Sailor Moon S Episode 24 - A House Full of Evil Presence! The Secret of the Beautiful Girl, Hotaru

I woke up this morning and suddenly there was two inches of snow on the ground.

Why do I mention this? Because it's my blog and snow makes me happy, that's why. I like snow, okay? Friggin' love it. It brings me comfort and puts me into my happy place. Sailor Moon S, however, is likely to take me out of it, so let me enjoy what few precious moments of comfort remain.

Unless the show suddenly gets better. I'd be cool with that. Though, given our main villain is now basically Aleister Crowley, one has to wonder what the chances of that happening are.

... yeah I'm not holding out much hope.

So today's episode is all about this Hotaru girl and how cute and awesome Chibiusa's new totally not evil pal is. Roll opener!

Suddenly I can't help but wonder if anybody has tried putting Moonlight Romance to Sailor Moon Crystal. Hmm... Youtube shall answer this for me later. I have a show to watch! Where future mom and pink are sharing a bath together and totally not talking about Hotaru. They're definitely not attempting to drown each other either.

Okay they kind of are trying to drown one another. That didn't take long. We get our title slide and holy shit that is the longest title we've had to date. Like, holy hell look at how long that is. Just look at it. That's not how you title an episode! Why do you guys keep doing this???

The show starts up again with a shot of the moon, and Mamoru looking at it while visiting teh local Sea World late at night or something. Turns out he's come here to meet some ladies that aren't his girlfriend, or her immediate entourage.

Oh hey it's those girls.

Maybe this time Setsuna will let us know why she decided to stop guarding the door to time. They call him by his real name, say they've been waiting for him, and decide to... transform suddenly?

Dudes, we already know that you're Sailor warriors, I'm pretty sure you're not fooling "Endymion" either. Oh, you feel the need to transform anyways? Okay then. Fine. Did you get that out of your system? Why can't you be more like Tuxedo Mask who just wills his clothes into existence the moment a leaf blows by to obscure our vision for half a second? That's way more classy.

They feel the need to re-introduce themselves, even though he has already MET Pluto before! Last season even! Y'know, guarding the door to time and all that? We don't need a reminder of who you are!

I would point out that you appear to have mis-counted.
Or that Jupiter is outside of the Asteroid Belt.

Of course Tuxedo Mask just has to know what they're on about with this "outer warriors" thing, so they explain.

By who? For what purpose? Also haven't you been around since
freaking forever? Where were you when the Moon Kingdom
fell and Queen Serenity was all "oh no" and EVERYBODY DIED?

Pluto explains that, since time immemorial, their sole duty as Sailor Warriors was to guard the solar system from enemies outside of the solar system.

... so you're telling me that you just let Metalia enter the solar system, take over the Earth, and destroy your Kingdom single-handedly.

Or that you just casually allowed f***ing aliens from outer space to come and wreck your shit.

You know, I'm willing to let slide the whole "planet Nemesis" thing since, strictly speaking that was not an outer-solar system existential threat. It came from within, but why is it that Pluto lent a hand for THAT, but did f**k-all when the ACTUAL Moon Kingdom was ACTUALLY threatened by a LEGITIMATE extra-solar entity?

Sorry, what was that? You're just going to ignore the fact that this entire f***ing series is entirely your fault? You're just going to talk about how the aliens already landed when you woke up in 'this time'? Okay, fine. I'll give you the Ali and En thing. You were sleeping or whatever. Except perhaps the f***ing guardian of TIME. You have no excuse!

Even just saying something like "yeah when Metalia attacked we done got f***ed up bad with the rest of you" would be enough to shut me up. But are you going to say that? Nope. You'll just quietly ignore your single greatest f**k-up in the history of creation.

I call bullshit on being the 'most powerful scouts' when clearly Sailor Moon was able to do that which YOU WERE NOT.

But what about Metalia?!?!

Oh yeah and the new enemies are called "Death Busters" because it sounds super-edgy when you say it with a Japanese accent.

Tuxedo Mask asks a pretty good question though. Why not team up with the other Sailor Warriors? Oh, because you're too awesome they'd only get in your way? Right, I seem to recall they managed to save your f***ing lives. But I'm sure that counts for nothing.

Ah, I see what's going on here. See, it's not that you actually think the other scouts would be unable to help you, despite, as mentioned before, them having saved your f***ing lives. Nope, it's because it's your 'duty' to stop these "Death Busters" so instead of doing the smart thing and teaming up against opponents who have already managed to get a leg up on you more than once, you're sticking to your guns.

Why don't you just come out and say that you're ashamed about the whole Metalia thing? Because seriously that would make a lot more sense, even if it is flaws reasoning.

