Dog Days' Episode 05 - Galette Sword Style Record!

Dog Days. I've said a lot of things about this show. A lot of things. And over the course of the next nine episodes, I'm sure I will wind up saying a lot more things about this show.

But y'know, I have to wonder if there's a fine line that should be drawn. A point where, perhaps, I should just stop saying things. Because they become repetitive. Or because there is simply a threshold that, once crossed, becomes a point of no return.

Then I realize that this show will somehow continue to just get worse and worse, and a small part of me will forever wonder: How bad, exactly, does Dog Days really get?

As much as I hate this show and do not want to continue it even under pain of thumb screws, my morbid curiosity drives me onward.

Let us go once more into the darkness. Let us dine in hell.

Oh good another recap of the last episode, complete with bathing suit boobs and naked girls on top of boys in swim trunks in the river. Roll intro.

Being that we are now five episodes into this, I have to wonder if perhaps the entire show is going to be nothing but a summer vacation. I think that might somehow improve the show, but on the other hand, I can't say for certain that's actually the case, since the core message here is still pretty goddamned terrifying.

Boats!

Also we begin today's episode with boats. For some reason. That reason? Because the nation of Gilette Razors For Men happens to be pretty coastal.

Boats, still images of city stuff, the castle, and girls polishing rods and writing notes.

The innuendo really does just write itself.

Nanami shows up and is like 'HAY GURLS LETS LUNCH' and so they lunch and the prince and princess do leadery things. Also something is wrong. Some kind of rumor from a town. OH NOES. DRAMATICAL MUSICS. HIGH STAKES FOOD EATING. Also something about highwaymen. Oh the noes.

Nanami and company hears that some dudes are doing things south of here, and that everyone is talking about this stuff. So they go to Leo and talk about it, and they decide that, y'know, since nobody is dying, it's not such a big deal? But Gaul is all 'eff that let's go bust some shit up!' Though, Violet (their aide) is against the prince and princess going because yanno THAT IS JUST KIND OF A HEAVY-HANDED RESPONSE.

So instead sending YOUR COUNTRY'S HERO AND TWO OF YOUR ELITE GUARDS oughta suffice, right?

Oh yeah and also that pink-haired bitch is coming for dinner and CAN'T MISS THAT.

Gaul doesn't want to let those three off by themselves though, so Violet decides she'll take the case!

Is everyone in this show slowly coming down with
crazyeye syndrome?

So the four heroes of might are off, and Gaul and Leo talk about how great it is to do nothing.

Then this happens and we immediately move on without
even a single thing said. Half a second is enough.

Oh good, more panning over still images while people talk. This whole show should be called "talking pictures, the anime". Anyways blah blah place looks like Japan because 'cultures from the east' and then we see the character art takes a bit of a steep dive.

See those noses on the right? Sweet jesus!

Oh yeah also everyone gets kimonos because Leo demanded it for some reason.

This show is nothing but pandering now. My god.

Intent on blending in, they hear rumors and stuff about the ghost or robber or whatever is troubling the town. It sure sounds bad what with stealing children's clothes and stuff. Then they have tea and talk about what the culprit must be like.

Brilliant detective work there.

I'm pretty sure she actually said something about the culprit being a perverted bastard. But that didn't get translated for some reason. Whatever, Nanami has an idea to find the guy. Then sees some dude with a sword, and immediately forgets about everything while she says she'll tell later and said dude drinks sake while super dramatic music plays.

Cut to 'can't let you be bait' Violet tells Nanami. Because you're the hero of our country and in no way capable of besting a mere highway robber on your own.

Blah blah we have to do something can't just do nothing so on and so forth and seriously we can just rip the town apart if we wanted to.

So of course she gives in because she is weak-willed, and Nanami decides to show her appreciation the only way she knows how.

And just like that, the show got a million times creepier.

I think the most distressing part of the whole forcing herself onto someone else is the other party clearly enjoying this.

And the other two just looking at one another and smiling and probably thinking about fingerbanging one another. I mean sweet Christmas.

Their expressions clearly state "I'm very okay with this."

Anyways they look at a map or something and go walking off and dude with a sword is looking awfully Kenshin.

So very Kenshin it almost hurts.

Also we are now watching a traditional samurai flick. Also also: Moons with rings that make no sense.

Dog Days, flipping the bird to science since episode 1.

Random shots of random stuff, and Nanami walking around disguised as a cat. Goody. Bowgirl and axe lady go to 'scout around' and sword dude vanishes somewhere.

Then some guards decide they're gonna call it a night when they see a glowing kid.

How can you not tell this is a possessed child?! SHE HAS A
GLOWING F***ING AURA.

Tiny scary child is tiny and scary, and Nanami walks over a bridge very loudly, until she encounters sword dude, who compliments her dress. And is all 'yeah you are seriously just asking to get attacked y'know?'

Which immediately prompts two other people to jump him because clearly he's a villain and must be stopped for making some pretty shrewd comments. They try to explode him but he's like 'uh what the heck' and all blocks things, and he winds up slicing Nanami's hat, which she probably liked, and he puts his sword away and is all 'yo wait hold up I just wanna talk'.

But she whips out her magic stick and is all "YOU IS CRIMINAL" and he's like "the f***ing hell is this bullshit?!"

The look of someone going 'okay seriously I didn't even
really attack you before you flipped the f**k out!'

The other girls are all "WE DONE GOT YOU BOY" and he pulls the 'yeah no' and vanishes in a poof of smoke. He runs through the town, and comes across the two guards who have SUFFERED A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH.

