Sailor Moon S Episode 23 - Who is the True Messiah? Chaos of Light and Darkness

Looking back, it's kind of hard to believe I've done so many of these things now. Seriously, blows my damned mind. This is a lot of time in my life that I'll never get back. And yet I'm still just barely halfway through the original series.

Man. The next few years are really going to suck aren't they?

Anyways, after last week's disappointing and anticlimactic turnaround, let's see how things turn out today shall we?

Ah, the old episode overviews are back again. Because who doesn't love knowing what's going to happen in the episode before you watch it?

Seriously these guys need to realize that the "overview" on the script is not necessarily a thing the audience is supposed to see. Unless, of course, they're doing this to give anyone marathoning it a quick "this is what you're probably about to skip". Hell, that actually makes sense. A shame it gives them way too much credit though. Roll that intro footage!

We begin by hearing footsteps as we pan over dark pipes and see some weird lights and dolls as far as they eye can see. Oh good lord, that creepy girl is.... sitting on a throne surrounded by... dolls? O-kay and I guess she has no actual voice because she speaks through... speakers? Holy shit. This is legit creepy.

She demands that he bring her a perfectly pure heart, and soon. For reasons. He, of course, being the Professor, who refers to her as his Dark Messiah.

Man, she even looks dead. I'll admit, they did a good job here.

Hell even her voice is just... wow. I don't care if it was unintentional, this girl is definitely unsettling. Especially with her slowly breathing into the microphone, giving off an eerie noise that is reminiscent of someone slowing their life down in the hopes of extending it just a little bit. Man, I have like a billion ideas of how this character might work, and they are probably way better than the eventual truth that will be revealed. Making me sad.

Title slide time. At least we know that they still cant title things for shit.

They immediately come up with something that I am very sure is supposed to give me nightmares.

I really don't know why but this is just unsettling to me.

So for some reason, they're talking about these birds which look suspiciously a lot like toys, and the Professor is demonstrating that this is a fishing technique that they will want to utilize when... catching Pure Hearts? Wha?

This image raises so many questions.

You're telling me that they cleared out a part of their super-valuable laboratory to hold an actual 'class' complete with a demonstration, that is treated like freaking high school, complete with the main character not paying attention because she's too busy looking at some dude's picture behind her book?

Telling you the gingers in this show are f***ing nuts.

The doctor then continues to explain that Daimons will be swallowing hearts as he... wait, what is he doing to that bird?

This is basically animal abuse isn't it?

I'm not even sure if that bird is even real, since it hardly reacts. Hell I'm not even sure how squeezing its neck causes it to... oh god. I knew there was a reason the bird creeped me out but this is even worse.

Yuck. Eventually he gets pissy, throws the bird at Mimet (remember the new leader of the now-Witches 4?), and is all "so uh, I'm boring eh?" As if that were really a question needing asked. He derides her for bringing such things into the workplace, and asks if she even know where to find a pure heart and she of course 'knows', which means guess who is going on a mission? This girl.

So what do they decide to use as a item to infuse a Daimon into?

*spittake*

Holy F**K! The kid gloves are off now, they are straight up turning GUNS into their new weapons of mass destruction. Wait. They're using a weapon to make a weapon? Isn't that kind of redundant? Also, why did nobody think to try this before, exactly?

Cue the EVIL TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE, where we learn our monster's name is WESTERN or something. They go through the whole process, but instead of ending up in a box, it comes out in a briefcase and... Mimet picks it up in the most conspicuous outfit imaginable.

Complete with sassy walk.

You might as well just scream "I'MMA GONNA MURDER".

And unlike her former boss, Mimet prefers a much more low-key approach. No, she's a totally different woman so instead of driving around an invincible station wagon, she just straight up walks... out of a cabinet in the middle of a department store????

How in the...?

At this point, I really have to call shenanigans. Just how the f**k does this shit even work?????

For that matter, what happens when someone looks into that cabinet? Do they wind up in Narnia or something??

Also I guess Mimet's target is some famous guy, so five minutes in its time to check in with the Sailor Scouts over at the shrine, where they're listening to the girl who becomes Pluto talk about how the apocalypse is a-coming unless they can find the Messiah.

Oh yeah and Rei's dream is a vision of a possible future. But now that Setsuna's gone and warned them all about this thing she's off with her besties to go hunt down this Messiah and forget getting help from these other girls. The moment she's out of the door, she just straight up vanishes, proving that not only is she a goddamn ninja, she's also a complete and utter bitch.

