Dog Days Episode 05 - Fierce Battle! Myon Castle!

I've mentioned many times in the recent past that I've been falling quite a bit behind. Now is the time of finally getting caught up by doing a big ol' marathon of some of the worst stuff I could find. Which for today happens to be Dog Days. *sigh*

I just know I am going to regret finishing this show some day. Because that will mean I'll have to find something even worse to fill the void it has left behind... and frankly I already know one of the shows which will be picking up the slack.

... I get the sinking feeling I also know what the other will be. God help me.

Four episodes into this show, and I'm already regretting having started watching it. I mean don't get me wrong, that first episode was just a straight up mindf**k for me. Everything since has just been a constant train wreck of WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? So what can we expect out of today's episode? I really don't think I want to know. Let's just have me be pleasantly surprised.

... sorry, I can't say that with a straight face. Or without a facepalm. Let's get on with it shall we? We got a fight between A HERO and A NOT REALLY A VILLAIN DUDE PRINCE to get on with. Commence the slap fight! On birds. The boys wave their sticks around and Eclair fights with those other three chicks and there's magic flying all over the place and, admittedly, it's stylish as hell. If it weren't for the rest of the show, I'd almost consider watching this show specifically for these sequences.

Unfortunately, because it is this show, they feel the need to interrupt in the middle with something that totally kills the mood of awesome they've managed to build up.

What do you mean it makes no sense? THE STORYBOARDS
CALL FOR GIRLS IN SWIMSUITS. I DON'T CARE IF IT
IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT. JUST DO IT!

Seems like someone thought that they would lose the viewer's attention if they spent more than a minute with some awesome combat footage so here, have a still frame of the villain girls laughing and playing in water and being all cute. We have Moe quotas to reach damn it! Merchandise to push! See these girls are they not attractive YOU WILL BUY ANYTHING WITH THEIR FACES PRINTED UPON THEM.

So they're pretty much idiots. Except in a fight when they are crazy powerful or something. So... that doesn't really make them idiots does it? Just carefree, perhaps?

Time to check in with two boys whacking their poles together, which results in them both being broken. So it's time to hop off the birds and get to the real action.

God, even the MALE villains want our hero's balls.

Time for them to do the big old magic spell sling fight with all the flasy bullshit Ki powers they can come up with. Cinque does his best to defend against the barrage of flashy attacks, and the villain winds up surfing on his body straight up out into another room. By accident. And is all "MAN HOW BAD ASS WAS THAT?"

"Oh, sorry bro I mean I was just... how are you still standing?"

Hell, he even does straight up go "dude, how are you still standing?"

Nah, just an alien.

Then we get some nifty snapshot flashbacks of Cinque managing to flip the laws of physics two birds as he used his broken staff to somehow avoid any and all damage, despite the fact that this is basically impossible to do.

Seriously, your back still would have hit the ground and
liquefied your organs upon impact.

 But what a great time for us to admire how awesome the hero i- oh wait he's actually bleeding from head trauma whoops.

Well no shit!

He shakes off this critical head injury however, and goes into using his own special Ki Power because that is how he rolls. Also, his staff is now something even dumber. I don't even know what it's supposed to be anymore.

I guess they're now short spears or something?
Fishing spears? I dunno.

Better hurry because there's a concert on the line and wait there's a concert supposed to go on? OH MAN CAN'T BELIEVE I INTERRUPTED THAT. Explosions happen and we go out to Axe Lord and Legendary Hero Lady finding out that A SINGLE REINFORCEMENT HAS ARRIVED. It's the Lion Princess chick who is all "OPEN THE DAMN GATES."

So they do that, the Axe Knight kneels and the hero is all "sup princy". What's the point of all this? Oh she wants to talk to Gaul, and she's all "sorry lady you're cool and all but I actually can't let you talk to that dude right now." So they get to fight now with shiny weapons and flashy Ki bullshit. MORE EXPLOSIONS.

Meanwhile, back at the concert hall, people are calmly sitting around, wondering if the Princess will make it in time to sing for their benefit.

BACK TO WHERE EXPLOSIONS ARE HAPPENING. MORE FIGHTING BETWEEN LADIES. ALSO WHAT IS UP WITH THE LION FOLKS BEING SUCH DICKS ANYWAYS? WHAT IS THEIR DEAL ANYWAY?

.... what the f**k am I watching?

So her beef is that the Princess is all about FUN FRIENDLY ACTIVITIES and Leo is all "THIS DOES NOT PROMOTE EXERCISE RAR THAT IS JUST DUMB".

