Free! Eternal Summer Episode 06 - Invincible Prime!

I have discovered a dilemma, Internet.

It has come to my attention that, recently, some truly horrid shows have appeared. Shows which I am frankly appalled were somehow not on my radar before, but now I find must be acknowledged. Soon.

In order to do this, however, I first need to finish the current crop of shows. And to do that, I need to sit down and actually watch the damn things.

What I'm trying to say is, I should really make better decisions regarding my life because this cannot be a healthy thing for me.

Right, so everybody remembers what was going on in this show right? They introduced some new people we don't really give a shit about, people are all WE GONNA SWIM CONTEST, and then there's some prefecturals coming up or something and the gang needs to get to Nationals so this is their first step towards that?

Good because they waste no time at all reminding you of all this shit, as they straight up go "Hey PREFECTURALS TOMORROW BITCHES GET READY."

I'll take this as a "We're ready!"

So they do some boring talking stuff where they tel us who is doing what swims, Mako says he can't possibly compete against Haru in a Freestyle race, and now some dudes are taking a romantic walk along the beach.

Seriously guys you are fooling like nobody here with this.

Haru and Mako walk in total silence with not even the lapping of the waves to break the deafening silence, and then Mako decides to get his lover's attention. YOU'D BEST BE ASKING TO STICK IT IN HIS POOPER OR SOMETHING. YOU ARE ALONE BY THE BEACH DO NOT WASTE THIS CHANCE YOU ASSHOLE.

He even says "I HAVE A REQUEST."

IT BETTER BE "CAN WE HAS MAKEOUTS NOW PLZZZ" BECAUSE THIS IS REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES. JUST GET IT OVER WITH AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES PLEASE.

Oh hello intro why are you OH GOD DAMN IT.

SOMEBODY JUST F***ING LOCK LIPS BY THE END OF THIS SEASON I SWEAR. Intro is over now? Oh thank god. LET'S DO THIS.

You know what we need more of in this show?

More f***ing flashbacks.

Yeah, we need another childhood memory to really take us back and remind us that these guys have very deepseated reasons for wanting to be swim bros. In this case, Mako is begging Haru to join a swim club but he's too busy being Too Cool For Everything. I mean sure he likes to swim but he doesn't like it that much and if Mako loves swimming so much he can just join himself because Haru is being too busy pretending that he's such a hard-ass little kid.

Seriously. Like, he's a blank slate now but as a child he is straight up tsundere. My god.

Of course, Haru doesn't really want to join because it's too much work. What's wrong with just wanting to swim when you wanna swim anyways?

We get it, you really really really really like him.

This amazes Haru and so they join the swim club together. It's admittedly very cute, and they start swimming together. Or rather Haru swims while Mako admires him from afar, telling him about how great he looks when he's swimming. Also pizza teacher is all "oh hey kids did you have fun?"

Not close enough, given their current relationship status.

Oh but there's little charms that they can pick, which are free for new members. And right smack in the middle is a dolphin. Gee I wonder what Haru will want to pick... (hint: I'm sure it's not the one that looks like the logo for the place just saying.)

Seriously dolphins everywhere.

The boys both reach for the dolphin, but Mako being the sensitive little shit he is, decides to opt for Nemo instead because HE REALLY LIKES HARU MAYBE OKAY GEEZ. Seems like this is the very same dolphin which Haru really likes to spend time with in the bath tub.

Dat placement brah. Dat placement.

So Rin and Gou head out to some remote location where they visit the grave of their father. Oh wait he died? Man totally forgot about THAT. It's a pretty nice site though, I mean overlooks the water and everything, for a guy aspiring to be an Olympic-level swimmer that is a pretty damn nice place to wind up. Anyways since they're done asking for dad to watch over his progeny, he hands over the old photo from the swim club (the one with his dad in it), and asks her to hand it over to the swim school because they want you to forget all about how Rin was such an irredeemable asshole last season. This is the new and improved Rin, with feelings and shit.

And now off to the swim meet. It's been a whole year since the last one, and this time they are totally ready for this shit.

Totally. Ready. For this shit. Oh hey look it's the other school whose ex-captain showed up to give a rousing pep speech and totally embarrass the hell out of his brother. But the very moment the BOTH of them spot Gou, and you just know: Shit about to get super real.

SUPER. REAAAAAAL.

I can't help but feel Rin has the best reaction.

"Oh damn it all."

Quick, everybody run inside before the brothers try double-teaming your team chairman! Now we get to watch Gou as she struggles not to have an on-screen joygasm because that's what happens every single time. She tries to hold in her joy, but everyone else thinks that she's feeling sick.

All hail Nagisa, Master of the Blunt Observations.

But she has made a solemn vow, which she now shares with everyone else. Until she sees them make it to the nationals, she is not allowed to get all worked up and shit, and start basically creaming herself every time some dude gets practically naked in front of her.

I get where she's going with this but uh, really I am not sure how this is supposed to have an impact since you can't just change how you feel and this is not how delayed gratification works.

Of course Mako turns this into a rousing speech about how they can't let Gou's feelings go to waste so let's get out there and do some team stuff yeah. But who cares about that? Let's see Nagi bust in on that other dude changing and oh good god. Just. Good god.

