Dog Days' Episode 04 - Biscotti Summer Camp!

I just love to punish myself.

It's no small secret around these parts just how much I hate this show.

Yet I still keep coming back for more.

It's had some beneficial effects, oddly enough. I've gotten a hell of a lot better at looking at works with a critical eye. Of course, it's also made me slightly more neurotic.

But hey, what's a few neuroses between friends? Right Carl? Yeah. I thought the same thing.

Oh goody. They give us the recap of whatever happened the entire show, and lead right into the intro. Typical for the show at least, but god Millhiore still f***ing terrifies me. Like, I swear to god, she watches me in my sleep. With those empty, soulless eyes.

Anyways, time for the show to start. There's fireworks and princesses having metings and everyone going off to different kingdoms. Creeper cousin goes off with Leo, and Becky goes on yet another, albeit much larger, magic carpet ride. And for some reason, Millhiore and Becky are loathe to part because 'they just became friends'.

'Friends'.

'Friends.'

'FRIENDS.'

Also, Cinque is off for training with some other girls.

Girls whose primary attribute is 'jiggle physics'.

So we cut to Leo and cousin talking about how they're off to train for more war because WAR IS SO MUCH FUN. Meanwhile, some other girls fly through the sky and talk about HOW AWESOME WAR IS. And also about how awesome it will be to turn Becky into an idol to compete with Millie because why the heck not?

Becky will be singing something by the end of this episode,
I am now suddenly sure of this.

Oh look, there's Esnart. The capital of... whatever squirrel-land is.

Whoopie.

Meanwhile over in lion-land, people are met with heroic parades and everyone is happy. Meanwhile out in a cabin, they talk about having lunch and decide, eh, noodles.

I'm starting to wonder if this show has any actual plot this
time around, or if they just went 'eh, f**k it.'

Oh boy Cinque is out with Yuki in the heat. Also the wind chime he gave them rattles and I guess they've never heard one. Now for boring fighting animations that are somehow more exciting than the actual fights from earlier. But a bell rings and they decide this match is a 'draw'. Also, comments on how strong Cinque has gotten. Elsewhere, Eclair is fighting that one girl whose name I forgot but really doesn't matter in the long run I bet.

Were you important to something because I forgot.

Oh right she's one of the three warriors from Galette. That's how forgettable she is. Why is she training with the others? Hell if I know.

Here ogle some girls some more and let's insinuate nakedness. And then immediately show girls taking off their clothes because that's how we roll.

Seriously, this is Strike Witches level of fanservice at this point. Complete with Noir talking about how she is totally gonna have bigger boobs than both of them some day JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE. Complete with boob fondlage.

Then Noir gets knocked into the sky, lands on Cinque, and things get awkward fast because oh look she's totes naked. Commercial break?

Oh look, now everyone are wearing swimsuits. Of course. But this is also 'training'.

Really they just wanted an excuse to expose as much skin as possible. Anyways Cinque asks Noir what the hell she's even doing here with them, and she explains that she's the only one of her team who still has vacation time so she decided to use it here.

... huh.

Is this your attempt to remind us of things that happened
last season? It took you FOUR F***ING EPISODES?

I guess it's fallen to her to create a crack specialist team to deal with things that fall outside the purview of the cuddly fluff happiness that permeates all of the land. Quick, jumpcut to something that happened last season. Also, girls using a watermelon as a beach ball.

*groan*

Stay right there hero I the sexy catgirl WILL GET YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK.

Also jealous other girl.

In other news, the melon is a beach ball. Weird.

This whole show's concept of 'personal space' is weird.

Blah blah Eclair is jealous. Noir calls her out on being jealous of not getting dem sweet sweet pettings. Then Eclair goes super saiyan, whips out her tool, and decides to show off her brand new technique because power of jealousy. Oh no but Noir does the same thing and becomes a nine-tailed cat. Wait, sorry. Seven-tailed. Then they start fighting because that's what girls do over guys right?