Leave it to Usagi to actually make a very valid complaint, only to be shut down by the cats saying that she is being "too greedy" for wanting to know more about what in the hell is actually going on. "I'm sure she has her reasons" is a pretty bullshit excuse, especially when you're involving TIME TRAVEL again. Which you are because she is clearly 'from the future'. She's goddamn Sailor Pluto for crissakes! Does this count for nothing? Y'know, guardian of time and all that? Isn't she violating like a billion laws of time travel at the moment?

Also, Mina is just being an idiot and saying shit so stupid, even Makoto is like "please shut up."

Seriously, please shut up.

Oh but then Chibiusa shows up wondering where "Plu" is. Y'know, because she's Sailor f***ing Pluto. But oh wouldn't you know it you just missed her what a shame. Now go away before the plot tries to involve you somehow. Oh damn, you're going to force Usagi to go to the park with her aren't you? Son of a bitch. Everyone is all "Let's go to the national park!" and Mina is forced to reveal the purpose behind her sudden enthusiasm for nature and the outdoors.

Oh how very convenient. *sigh*

Remember when Minako used to be a character who got things done? When she was the no-nonsense get the job done kind of girl? The girl who traveled the world working with the United f***ing Nations to apprehend dangerous criminals and evil alien monsters??

I miss that Mina.

So since some famous dude is going to be there clearly Usagi and Mako and everyone else needs to jump on this bandwagon. Also, they show Chibiusa's underwear for a reason that I am just totally unable to comprehend. In fact, I think I'm feeling a bit queasy just trying to think about it.

You sick f***ers.

With everybody on board, they're all ready to forget about this shit, but Ami is the only one still on topic here, and asks what they're gonna do about this Messiah thing. Well hey, they could be there right? Oh sure, says Ami, and why the hell would they be there?

This gives Usagi pause, and causes a bunch of scrolling inner monologues for Usagi to go across the screen, ranging from "wow she's smart" to "I hate this bitch."

Seriously, when you start insulting your friends that's... that pretty much destroys my opinion of you.

Usagi, you are being a terrible friend right now.

She decides to settle on "well I have a hunch that the plot will follow us wherever we go so it might as well be the park!" Which is enough for Ami to agree, and besides it's not like they can do anything at this point, right?

Hell she's not even trying to pull the "we can study too!" thing she is straight up "Let's go have fun".

So out at said Park, Mimet shows up all ninja like with her outfit that would stand out in the middle of a packed concert hall, and monologues that they're filming some western-themed film, which explains the six shooter from earlier. She spies her handsome target, and is all "well, before I kill him and rip out his heart, I should give him some cake right?"

HOLY F**K. DID SHE REALLY JUST SAY THAT?!?!

Holy. Shit.

We are dealing with a straight-up psychotic bitch, who gets clubbed to the ground three seconds later by a trio of wenches who ask what the hell she thinks she's trying to get away with, approaching their... uh, dude or something? Can't you see he's too busy? Oh but we're supposed to feel bad because the women are treating her meanly and supposedly bro hates sweet things anyways so she should scurry home and cry.

Even after they straight up stomp on the cakes, while yes they are being bitches and there is no way I would ever see someone like that being employed in a place like this (seriously how do they get off like that?), I can't find it in me to be angry that this woman who was just casually talking about murdering the dude somehow becoming justified in her actions, because she was planning on killing him anyways!

Oh but forget those girls because the dude they just told her to stay away from shows up and is all "oh man those were my fans huh? Wow, I'm sorry they were such bitches" and the sparkles and saxaphones come out and oh good god here we go again.

What a shame that they stomped on that thing he supposedly hates but decides to eat some of anyways.

Okay dude seriously that's just f***ing disgusting what in the hell is wrong with you.

And instead of throwing this mystery woman off the set, he walks off and the chick he's with is all "hey, stick around for a bit!"

WHO DOES THIS?!?!

Psycho. Bitch. Woman.

Mimet is convinced that he has fallen for her at first glance, but oh he is going to die because she's going to murder him, but isn't it just deliciously tragic?

No. No it is not, you are simply psychotic. Cut to them filming the movie and we learn that other girl was his co-star. Okay. Boring generic Western scene where "no don't go you'll get into a fight and leave me alone" "I will never leave you alone" bit takes place. Hell, even Usagi and crew are watching this shit for whatever reason, while Mimet is tearing up because his movie will never be finished because she has to straight up kill a dude.

Then Chibiusa's hat flies off and she goes chasing after it while everyone is stupidly watching them continue to shoot this movie, despite people making way too much noise to be on set.

... I don't get this man, I really don't. Why are these people allowed to watch the filming of a major motion picture without any kind of security?? You don't just let random people wander into a filming area like that!

