Free! Eternal Summer Episode 07 - The Crouching Start of Vindication!

I am working crazy long hours this week.

Like, sixty some hours in a payable week crazy long hours.

Clearly there is something wrong with me. This means I am the perfect candidate to continue watching something I clearly despise, despite the fact that I have openly admitted that this show isn't quite so bad, but it's still not what I would consider great.

Mostly because the characters are such closeted homosexuals. I mean for crying out loud KISS ALREADY!

It's gonna be another one of those episodes isn't it?

Remember what we were doing last episode? Oh right watching people swim. So let's see some first person swimming action from way back in the past with a Sousuke flashback as Rin says "dude we're gonna miss the bus".

You should be more worried about the ships that have sailed.

Tomorrow, or presumably the rest of this episode, will be THE NEXT PART OF THE TOURNAMENT. Oh and what was Sousuke looking at? "Phantoms of the past." God he tries so hard to be the distant loner that Rin was so desperately trying to be last season, it would almost seem forced if it didn't feel exactly the same sort of forced that it did the last time around.

Instead it's just painfully forced because character roles have just shifted to the left.

He walks off into the sunset trying to be a boss and it's time for that intro we all love. Because it embodies perfectly what this show is about. BOYS SWIMMING YEAH.

When we come back, it seems that the owner is a fan of the Pink Panther. Or just really can't spell.

I personally like to think he just watched A Shot in the Dark.

We get to see Gou added that photo her bro gave her, and now they're off to have a veritable feast for doing so well swimming today. Nagi wants some delicious pink protein, and.... well yeah Rei is understandably horrified.

Seriously that man is gonna barf.

Oh but hey Haru was great! Not that he'll ever admit it. But seriously he was great! Not that anyone cares. Tomorrow's the medley though! Oh and you'll be racing that other team. But Haru is all "don't worry, we're a team, and we can do whatever we want. Mackerel."

They start talking about how they are totally going to force the plot to allow them to get to Nationals, Leave it to Gou to bring the conversation back to her brother though as she informs them all about who they will be competing against tomorrow. Two people they just made up on the fly, then there's that Sousuke dude and that shark asshole. They even got together to do a creepy pose.

"Look at us, we're like those magazine models oh baby."

She mentions that they may be swapping out one of those dudes who sucked for that dude who did awesome instead. Which means its time to check in with the other team as Rin makes HARD DECISIONS. Like, should he replace a dude with another dude?

So he has a talk with carrot top and dude who just got mentioned last episode, and asks carrot top if he wants to swim. At which point the other dude plays the passive aggressive card and says "You better f***ing win this or my pompadour will IMPALE YOUR ASS."

Seriously, it's a wannabe pompadour.

Then he begins to... aggressively aggressive dry-hump him. For... some reason. Swimbros are weird I guess.

Useless dude is all sad because he never got picked, and now he sits out alone on the stairs to his dorm so Sousuke can tell him to MOVE BITCH, GIT OUT DA WAY." But then he laughs all sad-like about how he was totally replaced by some other dude younger than him. Sousuke asks if he really gave a damn about the relay that much and he's all "BUT I LURVE RIN-SAMA."

Imitation is the sincerest form of blah blah blah.

He goes on about how he's realized that swimming a relay is more than just four dudes swimming in succession, it's a TEAM EVENT FILLED WITH LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP AND FLOWERS. Oh and he really wanted a chance to swim with him but it's not his last chance. Which Sousuke points out. I mean if he does well enough then surely they can swim together as a team someday so DO NOT LOSE HOPE. Then says that's probably what Rin would say because clearly he has less of a soul than the ginger sharing a room with the useless kid.

And now said kid goes to see aforementioned ginger and watch him sleep. Because that's not creepy at all.

Not. One. Bit.

He also quietly gives a little pep talk about how dude better win so he can compete with him later, and of course he's not actually sleeping and heard those whispered sweet nothings.

Let's check in with Mako and Haru walking home together int eh middle of the night as they talk about what would happen if Haru gets scouted. His answer? Nothing. Because HE SWIMS REGARDLESS OF WHETHER PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT.

Mako thinks this is a waste and heads off on his own so that we can just skip to the next morning with them arriving at the competition grounds again. Also Rin and Sousuke half naked talking about winning shit. More faces talk about how other people better win, and I think the ginger just hit on the useless lump of flesh oh god what the hell.

They announce that SWIMMING WILL COMMENCE SOON, and there's a flashback about how Rin was 'saved' by those other guys swimming, and Sousuke is the hard man going "don't give a shit ain't gonna acknowledge your swim power", and Rin is all "so yeah, whoever wins here has to win Regionals brah" to his buddy Haru in the next lane.

