Sailor Moon S Episode 11 - Retire from the Sailor Soldier!? Minako's Concerns

I really needed to take a break. Sometimes, life just gets too busy to want to subject yourself to this kind of nonsense.

Unfortunately for me, life is now less busy, and that means I now have all the time required to punch myself in the dick for an hour and a half.

... I need a real hobby.

Okay, so perhaps today we are re-writing some history, as today's episode preview is all about Minako, and how she's on the volleyball team and had a boyfriend and whose life was simply perfect and amazing.

... let's just cut to the chase because this is going to be a truly terrible episode.

After the always lovely and far superior intro (seriously why is this literally the best part of this show), we begin once more at the school, where some couple discuss the merits (or lack thereof) for going shopping for matching clothes. Within earshot of Mina, of course, who thinks that it is a completely stupid idea.

... if this is how you make memories in junior high with your
girlfriend, then clearly you are doing something wrong.

Minako slams her book shut and thinks about how idiotic these two are being, and throws us right into a title screen, with a real shocker of a title! Minako is going to retire? Oh boy, whoever will attack enemies with chain whips of love.

... also seriously why would you quit when you know there is some seriously bad shit going on in the city I mean seriously what the hell.

After class Minako wanders through the school yard while everyone else is off with their boyfriend or girlfriend to do things. All two couples, which irritates her. Suddenly, a cat falls out of the sky, and tells her that he's been busy doing some things.

Considering you're only a cat, it's really quite amazing that
you're capable of intelligent conversation.

It is at this point Mina stops listening and begins talking to herself about how she's in the ninth grade and missing something in life, while the cat rambles on about how this whole new enemy thing is somehow baffling. Eventually he realizes she's lost in conversation with herself about love, and uh... well, y'know. She's pining.

Probably around 4am at the Waffle House off 23.

Suddenly a volleyball bounces over and then HOLY SHIT SOME GUY NAMED ASAI WHO KNOWS HER NAME. You just know they're gonna get together or something because a saxophone played. But hey, why'd you quit volleyball after getting back from jolly ol' England anyway I mean geez what happened girl? I mean you used to be pretty good and all that.

But she gave that up and some girl is yelling at him for ditching practice and boy she's blushing and oh look at the time it's suddenly nighttime in the city. Let's watch her put her hair down and stare at Wilson as we prepare for another flashback.

Seriously, you have Momo, Teddie, Wilson, Peter, and George.

Boy look at that flashback of some dude giving her a V for Victory for Venus. Oh sorry exceeded your time budget? Lets look over to that evil lab in the sewer where Kaorinite reveals she is some kind of amazing at baking.

You just know he's gotta be thinking "How in the hell
did you manage to bake cookies IN THE SEWER?!"

In a strange, albeit somewhat refreshing change of pace, he actually gets some real animation for a change, where he drinks some tea and cracks his neck, and has a eureka! moment. Kaorinite's approach needs some work, so why not target an athlete? Surely that should yield some results. So they take a moment to crack some wise, with the doctor saying he should do some sport-related activity again.

What's his favorite sport? "Stair-stepping".

... oh sorry was there supposed to be a laugh track there because I didn't hear one.

Daytime in the park! Asai runs up behind Mina and talks about how weird it is for the girl who is always late to suddenly be early for a change and hey do you happen to have a boyfriend? No? Oh, okay. Awkward march in silence until you ask him what kind of girls he's into, and he casually mentions how hot it would be to date a chick who was also into volleyball.

Cue more awkward talk as they walk and he reveals that he once wanted to ask her out or something, and she kind of laughs at his back while blushing like mad.

You really suck at this dude. Grow a pair!

Well, it was nice not asking you out, I should probably head off to practice now so uh, later I guess! Hope you don't stand there awkwardly talking to your cat or anything about how weird this whole thing was.

Then Kaorinite shows up while he's practicing and does a weird thing, and cut to Minako laughing during study session because she thinks people talking about her is a riot.

Truly your wit is without peer.

What is the point of a study group again, if only two or three of them ever study at any given time?

Even the cats are all "what the f**k is with you".

Buying your own merch to tell your friends they are fat?
Truly your dickotry has reached new heights of assitude.

Eventually, after being called out for doing terrible in school, she falls back on the ground and is all "eh maybe I should quit this too". Because if there's one thing a girl who has a somewhat tragic past is entitled to, it is giving up half-heartedly! Wait no that doesn't match her established character very well at all.

Anyways after dropping that bomb on the group she decides she's just not feeling it today, drops the mic and exits stage left. Of course Rei takes the hint and distracts Artemis long enough to let her go off on her own a bit, and they tell him how dumb he is for having a pair of testicles and not understanding the incredibly confusing heart of a young woman.

