Sailor Moon R Episode 36 - Journey to the Future! Battle in the Space-Time Corridor

Have I ever mentioned what a terrible and frightening place the Internet can be?

Seriously guys. Like, there are just quite frankly some things I was probably better off not knowing. Like that people actually search for KnJ doujins and shit.

Like, Sailor Moon bondage? Fine. I can get that. This show has pretty much set itself up for some pretty terrible things but OH MY GOD WHY DO THERE NEED TO EXIST DOUJINS ABOUT LITTLE KIDS.

WHY HAS THAT SHOW FOREVER RUINED ME OH GOD WHAT HAS THE INTERNET (AND BY EXTENSION SCIENCE) DONE?

Speaking of science, it's time to get back to our experiment where I watch Sailor Moon and question the sanity of everyone that ever watched it. Including myself.

But especially myself.

So in case you've missed everything up until this point, and have been pretty much asleep at the wheel for the last thirty-five episodes (and shame on you for that), allow me to summarize.

Actually, I can skip the first fifteen episodes since they had basically nothing to do with this plot aside from them remembering things. Like each other.

Hundreds of years in the future in Neo-Crystal Tokyo (or whatever it's called), a King and a Queen that look a lot like Mamoru and Usagi had a murderous baby girl named... Usagi. Yes original names and all that. Then some bad guys attacked from the Dark Moon clan, some girl named Puu that looks like a Sailor Scout sends the pink-haired princess into the past, to meet... what is probably her mother and father. For the express purpose of, you know, beating the shit out of them and getting the crystal. Meanwhile the evil folks follow her back in time, get into some shenanigans, and convert and/or die due to complete ineptitude.

And now they are all going back to the future to save the future King and Queen of  a city that won't exist in its current form for hundreds of years.

Got all that? Okay good. By the way I ought to mention that the Sailor Scouts of the future are the same as the ones of the present which is about to become the past and oh god damn it I hate time travel it just gets so freaking confusing with time loops and shit. ARGH.

So in the episode overview we get to see today's episode will be full of tentacles and that Sailor Scout-looking chick named Puu. Whose name will probably get revealed in this episode if it wasn't already. Maybe by the end they will reach the end of said gate.

When we begin, they are running. Which... is precisely the scene they spent the last fifteen seconds building up. My god they are not wasting time with this shit are they?

Saturated colors, elongated proportions... yeah that's dramatic.

Then there's slow-motion running and a city in the distance exploding and all the girls flying into the air in front of Chibi-usa who calls out for their names and wait hold on a moment.

When the hell is with that tiara?!?!

Oh turns out that was all just a nightmare though and the kid wakes up clutching the key. Title slide time!

A park, somewhere, and pinky is busy looking down at the key in her hand while standing in front of a fountain and considering that the Sailor Scouts can, in fact, lose fights. And then asks her mother what to do, when Mamoru shows up and oh god this artwork has taken a serious dive.

Holy crap look at those proportions what is going ON here?!

So he tells her to man the eff up and prepare to stop running away and rely on her friends to go and help her mother. Which... is the thing that was established at the end of last episode so why are we pretending none of that happened, exactly? I could have sworn that they were all about to head off into the future at the end of last episode. Where did that development crawl off to?

I guess they're doing it all over again because he is all "let's go to the future I will totes protect you" and.. uh, okay. I guess that did happen but Chibi-usa is having second thoughts. Or third thoughts. Fifth thoughts? I'm not sure how many times she's considered this exact same thing and come to the same conclusion, but it's more than enough.

Your brilliant leadership at work here folks.

But just as all the girls are about to mount a search party Tuxedo Mask shows up late as always with a kid and her cat-ball in tow and now everyone is ready to go eighty-eight miles per hour etc etc. Time for the kid to hold up the key and summon the timegate thing. She calls upon Chronos to guide and protect her and cause a giant pink beam of light to come crashing down out of the clouds and basically make them go poof.

Then we get to see that Sailor Moon arrives in a fog all alone. But there's an object in the distance, when someone calls out for her to stop! And attacks her with a staff, but then the little kid comes in for the save, and we get a good look at this figure as the mist suddenly lightens up.

Oh hey there person in the tiny cat ball thing.

Turns out, it's Sailor Pluto, the guardian of time. Oh and everyone else is there now as they stand in front of the door. The kid is all "yeah so uh, sorry about breaking the rules but it's for a great reason?" and gets a pat on the head for it. Oh and congratulates her for mastering using that key finally.

I guess this whole thing was just a growing experience for her. Anyways Pluto apologizes, and is all "god you're such a trouble-maker Sailor Moon" and totally isn't opening the door for more time travel shenanigans in the future.

Some puns simply write themselves. Get it? A time door?
Oh forget it.

So she holds the staff high and glowing bubbles enter a giant key hole and the door opens. She tells them to go ahead and hold hands and skip off to the future! Oh and Chibi-usa should probably not let go of Sailor Moon. Mercury asks Pluto to come with but she's all "yeah sorry I've kind of got a thing here guarding the gate of time, you know how that shit is, literally a full-time gig so you guys go on ahead and I'll probably see you the next time you start meddling with this shit. Which for me is like five minutes so get the hell out."

Yeah dude I know that feel.

They say goodbye and Luna talks about how Serenity had told her about the lone warrior who guards the gate of time once. The door closes and the fog returns, and now they are in the corridor of space-time. Awesome. But there's some awesome pressure and they stride forth.

