Sailor Moon SuperS Episode 02 - Super Transformations Again! Pegasus' Power

I continue my quest down this maddening road of insanity, and take one step closer to providing something vaguely resembling catching up.

I think I was going to put something poignant here, but then it floated away. So instead, I'll just let you pretend like I said something important, and possibly relevant to your personal life. Go get that thing I sent you! You can do it, hang in there and etcetera you heroic person you!

Give it another five minutes and I'm sure I'll begin hallucinating.

Today's episode preview informs us quite so kindly that today's episode will be revolving around girls, hearts, and the only thing the Internet seems to love more than cats and dogs in recent months: Horses.

Boy howdy, things are getting awfully exciting already aren't they. Whatever nefarious deeds with that Tigers Eye fellow be getting up to this time, that cad.

Spoiler alert: It almost definitely will involve sticking his head in some poor girl's chest.

ROLL LISA FRANK INSPIRED OPENING!

Also, I am genuinely interested in seeing these four finally
show up, based purely on character design alone.

We begin this episode in the Carnival of Creeps! Oh man, I can actually start using stuff like that again because it's somewhat relevant. I haven't felt this giddy since the first season. Bwahahaha! It starts with some talking faces... talking. Waaaait a f***ing second here.

You used this exact same footage LAST EPISODE!

Man, we're only two episodes in, and already I find out some of the awesome stuff we saw last episode is going to stick with us because it was probably almost entirely all stock footage? Shit. Well, there goes my high enthusiasm. Let's see how many more notches this show can bring it down.

So. Much. Stock footage. A full minute of it, in fact. Hell, almost TWO minutes full of nothing but stock footage. Baba Yaga gives us the rundown again, almost verbatim from last episode, and we get our title card. Which means that three minutes in, we still have not seen anything worthy of note, which really cuts down on the amount of work those guys have to do in order to put a show like this together.

One title card later and we are treated to even more stock footage! Dear christ! They even made sure to make it so they didn't have to animate a single damn thing!

Hope you're ready to see THIS scene another twenty times.

Everything short of the goddamn lip flaps is almost absolutely identical.

Getting a serious case of deja vu here folks.

Anyways Fish Eye found some weird golden saddle because... uh.

I hope "he" is a horse.

Anyways Hawks Eye is all 'yo here's a gal' and Tigers Eye is like 'holla I like this one I'm on it' and Fish Eye just scoffs and is like 'men srsly wtf'.

So I guess Tigers Eye has a thing for chicks who ride big animals.

Meanwhile, the entire cast of heroines shows up to that park in the daytime to talk about how they can find no evidence of that strange winged Lisa Frank hallucination that was had last night, and to discuss how strange this seems to be.

Why do you keep believing anything a child who has tried
to kill you and has lied on SEVERAL OCCASIONS?

We immediately get launched into YET ANOTHER FLASHBACK FROM LAST EPISODE.

How the f**k many times am I going to have to watch the
same god damned sequence this season?!

YES. WE KNOW. IT WAS A DREAM. KEEP IT A SECRET. SO ON AND SO FORTH. Then a horse neighs and Chibiusa runs off and OH SORRY ITS JUST A REAL DAMN HORSE OUT OF NOWHERE. Or not because turns out they are, I dunno, right next to a horse arena.

Man how convenient was THAT.

So this girl rides a horse and fails to have it jump over a thing because I guess she is not very good at this equestrian business.

Usually they knock these things over when they jump.

The girl falls off and then we discover she's actually in a Tresumme commercial. Oh and that her name is Reika and people know her from somewhere?

Africa... Africa... why does that seem familiar?

Oh right, Motoki's girlfriend! Of course, how silly of me to completely forget about someone we haven't seen in an entire season and change.

So the girls rush over I guess, and we find out they're all sitting around chatting and we find out Reika has taken lessons in Horse Whispering, since she claims the animal was telling her that she was causing him trouble.

Talking animals, am I right?

She immediately gets all introspective about how when she worries she gets all depressed and shit. Well of COURSE you get depressed, it's because you're worried about something! That's kind of the whole point behind depression!

So what's she so bothered about? Oh nothing major except that she's been offered to go to a university somewhere in Europe.

