Sailor Moon SuperS Episode 05 - A Couple Made For Each Other! Usagi and Mamoru's Love

I want you to know that I make sacrifices around these parts.

Instead of watching everything there is to see for Fallout 4 again, I am here. Not doing that. Watching Sailor Moon instead.

It's a thankless job, I know. But this is how much I care.

IT HURTS SO MUCH DAMN IT TODD WHY MUST I WAIT FIVE MORE MONTHS JUST TAKE MY MONEY AND GIVE IT NOOOOOW.

I'm totally not obsessed.

Totally.

Oh no, is Mamoru cheating on Usagi (again)? What's the deal with that other girl? FIND OUT IN TODAY'S EPISODE OF SAILOR MOON SUPERS.

I guess it's been awhile since we've used this particular plot arc, but one would think that if you know EXACTLY HOW THE FUTURE WILL TURN OUT you might not have this particular brand of drama but OH NO WE ARE TOO STUPID TO REMEMBER THAT FOR SOME REASON.

So this girl is Saori. Not that you'd know she was walking with Mamoru since they basically make it impossible to make anything out for the first thirty seconds.

But it's cool. We get it. We know what's gonna happen anyway.

Or maybe not, it's just some girl named Sayori talking to a dude who has an outfit kind of like Mamoru's for some reason. But they wind up at Mamoru's place because I guess they are friends or whatever.

They sit around, have cake, and lament over how damn clean his apartment is. They talk about reports or whatever while the dude looks around wondering why bro has no pictures of his girlfriend.

This is him trying to not remind everyone the girl he is dating
is still in high school.

Saori looks at him weird, the dude she's with is all grouchy, and Usagi should be showing up soon. But then the door bell rings like crazy, and these two talk about how bro is just being weird, and he's all 'man I'm just trying to hook you up with bro here because it's obvs you have the hots for him.'

Sneaky sneaky.

Anyways, Mamoru shows up with the rest of his, er. Family...?

Yep. This is not gonna make all those pedophile jokes
any less easy to make. In fact, it will be harder to NOT make them.

The girls fight over him an-

OH SWEET. NO. NO. JUST. NO NO NO. NO NO. NO? NO!

Can this get any more wrong?

Why yes. Yes it can. Thanks for asking.

I am not okay with any of this. I'm really not.

Truly there is no other possible reaction one can have to this.

Eventually Usagi realizes oh shit there are guests ahahahahaha god I need to stop being such a bitch um ahem please excuse me I will shut up and play the role of quiet person now.

Mamoru introduces everyone, and then super polite mode kicks in.

*projectile vomit time*

Saori thinks this whole thing is just damn hilarious, more yelling occurs, and Mamoru gets complimented on his choices. Which means it is time to wonder aloud how old Usagi is! Which leads her to think someone is instead offering more cake.

Don't take this out of context.

The conversation gets super awkward as the music just immediately cuts out when Usagi says she is completely happy with the situation with Mamoru. Then there's five seconds of silence, and everyone politely laughs except Chibiusa whose motivations are still a mystery to me.

I WILL CUT YOU BITCH.

Chibiusa demands to know what her deal with Mamoru is, then gives her the evil eye, things get super awkward again, and Mamoru talks about how Saori is totally smarter than him and will some day be a police officer.

She aims to be the first female commissioner, and Chibiusa continues to be a conniving little bitch for someone her age. Which once again begs the question of how the f**k old is she really even supposed to be?!

Seriously. When will this ever get answered in the show? Probably never.

Dude has known her for years, how does he know 'too much'
about her? This makes no sense!

Anyways transition to the bar where guess who the villains are looking at photos of.

Rhetorical questions are still rhetorical.

Time for more stock footage with not a single thing changed.

Hoo boy.

Blah blah this girl probably knows nothing about romance so Tiger's Eye will take the case!

Now Usagi has to make some tough decisions.

To be fair, both of these are pretty awesome.

Chibiusa is still not amused, and wonders what the hell is wrong with her future mom. Wondering why she doesn't worry about things like if everything is okay. But nope, she is torn over the dolls. Which leads to some Ace Attorney action.

*OBJECTION!*

It just gets weirder and weirder.

So much weird.

Anyways Saori is sitting by herself in the park or whatever, and Tigers Eye uses the bus exhaust to don a new disguise, complete with broken engrish.

"EXCUSER ME. I AM PRETEND TO BE ENGLISH MANNU."

He asks her what time it is, in English (which is hard for ME to understand), she tells him how late it is, and he freaks the hell out. He has a problem, he was supposed to meet his guide here and he is late and oh no now he will cry and all that and by the way what's your name pretty girl.

I can't believe this would work anywhere.

Turns out Saori is already waiting to meet up with someone, which elicts an "OH MAI GAAAAWWWHAAWHAAAW!"

No seriously. That's how it sounds.

He then steps around, Mamoru shows up to show him up, and Tiger's Eye's pals laugh at him.

"You suck at this brah."

I have to give the show credit where it is due. I am GLAD they are failing to pick up women sometimes because my god, their attempts are so hilariously bad. It's kind of glorious, really.

Anyhow Rocky Balboa there gets angry, and we see Mamoru breaking up with Usagi to be with Saori in what may be the most hilarious scene I've ever had the pleasure of being bestowed upon my eyes.

Can this possibly get any better?!

Oh. Yes it can.

In a very rare moment of lucidity, the show makes reference to something that should be obvious to everyone, but sometimes isn't because the plot demands drama. Now, we could say that everything is a chain of self-fulfilling prophecies at the moment, but I like to think there's a hidden message here about how you shouldn't just take certain things for granted. Will it manage to achieve this message though?

Well, Chibiusa is freaking out over this vision of hers, and goes off to see Mamoru walking around with Saori. Turns out she's not the only one stalking this... couple?

