Dog Days' Episode 02 - Pastillage Joins The Battle!

Why god did I ever pick this show back up again?

Oh, right. Because I was desperate and I panicked.

Now, this marks my third entry for the week. My goal is to get all caught up so everything gets posted at roughly the same time.

I'm not claiming that I'll be able to keep up this pace, but it's my hope that maybe this time I'll actually manage to get caught up so releases come out at roughly the same time.

I really need a better hobby.

Right, so I'm not going to bother covering the recap. It's the second episode of the second season, we know exactly what the hell is going on. Roll that intro which is a million times better than this show deserves.

Seriously, I wish the show was half as awesome as this goddamn opening.

We return to the war already in progress, where our hero is already worried about his image.

First of all I am pretty sure this is a lie, since you were clearly
not here for 100 days. You were here for like two weeks.

Of course, Leo is wondering if her new champion will be able to hold up.

Wait. I thought you were his COUSIN?!

I could swear that she was his cousin last season. Wasn't it his cousin that beat him out all those times? Did that somehow change? And if so, does this not, in fact, make it all the more horrifying that she is, in fact, a member of his impromptu harem?

Japan. Look. We need to have a talk. I know that you have a thing with, shall we call them intimate relationships? But this shit? This right here, this has to stop. It's not healthy in more ways than one. Cousins is one thing, but direct blood-related siblings? That's just disgusting. I know you guys fantasize about this stuff but uh, maybe you should seriously consider seeking counseling?

Also, WHY IS SHE NOW HIS SISTER?

I resorted to looking this shit up on wiki, and it confirms that she is, in fact, his cousin.

SO WHY. IS SHE SAYING SHE IS HIS SISTER.

I hope this is just a translation error. But sometimes, I just cannot tell.

So it's time for her to look suave and cool and shock people and make them tiny animal balls. Oh hey Cinque. Nice of you to join us. NOW LET US FIGHT.

In fact, everyone just stops doing what they do to watch the fight, including the medics because f**k healing people.

Of course, not everyone is cool with the heroes stealing the show because supposedly they have like, main supporting character roles to fill or something?

I mean we've been paid to show up and all that we may as well
try to earn our pay or something right?

Blah blah Leo we're gonna take on you and your stupid bird, but let's cut from the action to some medical tent where girls in towels show up and get their fanservice on because we're only four minutes in but already we have quotas with which need to be met.

She says to the audience, and not the general.

Then Gaul shows up, says bro gave a good fight we never really saw, and how awesome it is that they have someone of Cinque's level competing.

Then Leo does some cool stuff but her shield breaks but she throws those two rubes and then makes with a giant explosion.

Y'know, if the entire show was nothing but this, then it might be kind of entertaining, but I get the feeling they are going to continue changing genres. Also, prepare for clothes explosion because weapons and armor have now suffered critical damage.

WAR IS FUN.

So they talk about how awesome it is to hang out here, and how great it is to be a hero, and also how awesome it is that they can beat the living shit out of one another because MAGIC IS AWESOME, WHO CARES IF WE ACCIDENTALLY DESTROY A SMALL NATION IN THE PROCESS, NOBODY ACTUALLY CARES.

I'd make a reference about how this is basically Exalted,
but I don't think most folks would get that reference.

So the entire battlefield explodes, and Becky goes "HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE SHOOTING LASERS AT ONE ANOTHER WHAT THE HELL!"

More proof that the princess is, in fact, detached from humanity.

But yeah so Cinque is pretty tired but his sister-cousin is all 'welp I haven't had enough' and then the artillery comes in to stop her from using it, and winds up shredding both of their clothes because they are terrible shots.

You seem WAY too happy about this. WAY TOO HAPPY.

Further proof below.

That's it, where is my hatchet.

At least Cinque has the decency to be MODERATELY DISTRESSED BY THIS.

Then come the squirrels, riding in on birds.

Pictured above: Shit I could not make up if I tried.

She orders her people and birds to fly faster, and then we cut to a lunch break because what's a war without properly scheduled lunches? Hardly a war at all!

Anyways Becky is chewing out her pal because he was a dick and didn't explain a damn thing and he's all snickering and going 'man I said I was *snrk* sorry!'

Yeah, totes believable man. Leo is all having lunch with them too and they all talk about how they should make plans to basically tour all the land and stuff and try different foods and all that because hey I mean summoning heroes is basically no big deal it's just one big field trip right? It's something you do for fun, because this whole world exists SPECIFICALLY FOR YOUR PLEASURE AND NO OTHER REASON AT ALL.

Then both Cinque and sister-cousin are all "man Becky you should join the fight too!"

Don't mind me, I'm just going to hammer my skull into the nearest wall.

But then the birds arrive, and crazy squirrel girl is all "HEY. SO UH. SAW YOU GUYS. YOU WERE UH. HAVING A FIGHT? AND DON'T MIND ME FLYING IN CIRCLES AND SHIT BUT UH. WELL. I FIGURED WHY THE HELL NOT. I'M JUST GONNA DO A THING HERE TOO. HOPE YOU DON'T MIND BUT IF YOU DO MIND I REALLY DON'T CARE AT ALL."

At least she's honest about her intentions.