Meanwhile over at Chateau so Blue, people are picking up that shit is going down.

And he doesn't think it's Frankenfurter this time.

Esmeraude shows up and everyone learns that lots of people are going down the path. Then Wiseman shows up and is all "so yeah go jump those bitches, grab the girl, steal the crystal and take that castle." Which surprises Esmeraude, but he explains that if they can snag the little girl with the power of time and feed her some Dark Crystal Energy, she will be totes amazing badguy material.

Dimande, on the other hand, is a little too busy looking at Sailor Moon's eyes, and thinking to himself just how purty they are. This makes his brother just a little bit uncomfortable, and Dimande tells Esmeraude to go snag the girl. Oh and pick up Sailor Moon while she's at it? He wants to gaze longingly into her eyes.

Which means it's time for Saphir to go on spouting exposition about how Wiseman just showed up one day and started running things. Making them all invade kingdoms and shit, running through time chasing little girls. Which is enough to make Esmeraude note that the dude also got the idea of the whole Dark Crystal thing into the prince's head in the first place, oddly enough. Boy it's almost like he's the one really pulling the strings here...

Saphir declares that he will expose Wiseman for the fraud that he is, and Esmeraude is all "yeah who gives a shit I'm gonna go kill me a Sailor Moon, bitch be all making my man not look at me more than usual so this is unacceptable." Cut to commercials.

Upon return, the heroes are still walking down a hallway, and Chibi-usa begins to question once again whether or not they'll even be able to help her rescue her mom in the first place. Because this is really the time to be having those kinds of doubts.

Her hand almost slips out of Sailor Moon's grasp, but is quickly recaptured and she remembers that letting go is probably a terrible idea, and smiles because I guess she's renewing her faith in someone she honestly has ever reason to have no faith in.

Oh god that is creepy.

Then we hear Esmeraude laugh and she appears from above upside down and slaps everyone with a green energy, and accidentally sends them all scattering through the time-space maze. So she decides to get a minion to do her work for her yet again: Ryuakusu. With a few simple orders: Hunt down and kill everyone. Except the 'rabbit'. They kinda need that one alive.

Oh hey there Nami what are you doing here?

Oh darn she totally forgot to mention the thing about keeping Sailor Moon alive. What a shame.

The scouts are all lost int he same crack of space time I guess, and try to figure out how they can go find the others, and set out to just start looking around until they figure something out. Then the Silver Crystal turns on and starts lighting up something in the distance. It's probably something important whatever it is, so off they go walking towards the light.

It's called the '70s. They invented 'creepy'.

Meanwhile the cats and Tuxedo Mask are together, and as they go to walk off they hear a voice that sounds an awful lot like himself in his dreams telling him not to walk that way, so they decide to listen to the disembodied voice and go some other direction instead.

Oh and Chibi-usa is wandering around in some evil red forest.

You can tell it is super evil by all the red.

But she sees something through the literally red mist. Is that the door to the future? Seems like it, but she can't save her mom all alone. She hears a voice though, and it's her mom?

Yep not suspicious at all.

Guess she rescued herself right? The kid goes running off towards her mother as the happy music plays and they do some very quick cuts as she realizes hold on, this isn't right. That can't be her mom, right? After all she'd never call her 'rabbit'. So it's time to cut to the chase.

Seriously this anatomy is just stomach-churning.

Just as the girl is about to give up, she remembers Mamoru's words and decides to attack the monster with... her cat-ball. And turns it into a slingshot to drive her away.

... yeah not sure what you were expecting here, but it wasn't
colored orbs of light suddenly appearing.

She laughs though and then attacks her with her evil hair, but then the Sailor Scouts show up to save the day. Time to do the pose! Aw yeah. Deliver that catchphrase like a boss and make the badguy forget her primary mission. Then she attacks them with... light? Or something. Turns out she's adjusting the flow of time, and Mars goes to do a Mandala but gets it turned back from a time reversal. So of course Jupiter and Venus gotta do the exact same thing while Mercury shakes her head and is all "dudes seriously what did you not get about time reversal?"

But she identifies a tiny window of opportunity when an attack can get through, and they decide it's time for a Sailor Planet Attack.

You know, that thing.

Chibi-usa volunteers to make the evil lady use her power, so that the others can hit her with an all-out blast, and goes running off while the heroic music plays.

Not that this is really very effective, but she distorts time anyways and all the girls shout for power and prepare for their ultimate attacks. Which I guess even Chbi-usa gets into as well, and gets saved by Tuxedo Mask before she can get hit by... a Ryuakusu Power.

... you didn't really think this episode out very well did you guys?

I think everyone just wanted to show POWAAAAAH today.

Then comes the Planet Attack which is just them holding hands while lights go shooting off into the sky to... shoot off at the evil lady who turns into dust. That's it for her! Now everyone is back together and at the end of this maze and they can finally proceed to the future. The doors open, and they all see the destroyed city of the future on the other side, and leave the rest for next episode.

Why do I get the feeling they needed a filler episode and suddenly decided to slap this together at the last minute? The villain is uninspired, they rehash a lot of shit, and frankly, nothing of value actually happens outside of meeting Pluto for like a minute and then getting to the future after wandering around aimlessly.

Well, I guess it could be worse. But it could also be a lot better...