Back at the school, dude is still practicing and Kaorinite has a Daimon Egg possess a volley ball. Commercial break!

Upon the return, racing games! Wiping out! Sucking at the vidya! Oh look it's Haruka, the super awesome pro at everything. Time for them to talk about love and how he reminds her that she's already said she doesn't have a boyfriend geez. What kind of person does a supermodel genius racing master like her like anyways?

Maybe you should let her answer the question first.

Then she asks even more weird questions about whether she gives up on ordinary happiness or something, which makes Haruka ask an actually really good question: Is there some kind of happiness that Mina is sacrificing right now? No? Then what the hell is your problem. She decides to try answering Mina's question though, in the most indirect, yet also totally fascinating manner.

"I'm not exactly sure what 'ordinary' happiness would be... but I don't think my current self is 'abnormal'. What I am now is what is closest to my true self."

Now, this is a pretty interesting choice of words. Because it carries a ton of implication with it. But if you take it at face value, it seems like the 'correct' answer, right? After all, she wraps it up by saying she can't possibly imagine herself living in any other way, so is that really so wrong?

It's called a sweet-ass ride.

But suddenly Haruka has an attack of GOTTA GO NOW, and suggest they should race at the arcade again at some point while she considers these strange words. And now she meets up with her gal pal and they decide to do a thing, while Mina meets a guy at the gym, who is already talking to some other girl who kisses him on the cheek. Oh and they're totally gonna go do a thing on Sunday right awesome.

You have no idea how much I wish that were a basketball.

Now our monster of the day makes an appearance. Her name? Hikyun.

And it is every bit as terrifyingly stupid as you could imagine.

Good thing Sailor Venus is there to do a thing and warn everyone else that HEY MONSTAR. Transformation sequence!

This. Is. SO. DUMB.

She attacks with magical exploding glowy volleyballs, and then Sailor Venus makes her debut to punish an enemy or something BECAUSE LOVE. And then she gets caught in a magical volleyball net because who didn't see that one coming?

Helpless, she gets to watch on as the guy she thinks she kinda likes gets his heart ripped out by something that looks so completely stupid.

At least she isn't stripping this time...

Turns out this isn't the heart they were looking for, and Usaig just happens to somehow be outside just in time to transform on screen and save the day.

... what happened to the other girls exactly? Because you were all kind of together. Oh whatever, it's one of those episodes where the others are ancillary at best.

Swoop in to save the day with a well-aimed tiara, a move which never seems to be used anymore. Cue the boasting intro, and declare to punish them in the name of the moon. Hikyun puts the heart crystal in the magical exploding ball, and serves it up to Sailor Moon, who, oddly enough, gets rescued by the other girls who manage to intercept, set, and then grab the ball.

... why did it not explode here exactly? Oh whatever it's bullshit magic again I guess.

What in the f**k is going on?!

I have absolutely ZERO idea what the enemy is supposed to be doing now. Having a seizure I guess? Which makes the ball fly around some more? What do they do? Oh hey look that guy is trying not to die, guess Venus should challenge her opponent to a match of Volleyball. With some truly epic animation to go along with it.

It's like we're suddenly not watching the same show at all.

Venus decides there's a thing which only she can protect, and does a volleyball thing and pops it back up in the air, and suddenly, bro gets it. Chick is that girl he kinda likes. Ball is safely retrieved and Sailor Moon gets to do a twirly thing with a wand because this is her show. That's why they call it Sailor Moon, these other girls are just there to make her look good.

And unlike every other enemy so far, she also has a unique exit.

.... where did this come from?

Then those other two are all "man we didn't have to do anything" and now we are seeing Mina showing up at school and seeing that dude and his girl arguing about the thing with Sunday and how they totes can't change plans. He does have a message for her to give "Sailor Venus" though. Just in case.

He's not very subtle is he?

He asks her to please tell Venus "thanks". Because y'know, that's a nice thing. But his girlfriend is clearly too dumb to get the hint and drags him off, and we are literally back at the beginning of the episode. Exact same scene composition, exact same time of day, exact same walk animation. Though, it does end a bit more creepily than before.

Just a little bit creepy.

And of course she plays into it, but... YOU JUST SERIOUSLY GOT ASKED OUT BY A CAT AND YOU WERE NOT IMMEDIATELY REPULSED BY THIS. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!?

Of all the reactions I'd imagine might happen, THIS IS NOT
THE ONE I WOULD HAVE PICKED.

End of episode, and thankfully it wasn't quite as bad as I suspected it would be, but it's definitely made some incredibly questionable choices. The whole monster a day formula just isn't working very well, and is really starting to hit a wall.

But at least they've stopped stripping. For now.