Dog Days Episode 06 - Star Reading Princess

So, yeah. It's time for more Dog Days.

... sorry guys, I really got nothing else to go with today. I'm watching Dog Days. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT OUT OF ME?

Okay so they're going to start off giving us the quick recap of everything we didn't watch presumably because our brains shut off five minutes into the first episode. Stuff happened, princesses were rescued, and concerts were had. What a happy ending.

Except that's not even the end of this show, which is a shame because I really wish that it were.

So how do they begin today's episode? By giving us a recap of things that happened after the last episode.

Yes, you read that correctly. They are narrating a recap of events that happened after last episode.

In fact, they continue narrating shit, even as they move on to an award presentation, like this were some kind of news program or something. Also, I guess Cinque is amazed that they would sit and award each person individually or something for their service during the war.

You know the more I think about this stuff the less sense it all seems to make.

Eclair gets called forward to be thanked personally by the princess.

That this is even a 'reward' just irritates me.

It is, as the tiny scientist points out, a 'great honor' to be patted by the Princess.

They promptly just fastforward after that.

As in, they actually fast-forward the scene. On a television. Holy god.

Now some ladies are cooking in the kitchen and the hero and the scientist show up to... I guess get some food or something? Oh and if they don't mind helping out could they take some food to the knights in return for more food? Wait...what the hell?

This prompts him and the tiny tot to have a conversation about how she isn't an ordinary girl and because she uses her brain so much she likes sweet things. Or something.

Now some knights are training and stuff! Decent animation that doesn't last long because THE FOOD HAS ARRIVED. Oh and I guess Cinque wants to help Eclair 'train' since she doesn't feel like having any of the snacks that have just shown up.

... seriously what kingdom hand-delivers snacks to their troops in training....?

So they ask the entire barracks to watch as the hero grabs a sword, throws it up in the air and does some fancy shit. Then they get to fighting with live weapons because that's just how they roll in this kingdom.

If you were hoping to see any lovely fighting animations? Sorry, they wasted all of their budget for this scene on the no-name characters that were fighting earlier. So instead you get to hear them grunting and crying out and making fighty noises while we watch other characters observe their fight and narrate just how it is going.

And just like that, you completely lost my interest.

Yep, that's right folks. This is a children's harem anime.

... f**k my life.

Eventually those two break their swords, Eclair says she got this weird feeling, and Cinque... says some really, really weird shit.

Yeah I don't even get it.

Then she delivers a punch to his gut, gets all angry, calls him a pervert and begins kicking him while he's down blah blah comedy sequence over, now it's time to ride off on a bird while talking to dogs.

Yeah, talking to dogs. They wind up at a dog retreat or  something.

I guess giant foxes are a kind of dog too?

Oh yeah remember that great legendary warrior lady from last episode? I guess Cinque has come to visit. They talk about... nothing of interest actually. IT's amazing how much talking has happened in this episode, and not a single thing of interest has actually been SAID so far. He winds up fishing with her, and catches something huge.

"That's a whole lotta fish." - M. Broderick

Seriously, the only thing they've mentioned is that despite only having been here a few days everybody seems to love him and the Princess trusts him. That's it. Everything else is all "you and X seem to be getting along".

Now they get to the part where they eat food, and talk about how he's from another world and does he want to go back or stay here forever? At which point he has a little freakout over the fact that he seems to have forgotten he needs to get home at some point.

Then he goes "wait what did you say" and the ninja girl is all "uh, I was just saying do you want to go home or something?"

... yeah that sequence made absolutely no sense at all. Let's keep going. Oh now you're going to go over the whole cannot return home thing YET AGAIN!? HOW MANY F***ING TIMES DO WE HAVE TO HEAR YOU SAY THE SAME DAMN THING OVER AND OVER? YES WE KNOW HE CAN'T GO HOME THAT IS THE F***ING PREMISE OF THIS GOD DAMN PILE OF ASS TARTS. WE F***ING GET IT ALREADY SWEET JESUS.

