Sailor Moon S Episode 21 - Death of Uranus and Neptune!? Talismans Appear

I need to write this so that I can go get some sleep and return to work for another thirteen hours straight.

Most people would tell you there is something wrong with me that I would keep doing this to myself. Those people are probably right. But a sad thought occurs to me.

Maybe I keep subjecting myself to this stuff because it helps remind me that no matter how bad my job may be, it's still not quite this bad?

It is a terrifying and utterly depressing thought.

So today's episode of Sailor Moon, based on the opening sequence, looks as though some actual serious shit may finally go down. Well thank god it's only taken twenty episodes for things to start taking off. Roll that intro and let's get into it!

It begins, on a rainy day in Tokyo. Where some chicks are lounging by the pool listening to sea shells and pretending it doesn't look like shit outside. Imagining birds flying over the sea, while your lover is all like "seriously man how you gonna go off and forget I'm even here?"

"Ha ha haaaa! Double Entendre." - Phil Ken Sebben

Michiru talks about how she had some really weird, realistic dream last night, and Haruka is all like "yeah, I know, I felt something weird last night too". Turns out, they're finally going to get to see a goddamned Talisman appear. Roll that beautiful title slide!

We immediately head into the lab where Eugeal puts in the evilest 3 1/2" floppy ever, in the hopes that this thing will somehow allow her to locate those pesky Talisman-bearers.

Somehow, a can of oranges is also necessary.

Seriously, these things don't work that way!!

Of course, now she has to wait for Windows 3.1 to finish loading.

Damn it all Bill Gates...

Later in the locker room, Eugeal discovers that not only did some asshole put a thumb tack in her evil slipper, but also plastered slugs all over the inside of her locker. And clothes. And uh, well basically everything. They even left her a lovely little note, the rapscallion.

To be fair, crashing doesn't seem to have done anything
other than property damage thus far.

Cue the little girl talking to some other lab folks about how she is the worst, despite being their chief. What's up with her wasting all of their valuable assets anyways? I mean how can you possibly lose with EVIL DOORS and STRIPPING VACUUM CLEANERS? Seriously, what a waste.

Whoever this orange-haired upstart is, she's probably next up on the list of characters we'll be forced to endure watching strip for the next several episodes as she got a call from the professor to talk about a thing. Not that anyone knows what this thing is yet but it's probably totally about being Eugeal's replacement, otherwise why would they actually give her a silhouette?

Believe it or not there are three black figures here.

Oh, also they give her a name. Mimet! You'll probably forget it by the end of the episode, but don't worry, I'll probably forget it before then. Instead, I'll just refer to her as "Brave".

So fade in to Eugeal sitting at the computer like the lonely basement dwelling nerd she is. Though is it really a basement when it seems more like they're in the sewers? One has to wonder about this. But not for too long because it doesn't take long for the results to come in as she talks about what a horrible person this Mimet is. And how she's totally going to get that promotion she's been vying for by working on a holiday.

The results are in, and the next contestant on the Price is Right is....!

To Be Concluded in Part 2!

Back to the doom and gloom and the rain. Haruka's fax machine goes off and she chooses not to answer it. Which is a good thing because turns out it's Eugeal taunting her about how dumb it was to reveal themselves to her. Oh and by the way, she totes knows where there's a Talisman and she is going to be taking it right now and wind up becoming th- oh message ended sorry gotta call you back so I can gloat some more.

Normally, I would rail on them for not only re-using footage, and not animating a god damned thing, and using the absolute slowest lazy pan ever seen. However, this time I will actually give them credit because they have used it correctly in order to add even more emphasis to their joke, to offset the pretty seriously dark nature of this scene.

Eugeal ends the call by saying "yeah I didn't tell my boss about you but I heard you liek Mudkips too so here's a map where you can find some, see ya later."

Then Michiru shows up to towel herself off and is like "probably the truth we should investigate this obvious trap."

It's time for them to kill someone in order to achieve their goals. Haruka gets all introspective and declares that she'll do whatever it takes to get that thing, and Michiru grabs her hand and they have themselves an awkward moment where their fingers kind of... dance around or something? Not sure but it ends even weirder.

Okay seriously, you're reading minds again and that's creepy.