Ah yes, the pre-match rival smack talk.

People get in the pool, the teacher says more dumb shit, and FINALLY SWIMMING COMMENCES. Mako has a bad start though, and blah blah he'll be fine supposedly. Nagi's turn, but OH NO BAD DRAMATIC MUSIC INDICATING THEY ARE NOT DOING SO WELL. Seems our bros are in some serious trouble. REI CATCH UP. Oh wait you can't.

Then it's down to Rin and Haru, and it's a tough race since Haru is playing catch up the entire time, but goes into CRAZY SWIM MODE for like half a second, and we discover that oh no that other team edged ahead and won oh no.

Maybe if you'd played the awesome music they'd have won.

But it's still okay, even though that other team got first place and our boys got... second... I guess only the top advances or something? But I guess they still won the 'prelims' so really this doesn't mean very much I suppose?

There's a real disconnect though, since even though they kinda got second nobody really feels satisfied and I'm sure it has nothing to do with the lack of a musical accompaniment.

That's your entire character description!

Doesn't matter that they're on their way to Regionals, they still lost! Oh and they all qualified individually too but MAN THAT OTHER SCHOOL IS SO AMAZE AND BETTER THAN YOU. Haru's individual swim is the only thing better, because of course he is super amazing.

Oh but wait, teacher has BIG NEWS.

Oh no, what a surprise.

Boy I guess we know what Haru is doing after he gradu- oh he's totally ignoring you and just swimming. Okay.

Mako gets a bit worried, but now Nagi and Rei ride a train, and Nagi tells his pal what Haru wrote on his survey. FREE.

Maybe he just means "Free-ballin'".

Nagi tries to clarify what the word 'free' means to Haru, and settles on not being able to really understand it. Yet it's so very Haru.

Oh and Rin also got Scouted yay whoo hoo whatever nobody cares annoying kid. Too busy training to beat Haru. Oh by the way, new dude to the series, Rin got called by the same school you were looking at so maybe you will be swimming together some more or something. Which doesnt seem to please him and he gets all gloomy Gus. What's up with him? He was slow at the race too so what's the deal anyways?

Oh myyyyyyyyy.

After a change of scenery into the Deep. Black. Forest. They talk about their feelings. Did he find the thing he was looking for? Or not? He doesn't know! Then they get angry because he doesn't know if he found what he was looking for, and Rin is all 'rar I am angry because you are off your game or something'.

Rin is forcefully playing the anger issues card again, ugh.

But after accusing his old pal of not taking the swimming stuff seriously, he gets all mad and is like 'how dare you, you just poked my heart'.

When you pull a man this close, it's not because you really
want to talk about things you DON'T know.

After failing to make out yet AGAIN, he's all "I wanna swim more", and he is unsatisfied. So they agree to swim, and keep swimming until he finds what he's looking for.

By the way Haru is getting more scouting calls but nobody cares. Nobody even cares about Rin getting the same calls Gou, seriously nobody cares. Mako wonders if Haru cares about anything that isn't Mackerel or swimming, and gets asked what he's going to do after he graduates, because the teen girl demographic desperately needs something new to masturbate to.

BO-RING!

Oh hey Haru is still swimming.

Now it's evening and they get their fortunes that totally won't be indicative of anything. They get pretty good luck except for Rei because everything he does is half-baked. So he only gets "Half Luck" which is technically lucky because there's less of those than Bad Luck fortunes? So basically according to him it's the best kind of luck since there are so few of them.

... yeah just keep telling yourself that.

You forgot "no homo". Or did you?

Rei wants to swim like Haru because it just feels right for some reason. And that's why he thinks Haru should keep doing what he does. To have a free heart that is unbound by anything, to truly be, well, 'free'. It is a thing of beauty. So it doesn't matter what he does so long as he never changes that part of him.

Then a bird flies off and Haru is like "what in the hell is he talking about".

Next day he comes back to the team with some proposed guideline changes for the training, where they practice on their handoff to save some time. Boy teamwork is awesome! Haru is all "I wanna swim with you, but I really want to treasure this time we have together." Then they're all "LETS GO TO NATIONALS!"

Now Sousuke skips practice, and runs across Gou who is getting a drink at her brother's school for some reason. He looks all depressed as shit and the episode ends.

DRAMARAMARAMA.

... seriously there is still no kissing what the hell STOP PLAYING WITH MY HEART GUYS WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO JUST GET IT OVER WITH SO WE CAN STOP YELLING ABOUT IT PLEASE. AND BY WE I MEAN ME. THINK OF MY FEELINGS FOR A CHANGE KYOANI!