Oh wait no they haven't because NOBODY EVER DIES.

He keeps running off, and wonders to himself if he can deal with this menace to the city alone. Then those other girls look around, and one of them comes across Sadako or something from the lovely misty city of Hinamizawa.

The cutest assassin ever.

Then winds up getting shanked off-screen, screams, and nobody was there to witness it. AND THEN CLIFFHANGER.

DUN DUN DUUUUN.

Commercial time.

We return and Nanami runs through town and sees other dude running towards her and he's like "KEEP RUNNING!"

And then Nanami was all "FFFFFFFF-"

Little girl leaps at her and she dodges the feral rabbit, and swordbro is all 'I GOT DIS'. Makes a magic attack, and the girl is vanquished.

This is actually kind of cool, but again. Nobody ever dies.
So really they're just being ruthlessly efficient.

He tells her that there's probably more out there somewhere, puts a talisman on its back, and tells her to clear out and hide somewhere until daylight, and then get the f**k out of his town.

Y'know, because he's polite like that.

Nanami then remembers those other two and finds them completely naked and kind of happy about it.

Then another bunny falls and dude seals another one away, and then those three girls come out to chase him down yet again, and apologize.

"Hi, I'm like famous and stuff so you should listen to me."

They tell him that they're here to investigate the shit going down, and then they decide to get the city guard in on the monster hunt. Which is probably something they should have done EARLIER, but y'know, nothing EVER gets done without a hero around.

So this is a great time to tell them what they're up against.

*facepalm*

These guys steal things for their 'boss' and this time they're out for women's clothes. But they're no match for heroes who know what is up, and so they get taken out pretty fast. But in a totally flashy manner because that's what this show is all about.

Monsters down yay. Oh but there's still more runtime left, and something loud rumbling in the distance. What could it be, you ask?

Everyone goes chasing after it, with Violet in the lead, as it tries to escape the town because y'know. Reasons. Violet sees some people at the gate, where the monster is going, and she yells at them to get out of the way, but instead they turn on some floodlights.

Yes, floodlights have somehow managed to make their way here.

Who are these two mysterious strangers, you might ask? Good question but first let's have a look at the boss bunny.

I JUST WANT TO LOOK FAAAAABULOUS!

Then Violet sees the people, fireworks and smoke go off, and masks are revealed.

Gee I never saw this one coming at all. /sarcasm

So the princesses decided, eh, screw dinner let's go beat some shit up, and then they magic the f**k out of their weapons while wearing kimonos, and blast the hell out of this thing.

Admittedly, it's stylish as f**k. It flies into the sky, explodes, and is defeated or whatever, and the princesses get to look badass.

One could argue that this is true, since Cinque is no longer
the main character at this point.

Oh yeah, and Violet gets a lady-boner.

A very big lady-boner.

Then Leo is all 'yep we're good' and their assistants are all 'yeah got that shit on camera and everything' and Cinque and Gaul clean up the monsters and that one dude goes to walk off without giving his name. Until booby ninja runs up and is all "OH HAI THERE DUDE WHO IS ABOUT TO BECOME A RECURRING CHARACTER!" and he's like "god damn it I was trying to just make this a one-time thing" and she's all "NOPE YOU HAVE A NAME AND NOW YOU WILL FOREVER BE TRAPPED IN THIS SHOW."

His name is Isuka and I guess he's a big deal or whatever. Who is this guy?

No one special, just HER brother.

So yeah, most famous swordsperson in the world? This is her brother. They have a fun little reunion, proper introductions are made, and we learn that he's an awesome sword guy and also a master smith who makes weapons almost as good as the sacred weapons themselves.

Can you feel the love she shares for her brother? Me either.

Blah blah you never write, blah blah you always drink, blah blah shut up everyone drink up and let's eat and laugh and end this episode.

So we see them looking at things and eating food and Nanami asks about what happens to the monsters. They get released in the mountains because they're basically animals and you can't really kill anything near the towns anyways because bullshit magic so they just dump them out in the wild and hope for the best because THIS SHOW IS ALL ABOUT PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING AND SHIT.

Even though it really doesn't solve many of those things whatsoever.

Oh and good news everyone got their clothes back yay. Nanami couldn't be hero, but stuff was beaten to a pulp, and everyone was happy. But still not the end, as we cut away to the OTHER hero and her insane princess who is up all night writing plans for some kind of welcoming party.

When the leader of your nation is literally writing her plans
in crayon, you should REALLY reconsider your leadership.

End episode.

My thoughts? On the one hand, I'm kind of relieved they're at least trying to stick to the kid-friendly formula here. It works MUCH better for this show when they aren't trying to shove the whole OH BUT THERE IS SECRETLY SOMETHING DEEP AND DARK AND EEEEVIL GOING ON down our gullets. And frankly, while there's no actual plot as of such, that's actually a benefit for this show, because if it were TRYING to have a plot it would be FAILING MISERABLY at this point. Which means it may have finally found its groove, being simply a show that you watch not because it's amazing or anything, but because it's doofy and makes you laugh at how absurd it is.

This is what Dog Days SHOULD have been originally, and it failed so miserably.

Now if they could just tone back all the blatant sexism and make the show slightly more kid-friendly to match its town, I could maybe stop railing on this show so hard.

And by more kid-friendly I mean STOP TRYING TO THROW FAP-BAIT AT US. SERIOUSLY. IT IS ANNOYING.

Still... it's a step up from last season. I've gotta give it that.