Sailor Moon SuperS Episode 11 - Drive to Heaven! Love Riding on the Car of Dreams

Do you remember when Sailor Moon had short episode titles?

Yeah, me either.

It feels a lot like they just keep getting longer and longer. I'm not sure why this is a thing. Or why it has to be a thing. Or why it should continue to be a thing.

Let's just leave it at me having a lot of questions and going from there.

So we're doing this thing again.

That thing where Mamoru is 'going out with another woman'.

DID WE NOT JUST F***ING DO THIS TWO EPISODES AGO?!

Also it looks like Ami is in this episode and the monster of the day is a lady with a giant pair of scissors.

BOY AM I LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS. ROLL THE INTRO.

SURE AM GLAD WE WILL BE TREADING SOME NEW GROUND ALREADY. THIS IS GOING TO BE A GREAT EPISODE.

We start the episode with Ami walking around and seeing Mamoru coming out of a building with some other lady. Said lady hands him his car key back, and asks him to let her know if there's anything wrong with it again, and Ami is shocked about... something. Maybe it's because he didn't ask Haruka for help with his car? She's a mechanic or something right?

He offers to drive her back and she's like "naw it's all good I'm just doing this for funsies" and Ami walks up and gets all indignant because she's "Usagi's good friend". She knows what's going on. Or would if she could actually read a social situation.

Mamoru and mystery girl look at one another and CUE TITLE SLIDE.

Now we're in some other part of town, where there is a car garage. Now Ami is helping this girl... fix cars for some reason.

I have so many questions right now.

I'm not the only one who is completely baffled by this turn of events as the two decide to go on a break.

Seriously, does nobody in this show ever ASK anyone anything?

Then the tires almost fall over on them, and they decide that Ami must be doing this for a reason. But Mamoru shows up to say hi and then the tires fall down on the girls, worrying Ami.

This is what you get for being nosy bitches all the time.

Anyways, they go to clear everything up.

OH COME ON.

They try to say it's nothing like that, but even his future daughter isn't letting this one go for reasons.

And by 'reasons' I mean 'she really hates her mom'.

The other girls are all shunning him and Ami tries to clear things up once again. What happened was she drove his car back because it needed fixing, and that's when Ami walked up.

An idiot could have seen that was the case, but not
Ami for some reason.

Then Usagi laughs and says yeah that makes sense there's no way Mamoru would ever cheat on her or anything.

And who was it who tried to steal said man being doubted
like, two or three times and was just recently accused of
potentially attempting to rekindle old flames? Oh right,
that was YOU Rei.

They get into another fight, and Mamoru changes the topic onto that old car the lady and Ami were working on. Why Ami is helping her with this I dunno or really care, but it's the important thing this episode. Lady says she could be a talented mechanic or something. SHE IS ONLY THE SMARTEST GIRL IN JAPAN I MEAN REALLY.

Anyways, someone else is watching this exhange with interest for some strange reason.

Oh hey there flaming eyeball I didn't see you there.

The girls get back to work on the car and we switch over to the dark carnival.

Or rather, we head over to the bar where someone is obsessing over this week's new character we will only ever see once and never hear from again afterwards.

At least it's not Tiger's Eye I guess.

The others are, as usual, questioning his rather bizarre tastes.

You really need better coworkers. Or a better job in general.

He laughs his ass off, says they just don't get it, and tells them this one is the best of all. He compares her to some kind of fish because she's a widow which... doesn't really make any sense? But he declares his desire to make this one a target, and we see lady looking at a photo of her ex-husband who was also a mechanic.

Enter the flashback where he brings that old junker back to the garage proclaiming his desire to revive that old piece of crap and to build the best car repair factory in the world.

I am never going to look at him and not immediately think
of Shipwreck from GI Joe.

I don't know what his name is, but his name is now Shipwreck.

Fade back out and switch over to Mamoru telling Usagi, Ami, and tiny Usagi about how lady lost her husband a few years back. Ami declares that she'll keep helping lady as long as she can, and that she kinda wants to see that car start up again for kicks.

Now it's nighttime and Chibiusa asks Pegasus why someone wanting to become a doctor would be wasting her time working in a garage on some shitty car.

For a guy who lives inside of dreams you sure don't seem to know
all that much about them.

Chibiusa wonders if she'll ever have a dream like that and he's like "hell if I know" and vanishes because the conversation just got suddenly too awkward for him to deal with. A shooting star flies overhead, and back at the garage Ami is still helping that lady while Hawk's Eye shows up with engine trouble a-

*chokes on his drink*

I'm sorry.

WHAT.

Lady is like trying not to freak out over how much this guy looks like Shipwreck, and then he immediately goes into doing his best Dracula impression.

WHAT IS A MAN?!