Fade to the library where Ami is trying to figure out what the hell these Talisman things are. Oh and I guess those other girls are also thinking about this whole thing wherever they happen to be while sad piano music plays and we learn that the previous lack of animation was not, in fact, a carefully planned decision but a rather fortunate coincidence since barely any of this other stuff is animated, and it just drags on and on while people inner monologue.

Then Usagi gets a phone call from Haruka, oddly enough. Cut to Mamoru and Chibiusa standing in the middle of the street talking about how Usagi got called out by Haruka and Michiru. For... some reason?

Seriously Mamsy, do you have to look like such a pedo?

While they talk about their other identities, Chibiusa swears she catches sight of someone else, and if she hadn't have reacted, I also would have dismissed this as being someone else. But in reality, I'm pretty sure this is important.

Holy shit, actual foreshadowing? Who is this person?

They don't show up for very long, clocking in at just under two seconds before vanishing. It's super easy to miss.

So now Usagi rides the elevator to hell, and gets off at an Aquarium on the 50th floor to meet with Haruka and Michiru as they have an awkwardly quiet moment, and they tell her to never show in front of them again.

At which point the framerates for animation takes a serious dive and the colors get super saturated.

Why can't we keep a sizable budget for this show?

It's super noticeable. Everything feels choppy ever since the lights dimmed so dramatically. Also Haruka is giving her the hard "we are about to become SUPER EVIL PEOPLE OR SOMETHING STOP BEING SUCH A KID". Which, interestingly enough makes perfect sense since we know what happens when a person gets possessed by a Daimon - a thing that Usagi here and the other Sailor Warriors have never had to deal with. And probably won't for whatever reason that is just beyond my comprehension to understand.

Oh and then Haruka tries to rip off Usagi's broach for whatever reason. They struggle, and eventually Haruka wins out and says she'll hold onto it for now, and also declares that the next time they see one another, Usagi will die. So now it's time to transform in front of her to drive in the point that they are totally dark and edgy people with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

There's a speech about how destruction is coming and they need the Holy Grail to prevent it from coming, and finding the Messiah.

Yeah, not even joking. They are literally looking for a Messiah to lead them to victory.

Oh, and then a helicopter appears out of the background, out of nowhere.

Of all the things I expected, I can say this is not one.

They fly off into the sky, as Usagi is left wondering what the hell is going on. Why do they need a helicopter? How could they even afford one? Do they even know how to fly it? All of this is swept away, however, as a mysterious lady approaches from behind asking if Usagi will run off to try and save them.

After all, today is the day Serious Shit Goes Down and their lives are definitely in danger.

Oh hello there mystery lady.

She introduces herself as Setsuna Meioh. Setsuna is an 'old friend' of Haruka and Michiru's, and asks once more if Usagi will go and try to save them. Though that might be hard since Usagi can't transform, I guess. She seems to ignore the question of HOW THE HELL DOES THIS LADY KNOW ABOUT TRANSFORMY STUFF? Oh hi there commercial break I wasn't expecting you 13 minutes in.

Now the chopper heads out to sea and we finally understand why they needed it in the first place, as it is at a Marine Cathedral. Which is under construction.

... and nobody seems to think that this is totally a trap? I mean how would your target get all the way out into a lonely place like that to begin with? It just seems incredibly far-fetched. But hey, they land and head inside anyways, ignoring all of the very heavy symbolism being thrown out here. Neptune reaching out for Uranus' hand, and is all "no matter what we're walking away with a Talisman, okay? I just wanted to let you know that."

Gee, that doesn't sound... uh, like some serious impending doom at all.

They feel a little put off once they head inside because this place is deserted. Which makes sense since it's still under construction? Yet despite this, it somehow seems to be fully decorated with these weird, creepy ass doors.

... yeah that's not common at all.

Neither is having said creepy doors suddenly come to life and line up behind you, I suppose.

Like... super creepy.

It is at this point Uranus makes an astute observation.

No, you think?

So while Eugeal... I dunno, plays some weird foosball game by herself, the two scouts get assaulted by doors flying all over the place like something out of a Zelda title but worse. Eventually Uranus decides she's had enough of this shit and Neptune agrees and they do their special attacks to rip stuff up. But Neptune takes a shot for Uranus, shoving her out of the way just in time to get slammed by a door and sent away to some other room.