But oh wouldn't you know it, the hat flies over to a very specific girl, who reaches out to grab it.

Wait a second don't you have to devour hearts or something?

Wondering what this girl is doing outside, she returns the hat to Chibiusa, and is very out of breath or... no, she's having a seizure.

A straight up seizure. Girl has epilepsy. Holy hell man. HOW DARK ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE THIS SHOW?! After it passes Chibiusa is all "PLAY WITH ME!" and the girl is all "My name is Hotaru and you will probably be seeing me for the next ten episodes before I vanish into the same hell that all major villains fall into".

They shakes hands and happy sparkle bubbles go all over the place and now they are friends. Back to that filming thing though where they take a break and Mimet considers getting dude's autograph before murdering him. But when she sees him making out with the co-star who is somewhat embarrassed to be doing this in such an open place, her dreams of romance are shattered, even though... you were kinda gonna kill him anyways so what's that matter?

You just met five minutes ago! He doesn't even know your name!

Oh holy mother of god is this chick unstable as hell. I've seen Jenga towers with more structural stability than her mind. She gets all pissy, strips, and unleashes her monster.

F**k me running sideways with a wooden spoon that is racist.

Wow. Just. Just. Just wow.

I got nothing. That... that is perhaps the most racist thing I've seen in awhile. Wow. That's... that's not even racially insensitive, that's just straight up blatantly racist. I get that they're running with a theme but... oh good god. There is a cactus on her sombrero.

Holy f***balls.

There's a commercial break but I am having nightmares tonight. Because oh holy shit. Her name is Western. Who is now ordered to rip out his hea- oh what.

.... I'm hallucinating right?

I think I've died and gone to hell now. At some point the episode sucked me into an eldritch portal which deposited me into hell or something. That's the only explanation I have for this madness. I should be hospitalized. Because the shit I am seeing cannot be real. IT CANNOT. BE. REAL.

She is riding a pogo stick horse.

Times like this make me wish that I could show you my reactions to this. That you could feel the weight of minutes silently passing as I stare at this image, trying to decide what in the actual f**k is going on. I... I am not okay. Not in the least. This is making me feel very not okay.

This episode has devolved into legit insanity. Her gun shoots... blue paint or... something? And makes people fall off of... things? Or... something? She rides... bounces... chases them onto the set. And Mimet turns to those girls who stomped on her cake and is all HAH DO YOU REMEMBER ME YOU BITCHES?

Mimet scares me.

So, instead of doing her job she has her... bodyguard... continue to shoot them full of paint I guess, while Chibiusa and Hotaru watch on, presumably in the same state of shock-induced horror that I am currently experiencing, as people run around and scream for their lives.

Yeah, that seems like the right response.

But the little girl is hit with a dilemma. She can't transform! Even though it would be pointless since she can't effectively fight anyways and there are those other girls who are supposed to be around anyways, right? Why is this even a- oh the other girls are having a picnic. Great. Okay then.

To their credit I'm not sure anybody was going to die anyway.

Oh but then the Daimon... bounds past them shooting paint at those girls and our heroes decide to... something something my brain shut off five minutes ago.

I guess that happens offscreen because Mimet steals the director's crane and begins directing her monster to go and rip out a dude's heart. How she will accomplish this task with a paint gun is anyone's guess, but damn if she won't try. Oh wait, the Sailor Scouts have to show up with tumbleweeds and a giant setting sun in the background.

Hell. They get into the fight and Sailor Moon straight up busts out the wand magics with no change in music, so you know it's gonna have zero effect. But they force you to watch the entire thing anyways to eat up time. Western shoots down the hearts, Mimet laughs, and throws... a horseshoe.... at the costar?

Clearly that should have killed her instantly.

Then Western hops off her pogo-horse, and... does what is perhaps one of the most disturbing things imaginable.

What is even.

Once more, the girls manage to mimic a few of my own responses to this.

Except maybe Usagi. What's up with that?

Welp, mission done they should go ho- oh those other two scouts showed up and made Western almost throw up her food. But she swallowed it back down again.

Hurk. I think I vomited a little myself. But then Western gets ordered to grab those pesky kids watching, but only snags Chibiusa for Plot-related reasons, and they use her as a shield. Hotaru watches and is all "uhh", but then a new attack comes out freeing her, called "Dead Scream".

Of course, this is Pluto's but... holy f**k. That is some super dark underworld-themed shit right there. Your heroic attack is called "Dead Scream".

What was the audience demographic for this show again? Because I'm not sure I'd want my daughter watching this.

Pluto shows up, saves the day, is all "Sailor Moon do that transformy thing again" and so she raises the grail upon high yadda yadda new stock footage. At least they named it "Crysis Make Up".

