a chest and basically looking like, eight, and she's all like "whatever whatever just don't go over to the girl's side" and you just know he's going to do exactly that.

She doesn't even finish talking before he leaves to do exactly that. Or at least peeking over there with binoculars because that's what all the classy guys do - they ogle pre-teen girls who are exercising.

Seriously? Did not a single person on this team think this shit through? At all? Or are they all just sick f**ks?

He spies Lotte as a cheerleader, and sees Naoya all giving her shit like a water bottle and he makes the connection: He must be her lover.

Is it too late for the thumb screws because they are looking might appealing at this point in time.

So now he is off to go sneak into the other side of the school, laughing about how easy it was to sneak in. He is quickly discovered by some of the other girls, who are all like "dude, what the hell man seriously."

Nothing quite says "I love you" like whipping it out.

But these two are all "oh okay that's cool go on ahead" until the realize there's a poster of him already. Turns out? The whole damn world knows what a lecher he is. Cue all the alarms pupping up out of the ground and Dora suddenly showing up to capture him. Now the whole damn school is basically after him and oh my god.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Now it is time for lunch. Naoya made Flam Chowder. I don't even. Then Sigurd the dog shows up, complete with barking action, and realizes: Oh hey, it's that girl I came to see, I better play it cool.

Yeah hopefully she doesn't notice you like, five feet away
and screaming your head off like a moron.

He sees her, and Naoya, and decides... to straight up attack Naoya. One headbutt and he's down, and he introduces himself as Sigurd and produces a bunch of flowers and asks for Lotte's hand in marriage suddenly.

She's all embarrassed and they do a commercial break. Afterwards he goes to see the Queen at some fancy party, and he's all being a moron with no manners. But of course she can't talk at the party because she has this thing called 'work' to do. You'd think a Queen would have other things to do than attempt to attend parties she clearly is unable to, and then is all "eh Lotte will talk to you instead have fun".

What in the hell is going on in this show anymore?!

Then Lotte comes charging in following Naoya and he is all confused why she won't talk to him, and she's all "man why didn't you say anything?" which prompts a flashback sequence to the proposal. She's all like "uh what?" and then he gets caught by the adults, so he runs off and he's all like "Naoya, you a bitch, laters".

Gee maybe the reason he didn't say anything was because he was knocked the f**k out but whatever. This show has completely gone to shit in the last 14 minutes and I didn't think it was possible for it to get worse. But they are accomplishing it. So Lotte is all mad because he said nothing after being called a coward. What, he's not allowed to just not give a shit about that? I mean the dude is literally older than both of you.

Oh, and she's also bothered by the fact that she was almost 'taken away' from him. What? I thought you owned him? If you got taken by someone else he'd have to come with isn't that how belongings work?

Then she gets called in because people are waiting, and they're off. Or rather she's off because screw that guy, right? Then Dora spills the beans to dude's sister, who is already macking on other random chicks at the party.

Whatever you do don't give him a phone, he'll be sending
her dick pics within ten minutes guaranteed.

The party continues, and someone has noticed the prince's presence.

That's... awfully precise.

So a little later on, suddenly Sigurd is all climbing rooftops and talking about how he couldn't get close due to that other girl, but that's okay because resistance makes him harder. Or rather it 'makes the love burn brighter' which really equates to the same goddamn thing. Some more scaling and a bit of laughing about how dumb Dora is, and then he finds Lotte and they get a chance to sit and talk I guess.

She came up here to see some flowers bloom but they haven't done it yet, and she was hoping to calm down by looking at them. So he takes her hand and is all "yo let's get outta here for a bit" and he talks about how much being royal sucks, so they should forget that royal shit for a bit. Despite her thinking about Naoya briefly she's all "eh whatever" and they go off.

Meanwhile, Naoya is dealing with a "burning feeling" in his chest that is an even further indicator that he is, quite simply, the worst kind of human being imaginable. Seriously, this is just utterly disgusting. He knocks on her door, but of course she doesn't answer because she isn't even there. A fact he quickly discovers.

Outside, Sigurd and Lotte are walking around and she's all like "man are you always this blunt?" and he talks about how he grew up in a warzone, but never actually fought, and being denied combat reveals his very core for being.

Which is why he's gotta be a man's man NOW.

Then Lotte is all like "man you're honest, that's actually not too bad" so he's all "cool, so like, seriously though, that marriage thing whaddya think?"

What like, ten hours ago?!

He feels she is his destiny, the person he has to be with for the rest of his life. It doesn't make sense to him but hey, it makes sense to him that he should feel this way, and no matter what he will make her his, even if he has to start off as friends.

... so shouldn't you have just, I don't know. Done that from the start?

Sigurd extends a hand but Lotte is all "Naoya" and like magic, he appears to call her name, asking her to come back. Oh and he holds out his hand. Of course now the love triangle fight has to start.

You ruined it by forgetting to wear a SHIRT genius.

He straight up attacks Naoya again but he just casually tosses him aside like a pro becuase, uh, why not? Then Lotte is all super impressed and he takes her hand and off they leave. Sigurd is hurt, but he won't be left alone it would seem.

.... that's some persistence.

Turns out someone sent this dude a love letter saying they'd meet him by the lake. From 'your prince'.

Then he remembers Dora and realizes what happened, and crawls after Lotte but is instead pinned down by the teacher who is all "this is so wrong but oh so right". The camera looks up at the moon and pans down to Naoya and Lotte who is all trying to make amends for being a twat again.

Not necessarily a good thing.

She's all "I'm glad you came" and they look at one another and then Naoya turns away and the camera pans back up into the sky as she tries to get him to admit his love and then the episode ends.

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I cannot believe what I just watched.

They managed to take like, an entire story arc. Hell, an entire half season. And ground it down into a single episode. This shit is sliced thinner than the plastic wrap around your cheese slices.

And they expect you to like this shit.

But no, it's worse. They also expect you to clearly want to see people getting it on with little girls.

MAKE UP YOUR F***ING MIND, YOU TRY TO WRITE YOURSELF OUT OF YOUR CORNER BUT THEN IMMEDIATELY START KNOCKING DOWN THE WALL WITH A WRECKING BALL.

OH LOOK ANOTHER MILEY CYRUS JOKE I AM GOING TO GO DROWN MYSELF NOW KTHXBAI.