Astarotte no Omocha Episode FINAL - Asterisk Beyond the Sky

While this is technically the last episode of Astarotte, it's not the final episode produced. I'll have to force myself to sit through the bonus episode, unfortunately. Probably next week. I need a bit of buffer time, you see.

After all, this coming Monday in Japan marks the beginning of the Winter season of anime, and while I'd love to post about shows as soon as they air, I have to say I am just a little bit nervous about one in particular. I don't even know if I'll be able to get screen captures of it, simply because I'm expecting every single episode to have some ungodly horror in them.

I may even chicken out and find some other bad show to talk about instead because that is how much it disturbs me.

With that said, I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to find another show to watch. I was planning on Jojo but really, what more can I say about that show that isn't blatantly obvious from the start...?

Right, so this is the ifnal episode of Astarotte and it is about time. Lotte asks Naoya to go on a date with ehr and they go to YuGuDoRaSiL again. Why they spell it that way I don't even know or care because they are already breaking their own bullshit canon because Naoya and Lotte are totally conversing about how beautiful this shit is.

Then they hold hands after telling one another to get going and we get the intro.

Now we get our final episode's title. It's about an Asterisk I guess.

... I'm not even going to bother. It is literally not worth my time to go over how goddamn lazy these writers are. Just not. Let's move on and get this over with already.

So Asuha is back at the manor looking up into the sky hoping that her dad and Lotte's date goes well, and her mom drops by like a shooting star because she can. She wants to see her kid before they go after all. Cut to Lotte and Naoya doing shit at the park, including eating ice cream and her acting all tsundere and shit. Oh, and then a blue cow gives them a drink to share.

Someone needs to fire this cow.

Yes, sharing a drink with someone is clearly an okay thing, and Lotte gets all pissy because Naoya won't stop looking at her, and they're both all "I'll never forget you".

Back at home, Asuha is getting her head stroked by her mom, who came with a jar full of weird ass Star of Nazareth-style fireflies inside. But the fireflies only glow for one night, and somehow, even though they're not supposed to be able to talk to anyone, mom and daughter are able to talk somehow. Then as the fireflies die Asuha hugs her mom and is all like "Love you mom" and makes the queen get all soft and shit.

Back at the park, Lotte is busy hating the World Tree, and Naoya touches the mark on her back which is weirdly inappropriate, and then Lotte seems to think that he is hurting somewhere. Oh noes. There they are, all alone in a gondola car, with the night sky all around them.

You just know they're gonna make out. And that I am liable to throw my bookcase out of the window.

Then Lotte starts screaming his name and crying and shit and trying to say that she loves him, and that she wants him to stay here forever and ever and he's all smiling like some smug bastard, and she's all crying and shit and he's probably getting a massive boner from this because he's a jerk.

Oh my god is he a narcissist now too?! What the f**k.

Cue the flashback closeups of Lotte crying or yelling or looking embarrassed or just close-ups of Lotte in general. Then Naoya is all pretending like he's finally realized some esoteric truth of the universe, and he straight up says it: He's in love with her.

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE FINALLY ADMITTED TO BEING A SICK BASTARD WHO WANTS TO BE WITH HIS DAUGHTER'S SISTER. HE WANTS TO SHAKE ALL OF THE FAMILY TREE IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.

Thanks guys I thought it was pretty clever too.

Then he holds out a pinky so they can promise to have another date there, but how in the hell could they possibly make a promise without any means of communicating? Then she pulls him in and kisses him on the forehead just because. Oh and she reminds herself that he is her toy. Or, y'know, something else. Then lots of flower/clover/leaf thingies all over the place, some white backdrop and sparkly shit, and now there's a tree where Naoya and Asuha are just kinda standing around.

The kid is like "I'm cool with just you around, but man it would be nice to have a larger family wouldn't it?" She then tells him what to make for dinner, and they go home.

Back on the other side of the tree in that other world, Lotte looks up at it while her staff just kind of stands there all sad-like. But she's going to have a bath so her staff better get to work on that.