.... Crisis? Really???? I mean I get it but... but...

I give up. Just roll the secondary attack footage and get it over with. Put me out of my misery too while you're at it.

Her new attack is basically exactly like the old one, only with a slightly different outfit. And a new... name I guess. Rainbow Moon Heartache?

Oh and just like the last attack the enemy goes out to a giant f***ing heart, but first a rainbow passes over the screen.

The real tragedy is someone was paid to do this.

By the way, I'm not sure why they felt the need to linger on Western's face for a full five seconds or more before the final blow was delivered. I guess they just needed to pad for time at the last moment and didn't know what else to do. So villain defeated, heart saved (sort of), they all turn to Mimet, who is all kinda like "oh well uh, yeah." And then runs off crying into the sunset that she'll get you next time, Gadget. NEXT TIIIIIIIIME!

But then Sailor Moon de-transforms, falls to her knees tired, and Hotaru shows up all concerned that someone else got hurt on her behalf. Boy that is a nasty little knee scrape isn't it? Boy she feels bad about that or something.

Oh don't worry she's just going to... magic that shit back to normal. Because... yeah.

... magic. It's a thing. That I guess she just... has.

... right. Okay then. We have our "Messiah". Who is so good, even Jesus turns his head to the side and goes "damn girl best I can do is multiply bread and fish."

Everyone is scared that you can instantly heal wounds.
GOD DAMN IT JAPAN!!

Hotaru is ashamed of her ability though, which is in my mind a distinctly Japanese thing. Because ONLY in Japanese media do you get the "oh she can instantly heal wounds SHE MUST BE THE DEVIL LET US GO AND KILL HER!" Man, not even in European folklore do you have shit like this happen and everyone leaps on the "SHE MUST BE SHUNNED" bandwagon. Hell, in a modern context this makes absolutely no sense at all. This girl a goddamned medical miracle WHO THE HELL WOULDN'T WANT TO GET TO KNOW HER BECAUSE OF THIS?!?!

No, what's creepy is your desire to eat pure hearts and
your Gothic fashion sense.

Chibiusa is all "wow that's awesome!" and Hotaru is all "wait what?" and they smile, and then Hotaru has another seizure suddenly, and they fade to black. A heart is returned, questions are still raised about why they're still after hearts but oh Sailor Moon can look after the Grail, and then some bitches peace out. Like bitches.

How about you look to your right? She's kinda RIGHT THERE.

But of course Uranus and Neptune are all "Nope can't work together gotta keep stringing this shit along for as long as possible", and it occurs to me that those other four scouts? They're kinda totally useless at this point. Hell even Chibiusa has gotten more screentime than them, and that's just kind of pathetic.

Finally they decide to try finding out where Chibiusa went, and then it is night time and pinkie-pie takes her new best friend home to meet her fat-

F**k. My. Life.

"Hey dad. This is Chibiusa. She watched me have some seizures so I guess that makes us friends."

NO. NO NO NO. JUST NO. NO. NOPE. NUH-UH. NOPE.

Introductions made, Chibiusa runs off, everyone's happy that a girl made a new friend, and I just wanna murder someone. But Chibiusa is all "man I wanna see my dad", and then Hotaru gets locked in her room for the night, while daddy heads into the basement to slip his evil labcoat back on, and prepares to get his mad science on.

They're not even trying to be subtle, which is a refreshing change of pace, they are just straight up revealing that shit, leaving absolutely no question about the truth of the matter.

So, here are my takeaways from this.

Hotaru's dad is possessed by the devil. As evidenced by the Seal of Solomon on his right eye. Dude probably dabbled in magic or something. Which is why Daimons etc etc magic so on and so forth and the "Witches 5". They're just blatantly using magic.

And yet, for all of their supposed power, they seem to be pretty f***ing terrible at using it. At all. Like, why can you not just MAGIC the information you need? Why the need for all the technology? And how in the hell have you not just somehow found a solution to all of your problems????

On the one hand, I want to applaud them for going balls-deep into all of this insanity, and just embracing it. The dark themes and stuff, that works. But holy f**k did it just come out of nowhere. What's even more jarring is the fact that they're still doing the exact same silly shit they were doing too, but with a giant-sized serving of WTF thrown into the mix.

If it were possible for this show to maintain a consistent theme and stick with it, instead of just throwing everything out there? If it could focus itself for a few moments and tell a coherent narrative? Well.... maybe it could be Sailor Moon Crystal.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to curl into a ball and rock myself to sleep. Because I am not okay with this episode. Not at all.

Not. At. All.