Then Becky shouts, and we head into a commercial break, upon which when we return the armies are back lining up and nobody cares that Becky has maybe been kidnapped. I'm a little confused here. Because Leo and Millie are sitting and stuff, and the war is just about to commence again but then squirrel-girl jacks the airwaves and is like "YO, I AM OFFICIALLY CRASHING THIS HERE PARTY, F**K THE RULES."

But then we realize, this is all just another part of the performance.

Look at those eyes. Those dead, lifeless eyes. I think there's
more life left in Queen Elizabeth than this one.

Doesn't take long for her to get to the point, of course.

Yep. There goes my lunch. Oh god.

So now is the time to publicly discuss the changes to the rules and such about a third party because WAR IS ALL ABOUT FOLLOWING RULES AND STUFF.

I think the worst part is that everyone here is complicit in
all of this. Every last bit of it.

A thought is now occurring to me.

I think this world is basically the WWF. It follows that kind of logic. It's the only thing that makes sense at this point. The only thing.

Oh and then the squirrel princess calmly proclaims that she is going to seduce this newcomer from another world.

Wait you're going to WHAT?

I just want to point out that there is a lot going on here.

Also, if you want her back gotta fight through my army etc etc have fun.

Then the heroes are put on the spot. What are they going to do about this situation they totally didn't already discuss their answers to prior to being put on the spot?

Well, they decide, why the hell not, let's do this thing and work together or whatever. So now we're into a three-way war because... y'know. They can?

Oh. By the way. Forgot to mention something.

THE EAGLES HAVE GODDAMN RIFLES.

RIFLES THAT FIRE LASERS.

LASER FLINTLOCKS, TO BE PRECISE.

I'm going to go crawl under my covers, and I'm not moving
for like, an entire week.

Both captains decide maybe they should stop fighting and start being bros again and work together against the stupidly unfair advantage the squirrels have.

The innuendo is killing me. No really. My gut hurts now.

Then the birds get blown out of the sky, and not a single person died from falling hundreds of feet to the ground.

Weren't three of you taken out of action? Isn't this, I dunno.
Cheating or something?

They charge right into more LASER FLINTLOCKS. But they're not very effective because magic or whatever, and the heroes are off to go rescue a girl I guess. But they're interrupted by a dude who promised not to les them pass, and attacks them from the back of a bird.

It's a goddamned Swellow, you can't fool me!

Time for more magical laser bullshit, and stuff explodes and he just atttacks them several times but Cinque is all 'nah I got this shit', and teaches his relative how to do a thing? So then she does a thing, and uh, stuff happens.

She gets goddamn ice skates.

Nanami gets ice skates.

Cinque gets a goddamn flaming hoverboard.

And she gets ice skates.

BECAUSE ICE SKATES ARE CLEARLY COMPARABLE I GUESS.

Also, THEY ARE ONLY FUNCTIONAL ON WATER AND BOY WHAT A TWIST OF FATE YOU JUST HAPPEN TO BE FIGHTING OVER A BODY OF WATER. WOW REALLY DODGED THAT BULLET DIDN'T YOU.

Together they take out bird dude, and he's like "okay sure you broke my armor but there's other stuff going on lol" and then some other people show up again because y'know they exist I guess.

Just reminding you that LEGENDARY HERO LADY is still
around and doing things sometimes.

Turns out this is basically just as planned.

That's a really polite way of saying "man my troops SUCK."

WELP BECKY, TIME FOR YOU TO PUT ON A RING OR SOMETHING.

There are an uncomfortable number of Psycho Eyes this ep.

Doesn't matter that Becky can't fight, she wants to be like her pals and that's all that matters so who cares if you're incapable of fighting and a klutz, we make up for quality with quantity!

Why have one ring when you can get two?

They're weapons for 'mage-types'. Also, she says that she has no idea what she's doing but she kinda wants to do some stuff anyways because what's the point of ruling if you can't be a tyrannical dictator?

I warned you Becky. I warned you. It's too late now.

TAKE MY SWORD DAMN IT AND LET US MAGIC TOGETHER. FOR UH. I DUNNO. BULLSHIT REASONS WE WILL FIGURE OUT LATER. TIME TO MAKE OUR DEBUT WITH BECKY.

Then the cameras go on her, and she fails to transform.

And then proceeds to have the most badass transformation sequence of the entire goddamn series.

Holy mother of christ what show am I even watching.

Also why does it look like she is having sex with her broom this is totally not okay.

What the f**k kind of bondage show did this just become.

Then she becomes a magical girl complete with witch's broom.

I am conflicted. I love their attention to detail, but god I wish
they weren't such blatant f***ing perverts.

And then Becky was the hero and everything was great the end roll credits.

For every time they do something great and amazing, this show manages to take two steps back.

God DAMN IT JAPAN. WHAT IS WITH YOU AND SEXUAL FETISHES INVOLVING LITTLE GIRLS. IT IS RUINING WHAT COULD OTHERWISE BE A PRETTY ENTERTAINING SHOW.

If you ignore the 'war is fun' thing. And the idea of a perpetual war economy dictating all matters of finance. And the fact that nobody ever dies or something?

Oh screw it my head hurts. I'm done with this show for the week. F**k it all.