But then lady passes out and goes to the hospital. Just as planned? Probably not. Anyways, Ami and the others are at the hospital visiting her because y'know, they're not heartless monsters, and we learn that lady has just been pushing herself super hard lately. Also she is beating herself up for thinking someone that looked exactly like her dead Navy husband might be him despite knowing he was dead. I mean how weird is that huh?

Anyways Hawk's Eye shows up again with flowers at the hospital, and Ami looks at the old clunker by herself, and is like "okay, COMMERCIAL BREAK!"

At least I think that's what she was thinking, since that's the next thing we see.

DARKNESS. NO PARENTS. MORE DARKNESS.

If you were concerned he might be going somewhere good with this, then you are horribly mistaken.

Gee that's not creepy in the least at all!

Every once in awhile, you can't help but wonder if maybe the villains don't understand how people work because they just don't understand, or if it's because the writers simply don't understand how people work.  Is this on accident, or by design? I honestly can't say because the writing has been absolute shit for the last seven episodes.

Anyways, he continues to be a real f***ing creeper.

Why is he allowed to visit her again? Oh wait I forgot MAGIC.

Chibiusa happens to be about to walk in just as dude declares lady can close her stupid shop and go on some big trip with him because clearly they have everything in common.

But just as he's about to get his evil on (seriously why did he even bother?) Chibiusa bursts in and is like "no that's wrong!" and irritates Hawk's Eye.

Tiny pink girl tells lady that she can't give up now because everyone is rooting for her.

And who are you? I mean...

Uh...

...huuuuh.

Tiny girl puts him in his place and makes lady promise that she wont' close the shop. So she asks dude a favor - give her a ride back to the garage, where... shenanigans ensue.

Shenanigans.

Everyone is trying to help fix the car so lady can't give up on it now. Which gives her some heart, but Hawk's Eye is like "man what a piece of shit that thing is."

Open mouth, insert foot.

He asks her to come back with him and she politely tells him to f**k off. But that's not good enough, so he just snatches her and the girls leap into action. Also Mamoru shows up to drive them all?

So now we're into a high speed chase through the town I guess. Sort of weird how this works, but his super fancy car is no match for Mamoru's, up until he runs Mamoru off the road. His total lack of regard for cars (or human life for that matter) makes lady realize that he is nothing like her ex-husband. I mean, DUH.

He stops the car though, and rips off the disguise. Then she gets out of the car, tries to run, and he transforms and does that thing where she gets put up on a board to have her dreams looked at.

Ami, Usagi, and little Usagi show up and are like "oh crap better do a thing" so they transform. Starting with Mercury because clearly this was supposed to be her focus episode before it got jacked by everyone else.

It's sad when your focus episode isn't even allowed to focus on you.

So just before Hawk's Eye can go and have himself a little peek, Mercury is all like "STOP YOU SCUM" and he's like "buwhu?"

Yeah that's a Burger King thing!

Oh and also those other two girls are there which scares the crap out of him.

Intros finally done, Mercury immediately goes into making a fog come out, but he beats that shit back with a torch. And also summons a monster.

Blanka? You're summoning Blanka??

That's not Blanka! Also, where the hell is that suspended from?!

But don't worry. It'll get weirder, as per the usual.

Like I said.

Weirder.

Now I know what you're thinking. This just isn't quite weird enough yet! Well don't worry. We got you covered.

You ever get the feeling that they just aren't really
even trying anymore?

Anyways the girls go from three trapezes to one, and Chibiusa is on the top. Meanwhile Hawk's Eye has himself a little look, doesn't see what he wants, and asks his monster to just kill everyone already. But oh no, a rose shows up or something and some scissors get dropped.

No safety nets sounds great until your own monster almost
bisects you with her own weapon.

Then the girls slip off but Tuxedo Mask swings in on... a trapeze? And calls his girlfriend a fatty.

What a douche.

Uh huh.

But in case this wasn't comical enough...

He controls the crane WITH HIS MIIIIIND POWERS!

Seriously it's never established who is operating the crane. But Blanka comes in to try and finish the job and finds herself falling short.

Yeah, that was a terrible pun and I'm not even sorry for it.

Anyways Mercury says something that sounds smart and Tuxedo Mask tells the other two to do their things and end the monster. So Pegasus shows up, bestows the magical riding crop of doom, and Sailor Moon blasts Blanka into the Heartbreak Hotel.

Hawk's Eye decides now is the time to run, and the girls all get back to the garage and lady prepares to start up the old car.

After a bit of churning and coughing and sputtering, Ami prays and it finally comes to life.

I liked it better when it was done in TMNT though.

Because it ends almost exactly the same way.

Welp, back to the drawing board. Everybody laughs and everything is great. Lady thanks Ami for her help, and figures she'll just keep trying till she gets it right. Pan back as everyone laughs, the end.

You know there is a problem with a show when it winds up falling back on a premise that they already used just two episodes ago. I'm starting to think they're not phoning it in so much these days as they are just gathering up random memos scattered around the office to haphazardly slap an episode together.

I think we're done here for this week.