Fade out to Mako talking to Ami and Mina about how Chibiusa ran over to all of their houses gushing about how she made a 'friend' that didn't attempt to molest her the first time they met. Or show her their pee-pee. I imagine that probably had a huge positive impact on her, but so much that she runs over to all of their houses to say "I MADE A FRIEND YAY"? I guess they've realized they're already two-thirds of the way through the series and need to just rush to the end instead of trying to drag things out.

But Chibiusa didn't just go over to tell them about being invited to her new pal's place, no, she wanted some kind of advice, what with never having had a friend before. You know, stuff like "what should I wear" and "should I bring a gift" or "can I take some of Mako's cookies"?

... I would totally eat Makoto's cookies.

Even Rei was visited by Chibiusa, to ask about how to 'greet' her friend. Then there was some argument with Usagi and... a bizarre thing about some guy named "Michael".

... what??? Who the f**k is Michael?

Okay, so, when writing these things, I usually do not stop to Google on the internets for answers to these things. Generally I can extrapolate the answers, or come up with something but my god, in this case I just had to because it made no f***ing sense whatsoever. The answer, I found, was actually kind of shocking, and sort of... well, sort of surreal I suppose.

According to Wikimoon's episode trivia, the reference is, in fact, to one Michael Jackson. You might remember him? Liked to moon walk, wore a shiny glove, occasionally saved children from space kidnappers and took them to his Neverland Ranch? Yeah, that one. Which only serves to make this little exchange even more bizarre when you think about it. I mean who would expect the big MJ would suddenly be in Tokyo, much less some nowhere shrine?

I guess in the English dub they change the line to "Hey look it's Chad", which makes a lot more sense, since Chad in the English dub is actually Yuiichirou, who has been gone since forever - and that would be a way more believable story, in this case.

So yeah. Talk about bizarre.

Moving right along, Usagi tags along with Chibiusa, they talk about some famous person book that was out, Chibiusa was finally able to get said book despite it being sold out, Usagi wants said book because her personality dictates she must want these things, and they talk about what kind of person this Hotaru is. Usagi is curious so of course she's going to keep tagging along.

After all, she should introduce herself as the little girl's 'guardian' right?

How about the part that gives birth to you later?

This is one of those weird situations where the typical response is "You're not my mom!" except that, by some weird technicality, she will in fact be her mother one day.

Man this makes my head hurt. Let's look at some creepy ass dolls huh? And remind this Messiah that the time of awakening is coming up and blah blah super evil stuff.

Usagi and Gum-gum arrive, and without even ringing the bell, the door opens and oh f**k.

Well. Look who's still not dead.

Usagi flips the hell out because THIS IS KAORINITE. WHO HAS TRIED TO KILL THEM ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS. Oh but it's fine because her voice is different and she totally doesn't seem hellbent on ripping out anyone's hearts or anything.

*insert Psycho knife track here*

Dude introduces himself as Hotaru's father, and the woman is his 'assistant'. Kaori.

Kaori.

Damn they just aren't even trying to be subtle, and that is reason enough for Usagi to continue freaking the hell out. Though what's utterly bizarre here is how Chibiusa doesn't seem to remember that this is the same woman that has attempted to murder her on at least two occasions. You would THINK that might set off some alarms even in Chibiusa's head, but no, it's up to USAGI to be the only person who notices the BLATANTLY OBVIOUS SUPER BAD VIBES.

I guess because it's more convenient for the plot this way.

So daddy heads down into his SECRET EVIL LAIR humming to himself, to don his little coat and start laughing again. Let's watch someone read manga at work instead of answering their phone.

If you ask me I'd say basically everyone in this show is pretty sad.

Eventually Mimet answers and the Professor is all "so uh, you got some targets?" and she's all "Uh, suuuuure," just picking up the photo of the book's author that she just happens to be reading because hey who needs to do research like that last chick?

Also, he seems to feel the need to make EVIL COFFEE over a bunsen burner, in a lab flask, instead of doing the normal person thing and, I dunno, using a goddamned coffee maker.

Then something gets possessed, and is named Uhenshu. What, are you... are you possessing the coffee or something...? Who would do that?

Commercial break!

We pick up again at some big singing event with lots of people and Hidden Mimet getting dude's signature and saying she'll never forget it, and then we see Usagi and Chibiusa sitting around staring at a grandfather clock while realizing it is taking an awful long time for the coffee to get coffee'd.

Oh yeah and where's Hotaru anyways? Stumbling around the house, but eventually she shows up and is all "hay gaiz liek ermagherd", and Usagi is amazed that her future daughter would make friends with a girl for some reason.

I do not approve of these expressions. Not one bit.

Usagi gets introduced as the nosy cousin figure who thought Chibiusa was sneaking off to see some boy. Then after being called out on her shit, Usagi flips out, and Hotaru is left realizing that everyone she knows is kind of crazy.