I can't help but appreciate all the work that went into this.

This winds up interrupting his little ritual which involves him putting his trunks on right-leg first. And now he is depressed because HE DID IT BACKWARDS. WHATEVER SHALL HE DO?

Oh right he'll just take them off and do it again.

Even Nagi thinks this shit is dumb as hell, and this is the same dude who brings salt to an abandoned building to ward off ghosts.

In case you forgot: Nagi is insane.

Then dude grabs the back of his goggles and slaps himself in the back of the head because it's a thing Rin does, and he straight up admits to Nagi that it's just a thing Rin does and WE GET IT HE LOVES RIN GEEZ GET TO THE SWIMMING PARTS ALREADY.

Nagi is up first and he seems kind of lethargic or something. Oh turns out his parents showed up to cheer him on which gets him all kinds of fired up for this. OFF TO THE RACES. SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE. He seems to be doing pretty good, and people are cheering and all that. Nagi and that other dude are doing pretty good, but the winner for today is... uh, not sure but Nagi wound up qualifying while the other dude hasn't. But it's cool because the dead weight has sure improved right?

A despondent look from Team Rin's dead-souled individual, and now it's up to Mako to do a swim thing. Though, there's something I just don't really understand.

If Nitori didn't qualify why is he in first place???

I am just all kinds of confused by this. How does placing first not somehow qualify you? Well, whatever, let's do a thing Mako.

Oh wait that annoying Irish bastard has to say hi to Gou from the lane before the race begins. Ugh. We get it. Can we just start the race? The older brother yells about swim spirit, and they're off into the water. Mako is awesome but so is the younger brother. Gee I wonder how this will end. Then they get into some Swim Science which... admittedly is kind of nice. Being in the end lanes is considered a disadvantage or something, but little bro is not even affected by this. Hell, their reasoning for the disadvantage, even if it is bullshit, is totally believable.

Swimming is completed, and Mako manages to place just above little bro, but both of them qualify. Time for a congratulatory scream between brothers. Time for another race, this time with Rei. Where he screams about not being able to race against Rin.

So what about that other bro anyways? That Sousuke fella? Oh he's not competing in this event? What a mystery. What's that Rei, no challenger means you are going to win this?

They don't even bother showing you his swim. It is the shortest swim ever. That's how meaningless he is. It's so short, I will just show you the gif of his race. Would you like that? I'd like that.

Blink and you'll miss it.

No, that's not an edit. That's actually how it aired. They straight up say "you are so unimportant we're not even going to bother with this shit. Congrats. You win. Moving along."

Then he has a little cry session, presumably because nobody bothered to see him swim. Oh, but Rin also won, not that we even saw ANYTHING. They're just all "oh look who came in first lol".

Now they have a picnic because Haru's competition won't be until later! Oh but wait Haru is competing in it too? Well okay then. Haru is moody, then we see them in the locker room getting naked and not making out with one another, and they decide to not talk about that thing they talked about off screen. Slow walk to the pool, super drama, and Rin is all "wait what the hell is this shit?"

Side by side, the lovers quarrel begins. Mako is straight up beating the ever-loving hell out of Haru. But he's probably using all of his energy early on, which prompts us to jump into a flash back to finally fill in the gap with Mako's request. Y'know, that thing they totally could have inserted thirty seconds ago when they brought it up but chose to withhold it for 'dramatic tension' that came in the next freaking scene.

Come on guys, you had a good thing, don't keep f***ing up here.

The request is simple.

"RACE ME BRO. LIKE, ACTUAL RACE NOT FRIEND RACE KAY?"

This leaves Haru with a billion questions. Like, I wonder how I should cook my Mackerel tonight? And why does Mako even bother swimming? Do you think he likes me because I think he might like me or something oh hey look I wonder if there's any dolphins swimming out there in the water.

FOCUS.

You're never going to kiss are you.

So we're in the last leg of the race and Haru is breaking past Mako who is losing speed because, well, dude used up all his energy early on. The end of the race happens and of course Haru places first, and Mako is left gasping for breath which totally isn't a euphemism for anything. Totally.

Also not a euphemism.

Look up to the sky. Look at the speaker. It's time for that other race you're in. Haru versus Rin in the shorter race. EPIC SWIM MUSIC. ZOOM ZOOM BORING VISUALS OH LOOK SWIMMING AND CHEERING WHOO YEAH. Haru and Rin are in a league all of their own, and the results are in Haru won by fractions of a second, and Mako looks pretty happy, which prompts Nagi to ask why Mako wanted to race in the first place.

Pretty sure there's no maybe about it.

End of the day everyone but the dead weight on the other team qualified, and Sousuke is all "Rin, stop sucking god" and Rin is all "Dude, were you even watching that race? Bro just gets better and better." Oh, and the relay is up tomorrow so Sousuke will totes be involved in that. CUE THE EPIC SCARY FADE TO BLACK NOISE because it's time for the ending theme to play.

Am I the only one thinking that last season, when they had the "THIS IS NOT REAL" disclaimer, the show felt incredibly un-real, but now that they have REMOVED that disclaimer, it seems much more down to Earth?

All I'm saying is that Sousuke is a bit of a creeper, that's all.