Fortunately they give us a new tidbit where there are stories from other lands where their heroes wound up going home afterwards.

... great, now we get to sit and listen to him talk about how he has a family, and then they lift a giant fish out of the fire and he thinks about that other girl back home. Who is lying on her bed doing nothing for some reason I guess.

Yeah, glad we can suddenly get this scene with her walking around moping about "Cinque this" and "Cinque that". Then she goes to get her fortune, and learns that he is in for the worst luck of his life.

I'm sure he'll be fine.

Back at Princess Bubblegum's office, she asks what the hero has been up to, and her assistant is all "uh, you keep asking that every day". And... they talk about how everybody likes the hero so much for some reason. Oh and if she's good she can talk to the hero later or something maybe right? Yeah he's on his way or something. She wags her tail and then gets back to work.

Now it is evening somewhere in the city and a giant bird shows up because LEGENDARY HEROES COMING THROUGH. SORRY. Oh by the way the hero can go on ahead because LADY HERO has some other shit to do, like keep  people from freaking out over the giant monstrously-oversized bird she is riding on and is freaking out the townsfolk.

What's he go off to do? Well...

The harem is strong with this one.

Eventually some dude tells the princess that the hero has arrived, and looks snazzier than ever. Time to sit down and stare at one another or something while drinking tea. And of course, talking about absolutely nothing important.

She takes this time to once again to apologize for bringing him here and all of that because, uh, y'know. She kinda didn't read the instructions first?

 But he's all "nah that's fine I mean it's all good, by the way have you heard that I might be able to go home?" and she gets all depressed. Then he asks why he was chosen, and she decides to let him in on the secret that isn't a secret. The secret?

Astrology. Y'know, reading the stars and all that. Turns out you can learn all kinds of things by simply reading the stars. Like looking into other worlds, or seeing the future... y'know. Normal stuff. Except that you can't really see it or anything? And when she looked last time, she saw him at the competition place, and boy was he awesome.

Then he slams his head on the desk, and asks what he was wearing that day she saw him.

laughtrack.mp3

The winner of that competition is someone whose face you'll never get to see but Cinque promises is totally a relative of his and his master and his rival.

PICK ONE OF THOSE THINGS YOU CAN'T HAVE ALL THREE!

He seems mortified by the fact that she saw him not at his best because he cried after he lost on national TV or something.

She says that was beautiful though, and I am currently retching into a trash can because oh good god she's pulling the "BUT YOU WERE THE ONE I CHOSE OUT OF ALL OF THEM OH NO SO EMBARRASS."

Oh by the way he allows her to call him by his name like any other normal person?

.... yeah that was just weird. But now we get to see that lord knight getting help from the LEGENDARY HERO put some boxes on shelves or something, and he's all "hey you could always stay here y'know" and she's all "NOPE GOTTA WANDER". Then he asks wher shes's heading to next and it's all based on some weird bullshit her ninja companions 'reads' from the stars.

Also she gets the impression the next kingdom over is up to something. Specifically that Leo chick. Also this may have something to do with MONSTERS OH NO.

Now Cinque is told something about the back door at six AM and I guess he's supposed to take her for a 'walk'.

Which prompts her to remember her old pal, the other princess.

Speaking of which, she's currently freaking out about something getting worse.

Uhh.... yeah this isn't explaining anything.

We get to see Cinque and the bubblegum princess dead for some reason, three times over. Oh well I guess this does in fact explain some things. Since it clearly states that they will be dead in 30 days.

Boy, good thing they established this clearly as a series that is all about the good feels! Wait no they didn't. Or did they? They keep bouncing around so much.

So Princess Leo is all about trying to do whatever she can to change this future because f**k destiny, she's gonna save her friend or something, I'm not sure. They end by saying she made some kind of proclamation to the world that we'll probably find out about next episode.

I am seriously confused now. Because there was almost nothing of substance that happened during this entire episode up until the last fifteen seconds.

... did they really need filler for a 13-episode anime????