Then everything explodes because that's what happens when two people fight in this show, and both girls wind up unconscious. Time to rescue them from the water, talk about how similar they are, and why that makes them such great rivals. Also, drag their unconscious asses over to the changing hut. To talk about, y'know. Things.

Oh for f**k's sake.

I keep hitting my face against the desk, but it just won't stop
the pain.

Oh no but it turns out Gaul is pretty shy around girls.

God damn it Japan.

The bit continues for longer than it has any right to.

Seriously, is that what this whole show has devolved into?

So after promising not to touch him, he leaps down and talks about how they have to maintain a 'professional relationship'. Because they're prince and hero.

They then promise to become cool friends, fistbump, and everything is great.

But then Leo shows up, talks about how she's going to have all this free time coming up, and... 

... god damn it.

Did I mention they're doing this in front of those other cats?

Yeah. These ones. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

At least someone seems to think this is pretty f***ing disturbing.

Look at that smile on her face. You just know she's waiting
for her turn. Sick f***ing bitch.

I don't know how much more of this I am physically
capable of processing.

Now Becky goes to the squirrel library. Their magic research place. Which... has a f***ing broadcast system that people can just yell into, because SURE WHY NOT IT IS A LIBRARY.

She asks all the important questions.

THE ANSWER HAD BETTER BE YES OR YOU ARE
GETTING THE PINK SLIP.

Her plan: make Becky love this place so much she'll never want to leave. SO LOVE HER. YOUR LEADER COMMANDS THEE.

Oh hey, go ahead and say some things to these people.

Solid choice.

Crowd goes wild, everyone loves her under pain of death, back to the beach river whatever.

The cat girl is wearing cat pajamas. F**k it. I need me
some human pajamas. BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN.

Better go to bed early so you can train early in the morning. Oh but Noir wants to talk about who people love before turning in because that's totally what girls do am I right.

Shut up, go to bed. Rape some dude in his sleep.

It is not very implied.

Cinque wakes up in the middle of the night, finds out Eclair isn't sleeping, and wanders out to be able to breathe. Then Eclair talks about how Yuki has 'wandering hands' and that she was a victim of them growing up.

... what. The. F**k.

He asks to sit next to her and she says she doesn't care because they were sleeping next ot eatch other earlier blah blah man it is quiet for once. She talks about how everyone is glad he came back, how everyone use to flip shit when he sent a letter, and how she totally isn't crushing on him AT ALL.

In a decent enough move though, he does kind of thank her for remembering him and actually wanting him to come back, by virtue of never taking off that gift he gave her. Sure it's just a shitty wristband, but it means a lot or something.

Then he reaches out and pets her, and says how glad he is to see her again, and how much he looks forward to hanging out again.

And then it gets awkward. Super awkward.

He seems uncomfortable, but she insists on petting him and he can't say no so he lays down in her lap and she gets to work.

Then it is morning and presumably they are both late because they fell asleep mid-petting.

'Friendly cuddles.'

Then Eclair wakes up, realizes what's going on, and Cinque wakes up and everyone is embarrassed. So she pegs him in the nuts and starts screaming because that's so very tsun for you.

Yes. Tell them it's not what they think. That always works.

Cue flailing and Cinque's eyes spinning and fade to the house with the sword lady and all the dogs. So how was the training? Tell me all about it and show me some stuff.

Woo. Yay. Congrats. So excite.

Eclair gets pissy because Cinque's super special skill is so similar, he says he learned that shit from the sword lady, and everyone gets gold stars. Yay. Time to teach you to seal some monsters.

Then we get told the summer ended, the end. Come back next week. Please. We're begging you here, come back next week because we swear we won't waste your time. AT ALL. WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING. PLEASE COME BACK WE SWEAR IT WILL HAVE MORE NAKED GIRLS AND SEX JOKES JUST PLEASE COME BACK AGAIN.

Seriously f**k this show. It will never get better because the people in charge of making it decided that ADD isn't really that big of a problem and who needs medication for that shit anyways.

F**k Dog Days man. Just. Just f**k it. I hate this show. Because it could have been pretty goddamn awesome, but instead it's just a big f***ing mess.