That is the look of a girl who has seen some shit.
Some serious. Shit.

Also, Usagi insinuates that her future daughter who is, by my reckoning, maybe nine years old, is chasing boys around like some hussie. That's just... kind of disturbing.

Then Hotaru laughs which breaks up the argument, welcomes them to her home, and invites the girls up to  her place. Oh and hi there Kaori, when did you show up with coffee? For some reason this pisses Hotaru off or something. I guess it probably has nothing to do with the fact that Kaori is supposed to be dead? I dunno.

The other two girls are understandably confused by this exchange. I'm guessing she doesn't like that Kaori might be replacing her nonexistent mother or something.

"Did we come at a bad time or...?"

Heading up to her room, Hotaru explains that her mom is SUPER DEAD. And her dad is some scientist and Kaori is around all the time to help. But hey, check out her totally awesome room.

IT IS DARK AND BLACK, MUCH LIKE HER SOUUUUL.

Apparently Hotaru is super goth or something, because EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND DEPRESSING with her. Also, she falls to the ground because epilepsy. Or just a dizzy spell I mean it's hard to tell with this girl. She just kind of falls all over the place like some generically sick person suffering from Japanese Wasting Disease.

This gives Hotaru the opportunity to just see Usagi's little broach just lying around, and allows her to comment on it. She picks it up and it sort of glows it and THE DEMON COMES OUT A LITTLE BIT.

REAL ULTIMATE POWER!

But then Chibiusa breaks her out of the trance and she's all "uh sorry did the Demonic voice come out again I don't remember, sometimes it just slips out."

So they decide to make their newfound friend feel better, it's time to bust out the gifts and totally ignore that demonic voice from within. Oh but when they present the gifts they find out that author of the super popular book series was doing an autographing session? Wow how did they miss that before, guess they better split.

Hotaru gives a creepy little smile that just.... it's just plain unsettling and happens for no reason.

Hotaru, you are legit creeping me out now.

So author dude leaves the bookstore, and prepares to get into his convertible when Hidden Mimet shows up to thank him for the autograph, and kindly asks for him to die. Then she strips and releases the monster of the day. What is it?

What. The. F**k. Am I looking at even?

The monster immediately begins nipping at his face, and this is around the time Usgai and those other two girls show up to witness a sexual assault. On a dude, oddly enough. Usagi asks for Chibiusa to deal with Hotaru so she can do a transformy thing, and she comes up with the best excuse ever: "Autograph session's over let's hit the arcade! Now!"

Brilliant. She will suspect nothing.

Transformation time. Because no matter what Sailor Moon is contractually obligated to have her transformation sequence appear, even if three others did the same thing earlier in the episode for absolutely no reason other  than filling up time.

The monster noms a heart crystal, Sailor Moon announces she is on the scene, will punish etc etc, time to fight.

What the hell is even.

So she attacks with.... paper? And turns her fingers into scissors and prepares to cut up a Sailor Moon but then Pluto shows up and acts all cool and shit.

Don't ask me why, I don't know why I like this. It makes me giggle.

Uranus and Neptune are also here to save her, and Mimet calls bullshit on all of this. They tell Sailor Moon to run but she doesn't wanna because she refuses to accept that she's in the way, even though she kinda always winds up ending these fights? But the monster manages to weather all of their attacks, only to be stopped by a Venus love chain at the last moment.

She is of course joined by the other scouts. Oh and TUXEDO MASK. WHO SHOWS UP LITERALLY OUT OF F***ING NOWHERE. I guess he just wanted his paycheck.

"Hush, I'm getting paid fifty bucks for this cameo."

He announces that yes while they're 'individually weak' they combine their powers or something and then Sailor Moon wins the day somehow. Nobody knows how it works, just that this is how the formula of the show always seems to go.

So Mimet orders the monster to get rid of them, she's all "but I'm out of weapons", and then Sailor Moon Grails her to death. After a brief transformation sequence because they just want to eat up as much time as humanly possible to save on animating other shit.

I have no idea what's going on here.

Mimet sees the attack coming, says "I'm out", and runs off so that the monster can just casually get blown to hell by a giant heart, and returns to her true form....

... a page of Manga.

Okay now you're just f***ing with me.

Heart is returned to some dude, thanks are had, girls are chastised for ditching study groups, and... Pluto gives Tuxedo Mask a strange, longing gaze.

Is there something going on here I should know about...?

Now we're back where we began, in the bathtub where Usagi and Chibiusa talk about how they went to the arcade and her family life is complicated but man isn't Hotaru just amazing and awesome and totally not possessed by the spawn of Satan?

..... I have only one take away from this episode.

Is there a thing between Pluto and Tuxedo Mask because it's kind of starting to look that way.