Early commercial break. Back in Japan, it is Japan. Birds chirp, trains run, crossing gates rise and lower. Parks are passed by Naoya who looks at old ladies sitting on benches with their cats. It's a perfect day in the park where that tree just stands there, and he tries to tell it to open but it's a goddamn tree who do you think you are? Then Asuha gets him from behind and is all like "welcome home how's work"? and they talk about dinner and more boring shit, and they pan out to show us the area from above, which is admittedly kind of nice.

I wonder why nobody noticed the island's clover shape.

Back at Naoya's home, they do the family bath thing and she complains about how she could swim in Lotte's bath, and then goes on to ask if they could just build a big pool in the backyard. Why not? Now it is full on night and they share the same bed for... some weird reason. Even weirder? His daughter is all "man I wonder if Lotte's boobs have gotten bigger? Shame we couldn't see that."

Oh my god what is WITH this child?!?!

Anyway they finally say good night to one another and calm music plays and then we get to see a garden and some bacon and eggs and a plant that looks suspiciously like a baby Yggdrasil tree. Oh and Asuha is drinking entire bottles of milk for the sole purpose of making her tits grow.

Yeah. That actually happened.

The phone rings, and Naoya picks it up. Who's on the other line? Lotte, of course, and that tree? It kind of just... it just.... oh screw it.

Yeah that makes sense.

Naoya's cell phone which was left behind as a gift is now connecting across the worlds, and thanks to Ini she was able to find a way to make it work so they could talk. Everyone wants to get in on the call though, which causes some issues to say the least.

Anyhow Lotte is all "anyway we've managed to establish contact so yay!" and Asuha continues to say incredibly inappropriate things.

.... no words.

But before Lotte can say anything the image switches to Judit tied to the back of an Alpaca that is running around on weird magical television news or something as a form of punishment. Uh, what? Then they come back and tell them what the deal is with the mark on her back - it's a mark left by bugs. Mosquitios basically.

Which means she hasn't reached puberty yet. Yawn. But after they went back home the tree stopped it's whole blood red leaf shedding, and they're running out of power so they'll call again some other time. Then the sapling returns to normal, and Naoya is left incredibly confused.

Then Asuha is all "man I wanna go back there some day" and Naoya is like "if I ever go back I am totally gonna declare my love for a girl that is my daughter's age".

WHY IS THIS EVEN A THING. SERIOUSLY. I DO NOT CARE WHY IS THIS A THING EVER. But then Lotte says the exact same thing about declaring her love for a man that may as well be her father. Then we see silhouettes and we move into the final ending. Which is a giant ceremony where... they re-open the World Tree thanks to Ini's work. She goes on to talk about how you can't live inside your head all the time and people are connected through their hearts so on and so forth. She also talks about how this gate is the most important thing ever I guess.

With that all said, the Queen zips up to cut the ribbon, and wonders where Lotte is. But whatever, she cuts the ribbon and is all like "whatever, I'll totally make out with that dude when he shows up" and then a bunch of people come out riding on a dragon.

Oh these guys.

Then her servant comes over and is like "he's totes going for your daughter" and she's like "damn, I wanted a piece of that ass first, oh well". Then they're at the park and gee, guess who is waiting there? Yeah that bitch. Naoya shows up and is all like "sup" and she's all being quiet and shit before going "you're late asshole". Cue the acting mad because he isn't saying the things she wants to hear, but then he's all like, "Yo, I'm back" and she gets all weepy and shit and they hug and we see that now she does have the correct puberty marks on her back. Yay.

Then Asuha gets mad people are hugging without her and goes in, and Judit and Zelda are like "oh make out already". The end.

That's it. That's the end of the show. It goes from avoiding that it is a terrible show with a terrible premise to outright embracing it at the end.

The takeaway from this show? It's totally okay to fall in love with your daughter's half sister that is basically the same age as her. EVEN IF THEY ARE TWELVE YEARS OLD.

The end.