Sailor Moon S Episode FINAL - Self-Awareness as a Soldier! Strength Lies in the Pure Heart

Oh good god. We've finally arrived at the end of this line, only to discover that we have a six-hour layover before getting on another train to reach the next station so we can catch our bus to get to the airport so we can leave the country and finally be halfway to our destination.

... that's my way of saying there's still a lot of goddamn Sailor Moon left to cover.

Here goes nothing folks, it's time to dive into the last episode of Sailor Moon S. Does the S stand for super? Sub-par? Salacious? Definitely not that last one.

As with any good episode of Sailor Moon, they begin the episode overview with a wonderful question.

Wouldn't you like to know.

Today's episode is all about pure hearts and friendship and little brats FINALLY GOING HOME.

ROLL INTRO. WE ARE DOING THIS GOD DAMN IT ALL. WE ARE PUTTING THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN FOR THIS PARTICULAR SEASON OF THIS STUPIDLY LONG ON-GOING SERIES.

SERIOUSLY WHY DID I EVER THINK THIS WAS A GREAT IDEA TO BEGIN WITH. CLEARLY I AM STUPID.

We begin today's episode with a happy couple looking at the moon, and totally ignoring the fact that their character animation has suddenly hit rock bottom.

Just look at Mamoru's f***ing massive chin! His massive,
incredibly, impossibly round chin.

Usage starts feeling cold, wants him to 'warm her up', and then he turns around and is like "uh, let's go inside and stuff."

She of course gets mad, and cue the title slide.

Also, why, WHY are the titles just getting stupid long at this point? Are they somehow getting longer because I am beginning to suspect this might actually be the case.

A dog barks in the middle of the night, and Chibiusa stares at the sky until a pink cloud explodes in her room, dropping a letter from her mother, saying she is super sad about her daughter having been gone, despite time travel clearly being an actual thing and therefore you could have had her come back at any point in time and yet you've waited until you actually missed your daughter to have her come back.

God she is just the worst f***ing parent in the universe.

Also, she took the time to make a sadface emoji. WTF.

So with thoughts of maybe finally going home and all that, and why wouldn't she want to, she decides to confide in Usagi, her not-yet-mom, as to the contents of the letter. She takes it kind of okay I guess?

Then immediately tells her friends, of which Minako has to ask: Does she still only write in Hiragana, even in the future?

"I was just saying what everyone else was thinking geez!"

But yeah, it looks like it is time for Chibiusa to finally go home. Even though thanks to TIME TRAVEL she could go back at any time. BECAUSE F***ING TIME TRAVEL.

Also, I'm going to once again point out how crummy the character art looks again because it is just ridiculously low-quality compared to the others.

You can tell they're still their respective characters, but...
man, what happened to your face, Artemis?

The girls decide they should probably throw a so-long party for the girl. To celebrate finally being unburdened of her presence. They also decide it's totally gonna happen over at Mamoru's place because let's face it, it's not like he ever does anything with it anyways.

Usagi runs it by the little brat, who takes it kind of hard because she hasn't really decided to go back yet. It seems like the other girls are trying to shove her out of their life, and she isn't necessarily wrong about that. On the other hand though, she really does need to get the hell back to her own time.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YES. PLEASE. YOUR
PRESENCE IS ENOUGH OF A THREAT TO THE TIME-
SPACE CONTINUUM AS IT IS.

She goes running off clearly upset, and Usagi wonders what she said to make her mad.

Eventually Chibiusa stops to have herself a little pout, comforted only by her cat ball.

Meanwhile, back in Usagi's room, they need to talk about how she is going to manage to get a present for her future-daughter.

Yes, I'm sure she will absolutely love having your hand-me-
downs. That's just what every space princess wants.

Even Luna thinks this is a little bit whack, but we switch scenes to Chibiusa squatting in front of Mamoru's door. She's all sad and stuff, so he makes her some tea and tells her to tell him everything.

95% of the time, yes.

She tells him all about how she wasn't expecting to leave and it seems like everyone wants her to leave, but he points out that y'know, she's kind of a kid and needs to grow up with her parents after they've become her parents, and not hundreds of years before?

And of course she asks, "won't you be sad that I'm gone?"

To which he replies of course, but then again, he's probably going to enjoy the hell out of the whole making her suddenly wink into existence part.

That was a clever euphemism for sex people. He is clearly not a good wizard, as evidenced by his nature as a literal one-trick pony at this point.

Late at night, Usagi is sewing in Chibiusa's room for some reason, and she tells the kid to go sleep and stuff, so she does and feels like crap while Usagi keeps stabbing herself with a needle. Also Chibiusa cries herself to sleep.

AND THEN RAIN! Lots of rain. Also that place that got destroyed. THe empty Daimon maker, tons of seeds... and one that isn't broken. Plus one that comes to life, and slowly makes its way to the Daimon Maker.

Then a party! Yeah. So long Chibiusa, farewell and good riddance, it was nice knowing you but even nicer seeing you leave.

This is perhaps some of the stupidest nonsense you've ever said.

Usagi does make the point though that given she can LITERALLY TRAVEL THROUGH TIME, she can literally come back any time she wants.

Also, Rei decides to bust out them idol chops again, and make with a song.

MEANWHILE. BACK AT CRATER CITY.

Open safe, you're the only one who understands me.