CUE THE EVIL ORGAN MUSIC. Of course it's Bach's Toccata and Fugue why WOULDN'T it be? It's not like they've ever tried to come up with ANYTHING remotely original. Chalk up another for the Blatant Cliche pile. Eugeal taunts Uranus by stating she finally has a Talisman in her grasp, which confuses the girl. What's she on about anyway?

Oh, see, Neptune is the holder of a Talisman. No big deal. By the way you can watch her extract it once she's done performing this piece if you like. It's no big deal to her.

By the way, in case you were wondering? Eugeal is playing the organ at like fifty times the speed of what she's actually playing.

This would make sense if you weren't in THE FIRST
THIRTY SECONDS OF THE DAMN PIECE.

If you have no idea what song I'm referring to or why this doesn't synch up in the least, seriously, what in the f**k is wrong with you you uncultured philistine. You've heard the damn piece. Now listen to it and let the sound of Bach's talent wash over you and cleanse your soul. And then go play Bayonetta or something because god I cannot think of that song without associating Bayonetta now there is a classy dame let me tell ya.

Anyhow Uranus is off to watch Eugeal play the ORGAN OF DOOM, and sees Neptune tied up, and immediately goes to rescue her, and winds up getting hurt for her efforts.

Oh, and it's revealed that Eugeal isn't even playing the damn organ, it's just a tape recording.

... forgive me while I go and hang my head in shame now.

Lying on the ground, battered and beaten, Uranus is forced to watch as Eugeal calmly walks up to her, talking about how anyone else who crosses the bridge besides herself will get seriously messed up. Hold on, why is she carrying her giant syringe gun?

.... oh yeah that would make sense huh?

Obviously Uranus is shocked, and gets a gun shoved into her chest as Eugeal declares that obviously, she has one of the purest of hearts, being a person who was willing to save the world, no matter what it might have cost.

Turns out? That was ironically her downfall, as that kind of qualified her to be one of the macguffins. While not surprising by any stretch of the imagination (seriously I called that how far back?) I can't help but appreciate the dramatic irony at play here. The concept it certainly solid enough.

Neptune wakes up just in time to see Uranus to be extracted, as Eugeal declares that, given her wounds this shot will probably kill her. At which point her blue-haired friend screams for her friend, rips her way out of her bindings, and begins charging over. Which is not good because the bridge does not take kindly to this, and blasts the living f**k out of her. Repeatedly. With... flowers? Not sure, flowers are somehow involved here, but eventually it runs out of ammo, and Neptune's heart gets blown right out the back of her chest, and Uranus realizes that oh shit, this was not worth.

But at least you got a pretty mirror!

It wasn't quite what she had intended, but Eugeal can't be mad at the results, and turns to Uranus declaring that she is next! As she does, the girl looks skyward, asking to the Messiah if this is their punishment, believing that this is the end.

Oh except this person suddenly shows up.

Suddenly a butterfly girl appears, and Usagi charges in out of nowhere to save the day, and push Eugeal off the bridge! Who needs to transform when you've got the unstoppable force of a middle school porker at your command?

Eugeal lands on a crane hook and falls into the black abyss, going "oh shiiiiiiiiiii-" the whole way down.

Now Usagi tries to find  a way to shove the Talisman back into Michiru's body, but Uranus just isn't having any of this. This is, after all, how it's supposed to be, right? Isn't this the cost of saving the world? It's kind of unfair that she's being left behind though, and so she tosses Usagi's broach back.

Then calmly attempts to commit suicide by extracting her own Talisman. Which, uh, kinda upsets Usagi just a little bit?

There's the ol' Usagi Moxie rearing it's head again.

What gives her this confidence? Well, duh, it's because she is gonna save the damn world. I mean it sure as hell won't save itself right? And it wouldn't exactly be the first time she's done it or anything, so come on! Give her a chance already!

This manages to win over Uranus, who admits that she kind of looked like the Messiah, but shoves her away and shoots herself in teh chest just as the other Sailor Scouts show up.

Sorry 'bout your friend but look on the bright side! You
got yourself a shiny new magic sword!

Everyone is pretty shocked at this, except maybe Setsuna who is also there but says and does nothing as the scene fades out to the credits.

So uh, yeah this show suddenly got kind of dark all of a sudden. It's a really dramatic shift that probably would make more sense if the rest of the show at least attempted to take itself seriously for more than one and a half episodes of its now 21 episode run.

Also, seriously. Helicopter? What the f**k man. That's just a logistical nightmare.