Once again, I wish to point out how creepy this is.

Dude laughs, and she's all 'okay this is weird' and then they give us a break for commercials.

Upon return Saori and Mamoru talk about stuff, by which they don't really talk about anything. He's going with her for shopping, and he wonders if she's found some dude finally. Meanwhile, that other dude narrates to the little girl about how everyone thinks Mamoru and Saori are totes made to bang, and gets all weepy because he really was hoping Usagi would shatter Saori's confidence so he could make a move on her.

But Chibiusa is all okay for this, and runs off chanting his name because uh, cheering?

Meanwhile Usagi is still paralyzed by indecision when her future child comes along to yell at her for not being a paranoid bitch who thinks every girl is out to steal her man.

It occurs to me that Chibiusa is spending more time angry this
episode than I am. Hmm.

She compares her future mother to a turtle, by saying something about the moon and a turtle... I don't follow that, but it's some reference I'm just not supposed to understand. But the kid hammers in the message home about just how damn useless her mother is, despite having lived in the future.

Ha ha you're just a kid HA HA I'M ALSO TELLING YOU
WHAT A KID YOU REALLY ARE HA HA HA.

Also she wishes Saori was her mom and if Usagi doesn't get her shit together, she'll never be born and then Usagi is like 'yeah how about no actually, shit is fine god stop acting like a bitch Chibiusa.'

Oddly enough... I can kinda see why actually.

Chibiusa eventually drags her from the store, and Mamoru asks Saori who she is gonna be giving that gift to. Turrns out the gift is a tie, and Saori tries to admit her feelings, but then creepy English Speaker shows up again, asks what time it is and when she looks, he says "you are my cock".

I think he meant to say clock? But... it really, really sounds like cock.

Like. Really. Or maybe he's saying 'count'? Cunt? I have no idea. He transforms and drops the act anyways which begs the question: Why even bother with the disguise in the first place?

Anyways, shocker, your dream mirror is now exposed and Mamoru gets a whip to the face and daggers pinning him to the ground. Saori gets pretty bent out of shape about all of this though.

Dude has what are clearly magic powers and you are concerned
more with the fact he should turn himself in? Right.

He just kind of laughs though and looks at her dreams, hoping to find a magic horse. Then Team Heroines show up, realize shit is going down and transform to save the day. Because that's kind of their schtick?

Now, I could try to fault the show for being formulaic here, but I think in this case it's a formula that kind of works so far. The show knows it is being silly, and kind of plays with that, which makes it somewhat more acceptable than in the past, where it just seemed a lot more forced.

Now that said, why does every enemy they come across have to target everyone around them? Eh, whatever.

Tigers Eye notes that girl's dreams are full of justice, but no magic horses so better kill her. But oh noes Sailor Moon and that other one. Time to save the day.

Saori wakes up in time to see this happen, and then the villain summons Balloon Girl Puko.

Oh good lord.

She's a balloon that flies around. And uh. Gets uncomfortably close with people.

Do I need to add a counter for the times Chibiusa gets molested
in this show? Because it's starting to seem like that needs to happen.

Tigers Eye escapes and leaves Puko to deal with everything else, and decides tiny girl isn't good enough, so she goes to smother Saori who has now fallen to the ground, but Mamoru calls out! Stop right this instant!

So she does.

This is not what I expected but... I gotta say. At least it's different.

TIME TO MOLEST MAMORU. But Sailor Moon stops this from happening because HER MAN.

You just know this is someone's fetish, somewhere.

Sailor Moon starts suffocating, and Puko thinks this is the most beautiful thing in the world. Mamoru struggles to get free, and the balloon cries.

You are the best monster of the day ever. Yes you are.

Puko tries to hug her to death, and Mamoru cries out for Usagi not realizing Saori is awake, and the girl finally gets it. The whole thing between them. So Mamoru grabs one of the daggers next to him, stabs the balloon, and saves his girl.

Meanwhile, Puko complains, and we get a good shot of her not as a balloon. Which is pretty awesome.

Best monster design ever.

She bandages herself but the moon girls get together to do their thing. Tiny girl summons a unicorn, and he shows up to do a thing while Puko tries to pump herself back up.

At least there's a good reason why the girls are left to do their thing, which is kind of hilarious.

But as we know it must happen, the monster gets final attacked, and realizes too late that uh, crap, gonna die. So long Puko. You were great.

Now it's time to check on Mamoru, because screw that other girl. The happy couple shares a tender moment, and Saori realizes she stands no chance against that and smiles.

Now a bell is ringing at the university, and Saori stares off into the distance while that other dude asks how things went yesterday with Mamoru. She never got to tell him how she felt, but that's fine because y'know, there are other guys out there.

And then everyone lived happily ever after the end.

She gives him the tie, and he asks if she's giving up too easily, and stammers over his own words and she just laughs about how she'll never be able to compete with Sailor f***ing Moon. Roll credits.

Overall? This episode really played with my expectations. It was a pleasant surprise. Not much stock footage, decent jokes, and what could be a bit of character building. While it doesn't really advance the plot at all, I have to say this was a way more enjoyable episode than many others in the past, and that says a lot.

Also the monster design this time? Fantastic.

I'm enjoying myself. This was not something I could have expected. I am legitimately enjoying watching this show now. It's beginning to get a little self-aware, and reminds itself of its silliness.

It also reminds us, subtly, that Usagi and Mamoru have really been through some actual shit in the past together, without shoving it in our faces. It's not that she takes his love for granted, but frankly there is no way she could ever question how he feels towards her. Because let's face it, how many people are willing to die for the person they love multiple times?

That's dedication.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to uh, dedicate myself. To studying everything I need to expect in post-apocalyptic Boston.

God it's such a great year for games.