Red Daimon thing climbs into the chamber, which somehow has POWER, and transforms into... RANGY. Who may or may not be the coolest villain to grace this show so far, I really can't tell because THEY DON'T BOTHER TO SHOW HER.

They promise it should be kinda bitchin' though.
After they uh, finalize her design.

Her mission: To collect pure hearts, and lead you into a commercial break. DUN DUN DUUUN.

After that break, we come back to people giving her presents. Mako probably has the best: A lunch.

That is kind of a crappy present Mako, not gonna lie.

Of course, Ami's is probably a  little bit worse. She gives her... A FLOPPY.

Ami... you're supposed to be the SMART one... you KNOW
they use CRYSTALS in the f***ing future!

Supposedly it's a game, but since it's going to involve studying, it's an EDUCATIONAL GAME. That it contains 'everyone else' in it doesn't make it a great present.

Rei's is heartwarming, but again: Who the f**k is going to have a cassette player in the goddamn future?

Everyone sucks at giving gifts.

I hope you remember to squirrel one away or something so that when she shows up in the future she can actually LISTEN to it. Oh wait, YOU'LL BE THERE TOO AND COULD JUST SING FOR HER ANYWAYS.

The last song is totes for her though. Minako has the best one so far though: A photo album full of their memories. Not only is it practical, but it's something she can actually look at in the future.

Mamoru is a huge dork, and gives her a rosebud. Which makes me shake my head.

But Usagi surprises everyone, this author included, with her gift.

My god. It is a practical, USEFUL gift that she can actually
utilize even in the future.

Then Rei and Usagi get into another fight, yelling ensues, and Rei ends the argument by telling her to put some bandages on her damn fingers from pricking herself with needles all night.

Chibiusa is understandably confused by their friendship, and wishes she could have one just like that.

But now, Chibiusa decides she's gone far enough with everyone, since they're in the middle of a park or whatever, and the girls give her a final send off. Future mom and future kid share some tears, and they both go running off alone, with Mamoru holding the others back, saying they should be left alone right now.

So Chibiusa goes back to that pier she first dove in on, and calls out for the dead guardian of time who, thanks to time-related shenanigans, totally isn't dead at all, and asks very nicely if she can go home now.

The gateway opens, and Usagi shows up just in time to say, hey kid, uh, stop crying because it's making me cry and stuff, and even though I'm not your mom yet, I totally will be so uh, I don't know where I was going with this but I said I wouldn't cry but then you cried or I cried and now we're both crying and whoa wait hey stop floating up in the sky. Oh well, go off and stuff, and be good for me in the future kay thanks.

She flies off into the sky, vanishes into the pink poof cloud, and finally she's out of our hair.

Which is good because Luna is all "OH SHIT DEATH BUSTERS EGG GOTTA GO FAST."

It's on a regular rampage, stealing hearts at an alarming pace, putting them in... some giant... test tube?

Okay seriously where did you even get this thing anyway.

Tuxedo Mask is first on the scene, and we finally get a look at what Rengy's new form is.

It is... sadly underwhelming.

The other heroines show up, do their pose and speech thing, and declare that someone is about to get their ass royally kicked.

Most of this fight appears to be mostly stock footage though, since the baddie just sort of teleports around and stuff, and each scout gets their own attack. Turns out that Rengy has literally become the Daimon maker thing, which is kind of a cool concept, a thing prototyping itself. But the fight is still pretty boring really, endign with the girls kind of getting beaten or whatever.

Which is the perfect time for Chibiusa to be walking down a corridor about to go back to the future when we return to the fight, where Rengy actually turns out to be kind of cool. Electrocutes all the girls, picks up Sailor Moon and is all "GONNA NOM UR HEART".

Sailor Moon is all "damn wish I had that super grail thing", the other girls watch, and then Sailor Chibimoon just literally shows up out of thin air to beat the villain with tiny pink sugar hearts.

Leave it up to Tuxedo Mask to put a rose in Rengy's forehead, and make a speech to basically end the fight. Oh also you should believe in your friends or something, now go do your stock footage thing and give this thing a heart attack.

Heart attack happens, monster gets lovely'd, and the furnace literally explodes.

Everyone runs over to Sailor Moon, tells her what a great job she did, and then Tuxedo Mask talks about how maybe the grail is "the pure heart itself that cares about others".

I'm not sure where you were going with that or why that matters to anything going on... but okay.

The sun comes up, then they remember the brat is here back in the past, they tackle her and stuff, and then another goddamn letter shows up with the damn cat ball, saying "okay thanks for all that stuff you gave me, now do me a solid and totally don't mess with your 'big sister' too much ha ha also bring me more stuff next time."

Worst.

Mother.

In the universe.

And the streets of Tokyo ran rampant with flames as everyone
began rioting over this crime against humanity.

The. End.

So... that's it. A much better ending than the last one, and frankly, not a terrible ending in itself... but also not really all that great. It's nice that it just kind of ends, and doesn't make a mess all over itself going "HEY LOOK WE HAVE ANOTHER SEASON COMING OUT HA HA", and they tried to return to the monster-a-day formula, while also maintaining a sort of balance consistent with what an epilogue ought to be. In the end, everything returns to the status quo.

But what kind of mother do you have to be to send your daughter to the past to grow up with you long before you were a responsible adult? Seriously, that's... that's just cruel beyond belief.

Well, at least I don't have to think about Sailor Moon for a little bit. Maybe I'll take a break and sample some other terrible shows out there...?