MY GOD. First world problems much? Were you not just in f***ing Africa studying stuff? What the hell do YOU have to be depressed about, Motoki? Listen lady YOU ALREADY LEFT HIM BEHIND ONCE ALREADY. WHY YOU EVEN CAME BACK IS A GODDAMN MYSTERY EVEN HERCULE POIROT WOULD HAVE TROUBLE SOLVING.

Again, you already left once and didn't think twice about it.
What the hell is even your deal.

I am beginning to get the sneaking suspicion her entire role for this entire show is "girl who leaves Japan for some reason."

Because so far, that's the only thing noteworthy she's ever done.

Five bucks says she hasn't.

Turns out, I owe Mako five bucks because she has, in fact, told Motoki, and dude was all "holy shit that's awesome you better f***ing do that shit!" Oh and then he just kind of started avoiding her at every turn.

GEE. I WONDER WHY. IT ISN'T AS THOUGH YOU LEFT THE COUNTRY ONCE ALREADY TO PURSUE YOUR DREAM OF BEING AN ARCHAEOLOGIST. PRETTY SURE HE IS JUST DOING THE TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE THING OF GETTING OVER YOU NOW. AGAIN.

If it makes you feel better, I have even if he hasn't.

Leave it to the blondes to clear this entire thing up because they're blondes and... reasons?

Either that or they secretly want to hook Mina up with dude.

They meet him at the usual spot where his sister works, and Motoki is all 'look seriously this is not my problem, it's her problem, and I gotta get back to work.'

Then Artemis is like 'hey y'know I seriously think he has a point', the girls get angry for some dumb reason, and Luna just takes abuse for no reason other than someone thinks random animal abuse is absolutely hilarious.

Man, it's like they managed to take all of the great, wonderful things they did in the first episode, and completely wash it all down the toilet.

Ami is the voice of reason, but for how long?
I give her two episodes, tops.

Leave it to the random red-haired step-sister to come in and talk about how her brother is always such a stubborn idiot.

Also, it occurs to me that she looks an awful lot like someone else...

Someone that is, perhaps, a little bit Lyrical, and just
a tad bit Magical... naaaaah.

Her assessment is that her brother is being a dork, and he needs to stop being a dork. Also she wants to know if something is going on with Mamoru to get Usagi all worked up like this, and Rei fills us in on the score.

... ugh.

And the only reason Rei knows is because Usagi went and called everyone she knew about it.

... dude, you seriously saw her like, what, last f***ing night? He kind of helped save you from a monster? WHAT IS EVEN YOUR DEAL.

But now back to the important stuff: HORSES! And Chibiusa talking to a horse.

I think you meant dogs, not gods. Horses are just like big
friggin' puppy dogs. I know this from experience.

Of course, this makes for the absolute worst segue in all of cinematic history.

I am facepalming so goddamn hard right now I think I just
fractured six bones in my hand.

Reika explains that this is a creature FROM THE WORLD OF DREAMS. Because that's an actual thing that always existed. ALSO I BET YOU HAVE SOME REALLY AWESOME DREAMS. BOY LET US TALK ABOUT AWESOME DREAMS FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER. DREAMS THAT ARE BEAUTIFUL OR SOMETHING.

Now Usagi is on the phone with Minako talking about Motoki, and Chibiusa talks to Luna about how she wonders if things are really done between Reika and Motoki. Also we overhear that Usagi still hasn't heard from her man, probably because he is doing something important. Like superheroing.

Like you'd really know about that, you're like friggin' eight!
Or three hundred. I am still unclear on that.

But then Usagi gets a call from Mamoru! Who's been trying to call her for like forever now?

Kids these days will never know the struggle of
trying to get a chatty cathy on the phone.

Also he wants to know if she's gone over the whole new badguy thing because THAT IS KIND OF IMPORTANT AND STUFF.

I somehow doubt this.

The call ends, she hangs up and rolls around giggling while completely neglecting the fact that there is some dude out there trying to murder the hell out of girls because of their dreams.

YOU ARE WITH THEM. YOUR FUTURE MOM IS IN
THE NEXT ROOM!!

I SOMEHOW SERIOUSLY DOUBT THE ACCURACY
OF THIS CLEARLY OUTRAGEOUS CLAIM.

Then she dreams us right into a commercial break, and we move on with our lives.

A horse is running, and suddenly decides that instead of jumping, he's just going to casually run right into some bars.

Because, y'know. It's not like that would HURT OR ANYTHING.