... I am now stupider for having said that. Hell. I am now stupider for having watched this show so far. I will be even stupider for having watched this show all the way through.

... I am stupid.

Anyways blah blah stuff you can't agree on and not everything can be done with friendly fun-ness and she gets all teary eyed as she says she wishes things could be talked out or something. Time for her tounleashe her big ultimate attack and rip through LEGENDARY HERO'S weapon and armor, leaving her on the ground to surrender without much of a fight. Probably because she felt like letting her move along.

Called it!

Oh but not to be out-done, the Princess is all "yeah but I was like, barely at 30% power so y'know. Power levels, bullshit, you know how this works. On second thought let's say 20%. Yeah that way I can totes claim to be as strong as her."

Then a door gets kicked in, some people stop fighting, Oh, and elsewhere two boys are still swinging phallic objects at one another while going "wait hold on seriously a concert?" "YES A CONCERT YOU ASSHOLE" "Man I am such an asshole!"

But yet ANOTHER door explodes, big sister shows up with sisters in tow, and she screams at them all just because for 'playing around'.

Now that everything is quiet, it's time to go get the princess who is watching a lion feed his cubs.

... wait what?

Wasn't this a GUY? How is he...

But then the Princess is rescued by the other princess who apologizes for all of this shit and agrees  to come up with a way to compensate her later. But she needs to like get gone now. THere's 20 minutes to the concert, and it's an hour long trip back. What do they do? Well, clearly those three sisters need to pretend to be unconscious because it would be rude to appear awake now. But then Cinque gets an idea. He can send her back.

By... equipping her... as a backpack.

*facepalm*

Basically he's all "hey remember how you used your Ki power to move really fast? Yeah well I'm gonna do that with a PRINCESS BACKPACK. Seeya!"

The maid is nice enough to open a window so they can just go flying off in the sky because CINQUE IS SO DAMN AMAZING. Oh hey there amazing legendary hero lady SEE YOU LATER GOTTA RUN CHOO CHOOOOO.

Oh but the ninja can keep up no problem because ninja with giant bouncing boobs. Good time to have a little chat about how nice her legs are and oh she can take the princess for a bit if need be because, y'know. Again. Reasons.

WHERE WAS SHE WITH THIS IDEA EARLIER?

Also, WHY DID NOBODY EVER THINK OF THIS BEFORE EVER? SERIOUSLY. THIS IS PRETTY BASIC SHIT TO THINK UP.

Oh and also he just figured out how to bullshit his way into abusing the system to go and MAKE A GIANT FLAMING FLYING SURFBOARD.

Suddenly, we are now playing Exalted.

WELP NICE MEETING YOU NINJA BOOBIES IT IS TIME TO ROCKET OFF INTO THE DISTANCE. Which leaves the ninja boobies going "well damn". So it's time for the hero and the princess to share a tender moment beneath the glow of the moon while she explains there's a risk of backlash if he keeps abusing the shit out of his power.

By the way she has a thing to tell him. She uh, kinda recently came into power and all, and has no idea what she's doing. But hey, it's no big deal I mean, he only just got here yesterday but man this is awesome and you're cute and what's wrong with being inexperienced anyways? If you keep trying, someday you can be someone big. Time to land and rush into the palace where they are all waiting for the princess to show up. Where she does! Ten minutes to show time so best get her ready.

Meanwhile, Cinque is all looking about to pass out, and now it is time for the concert. So glad being kidnapped was just a minor inconvenience! She takes the time to thank everyone for all the fighting they do, the Hero included and OH GOD SEIZURE WARNING.

SERIOUSLY STOP DOING THIS GUYS GAH!

She's going to work hard to make sure everyone has a good time so now she'll sing her heart out and do her best to make a great future for everyone. Isn't being a Pop Idol Princess just grand? Time for a boring song to eat up the last remaining minutes of the episode, and possibly double as our closing theme for today. Maybe.

I mean it's all just pretty boring and "ooh hey look at this song which is nowhere as good as what it should be while we show you images of people enjoying this incredibly boring song."

Then Leo is all riding off on her bird and Eclair talks to her brother over the radio, and we find out the Hero burned himself out and she should hurry home so they can have another party. Cinque thinks this is a great song though. So MORE SINGING!

I'd rate this song as "bland" at best. It's your typical J-pop bullshit. Oh look, an actual ED. Guess that means the show is over for today.

While this is a bit of a step up from the earlier episodes, it's too little, too late, and doesn't really reverse any of the damage done earlier in the show. The only good thing about this episode is that they somehow managed to take out all of the mindless pandering they've been doing up until now, and somehow delivered an entire episode without someone getting naked.