Seriously, wouldn't the horse just... avoid a jump it doesn't
want to make? Or stop short of the bars? Not run INTO them?

But then... SOME OTHER DUDE APPEARS. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!

Oh and look he has a horse too.

He smiles and his teeth ting and then Chibiusa walks with Luna and sees Reika talking to some super effeminate dude. Those two are off talking about how she can't concentrate on practice, and he moves right in for the kill.

Things I hope are included in that list: You.

She gets all dokidoki and he's all "HAH JUST AS PLANNED" and Chibiusa watches them from a distance while Luna is like 'man this is just plain damn rude'.

Reika pours her heart out to him, and wonders aloud whether she should leave or not. Then he takes her hand, and proceeds to go full creeper on her, including the petting of said hand.

At least it's mostly the villains doing the creeping this time.

She breaks away, and he makes her trip on some grass with a snap of his finger and oh no it's a good thing Chibiusa is just so conveniently watching all of this. He says he doesn't want to hurt her, pulls out his whip and changes clothes, then does the thing and makes a mirror come out of Reika's chest, and laughs.

QUICK CHIBIUSA. TRANSFORM. IT MAY BE THE ONLY CHANCE YOU GET THIS ENTIRE SEASON.

Ugh, it is still as disturbing as it was last episode. I hope this is the last time I have to watch that.

Anyways she shows up, makes a scene, says some things, and sets the mood for the dispensing of justice.

Seriously dude what is with you and pumpkins anyway.

Time to summon a monster from his shadow. This one is called a 'beast tamer' named Kyokumadanko.

Holy crap is that a mouthful.

At least her outfit is pretty bitchin'.

I really appreciate that the monsters so far fit a specific theme, and make a bit more sense in context than they did in the past. Even if they are, in fact, just women in skimpy outfits, at least it's because they are part of an actual circus of some sort. So that makes freaking sense.

Then she proceeds to whip a little girl, and Tigers Eye takes a peek at Reika's dreams. He likes what he sees, but it's not what he wanted so he decides, once again, that he's gotta get rid of her, because one less safe haven for a dude to hide.

Sailor Moon shows up to save the day, however, which foils that plan I guess.

Oh and she has friends? I guess?

It's like everyone is slowly turning into a minor character in
their own show for some reason.

Turns out they were all waiting for her at the arcade, and got sick of waiting for her to show up and figured out where she'd probably gone to ditch them all.

This irritates Tigers Eye of course, because girls are talking but not about him, so he has his monster attack. Mars does a fire thing, because we could always use more stock footage, and the monster sends them all back while Tigers Eye laughs and wants to see more amusement.

So Chibi Moon gets kicked over with the rest of the group, and the monster proceeds to literally whip everyone into shape by forcing them to run in circles.

Which makes Chibi Moon cry for help like a little bitch, so of course the spirit of Lisa Frank is gonna show up and be all "I'M A F***ING HOOOOOOOORSE!" and then Sailor Moon gets super and shit and snags her nifty new rod sword and does a thing because we're running out of time.

Boy that is *never* gonna get old.

Then Tigers Eye makes a hasty retreat, and everyone watches as Lisa Frank flies back into the sky, vanishing in some sparkles. It's maaaaagical.

And of course instead of checking to see if Reika is okay, everyone immediately heads to the cafe to talk to Motoki about seeing Reika. Even Mamoru, for some strange reason.

Seriously bro, you just showed up out of NOWHERE.

Speaking of Mamoru, he tells his pal to tell them why he doesn't want to see her, and it's because he just doesn't want to force her decision or anything. If she wants to go, he wants her to go, and not stay because of him.

Spoken like a battered husband.

Then Reika pops out from behind the counter and is all "I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LOVE ME BOY THIS IS SUCH A RELIEF" and then he gets all flustered and mad and mostly flustered and tells her to get the hell out of Japan. BECAUSE OF DREAMS.

Then everything was happy, everyone approves, and they look longingly into one another's eyes because love.

No shit, it's called the thread of FATE for a reason!

More horse jumping! Planes flying in the sky! A couple superimposed over the sky with the plane! End of episode!

Good grief. I think there must have been five whole minutes of nothing but stock footage in this episode. That does NOT bode well for the rest of the series. It's like they picked up all the worst habits from the last season, and decided to run wild with it.

Please tell me this gets better. I really want to like this show. But it keeps finding all sorts of reasons for me to hate it.